Yesterday, I almost blew my top. Sunday was supposed to be a lovely day, all day. And it was but first, I had to work through some things to regain control over my emotions. As nice and kind and mild mannered as I am, I also have a “mouth” that can be a weapon. We all do. And I was about to verbally assault a person until I felt they were obliviated. But I caught myself or maybe Spirit caught me and I got out of there. I ran away! I needed to suppress my words but not my feelings. Whew! I mumbled some things on my way home but I know it could have been far worse.
Now this is quite a bit to unpack but I am not going to do that here because I have already done that through meditation, silence, listening and writing. I have already been enlightened and experienced an expansion of consciousness. On top of a better understanding of what was happening, suppression, expression, transmutation, a question I have been asking was finally answered. AND THAT WHEN MY MIND WAS BLOWN instead of my top lol. I could have ran around my backyard if I wasn’t soaking up all of the glory and lightness and beauty that was surrounding me. I wanted to call my spiritual mom but she is in the spiritual realm. Yet, I felt her divine presence.
So, before all of that happened, I decided to ask myself this question, “What is it that I need right now?” Because I was firecracker hot! Angry! Pissed! And I answered myself. I need peace. I need to calmness. I need to feel comforted. I need to feel understood. And then I decided to follow Spirit by saying tell me what to do and I will do it without trying to control it or ask why.
Make some hot tea. Prepare to go outside but not the front porch. The small landing in the backyard. Lemon. Lemon? In my tea? I don’t have any lemons. Lemon oil? I have lemongrass. Oh. Burn the lemongrass oil. (But why? I am not going to be in here.)
I pour the oil and light the candle under the oil burner. I make the tea and my first mind was to choose orange spice. I chose vanilla chai instead and put it in the tea tin mug. Then I added orange spice back. But something said, “Take that vanilla chai out!” and I did. You see, initially, I had started snacking on chips and dip and then I ate a slice of cheesecake and I realized I was eating because I was frustrated and angry and I wanted to feel better. So, I stopped and that is when I asked what is it that I need right now. It wasn’t calories, sugar, and fat. It was those things I mentioned first.
I had to move the furniture that barely fits on the back landing and add my deck share which is huge and I had to adjust the iron table to make it fit. The outdoor footstool had to be placed outside of the landing. I made it work. I had everything including water which was instructed. I had my notebook. I was ready. And as I sat down, the sun was directly in my eyes and face. So, took a towel, and those clips that keep your bags of food closed and slipped it to my windchime and the awning. This is when I realized I had built something like a fort. It worked. I was out there for about 2 and a half hours. It was glorious. I am talking about all that transpired. All that was revealed.
Sometimes, you have to build a fort to get peace, protect your peace and to become centered and grounded again. Sometimes you have to build a fort and put your phone on mute (my phone was about to die) to feel loved, supported, and connected to yourself and to God. Sometimes in life there is no friend or spouse to run to, my father and two brothers, my spiritual mom are all in the next realm. Please, don’t give me that you can run to God or Jesus. I know that. But human connection is important, too. And if you look at it, I did run to Source.
Anyway, building a sacred fort worked for me yesterday. I had to call in what I needed and I received so many spiritual gifts and answers I never sought. But I guess you can say when you seek love, comfort, peace from Source, you are given more than what you ask for in ways you never imagined. When you stop flipping channels, eating a bag of corn chips and a tub of dip, letting all of the f-bombs or words that cut deep fly out of your mouth in retaliation, you can get what you actually need. And suppression isn’t something you want to make a habit of. However, it can be used before you blow your top and then feel even worse afterwards depending on your connection to a higher power or love. You may have to hold it until you can get alone and breathe and to be still enough to know what to say or to find out the next step for you.
In a journal or on a piece of paper you can write it all out! All that you wanted to say and do and then tear it up or burn it. It needs to come out. I got it out on paper, I got it saying it outloud and not judging myself and I got it out talking to Spirit. And what came in was magnificent and marvelous light. I have the answer to a question I’ve been asking and I can’t wait to share it at the right time.
~Nikki
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