Before the fly decided to take a swim…it didn’t make it.
The other night I had anxiety which led to me being up later than usual. After I took something for anxiety, I listened to a guided meditation and then I drifted off to sleep. I recall right before I drifted off to sleep, I began to silently TALK BACK to anxiety. To the thoughts in my mind. “It’s alright, Nicole. Everything will work out for your good. Anxiety is such a liar. You are so blessed. You actually manifested this home and it was a grueling process but, you made it. You can even dream of another home. You will find love and love will find you. Does it really matter when it shows up? It will show up. Anxiety knows nothing but negativity. Money is not a problem. Books will become best sellers. You can do it. If they can write books back to back you can, too. The right people will read your books. You are loved. God loves you and cares about your wants, desires, needs.”
And somewhere afterwards I feel asleep. The next few days I thought about how anxiety talks a lot of trash. You know like athletes do when they are in a game. You do not want to hear some of the things they say. Growing up with a few athletic siblings, the things you hear courtside is not for the “saints”. Some of the things football players say on the field…
Well, that is how anxiety is. It’s talks TRASH. It gets you riled up and sometimes it gets you to become overwhelmed or afraid. Some of us go into shut down mode and some of us become agitated. But, once it was brought to my attention that anxiety talks trash, I thought about how the other player usually talks trash back. I didn’t want to talk trash so I decided to call it “Talking TRUTH and FACTS” back. I call it talking HOPE.
The next time anxiety begins to talk trash, talk truth, facts, and hope.
It’s a fact I am 40 something and I haven’t found love. It’s also a fact that I can still find love.
I don’t know how it’s going to work out but, God always works it out. Let me tell you about some times it worked out for me…
And so on and so forth. This is just one method I am learning to use when anxiety wants to talk to me. I hope it helps someone else.
Every month I will be sharing my lessons, reminders, and observations of the previous month. So it’s October and here is what I have gained or gleamed from September.
You can accept people as they are BUT, you DO NOT have to accept them into your physical space or your heart space.
You don’t have to always choose the hard way to learn or to love.
There is a time for everything. There is a time not to trust your logic or heart (emotions) but, to trust your intuition. This is the time to trust your intuition. Solar plexus. Quiet the heart and logic through prayer and meditation. Through exercise. Your intuition, the Holy Spirit, your holy spirit, will speak. This is ONE way to GAIN CLARITY. (I was desperate for clarity!)
Another way to CLARITY is to catch a hawks point of view. My daughter and I saw a Cooper’s Hawk at eyelevel which is rare. Rise above your feelings and thoughts and observe what you see. Above the confusion, above the chaos, is a view that allows you to sort things out QUIETLY and to gain…CLARITY. Be calm like the hawk. Be reserved. Be in control of YOU, your actions and reactions.
From a friend of mine, “There is a difference between an Alpha male and a Neanderthal.” If your definition of an alpha male is one that is one that is the leader of the pack, dominant, controlling, bossy, rude, pushy…I am not the one for you. I am in the market for a team player. Side by side. Go play golf.
I learned that I can manufacture confidence on the spot.
Let love come to me in it’s own time and in it’s own way. Anything I ever had too soon or too much of only made me ill.
Reminder: When you FEEL like you need to pray but, don’t know what to say, ask Spirit to pray for you and just be quiet. Be still. Just feel. Spirit will pray and you will receive what it is you cannot put into words.
Friday I decided to have a really good cheeseburger and fries combo with a diet coke for a late lunch. This was suppose to be it until dinner with the exception of a 15g snack. After the meal I was still thirsty. I was still a little hungry. That’s not a problem because I could have chosen something else to eat but, it needed to be healthy. I didn’t do that. I CHOSE some corn chips and a bottle of ginger green tea. That bottle of ginger green tea has a serving for 3 and guess what? I drank it all!!!
I am diabetic. In about an hour I began to feel really bad. I checked my blood sugar and WHOA! I’d never seen it that high before! I didn’t panic. I knew what to do. But boy, was I miserable for the next few hours. I admit I also had too many corn chips…and dip. WHY DID I DO THIS?
You may say it was a lack of self control. I think that’s a part of the puzzle. However, I took a closer look and I examined how I was feeling. I was feeling anxious. I was thinking about the vacation I had coming up and if things would be go well. I was thinking about the guy I am dating and if I’d made the wrong choice inviting him along.
I also wanted those chips and I wanted all of the tea. It was a deliberate choice and decision. I kind of felt like I deserved to have it. I mean after all, my thoughts at that time were on “Why can’t I have what I want in this life? I want what I want now. It’s taking so long to get there.” And so and so forth. FOOD can sometimes be a way to achieve the satisfaction you are lacking at times in life. I wanted to feel satisfaction that I was making the right decisions and that all was going to work out. I went the quick but, temporary route. I took a short cut with consequences.
Take a look at what happens when you have what you want TOO SOON or TOO MUCH? It can make you ill. It can be a disaster. It can not last. In life, we want what we want, and we often want it now. We may feel we have waited long enough and we deserve it. This type of thinking can lead us to make rash decisions and choices. It will lead to frustration and ultimately come to an end. If only I would have had the proper portion at that time. If only I would have gotten control of my emotions or thoughts and then I would have had control of my ACTIONS (DECISIONS). I would have been in a better frame of mind.
I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know if you are tired of waiting on it to manifest. I don’t know if you don’t have the drive to make it happen and the proper patience as it happens. I don’t know if you are worried or have anxious thoughts. I do know that having what you want when it’s not time for it is not a good thing. I also know that too much of something, that you do want, could become a problem. And we circle back around to TIMING, BALANCE, PRAYER and PATIENCE. But might I add for those of us that struggle with anxiety, PAUSE and ask, WHAT AM I FEELING? WHY? and answer HONESTLY. Then do what you need to do to calm those thoughts and feelings in the least destructive way. Seek out therapeutic methods like exercise, something creative, something relaxing that won’t have a negative impact on you later.
My spirit will not let up on “clarity”. It is calling me into clarity as of late August and into September. I have learned to NOT ignore this. So, I dive in wholeheartedly with most pulls of my spirit by the Spirit. Although, sometimes, I must admit I unwillingly give in.
Get quiet. Meditate.
Pay attention to the SIGNS. If you are a person like me that loves “signs and wonders” and is interested in symbolism (these things are Biblical as well FYI), then PAY ATTENTION to what stands out to you. I saw a Cooper’s Hawk perched on my neighbor’s mailbox in direct sight. We’ll talk about that Sunday but, look up what things mean that capture your attention.
In this journey of clarity, clouds will roll away and clouds will roll back in like the weather pattern. When Spirit dropped this in my Spirit, I was like “Oh, no. How long will this journey last?” Let’s get this over with is my thoughts. But, Spirit explained by bringing into my remembrance that this is LIFE and this CLARITY leg of the journey is to prepare me to SEE and understand better myself and others. So, when clouds, the cloudy mental moments come, I will understand where the confusion, anxiety, or depression is coming from. I will be able to navigate the mental fog BETTER. So this is TRAINING is necessary for my growth and my journey. Still, “ugh. okay.”
The process of clarity are keys to clarity. What’s the process? Well, you will find your process through therapy, hearing directly from Spirit, or GOOGLE. Yes, really. Google Gaining clarity and what resonates with you, go for it. For me thus far, it’s to get quiet. Guided meditation on clarity. PRAYER and after prayer, LISTEN for a response and be AWARE of any SIGNS sent my way. Also, do something I love or something that brings me joy and peace while I wait for the “clouds to roll away.”
And PATIENCE is required in the clarity process. I used to tell people, “I only have patience with the elderly and children.” I am much better NOW and getting better with being patient with others and myself. So, you will have to be patient as the cloudiness rolls to clarity.
Clarity gives insight to YOU, the situation, the people involved and helps you to construct a plan or a response. It’s your next move. Even if that move is to do nothing or let it go.
This is all I have learned in this “Clarity Course” so far. I am currently putting some of these things into practice.
What have you learned about clarity? How do you access clarity when your mind is cloudy or there is confusion in your life?
“In all your ways (decisions, steps, actions) acknowledge Him (see if what you are about to do is alignment with God, Higher Power, the Universe, Your True SPIRIT) and He shall direct (guide you) YOUR path.” – Proverbs 3:6, The Bible
September? Is that you? It is indeed September and it is in this month we begin to phase from summer to fall. So it is in nature, we ourselves begin to phase or it may seem as a turning point. This is prime time for you to STOP, REFLECT on what you have learned this year thus far and prepare to finish up strong in the next coming months. Will you finish up or will you have some things to carry over? There is no rush because when it comes to life you never get it all done. However, it’s the PEAK ENERGY in September that you want to tap into. It’s like this is the tip of the mountain and we slowly roll down the year from here.
Be open to change. Be open to change this month. We may have been reserved, closed off, this year but, this is a good time to open up to change because what you have been doing this year may not have been working. Maybe it needs to be tweaked or done away with all together. It’s time to try something new and different. It’s time to do it without fear or do it with fear. It’s time for a POSITIVE CHANGE. Whether it be a spiritual change or a change in your diet, catch the peak energy and move into the radical change that has been integrating into your life all year or hovering in your atmosphere. You’ve been thinking about it. You’ve been making huge changes all year long. It’s time to embrace it.
Shift and End. When something ends, it really never ends, it shifts so that something else can come along and take it’s place. Energy is eternal but, it can transform. Summer is shifting so that fall can take it’s place. The weather is changing. Hence, the “be open to change” and the shift of things such as your mindset, ideals, relationships, etc. All year has been such a drag for me. I looking forward to a shift in my life and positive change. Lord knows I am open to it.
Watch the EXTREMES. There are extremes available this month. Extremes in the change. Extremes in the attitude. Watch the HOW you move from thought to thought, mood to mood, ideal to ideal. Make it smooth, planned, as it does not have to be abrupt. It does not have to be broadcasted or sprung on others. It just has to be done.
The Lull (Down Times) As disruptions will happen this month/season because of the extremes of energy (summer and fall’s tug of war that will flow into October), hold on to your hat. Your hat is your faith, your beliefs. Ground yourself. We are dealing with viruses of all sorts and I am not just talking about the flu or Covid/Delta variant. However, as I type this two people I know have transitioned, passed away as a result of Covid. One person this morning and the other Monday. I hold on to my faith. I ground myself. Now, there will be LULLS. There will times before the new moons and there will simply be times where you have absolutely nothing to do. You will have downtime. You will create downtime. In that time, THINK of what is near and dear to your heart. People, hopes, dreams, vacations and think of how you want to manifest those things…NEXT YEAR. YES. I said next year. Write it down as it comes. In the LULL, bask in feelings of gratefulness and thankfulness. The LULL may be right before bed, if you wake in the night, or perhaps before dawn. It can be anytime and anywhere.
Emotions and Restlessness: After changes come emotions. Yeah, it was a good idea but, now you are having doubts. Now, you are getting pushback from the people around you that, “didn’t see that coming.” Well, you will need to process the emotions. Feel it. Does something need to be adjusted? Revisited? Yes. Do it. No? Let it go and keep going. This is the process.
Restless energy? Channel it into getting things done. Especially, things you have put off or things you know that are coming up. Home maintenance. Car maintenance. Etc. Instead of “What’s in your wallet?” like the Capital One Commercials, it’s a “What’s on your list?” inquiry.
The Virgo Bless Up. It’s not about perfection, it’s about refining things. It’s about structure. It’s about purification of what has been tainted. Make it clean. Make it sparkle. Make it spic and span. Crisp souls. Straighten up your talk and walk.
The Libra Line Up. At the end of the month, cash out. In other words, balance your energy. Make it harmonious. After all, you’ve been tapping into the peak energy of September. Also, check to make sure you are in line with who you are authentically. Weigh your next move.
Guess what? I had a healthy breakfast. I prayed, meditated, affirmations. My mood still hasn’t stabilized. I ate chocolate chocolate chip cookies and milk. My snack for tonight so, I can’t have that tonight again. 😩 What’s wrong Nicole? What’s the matter, Pooh Bear( family Nickname…don’t you call me this lol)? I’m frustrated. Why? Because there is too much to do, too much happening in my world and the world, I can’t keep up, and I can’t seem to get all of what I want in a man and things (people, men) keep showing up that are almost what I desire. I’m sure I have somethingto do with all of this. Plus, another trip coming up and while I’m cool with going as the fabulous third wheel, would be nice…(stares in singlehood). Listens. 1. Take him or leave him, you’re going to have a wonderful time.
2. You don’t have to accept who shows up, remember? And if you choose “almost” you’ll “almost” be satisfied. Plus, I’ve given you several signs that this is not the time for a relationship. Remember? Either relax and enjoy the company or enjoy your own company. Breathe deep.
3. Yes. You have something to do with most of this but, not all of this. You have nothing to do with the events you have no control over like Afghanistan and the passing of your godmother. Your part, to pray, was and is done perfectly.
4. You can organize. You have lacked discipline. It’s true. You have procrastinated. It’s true. Why? You have been ill. You have not wanted the responsibility of some things. You haven’t enjoyed a particular environment. You haven’t done the ONE major life thing because of fear and THIS is what is clouding your mind. If you want clarity to come easily, DO THAT FEARFUL THING.
5. Make no commitment to any man right now. I repeat, it is not time for a relationship. It is time for your soul’s purpose.
6. Take one step. I’ll take two. Move towards destiny and I’ll create waves of manifestations. We are a team.
I shall be with you always. Even until the ends of the earth.
PS: Stop saying yes out of obligation to things that I’ve disconnected you from. Stop inserting your help where you have not been lead to help. You cannot help everyone or every cause. You can’t sign up for every thing and then say you don’t have time for your own soul purpose, dreams, goals, duties. That’s fear. Explore that fear of success. You can’t want and not want success. Love, Spirit. 💋
Do you have the “gusto” for August? I sure hope so because it seems to be starting off with fireworks or fire and work. I mentioned in Sunday’s blog, Wrong, But Right(https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2021/08/02/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-wrong-but-right/), how my day started in chaos. One thing after another. I have seen post after post since Sunday of other people “going through it” as their day unravels. Well, what does the energy of August bring us other than challenges? Let’s see!
August is a 4 energy and 2021 is a 5 energy. It would take some time to explain this. So, if you are new to this you may have to do your own research. If you are wise, you know how to tap into what is presented before you and use it as a guide with your chosen religion or spirituality. Go!
There is cause and effect. You can get out of the effect if you find and address the cause. Get to the root.
Amp up the energy and get things done. It’s August for crying out loud. It’s time to muster up the energy (or just go to bed at a decent time and slack off social media) and do what needs to be done.
Boost your immune system starting now.
It’s all about hard work this month BUT, DO NOT FORGET TO PLAY! Nobody and no body is good when it reaches burn out. Take care of your mental and emotional well being!
Speaking of emotions, a 4 energy will have you to close off emotionally. It can want to shut down and shut out because of all the to do’s and things going on in our lives and the world. Instead, open up. Be honest about what you want, what you don’t want, who you want, and who you don’t want. Be clear. Don’t say yes when you mean no and reverse.
The energy is all about rules and regulations but, you will need to be flexible.
Get clear and clear things up and clear things out of the way. In every way. Toss it. Donate it. Got to therapy about it. Forgive. Talk about it. Apologize. Change your behavior.
Think outside the box.
Audit your life.
Expansion. Where do you need to expand? Your thinking? Your heart? Your ideals and ideas?
Prioritize. Eliminate things, relationships, etc. that are wasting your time, effort, and energy. Your time, effort, and energy can go to where it’s needed. You’ve spent long enough. Reevaluate and focus on what and who really matters. Look around. There are people that love and care about you. Look around. Your dreams are right where you left them. Get to it.
I think you can find yourself somewhere in this list or perhaps something on this list will come to your mind when needed.
Have you ever thought of taking the time to align your life with nature and the seasons? It’s important to pay attention to what is going on in nature as it can be a cue, a clue, and a solution to what is going on in our own lives. I mean we do it automatically by switching out our wardrobes . We know to put away sweaters and to pull out shorts and short sleeved shirts for the summer. We know to stay hydrated with water. We know how to seek out shade. We schedule our vacations for the summer. It’s the optimum time for family gatherings and reunions. We go swimming. It’s summer. More sunlight. Longer days.
But what about aligning your spiritual life, your soul, your life to the TIME and SEASON? What should you be doing in the Summer season? What a wonderful time to ENJOY life. What a wonderful time to TAKE IT EASY. Yes. Relax. Rest. Recuperate. Enjoy the fruit of your labor. But summer is also ENERGETIC. It offers the most energy. So, it’s the time we are mostly on the go. So many things to do and places to go. Concerts in the park, farmers markets, travel, family, etc.
Spiritually speaking, the SUN representing the symbol of many things and many gods to certain people or religions, is high in the sky during the summer. Think of it as a time to really, really, pay attention to HOW you serve your chosen religion. No religion? Take note of how you serve HUMANITY. Who and what is guiding you? Who and what is motivating you? Are you driven by rewards and accolades? Are you driven by social media posts? Are you driven by religion meaning, this is what WE do because this how we have always done it? What if YOU don’t want to do that anymore? What if it’s time for a change? What if it’s time to move on from that position in Church or on the job? The sun is saying to you, eyes on me (YOUR SOURCE). Spend time with me (YOUR SOURCE). Spend time in me (YOUR SOURCE). What about me (YOUR SOURCE)? What about what I am calling you to do? What about the book? What about the flower shop? What about opening your own practice? Not only with your God, but what about you? Steal away this summer into some ME time. Sit on the porch in the early morning with your coffee and without your spouse. Get in the hammock and take a nap. Dream about the things you want to do. Write out a plan or ideas. Immerse yourself in your favorite hobby alone. What about God? What about You? What about God and You?
See the sun. See through your routine and remember your commitment to God and Self.
Let the sun shine within to illuminate the lost things within. Let it shine a light on your calling, dreams, and purposes.
The sun is giving you TIME to do some things for you but, also to do some things with other people. Call an old friend. Spend time with a friend. Make a new friend. Spend some time with each child alone. BONDING TIME.
HYDRATE. So important to get WATER in the summer. Your grass needs water. Your plants need water. YOU NEED WATER and more of it in the summer. Especially, if you are active.
HYDRATE YOUR SOUL and MIND with a book. Hydrate your soul with meditation. Hydrate your soul with exercise. Hydrate your soul with prayer. Hydrate with stillness and mindfulness. Hydrate with intentional living and actions.
I was listening to Abraham Hicks and she was talking about ACTION without effort or resistance. She also talked about knowing your hang ups, blocks, snares. I asked God to show me where my blocks were and what exactly were they. Well, let me tell you, one of my blocks came as a surprise but, I could see how that was the case.
I have done the work in the past to uncover my authentic self. I have been on a journey walking in, getting comfortable with my authentic self. However, Spirit revealed to me that I was too busy trying to PROVE that I fit in by SHOUTING that I don’t fit in BECAUSE deep down inside I want to be accepted by the Christian population and peers. It’s TRUE I said as soon as it was revealed to me.
I thought I was forewarning people so they wouldn’t be shocked or think I wasn’t “saved” or a believer because I didn’t think like them or look like them or follow the rules. I have questions about the Bible. I have disagreements about the Bible. God let me know that it was no longer necessary to announce or to explain ANYTHING about OUR business and WHO I AM as one that believes in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. But, also one that gravitates towards spirituality (worshipping Him in SPIRIT and TRUTH). I tend to like, and I am drawn to the deeper things of God. The superficial, egotistical driven side of Christianity really turns my stomach. I often say to God, can we just meet at the ocean every Sunday and you bring a message and I go home or into the world? That would be great. Maybe some music. Maybe some teaching. But, I am just not into “religion” and “theology” and positions. I don’t like the politics. I don’t mind a prosperous church. I don’t mind a small church doing work in the community. I just don’t like all of the fat. I’d like it trimmed. But that’s not my call. That’s not my business or my ministry.
When I look back deeper into my life, I can see where I developed the need to announce I am different. One, I was told something was wrong weird or different about me as a child by a parent, siblings, and family. I was told by peers. I stood out as a red headed black child. It was made known from the day I was born I was different. So, I guess I begin to let people know that I was different BEFORE they could tell me. And I can see how announcing, “I am not traditional or religious” before I get ready to speak or post or blog is a way of wanting to be accepted in spite of my thoughts, ideas, truths, beliefs NOT lining up with tradition. No one likes a rule breaker. And my Christian peers can be quite judgmental and gossipy. I don’t so much mind the others but, not the people I chose to be part of. I have come so close to being done with CHRISTIANITY and just flowing with God.
Anyway, I can no longer be hesitant about who I am. I have to be the Nicole, inspired by John the Baptist mixed with some David and Peter with the fashion flare of Lydia (the seller of purple cloth that had ships coming in and was a businesswoman and believer). I have to accept I will be denounced, talked about, and shunned by many. But as long as I am loved, accepted, and cherished by the Creator, all is well.