October’s Energy: Experience LIFE

October’s energy is calling for you to experience every morsel of life. Put your phone down and your devices away and experience life by ENGAGING in conversations without distractions. Engage the people in your space. LOOK at them. ADMIRE their beauty, intellect, smile, and laughter. Have dinner with someone and enjoy the flow of chatter and silence without having to fill that silence with you picking up the phone to “hop on social media right quick.”

EXPERIENCE nature and observe it. Take it all in. EXPERIENCE your walk in the park or the neighborhood. WAVE to people. SMILE at people. NOTICE what has changed in nature or your environment. What smells waft through the air? What insects or animals do you see? Have the leaves changed? Jump in a pile of leaves. Yes. Even at your age remain playful always!

Experience life by, brace yourself, TRYING SOMETHING NEW! Yes, try the new restaurant. Yes, try something different on the menu. Shock your mate lol! Yes, drive a different way to work. Walk at a new park. Try a new thing like baking or try your hand at keeping a plant alive. Take an online course about something! TRY! TRYING brings about new experiences that birth ideas, new likes or confirmed dislikes, and experience! You never know unless you…try.

October invites SPONTENEITY. Change it up. Change it all up. Change a few things around. You don’t always have to nail down every detail. Call up a few friends for a zoom cocktail party. Invite a few over practicing social distancing and Covid 19 practices. Set up your area such as chairs around a fire pit or outdoor setting. You can set up the inside depending on how comfortable YOU are with this and how well you know your FRIENDS. Do something spontaneous with your mate. Buy flowers for no reason. Bring home their favorite dessert. Bribe yourself to listen to an opera or to watch the romantic movie they love so much but, have seen 100 times. You can make it a night with movie snacks or healthy snacks. You can make it like a picnic. How about an indoor movie night picnic?! How about a real picnic in the park?

Yes…October is calling for you to EXPERIENCE LIFE!

~Nikki

October’s Energy: PLANNING and PRIORITIZING

October is a time to plan and prioritize. If you are running on fumes, disorganized, and frazzled this may be the time to STOP, MAKE the time and get yourself together. I understand “organized chaos” but, do you understand the universe’s response to it? More chaos. What’s still on the table to be accomplished by the end of the year or what needs to be moved to next year? It’s time to stop “thinking” about a thing and time to start “planning and prioritizing” to make it happen.

October’s energy, vibe, season is to review and revise. What has worked for you and what has not this year? What do you want to end and what do you want to continue for next year? And I am speaking from careers to relationships and your health habits. Speaking of health habits, you do know this is flu season. So, whatever precautions you take please take them and more. Do all that you can do nutritionally and physically because we have Covid 19 in the midst. Remember: CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS.

I’m looking at my side hustle. I am thinking about what I really want for my future financially. Please don’t worry about your age because it’s never too late to do better! It’s past time for the “I want and I wish” era and I am moving into action plans. I am doing it with fear (talked about that in yesterday’s blog), I am doing it with anxiety, and I am doing it in spite of. I am willing to make mistakes and to learn from them immediately.

I am accessing my spiritual journey. Where do I go from here? Prayer and meditation helps me to see if what I desire is in synch with my Higher Self and my God. How I FEEL when I think about doing these things guide me. Do I feel freedom and joy or do I feel bound and misery. I also have to do this with the same fear of being rejected by own religion and leaders of that community.

These are just a few things scattered across my table as I organize and prioritize life in general. I have also looked at what did not serve me or work for me this year. It did not serve my sanity and peace of mind to stay on board at church. It may have served the church itself, it may have benefited the leader, but it did not serve my mind and spirit. There were a few really good highlight reels of accomplishments and I will hold on to that. I will gather the lessons and apply it as needed.

Romantic relationships started off my year as HUGE DISASTERS! Needless to say I was shell shocked for some months. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone for a while. So, where does that leave me now? Where are relationships on my planning and prioritizing? I’ve done well getting over 90% of that. I am apprehensive about others in my emotional space and I have to: 1. Understand that’s normal after what happened. 2. Don’t let it cloud the possibilities. Prioritize my mental health and emotional well-being has been the continued work in this area.

What’s on your agenda? Talk to me. ❤

~Nikki

https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2020/10/06/october-energy-face-your-fears/

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: October, is that YOU?

October, is that you? Wow, I thought with all that was going on in 2020 you might not make it! Or maybe, show up looking spring and smelling like winter. You know these are crazy times we are living in said by every generation at some point or every decade. In 2020, every day or so. So, what does October bring? What can we do with our October that will help us every day?

Side Note: This has nothing to do with this blog post but, have you set your October goals? Okay. Now back to what can help us each day in October.

October brings to us a 5 energy when added to the 4 energy of 2020 (If you are like what?!!! Don’t worry about it. Just eat the fish and spit out the bones. In other words, grab what works for you and the leave the rest). There would be much to sift through but, I pulled some major highlights,

  1. Face your fears this month. Face your fear EVERYDAY this month. DEAL. Do it anyway type of energy. In spite of doubt, naysayers, do it. TRY IT. TRY it again. Try it another way. Try.
  2. This is a crossroads type of month. What do you want to do with the rest of the year? What needs to change? Job? Career? Relationships? Mindset? You? Location?
  3. October is all about PLANNING and PRIORITIZING. Without planning and prioritizing you create chaos and chaos is stressful! Change is going to happen so you may as well be as prepared as one can be.
  4. Prepare for 2021. What?! Yes. NOW is the time to think about 2021 and the direction you want it to go.

I enjoyed my sabbatical last month. I will eventually write about some of the things I observed this month. I hope OCTOBER brings you a harvest of good, plenty, and peace.

~NIKKI

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Hold Please

Smokey Row in Oskaloosa, Iowa

Wednesday we headed up to Iowa to visit extended family and my nephew. We spent half of our time in Oskaloosa and the other half in Cedar Rapids. Today we are on our way back home to Memphis, TN. I’m always excited when I get to travel and when it’s to certain places because of what it offers. Although, traveling to me has been a challenge since Rheumatoid and Fibromyalgia, I still enjoy it. Some places offer shopping, outlet malls, great places to eat, all forms of entertainment from concerts, plays, and museums to live sporting events. There’s the party atmosphere, site seeing, and adventures to get into. And some places, I look forward to simply do much of nothing while gaining much. Oskaloosa is one of those places. A very small town with character. Here I gain perspective, introspection and seem to re-center easily.

I don’t know many who would pick this place or many who have heard of it but, there are numerous of hidden gems and sanctuaries of peace and quiet all over the earth including the United States. What I like about visiting with my brother, his extended family that became mine is the way it pulls you into a slowed down way of life almost immediately. There is no business to take care of and there is no busyness. There is no party to get dressed up for and not a stitch of make up needed. I was in my jeans and 49ers T-shirts every day. There is no hustle and bustle of city life, malls, and outlets. But there are thrifts stores and consignment shops to take your time (my brother may disagree) to stroll and sift through. There is no real agenda or itinerary. We eat with our family and after most meals we play a board game. We sit and watch sports. We have silly and meaningful conversations. We try to put puzzles together that are on a board (I rarely have luck with that.)

The one thing I really enjoyed this time is that I wasn’t obligated to anyone. I was too far away to hear or care about the drama and nonsense of church business, power trips, and antics. I am just being as honest as always and exercising MY decision to be transparent for helpful purposes. It’s okay to be tired of religious STUFF and the business of it. I felt free while I was away and now that I am back, I still feel free. In this small town, I felt off the grid and kept my social media to a minimum. I like being in my room in their house on a comfy bed of quilts with a big tree to gaze at in the day and opened blinds with the moonlight seeping through at night. I liked existing without millions of things to do. It was like an extension of a Saturday evening from my childhood for three days.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Life Building Blocks

When I was younger (because I am still young!), I use to abhor hearing the words, “It’s going to be alright or okay.” Why? It wasn’t comforting to me at those stages of my life. For one, I couldn’t see how. For example, how could being talked about, made fun of, and being bullied ever be okay if I had to go back to school the next day? I couldn’t imagine how things could possibly get better if I had to go to school until I was 18 and people would do this to me in the 2nd grade! I had a long way to go I thought. I had no understanding, perception of HOW! It’s going to be okay.

I couldn’t get past what I was feeling easily. As a child, teen, young adult I was feeling things I hadn’t felt before or something entirely new. A heartbreak. A heartache. A death. A disappointment. Are these things going to keep happening? I feel deeply many things. Maybe your feelings go 2 inches into the heart but, mine probably go 10 inches in. You’re not thinking about the clerk that got an attitude with you by the time you get home. I am still thinking about it the next day. Don’t tell me it’s going to be okay, tell me you know how it feels. It’s going to be alright.

I couldn’t see how because I had not lived long enough yet to gain the many more or similar experiences that would surely come. Many even greater than a junior high school crush breaking your heart and many NEW ones that would knock me off my feet or onto my knees. I had not lived long enough yet to LIVE through these things. AND it would take many more years to understand that just having more experiences without gaining understanding of self and others is the reason many still don’t understand or like hearing, “It will be okay.”

Life building blocks such as faith, trust, understanding, knowledge of self, others, and your beliefs come through living and experiencing life. I did not truly know it was going to be okay until I lived through it by days, months, and years. I did not know that it was going to be alright, until I was in fact, alright. I guess, when I now see others going through things and I am the one that has to comfort or lift up, I try to at first acknowledge their bewilderment of how and why and feelings.

When talking to those who have been through so much and so many things over and over, I try to help them to see the knowledge gain, the insight of self and others, to help them shape their hurt into healing and their knowledge into wisdom and their wisdom into stepping stones or rocks to lean on in the future because there is more to come. If we live this life haphazardly, in the shadows of others, or with defining and redefining it for ourselves, we will never gain some stability. One of the many ways we learn is by repetition, here a little, there a little, and situation after situation. We even learn by the mistakes and mishaps of others if we so choose.

These building blocks of life are already in us when we arrive in this earth. We come into awareness of them and then we use them to build our lives. Therefore, offering us the stability we so much need in a volatile environment.

~Nikki

“Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts.

10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little.”

Isaiah 28:9-10

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Disappointments or Devotions?

I know that this year has been filled with disappointments to say the least. More so than usual because of the many things that are going on in our world and in our personal lives. School in person or school online? Coming to work on a schedule or working from home? You can’t find the essentials and now we add the intentional slowing of mail. Drive by birthday parties or scaled down gatherings? It’s got many of us on edge anticipating the next let down as if we can be prepared for it. And well, in some ways we can and in some ways we can’t.

Newsflash! We are human. Even if we control our responses, we may not always do it right away. That is okay. Sometimes things hit us from behind and we have to gather our senses and come to ourselves (or the facts or become aware of our options). Sometimes our plan B goes out the window and there are no plans C-Z available and we have to feel the sting of being let down. Disappointment. In this unpredictable time, this strange year, it can make us weary. This is one hell of a roller coaster that none of us volunteered to be on (But we did when came into this world and if one could understand that, it would make the ride a little less traumatizing and more what the hell did I sign up for?).

So, I pondered yesterday, what the hell did I sign up for? What lesson is in this disappointment that I seem to be experiencing over and over this year? Am I hearing you right God? I seem to be missing it in this area. I seem to be losing money that I don’t really need to lose in these uncertain times. It’s August. What is the lesson in this money themed disappointment? And, I am tired of learning it late!

The lessons for me are: “Listen when you first hear it and take action. DO NOT IGNORE THE FLASHING RED LIGHT.” The second lesson is: “Listen. See it not go the way you planned and do it ANYWAY (adjust) or do it ANOTHER way (another time).” God is fine tuning my intuition, my listening ear to Spirit. My disappointments this year have antagonized me and many times I have wanted to throw in the towel on everything. But, what about the things you are DEVOTED to? That’s right, you can’t live in your disappointments, you must live through them and you must remember the path you are devoted to.

Your devotions to yourself, your family, your life path is what matters. It is what you must choose over your disappointments no matter how many you may experience. Focusing on your disappointments keeps you living in the past and you were not created to live in the past. You were created to live in the NOW and to create the future with your thoughts and actions. Your devotions over your disappointments will propel you forward, like the catalyst I talked about last Sunday. It will compel you to come out of the darkness of sadness, trauma, anxiety, depression, anger and back into the marvelous light of life, love, ups and downs yes, and your path. Your devotions bring you back to reality. Disappointments can be temporary, they can be lessons, and they can be signs to guide you into a greater understanding of your mission, YOU, and life itself.

~Nikki

Catalyst

Photo by Nicole Jackson Rooftop the Hu Hotel. Memphis, Tn. Mississippi River

2020 is such a mixed bag of things. One thing I feel the most is this year seems to catapult you into “something”. 2020 could be dubbed “The Year of the Catalyst”. I wrote that in my journal. I knew it would be more than the obvious 20/20 vision. I knew it because I FELT it. The heavy gray cloud filled with rain right before all hell breaks loose. You know what the “hell” was breaking loose? Chains. From the GLOBE, to each continent, to each country, to every state, to every city, down to every citizen. I never knew there were so many things that I needed to be FREED from. It is like I said last week…so many layers to freedom. You are going to see everything clearly. Including yourself. You can deny it to the rest of us and yourself but, you still know it. That is your 20/20 vision. IT TAKES COURAGE if you want to be FREE. That is why people ignore the truth. They do not have the courage to face it and to do something about it. I am people. You are people.

You are going to be catapulted in some form or fashion and you have to land somewhere. Covid 19. Need I say more? The light at the beginning of this tunnel ahead is; you can decide where you want to land and how you want to land. Being thrown is not an option. Choices are being handing to us daily. Options are being handed to us throughout the day. Some small. Some that are in your face. If you choose to ignore the changes or adjustments in your life that NEED to be made, you will only set yourself back. This is not the time for pretending things are okay in this country or in this world or in your life.

I have been guilty of trying to do it all. Trying to do it all for a family member. Trying to do it all for the church and preserve a legacy that is not even mine. Trying to do it all with my business and feeling the pressure of success of others swirling all around me. Trying to hurry up and get it all done. Trying to hurry and break free. All the time I am on the brink of breaking. I thought I was about to break down but, turns out my spirit is trying to break free. You see sometimes the process of breaking free can feel like the stress of breaking down. The noise I hear are the chains rattling. 27 years worth of chains breaking but, the cuffs are still on. My spirit wants out of those cuffs. She does not want to ACT like she is okay because all the other family members are acting like they are okay. She does not want to NOT say anything or much or sit down in the presence of wrong-doing and accept it as NORMAL. She does not want to do what she does not want to do. She wants to do, what she wants to do and what she was created to do.

As the year continues to pick up and catapult our lives, I want to at least CHOOSE where I am going to land and where I want to land. I aim it for a safe and prosperous landing. I aim to come out on top and healed. 2020 has put us in the hot seat. Examine yourself. Confess your faults to friends. Look at your life. Is it the life you imagined years ago? If not, you can imagine something better. Are you who you imagined yourself to be? If not, you can imagine and ACT on a better you. Where do you want to land after all of this is over? You can choose. Position yourself for the land.

~Nikki

P.S. Age is nothing but a number. It’s never too late to live dreams or create new dreams!

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Layers To Freedom

I’ve wrapped my head around the idea that I have more work to do on myself as far as releasing the painful past of childhood. What I did not know was that there were layers to freedom. I got this thought from my own spirit as I was in conversation, meditation, or prayer with God (whatever you choose to call it is fine with me). I was venting that I just want to be free to enjoy and live out my full potential from here on out. I vented “I thought I was free! Who knew that there were so many layers to freedom!!!” And it hit me, “layers to freedom.” Like and onion.

Onions are just fine sitting in the produce section piled up on top of each other. But once you get them home and peel back a layer, you open up the strong smell that creates watery eyes without your consent or control. And so it is, with opening up old wounds that have never healed. Layers and layers of years have gone by. Years and years of masking the uncomfortable that manifest in mood swings, meanness, sadness, arrogance, nonchalant-ness and irritability for no apparent reason. Layers of hurt, embarrassment, inadequate feelings, and shame concealed by one thin layer.

When you have experienced some sort of trauma or continued drama, the emancipation of your soul may take a very long time. I don’t know if it can be sped up. I think maybe it can and I am going to find out if that is true. All week long the spiritual things from my daily devotions to meditation and wisdom from spiritual leaders have centered around freedom. Coincidence? No. I am calling this freedom in and that is why it is showing up. Even in numbers.

Sandhguru said, “Freedom requires courage.” I listened to one of his talks this week. It does require courage and I have taken some courageous steps in peeling back the layers. But, this step, requires “a whole heap” (as my Granny would say) of courage. I feel like I have to muster it up. Get up the nerve. Face it. Deal with it. Defeat it. I feel as if this will be the last barrier to my own freedom. I am tired. I am weary. I am ready. So maybe the speeding up the process is to DEAL with it HEAD ON knowing it’s going to get messy, become tiring, and hurt. But…I need my freedom. I need to live my FULL, UNCHAINED LIFE. I am ready to peel back every layer, chop the onions up and use them to flavor my life. God is my help, my strength, my source, and I feel as if I have not only God, but angels, my angel, and my ancestors on my side. I need all the help I can get. I need all the love I can receive. I may need many shoulders to cry on. But victory…victory is mine.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: What Can You Do?

A few weeks ago I posted in a rheumatoid arthritis support group a tip on relaxation. One of the tips involved soaking in a tub to help relieve tension. And that is where the drama from the trauma began.

I define it as trauma because you must be experiencing some type of trauma that pushes you to release drama on unsuspecting strangers. Sadly, people that deal with you on a regular basis know you are about dramatization. They know that when they see you, you bring the drama. You see, in the comment section there were responses to my post like: I CANT SOAK IN THE TUB! HOW IS THAT RELAXING? I CAN GET IN BUT I CAN’T GET OUT. HUMPH, THAT IS SURE TO CREATE TENSION AND NOT RELAXATION. I AM TOO LARGE FOR A TUB. I HAVEN’T SAT IN A TUB FOR YEARS. NO WAY THIS CAN WORK. One lady even said to me I should have modified the post. I wanted to say, “Ma’am, I didn’t write the article. DUH. And you should have modified your thinking.” BUT…I respect my elders most of the time (because I don’t believe it’s okay to be 80 and say whatever you want to people). Also, the Spirit told me to be quiet. She’s traumatized by Rheumatoid and many other issues. This is her sadness, pain, hurt, gushing and lashing out.

Pause. When you see a post of something that you don’t like such as one that reads: “I love strawberries.” Do you hop on and respond: STRAWBERRIES ARE DISGUSTING. I HATE THEM. THEY ARE THE WORST FRUIT ON THE PLANET. CAN’T SEE HOW YOU EAT THOSE. Has it ever occurred to you, that post was not for you? I see people raving about things that are not for me. Unless I see a “what do you think?” I don’t bother UNLESS they are family or close friends. Many times, I don’t bother then. It’s one thing to say you don’t like berries or I am allergic but I wish I could eat them. It’s whole other thing to BASH and INSULT and have a total meltdown over nothing. A simple positive post or someone’s opinion over if they like pumpkin spice lattes (ugh).

Press play. I wonder did those people stop and think, I can do ALL of those other things except soak in the tub. Great article. No. They saw the ONE thing they couldn’t do and “went to town” about it. They didn’t think: “Gosh, I can follow all of these tips in the shower, in my shower chair, or however it is I get clean.” Nope. They honed in on what they could not do. The trauma of what I cannot do. The trauma of WHAT I USE TO be able to do.

This trauma is VERY real. I know about it. I live it and if you keep on living, as the elders say, you will know it, too, in some shape, form, or fashion. Sometimes, I think about my life B.R. (Before Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease) and B.F. (Before Fibromyalgia) and MY GOD! I miss ALL of the things I could do. Even the simplest things. Sometimes I stay in those memories a little too long and I become sadden, blue, depressed, compressed…oppressed. And then I have to free myself from those thoughts with therapy, journaling, talking to a friend, or…THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS I CAN STILL DO and even if I have to modify them or have help they still can be done! “Glory to God!” in somebody’s southern church goer voice (:-D). You can heal yourself, or get some help, from the trauma of what has happened to you, whatever it is. The trauma produces the drama and quite frankly, people get tired of it. We know you are hurt but, there is a more EXCELLENT way to deal with it and release it. It’s called prayer, meditation, yoga, sound baths, therapy, Yeshua, Yaweh, spirituality, your choice of religion, forgiveness, etc. It’s called reading a books about it. Going to your temple, church, mosque, and REALLY walking in your religion. Developing a relationship with your Creator. SOMETHING! Something other than bringing the drama, spreading the hate and hurt. Lashing out has cause your relationships to be severed or strained.

What can you do? Huh? THINK ON THOSE THINGS. Think on the things you can do! Those things are TRUE, too. Those things are lovely. Those things “are” admirable. Those things “are” excellent and praiseworthy. Think about such things!

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Summery (End of Blog Series)

Artwork by Nicole Jackson This piece has been sold.

It’s hard work, but you know what? It’s the best, most rewarding, hard work you could ever do for yourself. It builds this amazing confidence and resilience. It builds this relationship with yourself that is not built on lies. It makes you better for those YOU love, those that love you and those who are yet to love you. It makes you choose peace over pain. It teaches you to be less judgmental and more mind your own business. It strengthens the law of attraction. It sets you up to receive the greater goodness of life. It teaches you to let others be as free as YOU want to be. It’s a dangerous thing to be religious without self-love. It’s a dangerous thing to be spiritual without self-love. You know why?  It creates a self-righteous stench. Self-love can illuminate your path. It can make your journey so much clearer. It can make your purpose so much clearer. Self-love is dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept our weaknesses and own our strengths. We have less of a need to explain away our shortcomings. We have more compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning. Self-love helps us to create a more centered life. But you must do the work that brings a gratification like no other.

~Nikki

Thank you for reading and following The Heart Epiphany Blog Post Series! This was my lecture at the first conference/gathering I hosted in March.