It’s a heavy topic, but it’s been on my mind for several weeks. There are a few reasons adults play the victim role such as: it gets them attention, it gets someone to feel sorry for them, it allows them to manipulate the situations and feel in control. Somewhere along the way, perhaps in childhood or with someone in their life, they found this role comfortable and acceptable. They are especially clever at using this role to create a situation, blame someone else, never say they are sorry, and then get people to be “on their side.” It’s a victory for them.
The way I deal with adults like this is the same way I deal with a child. I don’t give in to their tactics and I point out where they are wrong with logic and if necessary, scripture. Sometimes no response is the best response and to carry on with your life. Really, if you have someone in your group, crew, circle, church that is a “master” at playing the victim they need the Master to makeover them over. They need to master their feelings. People who play the victim want you to be responsible for their feelings. They need to be responsible for their feelings!
Why with love? These people are wounded and they have become accustomed to a false sense of power. Playing the role of the victim for your entire life, or whenever it is necessary is a weak position that renders you no real power. Real power comes from:
- accepting when you are wrong
- healing the wounds of the past
- dealing with your feelings maturely
- asking for forgiveness for your lies and games
- not needing attention from negativity or period to feel important, to validate your opinion or your feelings
- accepting that things do not have to go your way
- living from a position of honesty and truth is power
My heart is just filled with gratefulness and love this morning. Like up to the top. I even feel a little misty eyed. Thinking about how rich and wealthy we already are if we would take the time to stop and smell the roses. Totally immerse ourselves in the moment of a conversation with a friend without looking at our phones or immerse ourselves totally in the pleasure of a cup of tea or glass of wine. If we would look into the eyes of our family when we see them and hug them each time with all of our might. If we would reminisce about the fun times of childhood we would laugh and feel good about all of those good memories…rich irreplaceable moments with friends and cousins. Wealthy in our small homes and apartments surrounded by objects we adore and that are priceless and meaningful to us even if we got them from a dollar store or if it were passed down to us or given to us by a friend. Wealthy in the events of accomplishments big and small, public and private. Wealthy in nature. Yes, money cometh. Yes, wealth and riches is in your house. But just know, we are rich and wealthy in the now. -Nicole Jackson
This week I battled a robin that wanted to build her nest on the rafters of my carport. When I first saw the formation of the nest, I knew it had to come down before it was complete. So, the maintenance guy got it down. The reason that it could not be built there is because if the bird lays eggs it’s illegal to remove the nest and if it builds it where I park my car my daughter and I would be in danger of an attack from a bird protecting her young. And I guess you can say, I was protecting my young as well. It was sort of a woman to bird, mother to mother, type of situation.
Within an hour she was back building again. I was back to stop her. This went on for hours. The night came and when I woke up the next morning…she had started again. We went at it for about an hour and a half. I realized as my arms begin to hurt and my shoulder swelled, I couldn’t keep doing this but, I couldn’t let her build there. Also, the stress elevated my blood pressure. At physical therapy, the PT said “Hey I had that happen to me. I read up on it just like you and I put a plastic owl where the bird wanted to build and it never came back.” So, I thought about the creepy owl I bought for winter decor and when I got home I put it in the rafters. Since Friday, I have not seen the bird. I pray she has found somewhere to build and lay her eggs. I am assured by the wisdom of Matthew in the Bible: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them…”
When it comes to problems in our lives, whether it be an illness that turns your life upside down or financial choices, a work situation or a life situation, somewhere in the daunting task of persistence there is a solution. There is a happy medium. There is a method to the madness. And as I trudge through one of the most difficult times of my life, if God takes care of the birds of the air, feeds them and clothes the flowers of the field…how much more will he take care of us? Our angels sends advice, we look up a solution, we try different things, we realize what is not working and soon the solution surfaces. The outcome may not always be what we want at the time, a temporary solution until the a permanent one arises.
Everyone needs someone to listen to them, to share their issues with. Just be mindful not to share those issues every day. It becomes more like a dumping than a sharing of the load. -Nicole Jackson
She said “I do love myself. I get my hair done, I get my nails done, I take myself out to nice places, you know, I treat myself.” Yet, she continues in a job she hates, she moves from man to man, she allows the mistreatment of her heart, mind, and body. She is unfulfilled spiritually and goes through the motions as a single parent. Question: Has it ever occurred to you that loving yourself goes DEEPER than an hour long mani and pedi? Beyond expensive purses and exotic trips?
Those things are surface and fine. However, I urge you to search for a deeper love of self that involves self worth, self esteem building and fulfilling your destiny. I urge to a deeper connection to being in the present moment with your child/children if you are single parent. I urge you to a commitment to living in the now. Seek healing from the past wounds. Discover what is you want, need and desires in a relationship and don’t accept anything less that God given. Define what a healthy relationship to you. What are your values and your morals and grow your roots in them. Take care of your body via exercise and healthier choices. Invest in quality time with the religion you have chosen. TREAT YOURSELF to a JOYFUL, expanding life and not fleeting happiness or relationships (friendships or “workships”) that are everything you DON’T desire.
What is it that is broken in your life? I have heard that when you are at the end of your rope you should tie a knot and keep hanging on. But don’t your arms (strength) weaken? Does not your hands (heart) have blisters? I’ve asked God what if I let go? And God responded that he (she) would catch me. Yet, God has informed me this is not the time to let go. No, not in this situation. So, how do I reach beyond what is broken?
Imagine that you drop a very fragile dish right before you. Did you curse? (lol) Did you get angry? Are you irritated and agitated? You felt something. When something breaks in our lives, we feel something. The first thing you do is STEP OVER the broken porcelain or glass. And guess what? That’s it! Mind you, we are only talking about how to reach beyond what is broken. As long as you are standing there in the midst of brokenness you can’t begin the clean up. And let’s say that sometimes what is broken is so bad, the Creator has to reach over your brokenness to get you the other side of safety. You know, like what may have been done by a parent to you as a child. “DON’T MOVE!” they say. Then they reach over the broken glass to get you away from the danger of sharp edges. Because that is what a caring parent does. They realize you can’t get yourself out without the risk of being hurt even more. And then they clean up.
You see, sometimes you will be the one that has to step over what is broken so that it can be fixed or left behind. And sometimes, God will reach in and carry you over the brokenness. Either way you move beyond what’s broken and only then can you determine what is next.
I say to myself this morning: What’s next?
The Power of Introspection: You’re less likely to criticize where others are in their journey. Besides, correction to those you are lead to is a far more powerful tool than criticism.-Nicole Jackson (keywords “lead to”)