From the Nicole that life had shaped, to my AUTHENTIC SELF, to this current LIBERATED JOURNEY so that I can be LEGENDARY, I can truly say you will be looked at strangely and misunderstood and not understood at all. If you take this journey or are living this journey you will be called weird and funny acting. My now Authentic self cares nothing about that! Once you are free, you are FREE INDEED. The Son sets you free, you set yourself free, or however you become free it is liberating to the soul. I believe there are different levels of freedom happening in our lives. Sometimes you have to free yourself. Sometimes you need help from a Higher Power and for ME that is God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and Angels. Sometimes it is just granted to you. Boom! You are free!
You are so free you will not let anyone deter you. You are so free, if it threatens your peace and love for yourself you will let go even if it hurts. You are so free, you only have time to help others and not to tear them down.
One morning when my daughter was a baby and I was on my way to work, I recall being extremely upset. I don’t remember what my daughter’s father said or did to make me so upset that early in the morning, but I do remember driving on the expressway fighting back tears and anger. I do remember wanting to wish ill will on him, but holding myself at bay. I remember feeling immense mixed emotions. And I said “I am so angry, I can’t even pray!” Immediately, I heard a voice saying: “I will pray for you.” I wasn’t sure if it was the Holy Spirit or Jesus or an angel. It really doesn’t matter.
Yesterday and this morning I am dealing with depression and some anxiety. It was late when I got up and I laid there and just prayed some. I said, “I just don’t know what to pray anymore as I feel I may say the wrong things out of frustration.” I did not have an appetite yesterday, but ate dinner. I don’t have one today, but I have eaten lunch as I was urged to do in my spirit. I asked the Holy Spirit to pray for me and then I began to do my part. I wait for strength and change of mood and I “do” as much as I can. Yesterday, I could just do the basics and today, I am typing, sharing this with you. I have eaten.
Here is something, the entire time you are in a dark place of depression or anxiety, God is sending you messages. God is in touch with you. It could be the call from a parent, something that makes you laugh, sun on your face, an angel number with a message, a quote, something that you read, things brought to your remembrance…a number of small brief things. Inches of rope in your hope that “This moment too shall pass.” I want to encourage you, and hopefully others that have love ones that have moments like these, to let them wait and do as much as they can. Even if it is very little to you. Encourage them for the simple things. “That’s great you sat outside for a while. That’s good you got something down to eat. Eating will give you strength.” You don’t have to run over and slap oil on their heads or pray demons away. Sometimes just waiting with them, praying on your end, and encouraging is enough. My soul is waiting.
I still can’t put into words the “magic” or “amazing energy” that was in the atmosphere on the lawn of the Dixon Gallery and Garden yesterday. I was there almost two hours before the event started. I retrieved my lawn chair, a book to keep me company, and my snacks. I made a donation and I got my ticket. I got my eclipse glasses and now…where to sit amongst strangers?
I plopped down in the shade next to a young lady who seem to be there by herself, too. It was not moments after my settling in conversation began to flow, laughs, and the sharing of our lives. I knew I’d made the right choice when she offered to share her almonds…I love almonds! There were so many “Me toos” and so many things we had in common as two women, two different ethnicities, sharing an exciting moment in space and time. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease and she is a PTA in school who recently learned about about autoimmune diseases a few weeks ago. It was refreshing not to have to explain that it was “not arthritis.” Stories of travel, hopes of travel, life, gardening, family, and bugs! Lol! There was much encouragement to each other in our pursuits of happiness and to continue the journey.
We talked about how it was great to see the eclipse bringing the city together and sharing in the moment, the good vibes in the air, and people of all races, ages, backgrounds, careers, political parties, etc. in one place and not any of that mattered. How I wish that we could see how nature brought us together and that it’s only natural to work in unison as one. Anything else is disruptive not only to us as human beings, but also to nature.
Soon after the eclipse the weather changed. It became cooler and then we felt a rush of cool air. It gave me goosebumps. It began to rain…a cleansing rain I’d like to think. I sat my intentions as the eclipse passed (ancients say whatever you feel will be magnified. So I chose “good energy” and love of course!) and I think the rain was washing away the remnants of negativity that day.
I do believe in doing what makes you happy and there are times that what makes you happy will not make others happy and well, vice versa. You have to remember this when people choose to do what makes them happy! It may be our children, a relative, a parent, a sibling, or a close friend. Even if we know, the outcome may not be good for them. We don’t have to accept it or we can accept it. Either way, we should respect it.
We cannot control others lives even if their lives are stressing the hell out of us. As a matter of fact, we have to learn not to let their lives stress the hell out of us! It’s not my job to choose a person’s path to learn lessons in this life and it’s not their job to choose my path on how I learn in this life. We may be allowed to provide light and water, fertilize, but we do not choose how they will grow, when or if at all! As I get older, I start to focus more on doing what makes me happy, lining up what makes me happy within my faith’s standards and understanding that God gives us all some lead way based on our own personalities and desires. Making doughnuts may make you happy. Teaching a women’s bible study may bring you great happiness. Having a wine tasting party may make you happy. Witnessing to others, going to a prison ministry, etc. may make you happy. Traveling the world may make you happy. Choosing the one YOU love and adore may make you happy. It is your choice and your consequences. It is not mines. Have no need to make others enjoy your happiness.
You argue it’s a sin! They are wrong! They are headed down the wrong path! Speak your peace when you need to in an effort to guide others, not to control others. Try to reach them yes…control them no. Quote your scripture to guide others, not to control others and then be at peace! I know it’s not that simple…but it can be.
NOTE: We are not talking about evil and maliciousness. We are talking life choices. Although, so do choose a path leading to death, unhappiness, and prison. Even in those people’s lives, I believe someone tried to reach them, guide them, shed light and water their souls. I hope.
Okay, so, I am just going to tell you what happened to me the other day. I know what the Creator told me to do this year, so what do I do, I do that, BUT I decide I’m going to do something else in the process to get the money flowing (I’m unable to work a regular job right now). Well, I bought all of this stuff and after I created the product, I was like…that was soooooooooo boring and such a waste of my time..and the little money I’d save! I started to feel bad about wasting money. Then I heard the Spirit/God say “Don’t worry about the money you wasted. I have more. It’s okay. It’s never a waste when you are trying to invest in yourself and create rivers of income.” I felt better. It was a “bought lesson.”
I saw this quote yesterday in the book, Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I was not being loyal to my soul’s desire(s). I abandoned working on the things that stir my soul, my soul’s passions, to do a “right quick” thing. It’s not part of the plan. The plan is to prepare for the opportunities that are coming my way. This is all that God instructed me to do. My plan didn’t come with a side hustle or hustles. Even though, everyone is saying get you a side hustle. If the side hustle comes it must be presented as an opportunity and not something I do “right quick.” Especially, if it bores me to tears. I mean I had enough of that working at the jobs I had for 14 years. If there is a side hustle in the midst of preparing…it must be interesting and fun, hard work is fine, but I must enjoy the fruit of my labor. After all, it’s called fruit, not rocks of my labor (ha ha ha!).
The language and attitude of a believer in the body of Christ should be a language and an attitude that reflects Christ. It should be evident that you are absorbing the teaching and preaching going forth in that church. You represent Christ. You represent your church. You should want to represent the best version of yourself.
If your language and attitude is baptized in negativity it is because you have heartened your heart and the Word of God can not penetrate your rocky, stony heart! Every time the church or others want to do something you open your mouth to speak: “That will not happen. They don’t want to advance. They will never be able to do that! This church is not going anywhere!”
Dear, tares of the Church, don’t you want to be a wheat? We are going to grow up around you and God will remove your negative, bad energy spirit. How God will do it? I am not sure. But it will be done.
I wonder why these people sit in a church with such a terrible attitude and such language of gloom and doom. And as I mentioned it is because their hearts are hardened, they do not allow the Word of God to penetrate their heart, they are tares! Either you are going to continue to speak this way and produce this in your own life and in your church making it difficult for the church to advance or you are going to do the WORK of changing your stony heart and funky disposition. Don’t be a HINDERANCE to the body of Christ, be a HELP!
My heart is just filled with gratefulness and love this morning. Like up to the top. I even feel a little misty eyed. Thinking about how rich and wealthy we already are if we would take the time to stop and smell the roses. Totally immerse ourselves in the moment of a conversation with a friend without looking at our phones or immerse ourselves totally in the pleasure of a cup of tea or glass of wine. If we would look into the eyes of our family when we see them and hug them each time with all of our might. If we would reminisce about the fun times of childhood we would laugh and feel good about all of those good memories…rich irreplaceable moments with friends and cousins. Wealthy in our small homes and apartments surrounded by objects we adore and that are priceless and meaningful to us even if we got them from a dollar store or if it were passed down to us or given to us by a friend. Wealthy in the events of accomplishments big and small, public and private. Wealthy in nature. Yes, money cometh. Yes, wealth and riches is in your house. But just know, we are rich and wealthy in the now. -Nicole Jackson