Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: “Okay. I’m Praying for You.”

When I was a young adult, in my 20’s, I am sure I thought I knew everything or at least enough to make my own decisions. My dad is not one to get in your business. He’s not one to insert himself into his children’s affairs often. But when he does, we listen. We may not follow the advice or heed the warnings because well, we were in our 20’s.

At times we would go back and forth about a thing and my dad would say, “Okay. I’m praying for you.” It took me until now, at age 47, to realize that at a certain point in conversation with a child that thinks they know what they are doing or refuses to heed your warning, you have said all you can say. There was never a shouting match with my dad. When he saw he wasn’t getting through or he had said all he needed to say, “Okay. I am praying for you” would end the conversation. After you’ve said all you can say, beaten a dead horse maybe, there is nothing else to say. All you can do is pray for the child.

I was having a conversation with my young adult and I felt like I was trying to drive in a point to no avail. I found myself repeating the same thing and getting frustrated. Then suddenly, I realized I had said enough and she wasn’t going to change her mind even if she was listening. I stopped and said, “Okay. I am praying for you.” At that moment I realized, I am now my dad and she is me.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Losing My Religion

Losing My Religion is a song by this rock/alternative group, R.E.M and the title of this song is the best way to describe how I felt last Sunday. I was annoyed, irritated about the circumstances at my home church and it felt like a pile up of emotions crashing down and around me. I felt a sinking feeling. I felt literally nauseous in my spirit. Sickening. All of this gave me a panicking feeling as I headed home from service.

I had never felt this intensity of what I felt. I felt like giving up on God. (I know the super-saints or super religious could never relate). I felt like giving up on my religion. I searched for something that explained how I was feeling. It wasn’t until the next day, and I was still feeling unsettled, that I heard a message from one of my favorite pastors that somewhat made sense of what I was feeling. Somewhat.

It wouldn’t be until yesterday morning it came to me. “Let nothing separate you from the love of God.” Don’t let the actions, a person, a situation separate you from the love of God. Don’t get so caught up in things you can’t control, people you can’t control, you become so agitated, frustrated, and angry that you give up on God. This made me see that I had become so engrossed with the “wrongness”, with the grotesque situation, I was becoming ill. I was also losing site of WHO was in control of the situation and that person IS NOT ME. I cannot control people. However, I can let my voice be heard. And there will be a time for that.

You’ll be happy to know that I am okay now and I decided to “Keep My Religion” (HA! THE REMIX). It’s my choice. It’s my freedom. I respect others choices and freedoms because it’s only right to do so.

~Nikki

What to Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One w/Anxiety or Depression Pt 6

Build them up

Times of personal difficulty, especially ones involving rejection, can bring people down and make them doubt themselves and their abilities.

If you notice someone you care for seems to be a little low, harder on themselves than usual, or going through some self-doubt, a sincere compliment or two can go a long way toward improving their outlook.

When offering compliments, you’ll want to keep a few things in mind:

  • Keep them relevant to the current situation. For example, you might remind a friend who’s upset about a mistake at work about their usual pattern of success.
  • Choose compliments that highlight specific strengths over empty compliments that might apply to anyone. Instead of simply saying “You’re so thoughtful,” pinpoint what makes them thoughtful and share your appreciation for that skill.
  • Don’t gush. A well-placed compliment can make someone feel great. Overdoing it can make people skeptical of the compliments, or even a little uncomfortable (even when you do really mean them).

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#positivity

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Big Mad

I decided to give up asking for a mate and looking for a mate. I am not happy about this but, I have a feeling God is delighted. I feel God was waiting on this decision so that we can move on. While God and all of heaven may be rejoicing, I am not. I made this decision Thursday and my mood has not been good to say the least. However, I was informed that God does not need my feelings to be in tune right now, he needs my ears. He needs me to listen. He does not need my feelings. He needs my obedience.

Ever since Thursday, the day I made the decision, God has been speaking to me in various ways. As I sat on the porch and that night, I heard, “I am here” over and over. I saw the numbers, 3333, 33, and 333 Thursday night and Friday. I listened to a prayer Friday morning and I know God was speaking to me via that prayer and certain scripture. I know God was speaking to me as I read. I know God was speaking to me as I listened to a sermon. My mood was dry. I was in a funk. I was feeling afraid, angry, and confused.

But God was not concerned with my feelings. Oh, God cares about my feelings but, was not alarmed or concerned. God didn’t need my feelings to line up with what was being said. God just needed to know I was listening. God is requesting my obedience to what I am hearing. God knows my feelings will subside and different feelings will arise.

God reminded me that this is evolution. For the most part, it will not be easy and it will not feel good but it has its rewards. In the end, I will want for nothing.

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

James 1:3-4, The Holy Bible (that word perfect in this text means mature, whole)

~Nikki

What to Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One w/Anxiety or Depression Pt 5

Skip the advice

You might think you’re helping someone by telling them how to fix a problem. But, generally speaking, people don’t want advice unless they request it.

Even when you know you have the right solution, don’t offer it unless they specifically ask something like, “What do you think I should do?” or “Do you know of anything that might help?”

If they’ve moved from “venting” to “talking through the problem,” a better approach often involves using reflective questions to help them find solutions on their own.

You might, for example, say something like:

  • “Have you been in a situation like this before? What helped then?”
  • “Can you think of any specific changes that might help you feel better?”

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#avoid-advice

I know you know everything or maybe you know exactly what to do BUT, SKIP THE ADVICE UNLESS YOU ARE ASKED!

~Nikki

What to Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One w/Anxiety or Depression Pt. 4 You’re a Judge?

Avoid judgment

Nobody likes feeling judged. Someone facing a difficult situation as a result of their actions may have done some self-judgment already.

Regardless, when seeking support, people generally don’t want to hear a critique — even if you offer constructive criticism with the best of intentions.

When offering support, try to keep your opinions on what they should have done or where they went wrong to yourself.

Avoid asking questions they might interpret as blaming or judgmental, such as, “So what made them so mad at you?”

Even if you don’t offer any direct judgment or criticism, tone can convey a lot of emotion, so your voice might share emotions you didn’t intend to say outright.

Take care to keep notes of disapproval out of your voice by focusing on feelings like sympathy and compassion when you speak.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-support#avoid-judgment

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Tearing Down Paradigms

Me: Why does this have to be so hard?

God: Because walls don’t come down easily. It takes demolition.

Me: I don’t like this.

God: I know. But, it’s for your good.

That did not make me feel much better. Knowing something is for my good but, the huge challenge of not just shifting thoughts but, tearing down fixed thoughts. Breakthroughs are BREAK-THROUGHS and they come by breaking something. This mental war to remove a fear is a battle I haven’t fought in a long time. I am not sure if I have ever been through something like this and if I have, I can’t remember. So, how do I deal with this thing? This…huge fear about a particular thing. This fixed array of thoughts?

I’m not quite ready to face it but, I know I have to. In the meantime, I am trying to understand the root of this fear and how to control my thoughts and tear down thoughts at the same time. In my research, this came about, “THOUGHTS ARE DIFFICULT TO CONTROL BUT, NOT IMPOSSIBLE”. The NOT IMPOSSIBLE part gave me hope and it’s continuing to give me the strength to keep up the “good fight”. Think about it, so many things we do or have done are difficult but we do them!

I got that from Swami Makundananda along with these things:

  • It requires EFFORT
  • It requires PRACTICE. Effort and Practice.
  • It requires DETACHMENT. Effort and Detachment

And this will lead to success.

I am trying and it is a very difficult challenge that has come at a time when I wish it had not. Yet, here I am in the middle of it. If you believe in prayer, send up some for me. If you believe in love and light send that, too. Continuously. Overcoming this paradigm is draining and I am just beginning to uproot it through understanding. Not to mention, my attitude is “I don’t like this!” and I am trying to conform to “acceptance” because I know accepting it will make it easier.

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Get Innovative

And now you must be INNOVATIVE.

You must get creative. I looked in my refrigerator. I looked in my pantry. I said, hmm. I have some rice. I have some leftover mixed vegetables. I have some leftover baked chicken. I have some soy sauce. I can stir fry a meal.

Jesus said, I have two fish, and five loaves of bread. I can get creative and innovative. Work a miracle and feed 5,000!

Nehemiah looked around, saw some stones still whole from the fallen wall. He saw some stones, not whole but still big enough to build with. Then he got creative. He got innovative.

He got some HELP. Don’t forget YOUR HELP. Don’t forget some help. Some “help” are the people that remain. “YOUR HELP” is the LORD. All of my HELP comes from the LORD.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

Wake up. Take Inventory. Get Innovative and Creative. Don’t forget your help.

~Nikki

Strengthen What Remains Notes: Take Inventory!

TAKE INVENTORY!

Have you ever had a job where you had to take inventory? Have you ever looked in your refrigerator or pantry to see what was in there and what you could make to eat? Well then, you took inventory. You’ve got to take inventory of your life.

Nehemiah looked around for what was left, what he could salvage, what he could, rebuild with. He looked around to see who was left and he strengthened those that remained. What’s left? Who’s left? What skills do you have?

As long as you are looking back, you’re getting weak. As long as you are talking about when you were in high school, you are getting weak. As long as you are wishing on a star, you are in a position of weakness. Strengthen what remains, so you can rebuild.

We’ve got to rescue the good things we have going before they’re gone. Spend your energy trying to revitalize what you have, not resurrecting what you don’t. Pay attention to who and what remains.

Take Inventory!!! You are looking at what you’ve lost, but you need to focus on what remains and strengthen it.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: My Limiting Beliefs Surrounding Money

Photo by Nicole Jackson

So, I’m taking this 5-day FREE class on Millionaire Frequency and it’s about an hour and a half long each day. The question was asked, “What are your limiting beliefs surrounding money, wealth, and success?” I immediately said, “I have none” and then I said “None that I know of”. Well, let me tell you, that was a lie. I clearly heard the Spirit say, “Yes, you do.” And as I tuned back into what the man was saying, he mentioned to look at where you are, how you go there, and where you want to go. He talked about looking at your accounts and your spending and saving habits.

Well, when you explain it that way, I can see how I may have some limiting beliefs. He said to take some time and to really think about it. I did. There were instructions to write them out, examine them, and to tear them up as a physical sign to get rid of them. I wrote them down but I have not torn them apart because I want to examine them. I’ll get rid of them in a few days. I’ve been afraid of success and shared that. I thought I’d gotten rid of it but, it’s still showing up. I also found out or was reminding in this class that the old paradigm, way of thinking, programming, is very difficult to get rid of and it can only be rid by repetition and the planting of new thoughts. Did I mention this course has many spiritual elements?

Here are SOME of my limiting beliefs about money, success, or wealth. I am not ashamed to let you know. Maybe I should be but, I am going to share anyway!

  • Deep down inside, I fear it’s too late to talk about retirement savings because I am in my late 40’s. I didn’t prepare.
  • If only I had gone after my true dream and not let my parent stop me. I would be happy, successful, and living my dream.
  • I’m single. I don’t have a husband to financially support me as I go after my dreams and goals.
  • I am afraid that if I become wealthy, I will lose it. Something will happen and all of my money will be gone. Somehow, I will lose it all. (This is the root cause of fear of success for me and others. This thought of the inability to maintain wealth or status)
  • I’ve missed my time

Now, these are some of the thoughts, old paradigms, programming that pop up in my mind and cause friction between me getting to where I want to be financially. However, I am committed to my goals and dreams. Here are some of my new thoughts, programming, paradigm. You are in control of your thoughts. You can change what you think. Change your thinking, change your life.

  • Age is nothing but a number. It’s never too late to become a millionaire or to save, invest, or all three
  • No one is stopping me now. I can dream new dreams and set new goals. I have. I will.
  • I have no husband? God is my provider. I’ve been providing for myself and my daughter. What am I talking about here? Such a flaky excuse.
  • If I can become wealthy, I can hire the right accountant to help me manage my money. I will not lose my money. I have grown so much and become much more financially conscious. My habits are changing.

What about you? Do you have limiting beliefs? Maybe you, too, are unaware of them. I hope you can take them and replace them with new thoughts and beliefs. This way you can begin to form new habits and patterns to help you financially…and spiritually.

~Nikki