Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Hope for Tomorrow

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Today I had to speak at church. Some would call it preaching, but I call it teaching. I talked about Hope for Tomorrow. Romans 12:12, Romans 8:24-25. What is hope? Hope is a joyful or confident expectation for the future or the promises of God, or both however you chose to look at it or need it. Hope is a joyful or confident expectation for the unknown and the unseen. Who hopes for what he or she can see? We hope for what we cannot see and we wait for it patiently. In other words, you don’t hope for what you already have or what is already worked out. You hope for that which you do not have yet to manifest or be worked out.

Hope is a virtue, a good quality for the Christian life experience and in my own opinion, hope is a virtue we all should obtain. Hope makes waiting or walking in faith easier. When you have hope, you have joy or you have confidence that things are working out for your good. You don’t know how, you can’t see how, but you have this expectation that it will.

Without hope, we become bitter, sad, depressed, anxious, fretful, and perhaps angry. Without hope, you become desperate and take desperate actions. Many times these actions lead to making things worse than what they were. Without hope, a joyful expectation or confidence in the future or promises of God, people contemplate suicide or commit it. Without hope that you’ll be okay if the person leaves you, you do foolish things to get them to stay or even worse.

We need hope. Hope helps us to hold on while we patiently wait for the outcome. Hope, a joyful expectation, puts a pep in our step as we walk out our faith. Hope, a confident expectation in the promises of God to you, helps you to hold on until you see the life you desire to live unfold. Yes, we need hope for tomorrow. We need hope, for tomorrow in this world. The audacity, or the boldness of hope. Hope gives us boldness in the times of trouble. The nerve, the boldness to believe in our darkest hours that light will surely shine again happens when we turn on our hope. In the world we live in, particularly and personally me for, in the these troubling political times, I have HOPE that things will make a complete 180 and put us back on track to be greater human beings which will make a greater America and a greater world to live in for all people.

~Nikki

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The Danger With Pretending Everything Is Okay

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The problem with pretending everything is okay when it’s “not” okay is you begin to accept behavior that is not okay. Once you begin to accept behavior that is not okay, you begin to NORMALIZE this bad behavior and mistreatment. You know what is worse? Anything that points to you having to confront or deal with REALITY sends you into retreat or lies to protect that which you don’t want to disturb. You make excuses. You don’t want to deal with the elephant that once was simply in the room, but is now on top of your head or chest. You are cracking up on the inside. You are miserable as hell. You will have a nervous breakdown, a heart attack,  before you deal with the elephants. Yes. With an “s” because an elephant not dealt with becomes a heard.

~Nikki

 

Prepared To Be Myself

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Prepared to be myself and only myself. I have done the ground work in the previous years and now I am building upwards. Who I thought I was, I was not ( I discovered this when I turned 26 and had my daughter. But, that was all I did. A shocking truth, but it would take another 10  plus years to ACT upon that revelation). And that is the case for most of us living in this world. We really believe we are who we are. But, I am here to tell you unless you have taken a real journey within yourself you may be surprised to find out you are not who you think you are. You’re more than likely a product of what you have been taught and what life has shaped you to be. I am not saying all of that is bad, but I am not saying all of it is good either. How about it can be neither bad or good? It just “is”. You can take the journey by force or by choice. And even by force you still have a choice not to examine yourself and the situation. There is much more to you than you know. Much more authentic power. Much more than a body. Much more than a religion or not.

Question your actions, examine your choices in life, and ask what was my part in this situation? If you did that and answered yourself honestly, you may not like who you are  or you may discover something wonderful. It takes work to discover who you really are and for me it took Divine guidance from the one I call God or Creator. I am talking about REAL HARD WORK. UGLY, DIRTY WORK. GROUND BREAKING AND HEART BREAKING WORK. BEAUTIFUL and AWE INSPIRING WORK. HEALING AND REVEALING, REFLECTIVE WORK. STILL WORKING. It takes faith, courage, and strength. It’s why some don’t like me and why others don’t know what to think about me. HA! Prepared to be called not a real Christian by my peers and prepared to be welcomed into a circle by those who “get me.” Michelle Obama said in her book, Becoming, “You have to learn to live with the doubters. The great ones always do.”  (Something like that).

But let’s talk about this pretense. The ability to walk into a room without pretense means you are not pretending to me something or someone you are not. You are the same in the room as you were in your car, on the job, at home. You are not trying to impress anyone by being something or someone that you are not. The best impressions are made by being yourself. If not, you will have to be that other person each time you are around that group and it is exhausting. I’ll never forget the day in recent years I thought I knew someone and was developing a good friendship with them and was shocked to see another side of them once we were in close quarters with another group. I expected the bitchy behavior from the others, but not that one. I was more disappointed and honestly hurt. I got over it. If I don’t know who you are, I just don’t deal with you because I don’t have time to figure it out. So, be who you really are. If you are not a “mean girl” don’t become one in front of other women who are. If you are not a gossiper, then don’t become one in front of others. If you are any of those things, seek help soon. (hahaha).

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From the movie “Analyze That” 

I am prepared. Even with fear, anxiety, or what ever emotion moves through me, I am prepared to be me. Unapologetically, nice. Kind. Emotional. Sensitive. Chill. Weird. Artsy. Nerdy. Sexy. Spiritual. Open. Closed. Reserved. Wild. Quiet. And more. Dispensing those sides of me however and whenever I feel comfortable or necessary. I think that harmony with one’s own spirit is a merger that is sometimes out of focus. I hope to become completely in harmony with my spirit. I use to think that meant being a certain way all the time. It doesn’t. It fluctuates sometimes as you learn and are presented with situations to grow. And that, too, is okay. You can always come back to the core of who you REALLY are. You can always refocus or re-center and ground yourself.

~Nikki

Rain on Your Dreams

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This is a quote I don’t often hear when Dr. King is quoted. But when I think about this and what it really means is, no one should get to determine what you can and cannot be in this life. No one should be able to control your destiny. They shouldn’t have the right to limit you. This can easily go over many people’s head who are rarely affected by racial or gender biases. It wasn’t that long ago that if you dreamed of being a doctor or a sergeant in the military it was impossible because it was by enlarge controlled by white men in power specifically in the United States. And still in different countries and cultures a woman’s destiny, a certain group of people’s dreams are controlled by someone else who really should not have that much power over another HUMAN BEING.

This photo was perfect for what I was thinking. “The “audacity of hope” is the umbrella that keeps us dry from those who want to rain on our dreams of equality and unity.” -Nicole Jackson

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Physical Limitations, Anxiety, & Will They Understand?

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“Nicole, you need to get out. You need to get with people that like to do the things you like to do. You need to go places you like to go and maybe you will meet people that like to do the things you do.” -Therapist

“Sounds like a plan. I am on it.”- Me

And as I began to search for a group, so began the anxiety. “Nicole, you never come around. Nicole, you hardly ever show up. Nicole, why can’t you go here, there, and everywhere. Nicole, I am tired, too. Nicole, I have done 20 things this week and you have only done 5 and you are exhausted? Why don’t you try ginseng, turmeric, more exercise, go gluten free, try the Keto diet, the Mediterranean diet.” Oh-My-Gosh would you please leave me alone is what I think, but I just nod my head. After all, you are just trying to help I suppose.

I joined a few groups and I started a group in spite of these concerns. I don’t know how it’s going to pan out. I don’t know if they will be like most people and “just don’t get it” or if finally, someone will get it. Either way, I will still be who I am with what I have and on a continuous path to growth. Hopefully, I can make some new friends along the way that enjoy the things I enjoy, too.

~Nikki

 

 

Do You Have A 2019 Reading List?

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I am a reader. I like to read a wide variety of books and I have to be drawn to them. This year I will be finishing up some books from last year and years ago. I have two new books, Becoming by Michelle Obama and The Wisdom of Sundays from the Soul Sundays on the OWN channel. That one will sit on my nightstand all year as I will read it when moved to do so. It has excerpts from those that appeared on Soul Sunday and it’s a good to read it in the morning to start your day or at night to end your day. The book Inner Engineering is so deep and heavy you have to read a chapter and rest. Mind boggling and blowing. Sometimes you have to read the chapter over again to understand it. It’s from last year.

So, what are you reading or what’s on your list? What kind of books/genre do you like? I’ve never really had a line up of books like this before. It sort of just came to me this way. I also have two novels to read.

~Nikki

2018 and The It Is Well Within Me Tour

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My 2018 will not end until March 2019 spiritually speaking. My birthday is my New Year and every year there is something I work on until the next year. This year was about not just things being well within me, like my mental health, physical health or what was going on in my life, etc. But, it was about ME being okay, with who I am, what I want, what I think, how I feel and so on. We can say it was about Nikki becoming not just more, but completely comfortable with her own ideas, her own voice, saying no and not feeling bad about it, pulling back from family drama, false friendships, speaking my truth even it hurt some feelings, and understanding the issues I have, the trauma I have endured will not go away over night. I have to learn to BE WELL with the healing process and to BE WELL WITHIN about it. I can’t hurry up and get it over with, but I can do my part to move it along. I feel like what I don’t want is being filtered out and by the time March rolls around I will be pretty much done with this lesson.

Today I woke up to a low mood. It was last Sunday when I had a really bad bout of depression. Today when I opened my eyes I knew something was wrong and it was hard to get up, start my day. It did not take long to realize I was in another slump, but no where near as bad as last Sunday. Of course I googled the exact feeling that came to my mind: low mood in the morning. And what do you know, morning depression. I found some information from a few credible sites, and then I thought about what was I thinking about last night, all day, all week even. This is something I learned from the psychologist. It may appear as if I wasn’t thinking about anything. And that may be true some times. So, I had to be honest with myself. And I was. And after that, I had to not judge myself harshly the was I have been taught to judge myself, but instead, show myself some compassion. And I did. And I am. Not to mention, I didn’t sleep well last night either. And I haven’t been sleeping well. Some of it is my fault. Some of it is painsomnia.

I will be home tonight for the New Year’s Eve. I don’t want to party with Cardi or anyone lol! I don’t want to go to church either. It’s not my first time being home or being alone as my daughter will be at a sleepover. I am not sad or anything like that. I just want to brighten up a bit, maybe plan out a few things, and get some rest. Hopefully, it will be raining cats and dogs so the ignorant in the city will not shoot guns.

Happy New Year!

~Nikki