Friday I decided to have a really good cheeseburger and fries combo with a diet coke for a late lunch. This was suppose to be it until dinner with the exception of a 15g snack. After the meal I was still thirsty. I was still a little hungry. That’s not a problem because I could have chosen something else to eat but, it needed to be healthy. I didn’t do that. I CHOSE some corn chips and a bottle of ginger green tea. That bottle of ginger green tea has a serving for 3 and guess what? I drank it all!!!
I am diabetic. In about an hour I began to feel really bad. I checked my blood sugar and WHOA! I’d never seen it that high before! I didn’t panic. I knew what to do. But boy, was I miserable for the next few hours. I admit I also had too many corn chips…and dip. WHY DID I DO THIS?
You may say it was a lack of self control. I think that’s a part of the puzzle. However, I took a closer look and I examined how I was feeling. I was feeling anxious. I was thinking about the vacation I had coming up and if things would be go well. I was thinking about the guy I am dating and if I’d made the wrong choice inviting him along.
I also wanted those chips and I wanted all of the tea. It was a deliberate choice and decision. I kind of felt like I deserved to have it. I mean after all, my thoughts at that time were on “Why can’t I have what I want in this life? I want what I want now. It’s taking so long to get there.” And so and so forth. FOOD can sometimes be a way to achieve the satisfaction you are lacking at times in life. I wanted to feel satisfaction that I was making the right decisions and that all was going to work out. I went the quick but, temporary route. I took a short cut with consequences.
Take a look at what happens when you have what you want TOO SOON or TOO MUCH? It can make you ill. It can be a disaster. It can not last. In life, we want what we want, and we often want it now. We may feel we have waited long enough and we deserve it. This type of thinking can lead us to make rash decisions and choices. It will lead to frustration and ultimately come to an end. If only I would have had the proper portion at that time. If only I would have gotten control of my emotions or thoughts and then I would have had control of my ACTIONS (DECISIONS). I would have been in a better frame of mind.
I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know if you are tired of waiting on it to manifest. I don’t know if you don’t have the drive to make it happen and the proper patience as it happens. I don’t know if you are worried or have anxious thoughts. I do know that having what you want when it’s not time for it is not a good thing. I also know that too much of something, that you do want, could become a problem. And we circle back around to TIMING, BALANCE, PRAYER and PATIENCE. But might I add for those of us that struggle with anxiety, PAUSE and ask, WHAT AM I FEELING? WHY? and answer HONESTLY. Then do what you need to do to calm those thoughts and feelings in the least destructive way. Seek out therapeutic methods like exercise, something creative, something relaxing that won’t have a negative impact on you later.
My spirit will not let up on “clarity”. It is calling me into clarity as of late August and into September. I have learned to NOT ignore this. So, I dive in wholeheartedly with most pulls of my spirit by the Spirit. Although, sometimes, I must admit I unwillingly give in.
Get quiet. Meditate.
Pay attention to the SIGNS. If you are a person like me that loves “signs and wonders” and is interested in symbolism (these things are Biblical as well FYI), then PAY ATTENTION to what stands out to you. I saw a Cooper’s Hawk perched on my neighbor’s mailbox in direct sight. We’ll talk about that Sunday but, look up what things mean that capture your attention.
In this journey of clarity, clouds will roll away and clouds will roll back in like the weather pattern. When Spirit dropped this in my Spirit, I was like “Oh, no. How long will this journey last?” Let’s get this over with is my thoughts. But, Spirit explained by bringing into my remembrance that this is LIFE and this CLARITY leg of the journey is to prepare me to SEE and understand better myself and others. So, when clouds, the cloudy mental moments come, I will understand where the confusion, anxiety, or depression is coming from. I will be able to navigate the mental fog BETTER. So this is TRAINING is necessary for my growth and my journey. Still, “ugh. okay.”
The process of clarity are keys to clarity. What’s the process? Well, you will find your process through therapy, hearing directly from Spirit, or GOOGLE. Yes, really. Google Gaining clarity and what resonates with you, go for it. For me thus far, it’s to get quiet. Guided meditation on clarity. PRAYER and after prayer, LISTEN for a response and be AWARE of any SIGNS sent my way. Also, do something I love or something that brings me joy and peace while I wait for the “clouds to roll away.”
And PATIENCE is required in the clarity process. I used to tell people, “I only have patience with the elderly and children.” I am much better NOW and getting better with being patient with others and myself. So, you will have to be patient as the cloudiness rolls to clarity.
Clarity gives insight to YOU, the situation, the people involved and helps you to construct a plan or a response. It’s your next move. Even if that move is to do nothing or let it go.
This is all I have learned in this “Clarity Course” so far. I am currently putting some of these things into practice.
What have you learned about clarity? How do you access clarity when your mind is cloudy or there is confusion in your life?
“In all your ways (decisions, steps, actions) acknowledge Him (see if what you are about to do is alignment with God, Higher Power, the Universe, Your True SPIRIT) and He shall direct (guide you) YOUR path.” – Proverbs 3:6, The Bible
I look out onto the porch this morning. It’s nice outside with the overcast of clouds. The weather is much cooler and welcomed. Yesterday we had the homegoing celebration of my godmother. Also, this week 3 more people I know passed away from Covid. I found out about one this morning as I logged onto social media. I have no more words this morning.
What do you say? Sometimes you just can’t process everything in life given to you in wave after wave. Before you can wrap your mind around one thing here comes something else. We are in a period of life where being overwhelmed seems to be happening even to the “strong” and the highly spiritual.
I may have no words this morning. Nothing prominent to say, I don’t think. Yet, I type these “words” but, to me they are just thoughts. They are just expressions of my feelings this morning which can change by this evening as I come into more understanding. As I may hear or read something or do something that makes the mood better. I ignore the fibromyalgia pain in my feet and calf. I can’t think about all the sadness in the world, in my world, yet I feel the heaviness in the atmosphere.
Sometimes you have no words. I remember one morning, years ago when I was having trouble with my child’s father, I was so angry on my way to work I tried to pray. I tried to pray but, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to pray for because the level of anger and rage I felt was not my normal. I was crying on my way to work. As the sun creeped up, I kept searching for words to pray and I just blurted out, “God, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I want to pray. I don’t know what to pray.” And I recall that Spirit intercedes for us. So, I asked Spirit (Holy Spirit in my religion) to pray for me. This morning, as I stood at the door looking onto the porch. I just asked Spirit to pray, to intercede on my behalf because I have no words to describe all that I feel.
Last week, I had a very bad fibromyalgia flare. I mean the kind that brings tears to your eyes. I was the chairperson of an event and I had things to do and very little help to do it. I pressed my way through by pacing myself, resting, and getting things done. As you may have read a few blog posts ago, I lost another loved one to Covid. This month has seem to be a month mixed with a variety of sufferings ranging from loss of loved one, increased physical pain, emotional challenges, and a few missed targets of gossip and misinformation.
It has also been a month of blessings and gratefulness. I feel it has been the turning point for me spiritually. Some parts of me that were dead to Christianity are showing signs of life and there seems to be some solid foundation in what I believe to be true about God. So, what is with so much suffering? The question is not why must we suffer but, why do we suffer?
I say we it’s not about a “must” suffering because there are choices we make that lead to suffering. The solution is to simply make better choices. However, there are things we are just going to go through that causes us to suffer. Incidents and accidents. The loss of love ones. Sickness. A not so good childhood. Relationships turned sour and rancid. Pause. Deep breath. I was sitting with my eyes closed listening to a Christian meditation, which was more like a reading of scriptures, and I heard this:
Suffering produces perseverance. It does? It does. Well, how does that work if the person suffering dies? The defeated suffering by moving into a realm where there is not suffering. To stay here, would have meant more suffering. Ok, but what if they suffered and lived and as they lived, they still suffered because of their illness or injuries? They persevere by pushing through, by treatments, by taking on each day, by adapting and attitude of positivity and gratitude. The persevere to and develop character that can help someone else to get through what they go through, something similar, or life all together. They learn a thing or two about suffering and pushing forward. They learn some things about weeping may endure for a night but, joy (enlightenment, understanding) comes in the morning. They learn about getting through it. Either hope seems to just appear for some and others make a conscious choice to hope. Hope for better days. Hope for a cure. Hope for new treatments. Hope for the suffering to end.
I got through those terrible flares like I got through some of the others. Perseverance. I get through some by suffering through them because no amount of pain meds, heating pads, or ice can help. I suffer through the hours to get to the next day and they subside. I persevere through it with prayer. That’s all I have sometimes. All I have is “hope”…hope this ends soon. Hope tomorrow is better. I “hope” they can figure out how to treat fibromyalgia soon or in the future so others will not have to…suffer.
It’s inevitable you will reach some point, some situation, some loss of a loved one where you will think or say, “I wish I would have done more.” Maybe, “I wish I would have done differently.” These thoughts are natural as we are beings with the gift to look forward and backwards. We look back for many reasons. Looking back can be helpful as well as a hindrance.
If we look back to measure how far we have come, that could be good if we rejoice about it. If we look back to see what we can learn from a situation, that is helpful for our present and future. However, it is when we look back and realize that we can’t fix the past and become filled with regret. “We wish we would have done more or differently.” How do you not let that consume you? How do you live with the guilt? I can tell you that you must find a way or it will eat you alive. It will gnaw at your conscious. Here is what I know and I hope it can help you.
Forgive yourself and know that you are forgiven by a Higher Power.
If the person has passed away and you wish you would have done more, made amends, or did differently by them, just know that they forgive you. Amends have been made. There is no “space” in the hereafter to hold grudges and unforgiveness. There is only peace. There is only joy. There is only bliss.
Do differently NOW with the time and the people you have left.
If the person is here now, go to them and ask for forgiveness and CHANGE your ways. The best apology is changed behavior.
If the person will not forgive you, that is on them. You have did your part. Forgive yourself. Continue with changed behavior. And remember, you are forgiven.
My oldest brother passed in February of this year and I can say with ease and peace, there is nothing I wish I would have done more about. We had a great relationship as sister and brother. My godmother transitioned yesterday and I wish I would have given her more. I wish I would given her more on her birthdays and mother’s day. I intended to have her and my god sister over at my new home for dinner soon. I won’t get that chance. I wish I would have made that pineapple upside down cake she suggested I make as I have began baking. What can I do about these things, now? I can’t do much about these things now. I can be grateful for the life she lived and the impact it had on me. I can invite my god sis over. I can give more to my god children. I can bake and perfect the pineapple upside down cake. I can cherish all of the invaluable lessons, that are precious gifts, she gave me. For a woman that went through so much, she not only displayed resilience, she had a joy about life that shined like the sun on a clear blue sky fall day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with obtaining all of the material things you want in life. The thing is, unless you are truly happy or at peace on the inside, in the mind or heart, or in other areas of your life, none of those things will amount to that which you truly seek. So go ahead and build the biggest house. Line your driveways with cars. Take as many trips as you would like. Buy all of the clothes and shoes that can fit into your closets. When they high subsides, the misery will rise to the surface and spew over again.
You can lie to strangers and tell them, “All is well.” It is true you can fool some of the people some of the time but, you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Some of us can see straight through the malarkey. In many ways this is a sad situation because one spends the bulk of their energy (time and money) trying to prove to themselves and the rest of the world they are “happy” while they could spend the their energy getting well. And by getting well I mean taking the courage to address the real issues in their lives.
As I type this Sunday Morning Coffee Musing, a scripture from the Bible pops into my head, “What profits a person to gain the world but, loses their soul?” I know we are accustom to taking this scripture literally and as if the person is going to Hell. However, what does it mean on another level to “lose the soul?” The essence of the person is lost and what is left is an empty shell. Some walk around putting on all day long and in public spaces. Yet, when they are in the privacy of their own homes or in the company of close family, the venom of bitterness and misery is applied. It’s in snarky comments and funky moods. Empty shell behavior.
I looked to my cousin and said, “You know, a person can everything and nothing at the same damn time.”-N. Jackson
Have you ever thought of taking the time to align your life with nature and the seasons? It’s important to pay attention to what is going on in nature as it can be a cue, a clue, and a solution to what is going on in our own lives. I mean we do it automatically by switching out our wardrobes . We know to put away sweaters and to pull out shorts and short sleeved shirts for the summer. We know to stay hydrated with water. We know how to seek out shade. We schedule our vacations for the summer. It’s the optimum time for family gatherings and reunions. We go swimming. It’s summer. More sunlight. Longer days.
But what about aligning your spiritual life, your soul, your life to the TIME and SEASON? What should you be doing in the Summer season? What a wonderful time to ENJOY life. What a wonderful time to TAKE IT EASY. Yes. Relax. Rest. Recuperate. Enjoy the fruit of your labor. But summer is also ENERGETIC. It offers the most energy. So, it’s the time we are mostly on the go. So many things to do and places to go. Concerts in the park, farmers markets, travel, family, etc.
Spiritually speaking, the SUN representing the symbol of many things and many gods to certain people or religions, is high in the sky during the summer. Think of it as a time to really, really, pay attention to HOW you serve your chosen religion. No religion? Take note of how you serve HUMANITY. Who and what is guiding you? Who and what is motivating you? Are you driven by rewards and accolades? Are you driven by social media posts? Are you driven by religion meaning, this is what WE do because this how we have always done it? What if YOU don’t want to do that anymore? What if it’s time for a change? What if it’s time to move on from that position in Church or on the job? The sun is saying to you, eyes on me (YOUR SOURCE). Spend time with me (YOUR SOURCE). Spend time in me (YOUR SOURCE). What about me (YOUR SOURCE)? What about what I am calling you to do? What about the book? What about the flower shop? What about opening your own practice? Not only with your God, but what about you? Steal away this summer into some ME time. Sit on the porch in the early morning with your coffee and without your spouse. Get in the hammock and take a nap. Dream about the things you want to do. Write out a plan or ideas. Immerse yourself in your favorite hobby alone. What about God? What about You? What about God and You?
See the sun. See through your routine and remember your commitment to God and Self.
Let the sun shine within to illuminate the lost things within. Let it shine a light on your calling, dreams, and purposes.
The sun is giving you TIME to do some things for you but, also to do some things with other people. Call an old friend. Spend time with a friend. Make a new friend. Spend some time with each child alone. BONDING TIME.
HYDRATE. So important to get WATER in the summer. Your grass needs water. Your plants need water. YOU NEED WATER and more of it in the summer. Especially, if you are active.
HYDRATE YOUR SOUL and MIND with a book. Hydrate your soul with meditation. Hydrate your soul with exercise. Hydrate your soul with prayer. Hydrate with stillness and mindfulness. Hydrate with intentional living and actions.
Yesterday, I opened the curtains to the kitchen window and I saw a cardinal. I didn’t think much about it with the exception that maybe it was a sign from a loved one. My oldest brother that passed away in February. I went on with my day and I decided to put on a red shirt. Then I took it off because it’s a shirt I wear often but, no other shirt seem to fit right or look right or was wrinkled. I said to myself, red shirt it is. Red is the color for the day I said aloud.
I went on to the grocery store and as I was on the aisle looking for a good salsa. I’d given up because I didn’t know what to pick since my favorite changed it’s recipe. A man that was on the same aisle said to me, “If you want a good salsa, this is the one!” He handed me the bottle. Bright red salsa. I went to my next stop and a woman, with red hair introduced me to a few of her favorite things she buys from there. I don’t know why but, I went with it. When I got home for the day, finished the things I needed to do, and settled down all of this dawned on me. RED.
Let me listen to a meditation about the root chakra. Let me read something about the root chakra and this red color. Oh, the scripture, 6So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. 1 Colossians 2:6-7
I TOTALLY got the message for me on yesterday. I do know how many have been taught to forsake things we really don’t have to forsake and to only read a list of books approved by their church and to be afraid of anything that is not of your faith…yeah…weird. BUT, in all my getting I like to get an understanding. I also like to think for myself. In doing the meditation I could see how I was blocked. In reading the article, I could see how I was stagnate and I could also see scriptural references from my own faith. Hence, 1 Colossians 2. In that same article, I saw the link between my ancestral roots and family roots and the importance of knowing and understanding them.
As I have decided to dive into this, linking my faith with an understanding of spiritual things, I am going to leave you with the article I read. I hope it blesses you real good.
Self-love is reflecting on your behavior and modifying it. This means you must think about why you did what you did, said what you said, and allow what you allow. You might have to get some help from a therapist to help you to help yourself. Yep. Self-love is hard work.