It seems as if everyone else is whizzing right past you as you “mosey” along or perhaps you are not moving at all. Maybe, you are stuck. Well, I have goals because I set goals. I have dreams and new dreams, new visions, things I want to see happen in the face of Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia and all of that other noise that seems to slow me down and sometimes get the best of me.
In the effort to lose weight, to achieve my other goals as well, it seems as if the well abled bodied people are just flying right past me. Soaring to their goals, and I, I am left behind in their dust. Me? I’m struggling to stay motivated. I can’t walk that fast, like I use to. I can’t use my hands very well today, I can’t stand as long as I use to, the fatigue…it’s what some call excuses, but it’s a reality for many of us. We are not who we use to be and oh if we would have known this was coming, we may have did the 5K or went back to school sooner.
Q: Dear God, Universe, Creator, Self, Spirit, how do I deal with all the feels of being left behind?
A: Take your eyes off others and put your eyes on me. Keep your eyes on “your” prize. Stop the comparison. It’s unfair and foolish to compare yourself with well abled bodied people and it’s unfair to compare yourself to the old self. You can’t be in the past and present at the same time. This is why you are not progressing as fast or at all.
So, with that revelation, I invite you to meditation and prayer. Center yourself during the times when you are “feeling” so much despair and disappointment. If I keep watching others I will fall. If I keep comparing myself to others, I will fail. If I keep living in the past, I can’t work in the present to prepare for my future. All eyes on the Creator. All eyes on the scriptures, affirmations, practices, that center your heart and mind.
Yesterday, I prayed. I sat outside on a unseasonably warm winter day and I prayed without words. I heard cars driving by, large trucks making loud noises, a motorcycle taking off down the street. I leaned back in my deck chair and kept my eyes on the blue sky and wispy clouds moving above. I heard car doors slamming, people talking loudly on their phones, and shouting loudly across the way. I watch the birds fly high, chirping amongst each other in the swaying trees. I saw man made birds taking people to their destination. I felt the cool breeze blow and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. Sometimes I closed my eyes, but most of the time they were open.
Communing with God, I always escaped to a quiet place. I like it better. I am learning to pray in places I cannot escape so easily physically, pray in the space of chaos. Pray in the space of noise. Hear the noise and mentally turn it down by using your senses. Bring your focus back to nature…back to me (God within). Listen, speak or not, or just be. I felt peaceful. I believe God was teaching me a very valuable lesson. We often think we can pray anywhere. We often think prayer is asking, words, thanking, etc. We hardly think it’s just listening or meditating. We only think of prayer and meditation in limited ways. I believe God wants to expand my mind and thoughts in prayer.
My body has RA, Fibromyalgia, and Osteoarthritis. I experience noise and chaos in my body. Something’s hurting, something’s achy, anxiety, depression, frustrations, etc and that is the door slamming, a large truck beeping, loud conversations, honking horns, jets overhead….that is noise! Chaos. The city in my body. But I can still use my senses to turn on peace, to focus. Getting to calm so I can commune. I need these things to do what I was sent here to do.
I LIKE BEGINNING AND ENDING MY DAY WITH A LIKE SOUL. I LIKE SPENDING MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH LIKE SOULS.
“Time is money. It is your currency on this earth. Where you spend it, how you spend it, and who you spend it with is your choice and consequence. There are no refunds.” -Nicole Jackson
You don’t realize how precious your time is until you are in the presence of others that are nothing like you. You do, however, recognize how miserable you are. True, you may not can always control the times you are around or encounter those people, but oh what joy for the times you can! There is nothing like being comfortable at a party, at a dinner, at a get together. I don’t like a lot of bickering and arguing. I had enough of that growing up. I don’t want to spend my time defending myself, explaining myself or being ignored. I like friendly people. I like kind people. I like joyful people. I like helpful people. I like honest people. I like funny people. I don’t want to sit around and talk about other people. Or whispering about another “friend or associate” in a room. I don’t really want to talk about someone who thinks we are all associates, family, or friends. I don’t care about their hair, makeup or attire.
When I was a child, I spent time with friends. When I was a teenager, I spent time with friends. When I was a young adult, I spent time with friends. The people I hung around were not mean or low down. They were not backstabbers, liars, or cheaters. They were not mean girls or rude. We could hash out any differences and move on. I don’t know what happened to those days or those kind of people, but I do know they are still alive and well. We told each other when we were wrong and we would help mend each other. Those are my kind of relationships.
When it comes to spending my life with someone, I prefer someone with a like soul. Someone similar in core beliefs and someone who can allow me the freedom to be myself. I don’t want to wake up miserable and come home to miserable. I will not and I do not believe God would set me up in that environment. God knows my creativity, my heart, my soul could not thrive in that type of environment. I am a delicate soul, yes. I am also strong, but my dynamics are complex for many.
Grace has been described as kindness and favor. When you are going through tough times grace is one thing that helps you to get through it. Kindness shown to yourself in the form of patience in the times when you do get frustrated, angry, upset, or down is what you have to extend towards yourself. Instead of beating yourself up over how what is a normal feeling or reaction in tough times, extend yourself some grace. Rationalize that it’s normal to have these feelings and reactions at times. It is human and what matters is how you correct yourself , respond or forgive yourself!
Grace extended to us my our Creator is the push we need or the spark we need to keep on going in the midst of setbacks, trials, and tribulations. Grace from the Creator is sufficient in your times of trouble means it is enough to keep you going or balanced. Grace happens through the creator in those moments least expected. It’s like a gift given to you for no reason at all and come in any form.
Grace shown to you by others who can see you are having a tough time warms your heart and is fuel to your fire that may have waned or gone out.
Just remember, to extend some grace to others who are having a tough time. We all need some grace.
You have the courage and the strength to rise up again. Again means you have done it before and if you have done it before you can do it again. I know. it’s never been this devastating. I know, it’s never been this dark. I know it’s never been this hard. Still, you have it in you to rise once more and again if you have to. And when you rise, pray.
And when you rise up, TAKE courage. Sometimes you have to TAKE courage and do what needs to be done.
I pray and I meditate. In my meditation I received this and wanted to share with those who may be experiencing some alarming shifting in your life. I do write down what I receive most times. It can be instructions or dialogue or colors…I do have visions during meditation also. So….here we go.
Private devotion/meditation made public:
God/Spirit: God makes you grow. If you outgrow you have to be uprooted and planted elsewhere. We are not necessarily talking about a physical move as much as a spiritual transplant. One of your favorite scriptures you received the first time you read it is: Psalm 1:3
(Note to you: I use to read this scripture as a child and say I want to be a tree planted by the waters before I knew what that meant. I found it peaceful.)
3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Nicole, you feel unstable because you are being transferred. You are ready to be planted by the rivers of water. Uprooting is unsettling but, know you are in my hands. Seed has been planted, water has been given, I gave the increase and now you have to move. It’s what you always wanted. Fear not. You’re welcome.
Me: Wait. I wasn’t there already? I wasn’t already planted by the rivers of water?
God/Spirit: You were there and are there. This is awareness of the process. You see the end but you live the process in this realm…and as you grow you will see more of the “before you can ask, think of it, I will answer.”
Namaste. Shalom. Amen.