I don’t know why I decided I needed to MASTER anxiety. I mean I do, but what was I thinking taking on such an ENORMOUS task? The conversation went something like this:
Me: God I need to Master Anxiety. It will be better for me and others in the long run.
God: Ok. Boom! (First lesson).
Me: God? Is this the accelerated course?
And just like I was in a situation that was causing me anxiety. It was enough to turn me down a road facing depression. It was enough to make me cry out of frustration. It was enough to make me sad, gloomy, moody, and to have a few sleepless nights. I had a couple of close friends to help me along the way, but I wasn’t ready to HEAR and ACCEPT what I already knew. I was not ready for the lesson of 2019, “Don’t seek advice for what you already know. If anything seek confirmation of your soul or gut.” Well, today after dealing with another incident, I was ready to receive confirmation. I’d been asking for almost two weeks for God to help me to hear my soul. Help me to differentiate my thoughts, my heart, and my soul.
Well, after getting confirmation from a good friend, I was ready. I felt lighter and free from worry. I went on with my plans for the night. I wasn’t really expecting to hear from the individual. Although, I checked my phone a few times. Afterwards, I just went on enjoying my evening. I made it home and wasn’t thinking about WHY or WHAT. There is no excuse. There is no more understanding. There is no more of anything. A clean break.
So lesson #1 in Mastering Anxiety: You can address the behavior of another person that is causing you anxiety or you can remove the person from your space. This is MASTERING ANXIETY.
I had plans! I vowed to not be at home tonight. I had cute dresses lined up to choose from. I was hanging out with singles. Maybe have a cocktail and enjoy great conversations. It turns out that my body had different plans. I’ve come to adjust to this most times and I know when to push through and when to stop. Rest. Yield. But I really, really, wanted to get out of this house!
I make chocolate covered strawberries every year. I’ve done this for almost 12 years. Yesterday, I had a very long day and lately I’ve become unusually tired in the afternoons. Yesterday was a day where things popped up left and right and put me behind on making berries. It also became an evening of pain with fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid. I did sleep sound but when I woke up it was hard to get out of the bed. My eyes were sore. I got up and got going. I thought my body would catch up with my mind and emotions but it never did.
So, instead of having a blog about my fabulous outing, here is one about my FUZZY night in.
I soak my hands in warm water and Epsom salt. They hurt from dipping berries. I order from the wing place literally one light away from my home. I decide to make this night a guilt free, indulge in web surfing, TV watching, anti lovey dovey watching movie night. I take a hot shower, get my FUZZY socks, and I chat it up online with whomever wants to talk. Whomever is home just like me. I’m in a few of my groups chatting and cheering up folks. I don’t answer the phone for anyone that is energy draining, complaining, disagreeable, or argumentative. Sorry, not tonight, I am in chill mode. I’ve got my incense burning and the name of the scent is Blessed Rest. And DEAR GOD do I need it! I’m bypassing the glass of Stella and opting for baked chocolate chip cookies and milk.
Last I attend this same show and had such a wild and crazy good night, I wanted to do it again this year. This year was the 10th Annual Forever Loving Marley (Bob Marley Tribute Show). It did not disappoint!
The show is hosted by the band Chinese Connection Dub Embassy (CCDE) and the venue was Railgarten here in Memphis, TN. The artists of the night included Yubu, Kween Jasir, Black Cream, and CCDE. This is not just a tribute, it’s an experience! It’s an experience right here in the city of Memphis. A city that births not only the blues, rap, hip hop, but births music…period. We birth artists of all genres. We’ve got roots, baby.
Here are my photos from the night. I shared this night my very good sister friend, who’s birthday was celebrated, and one of BFF’s & her hubby that surprised me by showing up. They were out on a date night and in the area. That was cool.
I could give up. Quit. Become bitter. And the people that have hurt me or disappointed me will keep on doing what they do. So instead of giving up completely on love, the option is to take a break. It’s time to heal.
I have three friends that have birthdays in the month of January and they are all back to back. I had to prepare myself for three events mentally, physically, and FASHIONABLY!
Plus, there was a concert I had tickets to that Sunday. Just know that everything I wore was an item I purchased at a reasonable price, thrifted, or on clearance! I already had these items in my closet.
I needed all of this week to recover! And today is the first day I woke up with minimum pain. I had a flare up this week. Three days of restlessness due to pain-somnia (insomnia) due to pain, anxiety, and yesterday depression. Whew! Yet…joy came this morning.
I love being a free spirit. God made me that way. Every free spirit has their own path, do’s and won’t do’s, guides, handbooks. I’m like John the Baptist. I like the wilderness of life. I don’t particularly care for being trapped in four walls. But you know…I go. I got some David in me. Elijah and Elisha me. Elisha was working for his family in the family business. Elijah walks by and Elisha burns the oxen, use the equipment to feed the people, kiss his parents good bye and gives up his land. It’s a Prince Harry moment. Outta here! I don’t care if we’ve been doing it this way for centuries. I don’t want to do it this way! I don’t want to stand in the same spot, be on a board, do it the traditional denominational way. I can do both somewhere. I thought whom the Son set free was free indeed? I’m free. I’m free indeed. I’m saved whether you think so or not. I’ll buy meat from the folks that aren’t saved. I’ll sit with those you call sinners. I’ll chill at the shop with the Buddha statues and talk about life and give hope to the people doing my nails. I’ll talk to the bartender about ginger ale drinks and listen to him talk about his father with cancer. I’ll tell him that I’ll pray for him. He’ll tell me about growing up Catholic with an abusive father. I’m that broken vessel. I’m the voice in the wilderness. I’m that vagabond. Let me loose. Never mind, I’ve got the sword and permission from on High. Don’t judge me…judge yourself.
I look at 2019 like a game of chess. It was long and it ended in a stalemate. However, I’ve got the lessons, the diamonds, the nuggets, to prove I am still the champion of my life! I know the importance of counting my blessings in life and looking on the brighter side of things! Let’s start with the BIGGEST lesson.
Listen to your GUT, INTUITION, THE HOLY SPIRIT above all other voices of advice. It’s good to seek godly counsel and good advice, but at the end of the day YOUR intuition is what knows. In fact, you already know the answer most of the time you are seeking “what to do” advice. You just don’t want to do it. You don’t want to be wrong. I didn’t. If you must look, look for confirmation to what your SOUL is saying.
YOUR SOUL is where your intuition is. It comes from deep within. Your brain is your logic. Your heart (emotions) is your feelings. BUT your soul is what knows. So when it comes to matters of the heart, relationships, your heart and brain may be at war, but your SOUL knows. I have to listen to my soul more. MY SOUL WAS SCREAMING, but I was trying to rationalize and feel my way out of a bad situation.
PEACE of MIND, a re-enforced lesson this year, IS EVERYTHING. What can you do without a peace of mind? Well, you may be able to function and get things done, but how much easier it is with a peace of mind. I am a creative being that requires a peace of mind to work. I know it’s my job to protect my peace of mind, but what I learned is that the wrong person in your environment can disturb and destroy your peace of mind. I feel so sorry for those who are linked up, living with, in a relationship, and married to a person that wreaks havoc on their mind and heart.
IT WON’T GET BETTER. Them pretending to do better, do right, etc…nah…You’re not their JESUS (savior) or their THERAPIST which they so desperately are in need of both. Mental illness is real and comes in all shapes and forms. If you have a Narcissist or a Habitual liar on your hands, get them out of your hands, mind, heart, and life. They are only sowing hurt and harm into your life and reaping it in their own lives. It’s a big cycle of UNNECESSARY PAIN AND DRAMA. Which leads to…
TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST. If you have a mate that only wants to eat junk food, fatty food, overly seasoned food, you may find yourself at the same table and in the same situation health wise they are in. You can nag all you want, but you can’t control other people’s habits. So literally, TAKE CARE OF YOU. Exercise by yourself or with friends. Buy healthier food. Meditate and seek a REAL spiritual connection daily. Actually, that REAL DEEP SPIRITUAL connection may be the thing that helps you move a way from an unhealthy relationship. BACK TO….
MENTAL HEALTH. Go to therapy and don’t discuss what you discussed in therapy with a crazy mate. They will only try to discourage you and manipulate your sessions. It’s like the parable about seed being sown into the right type of ground. “How did your session go? What did your therapist say about us? Did you talk about us?” These are the questions they ask. They want to CONTROL your emotions and thoughts. They want to throw it back in your face and make you feel bad. They will even compare it to you sharing business. They will justify their conversations with other people. Namely the opposite sex. Don’t fall for it. The people they talk to aren’t professionals. Your response: “It went well. I have work to do. I don’t want to talk about my sessions. It’s personal. It’s private. Respect that. I am speaking with a professional. Why don’t you try therapy? I am sure they can refer you to someone.”
TIME RESTORED. It’s just like reclaiming your time. I wasted a big portion of my year on a relationship. I felt bad until God reminded me that time can be restored by the Creator of Time. Time can be added. God has a RESET button. Hallelujah for that! I can get on with the business of dreams and goals like I never missed a beat. Keep it moving.
YOU DIDN’T LOSE WHAT YOU NEVER HAD. You just created space for the RIGHT ONE. THE GOD SENT ONE or OPPORTUNITY.
“IN THE DARKEST HOURS OF YOUR LIFE, USE YOUR NIGHT VISION”-NICOLE JACKSON. One of my favorite quotes dropped in my spirit from me.
Reflect on your 2019 and Release anything, everything, that hindered you or hurt you. Open up your heart to 2020 so that it may be filled with GOOD, PEACE, REAL LOVE and PROSPERITY.