The Fallout of Protecting Your Peace

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Whenever you begin to set boundaries to preserve and protect your peace of mind and your sensitivity, or even to enforce those boundaries, there will probably be fall out from individuals who lack the respect of those boundaries. I have discovered that people want you to bend and break to appease them and often they wouldn’t do the same for you. Nor would I want anyone to compromise their peace of mind for me. And that is the difference. People will create problems, want you to solve them, and then become upset if you don’t. They don’t care if what they want makes you unhappy. This is blatant selfishness. Recognize this as a flaw in character. Also, people like this will often either get angry in hopes you will change your mind or run a guilt trip hoping for the same results. When you comply to neither they will call you mean and selfish (I am laughing as I type this) but, you and I both know they are merely describing themselves! Some leave you alone entirely or distant themselves.

You have to become okay with this. I know it may be difficult but, do not cave and compromise your peace or the sensitivity of your nature. I was created with a big heart and compassion but, not at the sacrifice of my own peace. Never again. Emotional manipulators are professionals at what they do. They have been use to throwing tantrums, running guilt trips and playing games to get what they want and you are left footing the bill, debt, or uneasiness. I stood my ground recently and I owe no one an explanation of what I want and why I want it the way I want it. I can’t do what you want me to do to make you happy and I am left to grin and bear it or wallow in the nagging feeling of “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say NO?” Just remember even if you have the money or can accommodate someone’s request, if you don’t FEEL at ease, DO NOT DO IT AND OFFER NO EXPLANATION. You don’t have to explain your no.

~Nikki

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Throw “That” Back

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What a week! Drama and Resolutions. Busy Mom, Sister, Daughter, and Auntie (which I always enjoy family), working on a project and just well, life. By the time Friday evening arrived I was exhausted and my legs (fibromyalgia) were giving me pure hell up until this morning. I finally have relief. This morning’s coffee musing is all about “throwing that back” and I don’t mean from the world of rap and hip hop where you shake your butt!

If something is not what you want or desire in your head, heart, and life then “throw that back.” If you are fishing and you pull up a shoe, I am sure you would either throw that back or recycle it. But trust me, the drama, the lies, the games, the people that want to stay sleep walking through life,  does not need to be recycled. Just throw all of that back. Back to the pits of hell or wherever it came from. If it arrives at your door unannounced then throw it back out. In fact, refuse to let it in. Once you realize that it is negative, a time waster, hurtful, then you need to get rid of it or neatly file it away under “not my problem.” We waste time on issues that people don’t want to resolve. We waste time on drama where people clearly enjoy drama and I say leave them to their drama and destruction and just be there to help pick up the pieces. You can not, CAN NOT,  help people that are:

1. Not telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth

2. Love a life filled with hellishness

3. Don’t even know or care they have a problem

4. Just want attention

5. Don’t heed the advice give you

6. Have issues beyond your expertise

7. Liars and manipulators

8. Not ready for change

Now, if you find yourself getting into a funk about people and things out of your control(like I did this week), and it bothers your thoughts, throw all of that back. In my mind I picked up all the bull—- they brought or I went and got and put it back on their porch.

“Here ya go. Sorry I picked up this “crap.” I thought you needed help disposing of it but, I can clearly see this has turned into a crap slinging fest and it’s really messy. I don’t like messy.” -Nikki

 

 

Confetti Book Excerpt: The Remedy for Love by Nikki Jade

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“We are having chicken again ma? You gonna fry it or bake it?” he asked.
“FRY IT!” yells Roland.
“I am going to bake it.” I look at Jalen and I wink at him. He goes to his room and starts his homework.
“Queen Furniture called me about the-
“Look Angie don’t start in with me about no bills because I had a hard day at work and you know what? Never mind…” He jumps up from the couch grabs his leather Steelers jacket I bought, his Steelers hat, and slams the front door so hard the windows shake. I keep cooking. He’ll be back in a few minutes because I see his keys on the kitchen counter. I am used to this. He probably will come in and say a few curse words and “Angie it’s your fault I ain’t got no money blah blah blah and your fat ass blah blah blah”. I can handle it. I just ignore it. I used to argue back until one time he got in my face. It’s just words.
I hear the door open, but not close. He comes in the kitchen and snatches his keys off the counter. He grabs my arm and I drop a piece of chicken on the floor.
“Look, I’m about sick of your ass starting stuff when you get home. Don’t come up in here telling me nothing about no damn bills because if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be in this situation. You better be glad me and Monique getting along or she would be calling asking me for more money and you know I got to take care of my children. Come up in here one more time telling me about a damn furniture bill and I am gonna leave you!”
He let my arm go and slammed the front door. I stood there for what seem like an hour. He never put his hands on me.
“Ma.” I looked over to my left and Jalen was standing there with tears in his eyes. Instead of me running to him he ran to me and put his arms around me. Instead of me comforting him he said to me “Ma, you are not fat you are just fluffy and I like fluffy and I don’t like Roland anymore!” He hugged me so tight. I chuckled when he said fluffy. I wiped the tears from my baby’s eyes.
“I am alright Jalen and you will be alright.”
Jalen looked at me and then looked at my arm. His big brown almond shaped eyes widen even more…

 

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Sautéed Collard Greens? Cajun or No?

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Yes. Sautéed collard greens. Is it easy to do? Yes, it is. Is there more than one way to do it? Of course. Here is my spin.

  • One bag of chopped and pre washed greens (Does not have to be collards & as you can see mines were on sale). They can also be fresh greens but, you will have to wash (several times to remove dirt/sand/etc.) and chop them.
  • Olive oil
  • Chicken stock/broth or water (in my opinion the broth/stock adds flavor)
  • Butter
  • Louisiana Cajun Seasoning (If you are not up for spice just use salt and pepper)
  • White pepper (optional)
  • Spice Supreme Crushed Red Pepper (optional)
  • Garlic Salt
  • Onions (frozen or fresh but I used frozen chopped onions) 1/2 cup (optional)

The bag is 16 oz and I chose to use 8 oz of greens which was enough for two people. You can use the entire bag. I froze the other half. Soak the greens in hot water from the faucet for 10 minutes. Remove and pat dry.

In a medium skillet, add one tbsp. of butter and one tbsp. of olive oil. (If you are doing the entire bag you will need a large skillet but you can use the same amount of butter and oil it is up to you. You can also use only butter or only oil). Heat butter and oil on medium, medium-high (I put mines on 6). Add onions (you can use onion powder or flakes instead). When onions are translucent add your greens and 1/2 cup of chicken broth (1 cup if you are cooking the entire bag). YOU CAN USE WATER but, to me the broth or stock adds flavor. Add the seasonings I have listed for Cajun (Cajun seasoning, white pepper, crushed red pepper and garlic salt) or if you don’t want Cajun just salt, pepper, or garlic salt will do. How much? Add to your liking (I sprinkle evenly as possible across and stir in for each seasoing except the crushed pepper flakes!). NOTE: You only need about 8-10 flakes of the red crushed pepper. It is powerful! ALSO: I stir occasionally and definitely keep and eye on it to if the broth evaporates too soon you will need to add more.

It takes about 8-10 minutes (or until broth nearly evaporates) to sauté for a firm leaf but, if you want it a little more tender keep going and add more water or broth. Just test to see if it’s okay for you.

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~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What is “43:The It is Well Within Tour”

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The 43: It is Well Within Tour is a tour of my life, my mind, behind the scenes so to speak. In this social media error we seem to only see the finished product of things. We see the finished product of wisdom on a post. We see the arrival but, what about the journey? What about the grit and the grind or the situations that create the wisdom or the lessons? I am not talking about the polished versions either. I am talking about the moments that led up to the light bulb going off. The moment that profound wisdom is inked into your psyche. The moment light hits the darkness was it tears? Was it shame? Was it anger? Was it guilt? Was it relief?

Well, I want to take a tour of this year as if I am the tour guide and the tourist to journey into wellness within me. I am both the guide and the observer. You see the production. The beautifully wrapped package of a body that smiles (whether forced or not). But what happened that week or that day? We are on tour of the “getting to” of well being within. I hope you can take the tour with me. It’s going to be pretty honest and pretty amazing. 3/31/18-3/31/19

 

“In order to maintain peace and joy within one must take care of the things without and within.” ~Nikki