Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Someone to Take Care of Me

 

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I am tired. I am worn. I am wounded and run ragged. It turns out that I am human. I know it. Does everyone else know it? It doesn’t seem like they notice I am burned out. Is it not obvious from the flame coming out of my ears? What about the way my body moves in the early mornings and late nights? Can they tell? Do they care?

It has been a very long two weeks. I’ve had very good days, but more bad days and a few very bad days. Yesterday evening was a very bad day. I have not had much time to myself and I am not sure that is what I need. Anxiety seems to pile up and heap on top of me at moments of financial decisions and the future of my well being and as my daughter’s graduation from high school slowly approaches. I worry about my mother who has obvious issues to me, but none to my siblings. I get angry about my father’s Parkinson’s Disease. I cannot sleep and when I do it’s not as restful so I take a sleep aide and I sleep too long (even with it spit four ways). I have not heard back from my therapist as I have missed an appointment. I call, I leave a message, and silence. I have been journaling nothing but frustrations.

Yesterday evening after an outing with my mother who is very high strung and nervous like, after taking my daughter to and from ACT prep, taking her to and picking her up from a birthday party, I was in very bad shape. I called my mother and told her I would not be at church tomorrow. I do not want to go anywhere, do anything. I am tired of everything. I told my daughter she could get the dishes. Fix her own breakfast in the morning, fix lunch and dinner for us. Also, said I wish I had someone to take care of me. What about me? Yes, unselfishly, what about me? Oh, the Lord will take care of you. I know that. Do you know that I am not talking about that? I would like to be taken care of and not because I having a melt down, but because we all want to be taken care of in times of trouble by another human being instead of always being that human being who does the “fixing” and taking care of.

~Nikki

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Bra Review & News for D Cups and Up

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If you have ever shopped Dillard’s for the Cabernet Bra Line you know by now they stopped making them. I was in the store when I discovered this and had a mini meltdown. It was the affordable line (and by affordable I mean under $45) and it was a good everyday bra. I was not willing or able to pay an arm and a leg for boobs. Oh I know it takes more material, etc. etc. for us with big breasts. I get it. We are just now on the verge of beautiful colors and prints. I had been searching for alternatives and saving up for another bra. Yes, saving up. I bought one from a plus size store. It fits, but it hurts after a few hours. Even specialty stores didn’t have my size and when they did…an arm and a leg.

Well, I was in Dillard’s last night and it popped in my head (via the Holy Spirit maybe? Sheer intelligence and curiosity?) to ask the sales lady, “So, what replaced the Cabernet Bra Line?” She said “Oh, Dillard’s has come out with the Modern Movement Bra Line to replace their Cabernet Bra. You should have seen the heavens open up, light shine down around us, and angels sing when she said this to me. She guided me to the line and explained everything. I tried one on and I was “well pleased” enough to buy two!

Here is my review:

 

The bras have been redesigned and reconstructed for better support and comfort. The red circle shows a different in stitch and I am no expert, but I believe this is to help with the lift. Also, the material is different and better in my un-humble opinion. The stretchy redesign on the side of the bra, under the armpit is fantastic and provides stretch and comfort. I like this because one of my boobs is slightly bigger than the other. And with this bra it adjusted immediately! No more adjusting that one boob!

 

Slightly wider straps. Just enough to secure. And on the inside of the bra is extra material. This was not in any of the old bras. I am not sure the purpose, but I am sure the designer knows what she/he is doing.

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Immediately, you will notice the different design. It is almost like a M shape. When I stepped in front of the mirror I was delighted. And did I mention the material is different? They also have gotten the wireless version in that was so popular with many. I am going to try it, too. I haven’t had much faith in wireless bras.

You can order online if there is not a Dillard’s near you!

Thank you, Dillard’s. Thank you so much!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: I Rise with Power

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I am grateful for another morning. I rise with power (after coffee lol but really I rise with power before coffee). Power to do right. Power to love right. Power to get wealth. Power to be my authentic self in a world that wants me to “do me” but not unless I do me like them? Power to be soft and bold. Good Morning. Don’t know where all of that came from but I flowed with it.

Fix it Jesus. No, You Fix It.

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There are just somethings in this life you have to take by the horns and fix it yourself. I waited until the last minute to resolve an issue. I sought wise counsel and I got great, but mixed advice. I thought I saw the right thing to do or was it that I saw what I wanted to see? I thought I felt the right thing to do, but it was too hard to do. I was vexed in my spirit for two weeks! I knew all along what had to be done. I only wish I would have done it sooner.

The lessons and reminders for me are:

  • Leadership requires making hard decisions sometimes
  • This wasn’t a Fix it Jesus moment. This was a moment of growth in my journey. It was very uncomfortable. I had to work through that emotionally and I am still working through that.
  • Vibes and energy are important. If you don’t feel it or them, if they do not feel you, just don’t mix it with business or pleasure. People are responsible for the energy they bring to you and you are responsible for yours. You can put out good energy and they can still bring their weird or bad vibes. What are you going to do?
  • If you are in business, you should bring good energy and vibes. You are providing a service, but people are paying you for it. Why would you bring bad juju? 😀
  • You are not asking for a favor, you are acquiring a service. (wise counsel)
  • Keep it short, don’t go into detail if you feel they won’t be receptive anyway, and keep it professional. (wise counsel)
  • They told you how they felt about you through actions and attitude. It’s okay to do what you need to do. (God, Holy Spirit)
  • This helped to decipher if I were being sensitive or if this was my GUT speaking. Hence, feeling vexed versus hurt feelings. My gut was practically screaming!
  • You know what energy you want to bring to an event. You know your audience. Trust yourself to cut what doesn’t flow.

 

~Nikki

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It’s Business and It’s Personal

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Great customer service is important to me. It can be good and I am just fine with that. However, what has been bothering is dealing with business owners who have the worst attitude or a bland attitude with some customers, but a blatant chipper, upbeat, smiling and bubbling personality with those that have money, fame, or just someone they think can get them closer to their dreams. I just want to be treated with respect, like my business and my money matters.

I dealt with a person for their service and the first time they were nice. The second time I saw them at an event and they were so busy trying to kiss up to the crowd they wish they were a part of, they blew me off. I asked them for their business card and they said to me: “Like, you are going to come.” I was so offended. They had no idea what I was going through and what it cost me to patronize their business. However, as time went on I decided maybe I should give this person another chance. Well, guess what, once over the phone they had the same snobby, funky attitude they had once before. I’d already paid them for an upcoming service and I immediately began to regret it. In fact, I considered cancelling it, but I did not want to disappoint the people at the event.

Once the event was over I decided to never use that person’s services again nor to recommend them. As an African American in this country, it’s important to support African American businesses because many times we, along with other minorities, INCLUDING WOMEN OF ALL RACES, are the minority. If we are going to do business, no matter the race, I must be treated the same way you treat others. I’m important, too.

~Nikki

Weekend Confetti!

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WOW! What a weekend! I met one of my favorite, most influential authors of all time and got the last book of a series signed. I met Kimberla Lawson Roby! It was her book Casting the First Stone that led me to believe it was possible to be a Christian and still write novels with a spiritual undertone. My novels may be a bit more unconventional as far as most Christians would think, but I am not really concerned about that! I have my own path to take. Anyway, I was over the moon and treasure the book and the moment. My daughter was there to help me stand in a very long line. Some day I’ll be signing books!

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I also went out for cocktails and small plates with…brace yourself, my daughter’s father mother….and his wife. Yep. You read that right. As a single parent, the road has not always been easy and neither are the relationships involved with raising my daughter. Some of our thoughts, actions, and ways are different and well that makes for conflicts of interests. It was extremely rough starting out, but we try to get along and sitting down with all of together was a miracle within itself. Conversation, cocktails, and food made it a pleasant outing.

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Oh, yeah. I got a new hairstyle! Lol! I think it may last for a few weeks. Natural hair can be a challenge. Especially, for someone like me who has Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. Which took a toll on me by the time Sunday rolled around. I felt so bad, but I am grateful for the two days, Friday and Saturday, in which I had little discomfort. Sunday was very difficult and I am feeling better on today. I hope you enjoyed your weekend, too!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Are You a City With Broken Down Walls?

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A person who lacks self control is like a city with broken down walls. -Proverbs 25:28

I once had a really bad temper and it wasn’t because of my red hair either (or at least it’s not scientifically proved yet!). Anything could tick me off. Any one could get a good verbal assault. Duck! I was throwing something or punching a wall. I thank God I was never arrested for some of the things my anger or temperament spurred me to do. I am also grateful I don’t have to regret harm to a person physically because of a moment of my anger and bad judgement.

I thought I was controlling my anger when I was really stockpiling my anger. I would let it build up and then I would explode. It wasn’t until I wrote the book Healing the Single Mother I really began to understand what it takes to get a handle on your anger or a hair trigger temper. It wasn’t until then I understood how I could be angry, but sin not (well, at least most of the time). It was self control. If you don’t have self control when it comes to anger or anything else, you are the city with broken down walls. Anything and anybody can come in. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You don’t have a defense. You don’t have protection against the devil, the evil, the negative energy that is circulating and is bound to come near you. Self control offers protection not only from the outside, but from your own internal conflicts that occur that lead you to unsavory words and actions.

There is more to dealing with your anger issues than the use of self control, but self control alone can save your life and save you from making in the heat of the moment choices with lifelong consequences.

~Nikki