It’s JULY and I am not going to say “ALREADY” because I am working on enjoying EACH day and EACH month and not focusing on “time slipping away”. Immerse yourself in the day and month and it won’t seem to be slipping away and moving fast. Just a thought.
So, June was what it was suppose to be for me. The energy it gave was the energy I tapped into and at times wrestled with.
June’s Lessons
Don’t let other’s negativity influence you in any way!
Get ahold of your finances!
God’s perception of me is never clouded even if my perception of myself is clouded and other’s perception of me is clouded
When I don’t know how I feel about myself I need to ALIGN with how God sees me.
Each moment, good or bad, ugly or beautiful, relationships, friendships, family-ships, have shaped me and given me identity. However, is that my true identity? Ephesians 2:10. It certainly makes me unique as we should be.
If I am feeling severe depression, it’s okay to sleep most of the day, watch TV and tell others I don’t feel like talking. Do stay hydrated. Do eat/snack healthily. DO NOT JUDGE MYSELF for having a dark day.
Heal and release self sabotaging THOUGHTS so I CAN BE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS!
Reach for my higher self. It will not always be easy.
The Steele Magnolia tree of the South Americas is associated with Mary Magdeline who was a FAITHFUL disciple of Jesus Christ. She displayed peerless strength during times of struggle.
When I sat in mediation during my coffee time with God I head, “You are a magnolia tree.” So, I looked it up and was surprised to read those things it’s associated with. Then I was surprised that God would, or Spirit compliment me and tell me who I am. We are not use to receiving compliments by God. It’s a weird thing, huh? It is until you read the Bible and realize God has been complimenting you in so many ways. We can say God builds us up through his Word or teachings and that’s sits well with us.
But when the Creator sends others to compliment your character or diligence or accomplishments, we don’t know how to receive it sometimes. We throw it back on the religious teachings, “Well, it was all God.” It was but, it was you, too. You had to be obedient. You have to be willing. You use your personality and character and your individuality in getting it done.
I needed to re-read this today after the post I made Sunday. I also needed Wednesday’s reminder.
Today is that sometimes. We all feel like giving up or have felt like giving in the past. If we are honest, there are some things we did give up on and maybe even ourselves from time to time. If you have been following this blog you know I’ve had my issues with the church and religion and at times with God. Let me back up…
It was an extraordinary week as I was in classes in Jackson, Mississippi learning about God’s Pattern for Leadership and Strategic Planning: Analysis, Needs Assessments, Objectives and Goals. I like to learn. I had very little anxiety while I was there. I know it was because I had very little responsibilities. I didn’t have to cook. I didn’t have to clean. I didn’t have to worry much. I returned home Friday and Saturday evening I partied with my friend and her family at a 1990’s themed house party. If I had more photo space, I’d share the jeans I created. I had a ball. I danced all night and today I can barely move. It’s not just age, it’s Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia on top of that.
What I feel like giving up on today is church. It’s funny because I was so sure of my direction all week. Well, not really but, I am sure it involved the church. Make sure you understand I said nothing about giving up on God. I know I am feeling this because of the conversation I had with a particular individual and after finding out they lied and twisted a conversation we had. This person actually is a pastor I know very well.
This thing I am feeling is temporary. I just wanted to acknowledge that I feel like giving up and it’s not an indication that I will. I think it’s important to acknowledge a feeling and to sit with it. To explore it. To receive what it is telling you or teaching you or where it is leading you. I hope you know that it’s okay to FEEL like giving up sometimes and sometimes there are things we should give up but, never give up on yourself.
Plan it. Do it. Discipline. Via time with God, I discovered my problem is, my root problem is a lack of confidence that stems from childhood. I was made to feel that nothing I did was good enough or right. None of the choices I made were the best or right per one of my parents. Although I have worked diligently through this there is still residuals of it that seep out in little ways. This is why I always say you will be working on yourself the entire time you are here. How on earth will you find time to fix, correct, and criticize everyone else “if” you are busy working on yourself.
Via God/Spirit: I tell you this; DO IT. Do your work and expect errors. Expect people not to like it or to like you but, you don’t have to be defensive about who and what people like. You don’t like certain people and you don’t like what they are talking about, teaching about, speaking of and the difference is you have learned that you don’t have to voice or write that unless what they are saying is filled with hate. I am not of hate, division, or things of that energy. And even then, you need to know when to speak and when not to.
Via God/Spirit: See mistakes as teachers and tools to help you grow. Ah, you are embarrassed and ashamed when you make mistakes. Yet, you always defend and tell others it’s okay if they make mistakes. You don’t give yourself the same grace and mercy. I know. It was never okay for you to make mistakes. And when you did, boy were you ever ridiculed merciless at times. Give yourself the same grace and mercy you give others. I gave you grace and mercy then, now, and in the future. Release that thinking. Let’s work on that.
What you tell yourself or when you don’t filter the thoughts that enter your mind like, “EAT ALL OF THE POTATO CHIPS NIKKI”, the body will do. Explore your emotional eating habits because that is the root of your problem lately. Not discipline. Not because you like food. Why wouldn’t you like food? A tree has many roots. One root may be sugar and salt addictions or insufficiency. One root may be a craving for a nutrient or vitamin that causes you to pick chocolate or ice chips. Remember that time you could not stop eating ice and your iron was extremely low? The nurse called and wondered how you were still standing! It could also be genetic make-up but, right now it’s emotional for you. Explore those things and self-discipline becomes easier.
MOVE. Move physically. Move spiritually. Take care of yourself. Eat healthier. Move your body. It helps to move negative and stagnant energy. It helps to move the energy of anxiety and depression. MOVE.
MOVE from thinking like you used to think or the ideals you once had. They aren’t working in this season. Some are no longer working at all.
MOVE away from what you used to do. Things have changed. It seems strange because you are between habits and new mindsets. SHIT has happened and hat the fan so SHIFT can happen. SHIFT has happened for you mentally but, emotionally, you need to catch up.
God knows WHEN, WHO, and HOW so I don’t have to worry about those things. It’s none of my business. I request. I give thanks when I think about the absence of things so the absence disappears. Therefore, the “thought” of absence disappears. It’s just an illusion anyway. When I think about when, who, how I remind myself that God, Infinite Intelligence, the Creator, the Universe, Yahweh, knows and I can be at peace.
You don’t have to choose unhappiness just because you are used to choosing unhappiness or being unhappy. -God
God, life, the universe, or whatever you call Source, is teaching and it’s your choice to learn. I learned after all of these years, this year, I don’t have to make a choice that I know will make me unhappy simply because I am used to unhappiness. What am I talking about? I have not been so lucky in the dating arena (but I have definitely been blessed to have dodged some bullets!) and I only realized this year that some of the choices I made were choices that I KNEW would more than likely lead me to unhappiness but, I made those choices anyway.
You know like ignoring your intuition, your gut, the Holy Spirit, the voice in your head. I had more than enough evidence numerous times giving a person a chance or a second chance or third or…years would only lead to more unhappiness. I made those choices in hopes of a better outcome but, with this last relationship, if you can call it that, I was making it out of the habit of being disappointed.
As I look back, I can see where I made the choice out of hope in some of my past relationships and where I made it SUBCONSCIOUSLY out of unhappiness. Sometimes we have been disappointed, unhappy, or things have been delayed for so long we think we are never going to get them. Therefore, we self-sabotage or set ourselves up for failure unknowingly. I was doing this in various ways. I may have stop allowing certain brazing mistreatment but, I was still going against my gut, allowing mild subpar treatment, dragging things out just because I wanted something to be there, I knew CLEARLY was not there but, fearing I would make the wrong decision.
When I heard that statement, “You don’t have to choose unhappiness just because you are used to choosing unhappiness or being unhappy”, it wasn’t a light bulb moment. It was as if a light from heaven, like the sun was turned on.
Photo by Nicole Jackson The Might Mississippi from Rooftop
I had an opportunity but the hours would be a challenge to me physically. You would think well that’s a no brainer. It’s not when you are trying to save money and take care of things around the house. I struggled for about two weeks in agony about what to do. How to sacrifice and what exactly would be at stake. I worried myself sick and stirred the hornets’ nest of anxiety. I asked God for an answer over and over on what to do. I thought I didn’t get answer until Day 2 of Coffee Time with God.
As I sat there in quietness, sipping coffee, I asked God, “Why didn’t you answer me about that opportunity?”
God: I did. Those times when you were silent internally, I asked you, do you feel at peace about it? I asked you several times. Sometimes you said no and at other times you kept worrying about it and what other people would think of you if you passed up such a golden opportunity. Once you said no you didn’t feel at peace about it, that was your answer.
Me: Oh.
I thought about all of those years I worked jobs and I didn’t like any of them. In fact, the last one I hated so much it made me ill. Why don’t people do what they love or “just find another job” you may ask. Well because it’s not always that simple. Would you believe some people don’t know or believe it’s possible for them to do what they love in life? Some are working jobs and careers other people chose for them or for the money it brings. Some of us are working jobs to take care of family, loved ones, children and to pay off debts. I looked for jobs to do what I love but I didn’t have the education and I didn’t have the ability to go back to school in another state with a child in tow. Who would watch my daughter? Online school was not a thing then. When it did become a thing, I did go back to school and received my Associates Degree only to become ill and unable to continue with my bachelors.
At that last job, I kept it because the hours allowed me to be a mom 4 days out of the week and I could work overtime. It was not for the pay. I also only had to worry about childcare and how to get her home from school 3 days of the week. My last two years on the job while I was ill, I searched for a job that could accommodate my illness. I did not find one job and the job I had told me they couldn’t either.
You don’t know people’s struggles or logic and I advise against flippant retorts such as, “Just find another job.” That job may provide them with the necessary benefits to cover for their family. YES, there are times people have to work jobs they don’t want to or enjoy until the opportunity presents itself or until they create an opportunity to do what they enjoy or to become what they always wanted to be. Maybe asking them if they have a plan to find or do something else is better.
This was the one time and first time in my life I could say no to a job that would hurt me physically and I didn’t know what to do. It was the one time; I could wait on something better or continue to create my own opportunity into better financial gains and abundance. Shortly after that, I sold 5 pieces of art.
Nikki's Confetti Life 