Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: I Don’t Want A Seat At That Table

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I had the displeasure of meeting a person last night and the hostility in the air was so foul we chose to leave rather than to stay and be TOLERATED. I was glad the choice was made because you could choke off the energy in the air. I am really proud of myself and how I am handling the aftermath of the situation. I was prepared because I realize the opposition I am facing being the NEW as the OLD fades to black. I realize it’s a ride to  paradise, but not without turbulence! So, had some helluva turbulence last night. Still headed towards my destination.

One thing I have learned in life is to go where you are CELEBRATED and not where you are tolerated. The quote by Maya Angelou above also popped into my mind. It’s funny when you are experiencing a quote, wisdom, or the truth in real time. I won’t forget how I was made to feel. REJECTED. It’s not the first time and even though it’s a negative feeling I also know that I am ACCEPTED by so many others. Why let the negative ride? I won’t. I came home, poured my water, hugged my friend, and lit the Gardenia scented candle that reminds of my “Big Mama” and my childhood. It reminds me that I am well loved, I am beloved, I am accepted by those that matter.

#44Presidential

~Nikki

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Paris. Take Off or Not?

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Arrival. Finally. The first thing we see is the Arc.

WE MISSED OUR FLIGHT! First of all you wouldn’t believe the drama and trauma we went through to get here. Flight delayed in Memphis for 2 hours! Then we sat for an hour and a half on the plane. Then diverted to Charles Town, West Virginia for 45 minutes. We made it to Newark and we knew the flight was gone and they delayed waiting on us. They said it was room on the next flight, but on arrival the bridge to let us off got stuck and by the time that was over seats were gone. I broke down crying at the counter. I was beyond stressed. The man put us on standby before booking us a room until next day. We get to the gate, last night and they told us others before us, but I said no we have first. Then they said only one of us. I said nope! Can’t leave my daughter. Again, I sat there and cried and was praying the whole time. Then BOOM they call our name. We get the good seats on the 747. They feed us good. I pass out from exhaustion, but my body was not in pain. Get to Paris and luggage is in Chicago. I blame Memphis because that girl was half doing her job when she tagged it. They comp us to buy anything we need up to $100. Luggage will arrive at hotel tomorrow. We are in our Uber and he speaks little English, but is very nice and is telling us many things. He speaks the language of Congo and French. He is from the Congo. We are laughing at the language barrier. The lady on the plane next to me was so nice and calmed me down. It’s crazy the madness yet we are here. We are safe. We are happy. (Taken from my Facebook page as I documented my journey).

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Marvelous view from our hotel!

~Nikki

It’s Been Awhile and A Whirlwind

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Awhile: Sure I went to Paris and I have boatloads of photos to share! But, I have been going through some things, you know life stuff (matters of the heart) and I have not “made” time to write.

Here’s the whirlwind, I took a huge risk in the relationship department. HUGE. GIGANTIC. UNCONVENTIONAL. NONTRADITIONAL. Walking on a tightrope over the Seine river with no safety net and I don’t know how to swim. I don’t wish I could say more because when you’re not sure what the hell is going to happen you keep your mouth closed and keep praying.

IF this is the real deal, I can tell you that it’s not wrapped neatly in the pretty paper from Tiffany’s I thought it would be wrapped in. IF it’s not the real deal, HELL of a lot HEALING will be going on.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Life Doesn’t Get Any Easier????

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There are a couple of quotes that state something like, “Life doesn’t get any easier, you just get stronger or Life doesn’t get any easier, you just get better at handling the things you go through.” I would read these quotes and literally roll my eyes. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the part that says “Life doesn’t get any easier” because I want life to get easier. Don’t we all? Raise your hand if you want life to get harder and remain difficult. I thought so. Can we just get strong enough and learn enough and life gets better? Oh, wait, there is a thought. Life gets easier because we get stronger and we learn to handle the things we go through with accrued wisdom. -Nicole Jackson Yes, quote me on that.

You see, I am at this ebb and flow period of my life. This, nothing is happening, something is happening, but very slowly and we are going from 0 to 100 the next day or moment. I don’t like this phase of things. I imagine this is what being sea sick is like or motion sickness. I just want to get to my destination and BE STILL and ENJOY. I don’t want to ride the ups and downs of these sometimes humongous waves. Heck, I can’t surf or swim! Topsy turvy much? Yes. Much. This type of phase doesn’t work well with my anxiety and depression. What is a girl to do?

A girl is to hold on. For dear life. To her Creator’s unchanging hand. A girl is to cry, get upset, be happy, meditate, have a margarita or go to bed. However, a girl deals with this phase of life is how a girl deals…without judgement from others or herself.

Life gets easier because we get stronger and we learn to handle the things we go through with accrued wisdom. -Nicole Jackson

Confetti Weekend: Jazz Fest

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It was a hot and sunny evening! I am talking southern heat and humidity, but I was so stoked to be there to see one of my favorite jazz guitarist of all time, Mr. Norman Brown. Plus, having all the other jazz artists before him come on was like the cake! I am a huge fan of jazz and just a huge fan of music period. This was a few weeks ago!

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Keyboardist, Keiko Matsui has gained a new fan. Me! I have heard one of her songs played frequently on the jazz stations here. But, I did not know it was her! And everything that she played I enjoyed so much I have purchased more of her music.

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Mike Phillips is a dazzling jazz artist. He is energetic and what we would describe with slang “off the chain.” He jumped off stage and headed for the audience. He brought so much energy to the stage and to the crowd. Mad love and Mad energy was amazing!

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A headliner in his own right, Will Downing was there! I wanted to hear him as much as I wanted to see and hear Norman Brown. All of these artist are superb and hold their own in the business. The smooth voice of Will Downing is intoxicating along with the love songs he sings. The ladies in the crowd were swooning! And rightfully so! He song all of the songs we knew and we sang along.

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And here is where I lost my cool. As soon as Norman Brown came onto the stage I was star struck! Totally unexpected from me! I was just so overwhelmed by his presence, his brilliance as an artists,  and thought to myself, “Is this really happening? It is! I am really sitting here, seeing an artist I have ALWAYS wanted to see perform live AND I HAVE AMAZING SEATS!” It took me a moment to come out of my daze, but once I did I enjoyed every single minute of this man’s performance. He gave it ALL he had!

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This will go down in history of my memories as one of the greatest experiences of my life. Hearing and seeing Norman Brown perform live is a highlight of music memories.

~Nikki

The Art of Suffering?

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I don’t know if I will master the art of suffering, but I know that I have suffered a lot in this lifetime. My suffering is not to be compared with others. I don’t believe in who suffered more because as I have said my whole life, “We all have our own personal hell(s) to live through.”

Speaking of hell, I had a migraine last night that could be considered and EF4 if it was a tornado. It was a 9 on a scale of 1-10. As I lay on the couch in darkness, a lavender candle lit, I thought to myself, “Why do I have to suffer so much? I have suffered my entire life physically and with matters of the heart. I want this suffering to be over. I deserve more peace, love, and joy the rest of my years.” And then I said to myself, “You can endure this. You can get through this. This pain will not last forever. You just have to wait it out. You’ve done everything you could in the natural and spiritual. Wait it out. Think of things that bring you peace and comfort.” It took seemingly forever, but after a migraine that started with a suddenly stiff neck around 4pm and turned into a full blown migraine around 7pm, after 11pm I could finally sit up without the feeling of severe nausea. I got up from the couch and went to bed.

When I woke up this morning I saw this quote. How true I thought. Even though I get tired of suffering, it is better that I work with the suffering, instead of against it. Working against it only makes it worse. I get upset about the migraine, start to go into why and my heart rate raises. Blood pressure goes up and the pain worsens. I go into panic when what I am doing is not working fast enough. It only makes the pain worse. I let go last night and just endured. I have decided not only to not compare my suffering to others, I have also decided to not accept that I suffer more because I am stronger than others. Hell, I get tired of being strong. I am also weak in my suffering many times in private, but it is my God that is stronger during those times. God sends angels and earthly angels to help me through my sufferings. I am thankful and grateful for them. I may never know why we suffer more than others. I accept that it just is and this is why I cherish the simple things in life as if they were the most valuable because many times those are the only things I can focus on in times of suffering.

~Nikki

Rooftop Views. City Life Confetti.

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I got a chance to get a view from the new Hu Hotel in downtown Memphis, TN. It was a private party for a great group of women I am in. You hear many things about Memphis and most think if Elvis, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and crime. However, just like other cities there are so many other wonderful things about Memphis. I won’t get into the details, but just follow my blog and you will see.

Here are some more views & the wonderful sunset that evening. All photos are property of Nicole Jackson and Confetti Photography. They may not be used, shared, or copied without consent and written permission. Thanks and enjoy!

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~Nikki