Adversity, trouble, hard times, does not mean the absence of God. ADVERSITY doesn’t mean you’re not going to get the promises for your life or the desires of your heart. Sometimes you have to STAND, SIT, BE STILL, LEAD, or MOVE IN THE MIDST OF ADVERSITY. During adversity, TRUST THE GOD OF THE PROCESS IF YOU CAN’T TRUST THE PROCESS. ADVERSITY is boot camp. ADVERSITY is a battle. ADVERSITY is strength training or the exercise of your STRENGTH. You’ve got this. FLEX. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!
I was looking forward to New Year’s Eve for several reasons but, the main reason was I finally, wouldn’t be spending it alone. After a pretty good day that joyous mood would be crushed by him. Some sort of mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication. WHATEVER. I tried to smooth things over for him so that he wouldn’t feel bad by saying it was okay and offering a solution. The problem with that is Ioncw again put my feelings to the side. Did anyone care that I was I feeling bad? Did I care?
I did not want to be disappointed and I tried to work with it and I tried to work against it. But the TRUTH continued to be magnified with signs such as no communication during a pivotal time frame, an ignored text and phone call, and the polite, “Happy New Year” text he sent. That’s it. That is the gist of it. The TRUTH amplified in the form of anxiety and I was unable to rest even with medication.
This was NOT how I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve. This was NOT how I wanted to wake up on New Year’s Day with lingering sadness and an uneasiness in my spirit. I did not want to spend the day trying to be alright. I did not want to spend the day trying to unravel and get to the core of things so I could be alright. I knew exactly what was happening. I know this is my personal year of 9 and the ending of a 9-year cycle. This is more about endings than it is about beginnings. However, the beginnings, though few, are monarch.
This year is centered around the heart. Before you can connect to the heart, you need a heart cleansing. If not, the connection will not be clean. It will be shoddy. It will be static. It will be on and off. There I was Saturday trying to connect to heart meditation without a cleansing. “Create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit” is a scripture from the Bible. This is similar to a heart chakra cleanse. Growing up Christian this scripture usually was used when sin was talked about or an evil spirit. I can’t help but to think how that only scratches the surface.
The heart can be filled with sadness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, worry, depression, confusion and the remnants of these things or debris of the past. The wrong spirit could be any of those things. It is not necessarily that of evil or sin. So, as the heart is “CLEANsed” the renewing of the spirit takes place. The alignment of spirit takes place. I also believe you have to participate in your healing. There is work involved.
What did I have to do to get to an understanding and to align my spirit? I certainly couldn’t rush the process. I wanted to feel better. QUICKLY. SO, I wanted to skip the heart cleanse and just connect to heart happy. No. 1 hour and 11 minutes into a heart chakra cleanse and typing this I “felt” some clearing. My heart space felt a little lighter. I felt some strength and some HELP coming on. Cleansing the heart can be praying, listening to the RIGHT kind of music, binaural beats, journaling, therapy, chatting with a friend, crying, laughing, etc. This is the creating of a clean heart and the refreshing of spirit. The uplifting or alignment of spirit. The conjunction “AND” means they work together.
Above is one of the frequencies of music I play low in the background as I go about my morning or day. Sometimes I lay down and listen for 20 minutes. I also pray for help and this is the guidance “I” was given. In the words of Mary, the mother of Jesus, “Do what he tells YOU to do.” Your activity may look different from mine and that is okay.
It’s the last SONday SUNday of 2021. My .99 cents, leave whatever that weighs you down, as much as you can, behind. 2022 is a PACK LIGHT JOURNEY because it’s going to be an ACTION-PACKED year. You’ve got to be able to MOVE AROUND without baggage and drama and trauma. You can work on your healing while DOING. Though, it will be tough. Put it and folks in the hands of the Creator so you can get to work on your dreams and visions. Vision boards don’t work unless you do.
Sometimes you get the surprise of your life doing the thing you always do. Sometimes you get the surprise of your life doing something different. You see, that’s the thing about GOOD surprises, you never know when they are going to show up.
Every good and perfect (mature, on time) gift comes from the Lord. -The Bible
Emotional growth moment: My recovery time for getting over endings is swifter. I appreciate that because I can get on with my life and my work sooner. It doesn’t interfere with my creativity as much. I grew to this point. It was a very, very, long road. It would take months. Sometimes years because I carried those feelings of disappointment, hurt, sadness with me. During therapy, I found out that those who are creative tend to feel things more deeply and take things more personally than others. If you add in factors of people being blamed for things growing up or being the one to carry the responsibility at a young age, it results in feeling totally responsible for things when they don’t go right. In a sense I was carrying what I call and wrote about in my other blog, false guilt. https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2021/03/22/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-carry-false-guilt/
Emotional Truth. Tell yourself the emotional truth about yourself and to the necessary person. Ask for the emotional truth to be revealed when you need it to be. And when it is revealed, accept it. Head on. I know it may hurt or be disappointing. It may even be surprising and a beautiful thing. The emotional truth is how you TRULY feel or how another person TRULY feels about you or a situation. You need to know the truth and you need to tell yourself the truth about your feelings so that you may be able to deal with them effectively.
Notes from Orange Beach: I have regrets. I regret inviting my guest.
Notes from Orange Beach: Every sunrise and sunset are different and it never gets old.
Notes from Orange Beach: Stingrays and their symbology are me. The Stingray spirit animal symbolizes maneuverability. … The Stingray meaning speaks about sensitivity, and the need to blend into your environment create peace and harmony. You don’t always need to react to situations, because sometimes it’s better to step back and not engage.
Receiving a surprise bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day felt amazing
Witnessing the death of my oldest brother was devasting and heart wrenching. At that moment what did I feel? I felt that it was over. I felt that it was his will because he was suffering tremendously. Lesson: His will, the will of the person ill, be done and not my will.
Grief can severely affect others to the point it becomes unhealthy. It becomes an obsession. It’s best to go to grief counseling if it gets to this point.
While we all experience grief in different ways, the burden is easier to carry when you understand death. We are spirits. We are not our bodies.