Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Hope Deferred For Singles

Whether you are waiting for love (for Christian women, waiting on a man to FIND you), or if you are out there actively looking for love, what happens when your hope is continuously deferred? What do you do? The Bible reads when hope is deferred (the hope of finding love, hope of love finding you, hope of maybe this will work out in this case), the heart grows sad.

To seek or not to seek, that is no longer my question. The dating pool is filled to compacity and overflowing. And it needs to be cleaned! Or maybe, one needs to get out and wash, rinse, disinfect their chakras (spirit, thoughts) sit on the side lines and sunbathe (soak up some positivity) for a while. What I am saying is, sometimes, MANY times, you need to take a break! Take yourself off the market for a while when your heart grows sad.

Deferred means what you want, desire, is delayed and not denied. It means it has not come into manifestation when you think it should have. In my case, today lol. It hard to focus on the “not denied” part when you are constantly disappointed. Therefore, I urge you to take a break. Refresh yourself. Unplug from the dating scene. Come up for air, sis! You do not want to drown in disappointments. It will make you bitter. When you start feeling that gloom and doom, that “No one wants me. I am never going to find love, or it is never going to find me”, this is the time you need to STOP. BREATHE. Shut down every avenue of dating. It is time to refocus on the truth and those thoughts are not the truth. They are feelings manifested from hope deferred.

Focus on your spirituality, your connection with the Creator. It is time to read some things that will give you HOPE again and CONFRM the truth about what it is you are hoping for. I will not say you should be working on you as a woman because men should be working on themselves, too. Which, this type of thinking is part of the problem. Women have read every book, showed up at conferences, listened to leadership harp on being a good wife. While in the meantime, boys will boys. Well, newsflash! They are no longer boys. They are grown (growing) men. And in the Bible, it says when I was a child I spoke as a child, understood as a child, thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Woosah! And I breathe. The imbalanced pressure has produced more mature women and has left the men to be boys in their thoughts and actions. This is an overall statement. I am just being truthful and honest.

Now, back to helping ALL of us. Hope may be deferred, but when that longing is fulfilled it will produce a tree of life. It will give you life. Okay, that is great but, what about that in between time BEFORE the longing is fulfilled. Well, when you run out of hope, remember to use your faith. FAITH in your High Power, FAITH that the Universe will give you what you desire. Build your hope back up with faith, affirmations, reading, praying, meditating. And do you know the biggest thing that helps me? I refocus on my dreams and goals. I give more time to my purpose and plans. I get into it. Then when I am ready, after I have had a good breather, sat on the sidelines sunbathing, I open myself back up fully to dating. I rarely shut myself all the way down. I just remove myself from the pool. There is this saying, “Get your weight up” and it means many things. But, in this situation, it means get your hope up. Get stronger. Get your weight up. Get your faith up. I just heard Jim Carey say, “Hope walks through the fire, Faith leaps over it.” Sometimes you must walk through a fire, sometimes you must leap over it. Leap over this despair and look to the hills(up) which comes your help. Look within, look beyond your despair to the truths about yourself. Maybe you have work to do on yourself, but it is not so you can find a man and be a good wife. I think good people, mature people, spiritual people make good mates period. And I hope we begin to shift that narrative in the world today. Men have some catching up to do.  

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Summery (End of Blog Series)

Artwork by Nicole Jackson This piece has been sold.

It’s hard work, but you know what? It’s the best, most rewarding, hard work you could ever do for yourself. It builds this amazing confidence and resilience. It builds this relationship with yourself that is not built on lies. It makes you better for those YOU love, those that love you and those who are yet to love you. It makes you choose peace over pain. It teaches you to be less judgmental and more mind your own business. It strengthens the law of attraction. It sets you up to receive the greater goodness of life. It teaches you to let others be as free as YOU want to be. It’s a dangerous thing to be religious without self-love. It’s a dangerous thing to be spiritual without self-love. You know why?  It creates a self-righteous stench. Self-love can illuminate your path. It can make your journey so much clearer. It can make your purpose so much clearer. Self-love is dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to accept our weaknesses and own our strengths. We have less of a need to explain away our shortcomings. We have more compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning. Self-love helps us to create a more centered life. But you must do the work that brings a gratification like no other.

~Nikki

Thank you for reading and following The Heart Epiphany Blog Post Series! This was my lecture at the first conference/gathering I hosted in March.

The Heart Epiphany Part 8: Reflect & Modify

Self-love is reflecting on your behavior and modifying it. This means you must think about why you did what you did, said what you said, and allow what you allow. You might have to get some help from a therapist to help you to help yourself. Yep. Self-love is hard work.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Happy In A Time of Trouble?

A few Sundays ago, my dad stood up to preach. He said, “What a time to be alive! It’s a good time to be alive in a time of trouble!” I immediately thought “What????” He went on to preach his message and I pondered this exclamation for the past two weeks. I called him yesterday to make sure I was on the right track as to what I thought he meant by this “being alive in a time of trouble” as a good thing.

He said “It was terrible to Esther to be alive with all that was going on. All the things that were happening to her people. It was until she understood that she indeed was appointed, anointed, for “such a time as this.” In Isaiah 61 it speaks of Jesus, being anointed with an oil of gladness, which is the Holy Spirit. We are anointed to with an oil of gladness for these troubled times. Even in my sickness, I have Parkinson’s, but it’s a good time to be alive. We are equipped to deal with the times, the trouble we are in.”

I was “near” the right track, but after speaking to him, I was on the right track. I get it. I have mild to severe Rheumatoid and Fibro, but it is still a good time to be alive. With all that is going on in the world, I am well equipped for this “such a time as this” moment (or moments as we seem to be having plenty of birth pains in the world) in history. I have the oil of gladness to endure my mission, my part, my role. And you too, are equipped with your faith, to endure, to play a role of your calling or choice, for these times of pandemics and civil unrest. In fact, I think I feel some joy about all of the changes, all of the exposure of broken health care systems, judicial systems, political uprooting, change in minds and hearts. In all of our getting ahead, getting promotions, getting things, getting of monopolies, most people and businesses are trying to get an understanding. “In all your getting, get an understanding.”

As I read Isaiah 61 I quickly realized the parallels of then and now. Amazing…

Oh and Psalms 45:7 You love righteousness, and hate wickedness: therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness above your fellows.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 7: The Imperfect You

This is my artwork. It is for sale.

Self-love is loving the imperfect you. Believe it or not, you’re not perfect. You don’t and you won’t always get it right. It’s not always easy to forgive yourself. It’s not always easy to love yourself when you are not your best self. And it’s not so much that some of us want to be perfect, we just want to get it right. Don’t forget we are human, too. Give yourself unconditional love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Give it to others. Self-love is loving the imperfect you, while you are striving to be the best you.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 5

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki, from the Heart Epiphany Lecture March 2020

 

The Heart Epiphany Part 4

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany: Part 2

 

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Photo taken and the property of Nicole Jackson

There are many definitions of self-love and many philosophies. But today I want you think of it as this: SELF LOVE IS SELF PRESERVATION. SELF LOVE IS SELF PRESERVATION. SELF LOVE IS SELF PRESERVATION.

Self-preservation is the act of protecting, looking after, and caring for your being.

You cannot shop away sadness. You cannot massage away a bitterness. You cannot eat away dysfunction. You cannot MAC make up away the tears. Baby, you have got to do your work.

Self-love is not measured by how many pair of shoes or purses you have, but how much respect you have for your heart, sou,l body, and spirit. I urge you to put some respect on your mind, heart, body, and soul. Self-love is reflected by what and who you allow in your life. Self-love shows up in how you treat other people.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Protecting Non-Traditional Space

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I’ve chosen a beautiful, peaceful, Sunday and it has chosen me. You are responsible for the energy you bring to my space (home, conversation, social media pages, inboxes), but I am responsible for removing it. Even if that means removing the source. I am responsible for setting the boundaries and enforcing them.

I believe that everything is energy. I believe you can feel it, observe it, and absorb it. If you can put it out, you can take it in. We often think of protecting spaces like our home, our office, and this invisible space around our being known as our personal space. But what about our social media spaces? What about our timelines, comment sections, inboxes, and DMs (Direct Messages)? What about the people we like, but we have a stark contrast when it comes to what’s funny, what’s moral, beliefs, ideals, etc.? Some things are just too much for me. Even if it’s too religious. Yes, if it’s too religious, too political or too dark for me, I will either remove them, snooze them, hide the post, unfollow and unfriend. I will delete what I don’t want to see or what is causing ruckus. I cannot stand bickering. I do enjoy a respectful discussion. I have control in my space. You have control in your space.

Everyone has their own stage, platform, and microphone. Your page is your venue. It’s up to you what type of crowd you want to have. Who stays and who goes. Who is muted and unmuted. It’s disrespectful for you to grab the mic on someone else’s stage when you haven’t been asked up. Even on open mic night, there is an order.

It would be nice if we THOUGHT about “how”, what energy we are bringing, when we do respond, inbox and DM. I personally bypass things I don’t agree with 98% of the time. I usually wait for a “What do you think?” or an “opinions, thoughts?” I read the comment section to see how the person is responding before I jump in. “It is better to be asked up, than to be asked down.” -Bible. If I know you personally (your energy, your personality), I know whether we can dialogue or not. By wisdom, I know there is a time and place for it, too. Rarely, is the comment section the place. An open rebuke is given by a friend (Bible) and even in that, it doesn’t necessarily mean in public. Once again, wisdom. Who, what, when, where, and how.

I don’t care if it’s outrageous to me, I have learned and I am learning to respond without a like or an angry face because you’re expressing “what’s on your mind” and I have a space for “what’s on my mind”. If I don’t have anything nice to say, I scroll on. You’re not a news outlet (That is an entirely different beast). I also don’t follow people or businesses I don’t like just to comment with negativity. That is a very low form and a waste of energy. It is also the planting of seeds I don’t want to harvest. And just like buildings that are VISIBLE to the public, not all are open for the public. Some have dress codes and rules. My social media space is public, but I decided what I tolerate and how I respond. AND YOU DO, TOO.

You log onto your social media sites with this good vibe (well those of us that are creating good energy and vibes) and it can easily be dampened when you start to scroll or you read insulting, mean spirited, brash comments to your opinion or positive post. Some have made me say silently “WTFudge? or Who asked you? I know there was not a question mark at the end of my post. I know I didn’t solicit your thoughts, opinions. You don’t know me like that.” But I just either leave what I deem ignorance blowing in the wind or I delete it. If the comment differs from my idea, it’s all about how you word it. Your delivery matters to me.

Lewd memes and videos are not my style. Being badgered with bad news, negativity, anger, political news, conspiracy theories, religious dominance, is not my vibe. I am part of several groups and thank God I can snooze them, too. I can’t hear about depression, anxiety, Rheumatoid, etc each time I log on. I have those things, battle those things, etc. and enjoy supporting others in it. I am grateful for the support of those groups. But it can be overwhelming. Certain things in my inbox and DM I don’t want to see. If I don’t hit a like or respond with a smile, yet you keep on hitting me up with it, I began to think you are a bit slow at grasping that I am not feeling it. Therefore, I am learning to say, “Please don’t send me things like this. Thanks.”  or “I’m not interested, but I will reach out to you when and if I am. Thanks.” I’m not someone’s vibe. I expect them to govern themselves accordingly. In all things, with love and peace.

~Nikki

 

 

The Heart Epiphany Series: Part 1

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The Heart Epiphany by Nicole Jackson 

Love is in each one of us. You are love and you are loved by the Most High, the Creator, God, the Universe, angels, and ancestors. Yes. I said ancestors. You are a walking living breathing temple, sanctuary, goddess, and your heart is a sacred place. Of course, the temple needs maintenance. We should take care of ourselves. Spa days, manicures and pedicures, the beauty shop, deep tissue massages, and “me times” are wonderful. Traveling the globe, a girl’s night out, and going on shopping sprees are fun. We should be able to do these things without being attached to a mate or friend. This is self-care and self-care is a part of SELF LOVE. Self-care is more like the maintenance of the outward appearance. But SELF LOVE is the inward maintenance. Self-love is an inside job.  “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself, that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.”-Psychology Today, Dr. Deborah Khoshaba.  And while self-care does make us feel good at the time that it is happening, SELF-LOVE can make us feel good about who we are as a person for a lifetime. “If self-care is a sparkler then self-love is an eternal flame.”-Nicole Jackson

~Nikki