Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Struggle Faith

You know that unwavering faith? Yeah, I don’t really have that ALL the time. However, I do have it in “certain” areas. You may wonder why don’t I have that type of faith ALL the time in ALL areas. You know, like you. Well, I have seen God work as far as finances in my life over and over again. I can be certain that it will work itself out and I have learned that I also have responsibility in that area as well. I know that God is a healer and that God’s grace is sufficient where a thorn may be. I know that God will protect me. I have been protected and delivered from many situations.

My faith WAVERS in the area of love and relationships. I have not seen God faithful in my life, in this area. Now, let me clarify. I have seen God REMOVE. I have been responsible to remove. I have yet to see love arrive in the form of my mate, my soul mate, my twin flame. So, pardon me if I am a little “iffy” and doubtful for I have been toiling for years (Toiling is something they say in the olden church days and I recall hearing that as a child). It means you have been laboring heavily. For a long time and sometimes without harvest. This is how I feel. Some years nothing. Other times weeds. Quite a bit, looks like harvest, just a new weed. All the time, I am sowing GOOD SEEDS in the wrong ground it turns out. Well, I sow those same seeds in my own ground so why haven’t they manifested outside of me? I don’t know. Other than the classic answer, “My dear child, it’s not your time.” Head down or side eye?

Well, how long is the line before my time? I’ve missed the window to have more children. I’d at least like to be able to travel and enjoy the rest of these years with someone worthy of my presence and presents of love and loyalty. Hold on…tides coming in.

~Nikki

Relationship Confetti: Working Through Brokenness

Imagine cruising and all the lights are green. Your hair, if you have any, blowing in the wind. It’s a sunny and mild type of day. And then, all of sudden, out of the blue you are blindsided. Your car is slammed and spinning out of control with you in it. It stops and you are in complete shock and disoriented.

I got my heart broke last week and this is exactly how I felt and I am still feeling it. I haven’t been hurt like that in so long I didn’t know what hit me. I have to pause writing this because the break is deep and it hurts like hell. I know that in time I will heal. I mean, I have been here before. However, it’s unpleasant this healing process. I have grown in so many ways because instead of it having me down for weeks or days, I have learned to press and push through. Even if I have to cry while doing it. Crying is cleansing and if the hurt is deep it has to be cleansed in this manner to wash away the pain.

I get up. I work. i create. I parent. I inspire. I keep it real. I keep it honest. I reveal what I want to the masses and the rest stays between me and my Creator.

I’ve also grown in this way: I know who I am. I know my character, values, morals, so much so that I WILL NOT spend too much time, IF any at all trying to prove a thought or judgement wrong about me or trying to dispel a falsehood. This is GROWTH for me. I won’t even do this with the people I love. I’ve got friends, family, and even exes that will vouch for me but, if a person has made up their ragged mind, it’s nothing I (you) can do about it. Except, move on. See link below…

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Mountains Behind Mountains

Me: Wow, God. There are mountains behind the mountains and in front of the mountains. I couldn’t see that on the first day even when there weren’t as many clouds.

God: And you can see even more mountains when it’s a clear and sunny day.

Me: They are beautiful. Majestic.

God: Yes. Your life is.

Me: You’re trying to show me and tell me something.

God within: Right & Write. Mountains Behind Mountains. What’s Your Range of Mountains? Mountains made beautiful. Mountains reflect the “Sun” and the “Son”. What you’ve been through. What you’ve learned. They are your pain and sorrow but ALSO your victory and your hopes for tomorrow. Some lower. Some higher. Some wider. Some smooth. Some rockier than others. I’ll hide your other mountains to get you to focus on a particular mountain. I’ll lift clouds a little to remind you that you can persevere. I’ll let you see the mountains on a wet and cold day to remind you that if it weren’t for the mountains, you’d be much colder. I know just how much to reveal. I’ll show you on a bright, clear sky day, all that you’ve made it through thus far in this life time and make those mountains reflect your greatness. Your strength. Your power. Your glory. Your dignity. Your reign. Your divinity. Your dominion. How you rose up from beneath the foundation through turmoil and stood mightily. Over and over and over, again and again.

Breathe.


~Nikki

October’s Energy: Experience LIFE

October’s energy is calling for you to experience every morsel of life. Put your phone down and your devices away and experience life by ENGAGING in conversations without distractions. Engage the people in your space. LOOK at them. ADMIRE their beauty, intellect, smile, and laughter. Have dinner with someone and enjoy the flow of chatter and silence without having to fill that silence with you picking up the phone to “hop on social media right quick.”

EXPERIENCE nature and observe it. Take it all in. EXPERIENCE your walk in the park or the neighborhood. WAVE to people. SMILE at people. NOTICE what has changed in nature or your environment. What smells waft through the air? What insects or animals do you see? Have the leaves changed? Jump in a pile of leaves. Yes. Even at your age remain playful always!

Experience life by, brace yourself, TRYING SOMETHING NEW! Yes, try the new restaurant. Yes, try something different on the menu. Shock your mate lol! Yes, drive a different way to work. Walk at a new park. Try a new thing like baking or try your hand at keeping a plant alive. Take an online course about something! TRY! TRYING brings about new experiences that birth ideas, new likes or confirmed dislikes, and experience! You never know unless you…try.

October invites SPONTENEITY. Change it up. Change it all up. Change a few things around. You don’t always have to nail down every detail. Call up a few friends for a zoom cocktail party. Invite a few over practicing social distancing and Covid 19 practices. Set up your area such as chairs around a fire pit or outdoor setting. You can set up the inside depending on how comfortable YOU are with this and how well you know your FRIENDS. Do something spontaneous with your mate. Buy flowers for no reason. Bring home their favorite dessert. Bribe yourself to listen to an opera or to watch the romantic movie they love so much but, have seen 100 times. You can make it a night with movie snacks or healthy snacks. You can make it like a picnic. How about an indoor movie night picnic?! How about a real picnic in the park?

Yes…October is calling for you to EXPERIENCE LIFE!

~Nikki

October’s Energy: PLANNING and PRIORITIZING

October is a time to plan and prioritize. If you are running on fumes, disorganized, and frazzled this may be the time to STOP, MAKE the time and get yourself together. I understand “organized chaos” but, do you understand the universe’s response to it? More chaos. What’s still on the table to be accomplished by the end of the year or what needs to be moved to next year? It’s time to stop “thinking” about a thing and time to start “planning and prioritizing” to make it happen.

October’s energy, vibe, season is to review and revise. What has worked for you and what has not this year? What do you want to end and what do you want to continue for next year? And I am speaking from careers to relationships and your health habits. Speaking of health habits, you do know this is flu season. So, whatever precautions you take please take them and more. Do all that you can do nutritionally and physically because we have Covid 19 in the midst. Remember: CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS.

I’m looking at my side hustle. I am thinking about what I really want for my future financially. Please don’t worry about your age because it’s never too late to do better! It’s past time for the “I want and I wish” era and I am moving into action plans. I am doing it with fear (talked about that in yesterday’s blog), I am doing it with anxiety, and I am doing it in spite of. I am willing to make mistakes and to learn from them immediately.

I am accessing my spiritual journey. Where do I go from here? Prayer and meditation helps me to see if what I desire is in synch with my Higher Self and my God. How I FEEL when I think about doing these things guide me. Do I feel freedom and joy or do I feel bound and misery. I also have to do this with the same fear of being rejected by own religion and leaders of that community.

These are just a few things scattered across my table as I organize and prioritize life in general. I have also looked at what did not serve me or work for me this year. It did not serve my sanity and peace of mind to stay on board at church. It may have served the church itself, it may have benefited the leader, but it did not serve my mind and spirit. There were a few really good highlight reels of accomplishments and I will hold on to that. I will gather the lessons and apply it as needed.

Romantic relationships started off my year as HUGE DISASTERS! Needless to say I was shell shocked for some months. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone for a while. So, where does that leave me now? Where are relationships on my planning and prioritizing? I’ve done well getting over 90% of that. I am apprehensive about others in my emotional space and I have to: 1. Understand that’s normal after what happened. 2. Don’t let it cloud the possibilities. Prioritize my mental health and emotional well-being has been the continued work in this area.

What’s on your agenda? Talk to me. ❤

~Nikki

https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2020/10/06/october-energy-face-your-fears/

October Energy: Face Your Fears

If I say “prophetic” your ears perk up or this is the “season” you get excited. So put that where I say “energy”. October’s energy brings to us a time to FACE OUR FEARS. Whatever it is you need to do (whatever it is Yeshua tells you to do, do it) DO IT with BOLDNESS and do it in spite the fear you may feel. When you run towards fear it runs away. It gets out the way. Courage is built by continuously trying and succeeding. There is no failure. Only LESSONS. -Nikki, fluid in tradition, non-denomination, spirit, dreams, the deep (deep meaning God and I on something else), loving people that don’t believe what I believe without shade.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: October, is that YOU?

October, is that you? Wow, I thought with all that was going on in 2020 you might not make it! Or maybe, show up looking spring and smelling like winter. You know these are crazy times we are living in said by every generation at some point or every decade. In 2020, every day or so. So, what does October bring? What can we do with our October that will help us every day?

Side Note: This has nothing to do with this blog post but, have you set your October goals? Okay. Now back to what can help us each day in October.

October brings to us a 5 energy when added to the 4 energy of 2020 (If you are like what?!!! Don’t worry about it. Just eat the fish and spit out the bones. In other words, grab what works for you and the leave the rest). There would be much to sift through but, I pulled some major highlights,

  1. Face your fears this month. Face your fear EVERYDAY this month. DEAL. Do it anyway type of energy. In spite of doubt, naysayers, do it. TRY IT. TRY it again. Try it another way. Try.
  2. This is a crossroads type of month. What do you want to do with the rest of the year? What needs to change? Job? Career? Relationships? Mindset? You? Location?
  3. October is all about PLANNING and PRIORITIZING. Without planning and prioritizing you create chaos and chaos is stressful! Change is going to happen so you may as well be as prepared as one can be.
  4. Prepare for 2021. What?! Yes. NOW is the time to think about 2021 and the direction you want it to go.

I enjoyed my sabbatical last month. I will eventually write about some of the things I observed this month. I hope OCTOBER brings you a harvest of good, plenty, and peace.

~NIKKI

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Life Building Blocks

When I was younger (because I am still young!), I use to abhor hearing the words, “It’s going to be alright or okay.” Why? It wasn’t comforting to me at those stages of my life. For one, I couldn’t see how. For example, how could being talked about, made fun of, and being bullied ever be okay if I had to go back to school the next day? I couldn’t imagine how things could possibly get better if I had to go to school until I was 18 and people would do this to me in the 2nd grade! I had a long way to go I thought. I had no understanding, perception of HOW! It’s going to be okay.

I couldn’t get past what I was feeling easily. As a child, teen, young adult I was feeling things I hadn’t felt before or something entirely new. A heartbreak. A heartache. A death. A disappointment. Are these things going to keep happening? I feel deeply many things. Maybe your feelings go 2 inches into the heart but, mine probably go 10 inches in. You’re not thinking about the clerk that got an attitude with you by the time you get home. I am still thinking about it the next day. Don’t tell me it’s going to be okay, tell me you know how it feels. It’s going to be alright.

I couldn’t see how because I had not lived long enough yet to gain the many more or similar experiences that would surely come. Many even greater than a junior high school crush breaking your heart and many NEW ones that would knock me off my feet or onto my knees. I had not lived long enough yet to LIVE through these things. AND it would take many more years to understand that just having more experiences without gaining understanding of self and others is the reason many still don’t understand or like hearing, “It will be okay.”

Life building blocks such as faith, trust, understanding, knowledge of self, others, and your beliefs come through living and experiencing life. I did not truly know it was going to be okay until I lived through it by days, months, and years. I did not know that it was going to be alright, until I was in fact, alright. I guess, when I now see others going through things and I am the one that has to comfort or lift up, I try to at first acknowledge their bewilderment of how and why and feelings.

When talking to those who have been through so much and so many things over and over, I try to help them to see the knowledge gain, the insight of self and others, to help them shape their hurt into healing and their knowledge into wisdom and their wisdom into stepping stones or rocks to lean on in the future because there is more to come. If we live this life haphazardly, in the shadows of others, or with defining and redefining it for ourselves, we will never gain some stability. One of the many ways we learn is by repetition, here a little, there a little, and situation after situation. We even learn by the mistakes and mishaps of others if we so choose.

These building blocks of life are already in us when we arrive in this earth. We come into awareness of them and then we use them to build our lives. Therefore, offering us the stability we so much need in a volatile environment.

~Nikki

“Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk and drawn from the breasts.

10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little.”

Isaiah 28:9-10

Hello September Day 2 of Vacation

WHY?

Why did I decide to take a month long vacation? And no, it’s not a vacation it’s to one of my dream locations like Costa Rica. It’s not a paid vacation. It’s not a vacation away from my city. It’s not even a stay-cation. It’s time away from church. Church. Not God. Church.

I was being pulled into, sucked into, staying on board when I really wanted to leave. I knew my time was up. But, because I felt “sorry” for the person I stayed on. They are in over their head because they are in a position they forced their way into. I need to finish this year strong and I can’t do that when I am in a place and space I don’t belong. Plus, it’s stressful and I don’t enjoy the atmosphere.

WHAT?

What do I plan to do? Well, because I understand numbers and I have relationship with my Creator, I have a clue as to what needs to be done for me personally. Yet, I stay flexible for directions and shifts.

Collectively this is a time for turning limitations into strengths. This is a time for getting systems (immune systems, financial systems, spiritual systems (ding ding ding), legal systems) and the (further) expansion of mind. And much more. If you want a Biblical reference (some of you are like, “No, I don’t” 😀 ) Then the passage I was given was Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. So, we are talking fluff or fu-fu. We are talking energy, time, sign of the times, things in the sky that God put there. But, that’s another in depth study you can do on your own. P.S. We are entering into a season of flu virus and Covid hasn’t disappeared so really hone in on boosting/helping your immune system out and body by eating properly and physical activity. Operate in wisdom.

Personally, this time for me (based on my life path number, other numbers, coupled with a relationship with my God) is about introspection and assessing the self knowledge I have gained thus far this year. It’s about looking at where I am and what changes I need to make or table. It’s about preparation for next year. Yes, next year. It’s also a time for me to see if there is anything I can celebrate. I feel behind because I have been caught up in church business and not my Father’s business for my life.

With that being said, I need not beat myself up, go into depression, or increase my anxiety. Of course, that will be a battle of the mind and emotions. I have to ground myself constantly. It is what it is BUT, all is not lost or wasted. It’s time for what I KNOW to become WHO I AM. It’s as a great modern day philosopher, teacher, Moojiji says, “It’s where knowledge becomes not what you know but, what you do, how you are, being.” You can know scriptures, quotes, texts, and spew them. You can know right from wrong. You can know what you “should” do. But if what you know doesn’t become WHO you are and WHAT you do, if it doesn’t become more than knowledge, you will never become all that you already are.

~Nikki

God has made everything beautiful in it’s own time.

Hello September: Day 1 of Vacation

Hello September. Our day one of my month long vacation started strangely. The energy in my home this morning seemed “sticky” and “stuffy” and “stale”. I could not seem to get up. As I dozed off again into a dream like state, I felt a really hard push. I opened my eyes and lay there startled! I rolled over but no one was there. I said aloud, “Well, that was rather rude.” Of course I will do research on that later. I got up and got myself together but, still not feeling together. Groggy and foggy I remembered, “Oh, I had some pain last night and tossed a bit through the night and early morning.” I also went to bed very late.

As I did my morning routine, I tried to find peace. Finally, I decided the energy in the home and around me, within me needed to be cleared. I put on a binary beats negative energy cleansing from YouTube. As soon as I did, I heard the buzzing of chain saws. The trees in my backyard were being trimmed. They are still at it. I lit sage and after it burned out down stairs, I lit it for upstairs. I received three phone calls from one person today that did not help the energy about me. However, after that last call, I was able to recenter, and find my peace.

As I was researching, I came across one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Sadhguru. I watched the video which I will leave below. What stood out to me, the lesson MY DAY 1 of Vacation:

PEACE SHOULD NEVER BE THE GOAL IN LIFE. PEACE SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR LIFE.

I never intended to blog today or to take you on this September Vacation, yet here we are. It was when I turned 30 I made the statement that “A peace of mind is everything to me.” It has taken me over 10 years to prove it. However, I realize today two things: If I would have known that peace should have been a requirement for life, I may have not taken so long to prove it to myself. Two, I must require it not just for relationships but, for the sustainability of my life. For my goals. For my dreams. For my health. For my wealth. The rest of my days. In all I do. Not in a crazy, obsessive, demanding way but, in the same manner I breathe air. Naturally.

Peace should be a requirement, not a goal.

~Nikki

Pathway in the autumn forest