I’ve been musing this week about meeting a guy that is on my level. When you hear, “on my level” do you think of someone that thinks they are better than others? Smarter? More financially stable? More spiritual or intellectual? I think of all of those things. I don’t think I am more of anything in a way that makes me “better” than someone else but, I do think I want someone that I don’t have to “carry” when it comes to maturity.
I think you do need someone that you can “vibe” with on different levels. It exhausts me if I don’t match up with a guy intellectually or spiritually. We don’t have to be on the same level but in the same flow. How about reading from the same book? I could take that. In order to be in a relationship with someone you have to be able to match in areas that are important to both of you.
I’ve had too many unbalanced, out of synch relationships and I am not accepting applications for more. Yet, I seem to attract people that are where I have already been and it feels like a weight. I would have to slow my pace to be with them and I don’t want to do that. I’m on a roll here lol! It would be great if they could pick up the pace instead.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to practice patience and perhaps, while on my journey I will meet someone going the same way.
One of the major keys to dealing with anxiety and depression is to get ahold of it before it spirals out of control. But exactly how is that done? Also, having a plan for when it does spiral out of control is necessary to expedite your recovery to mental and emotional stability. Therapy, scriptures, and affirmations are three major tools that have helped me. Also, having someone you trust when you can’t talk to your therapist and having a SOURCE, which I call God/Creator/Divine/Source when you have no one to talk to is major. For me, Source is always available but, I know there are things I can do on my own to help myself. And this is encouraged by Source.
I think you should really get to know who you are and how things affect you. The only way to do that is to be totally honest with yourself. I am sensitive as I found most creative people are. It allows us to channel our emotions into what we are creating. I have a tendency to take things more personally, overthink, and overanalyze. I have learned how to back out of those things and become an observer for the most part. I also know that it takes me time to move past things. Over the years it has become easier to move past things. I think that comes with wisdom and not age.
Here are some of the things I do to help me to get ahold of anxiety and depression:
I acknowledge what I am feeling and then I ask myself why I am feeling it. What happened? Who said it? Consider the source from which it came from and are they credible? No one is more credible than God for me. If it’s coming from a person I don’t know, a person that is negative, a person that doesn’t like me, why would I feed into their opinion? Exactly. Unless, deep down inside I feel that way about myself and I am honest if I do! If they say, “You are ugly” and lately I have been ripping myself apart I’m going to feel bad. BUT YOU have the power to change what you feel by changing what you think and speak.
I use affirmations for anxiety and depression. If I feel afraid to sleep, I say to myself over and over, I am safe in my body. I am safe in my home.
I use scripture pertaining to whatever I am feeling or scriptures to contrary. If I feel weak, I say I am strong. If I feel afraid, I say God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power and love.
I say, “Oh. I am feeling some anxiety today. I can fold my clothes. I can do some work as I work through this. I can do some exercise.”
If I have persistent thoughts or episodes, I make an appointment with my therapist (currently searching for a new one).
I talk to a friend I trust.
I cry. Crying is a release.
I pamper myself. I take hot showers. I oil and lotion up. I give myself a pedi/mani or go get one. I soak in a lavender Epsom salt and pink Himalayan salt mix. I schedule a massage session.
I go to my bathroom and read my yearly marching orders or my affirmations to reset my brain.
Now, what about when anxiety is CODE RED or depression is CODE BLUE!
My plan is to shut things down for a day or two this can include social media and putting phone calls on hold.
I call my therapist.
I rely on all the things above.
I immerse myself in Netflix, a blanket, and the couch.
I allow myself to sleep.
I lose myself in a hobby.
BUT the maximum I give myself is TWO DAYS and then I MUST come out of it. Anything longer than that can set me up for darker and deeper holes that are difficult and require help to come out of. I come out of it by pushing, forcing, and dragging myself to get back to a routine. A little at a time. And during this time, I make sure personal hygiene stays on top. If you don’t wash your face, brush your teeth, change clothes, shower, YOU WILL FEEL EVEN MORE LIKE CRAP. People tend to let themselves go in bouts of anxiety and deep dark times of depression.
During this time, I stay hydrated. I do allow myself some treats but I also make sure I eat as healthily as possible. Too much sugar or salt will make you feel worse. I add one of those packs of Vitamin C to my water. I sit on the porch. I go for a walk. I do 10 minutes of yoga if I don’t feel like doing 30. I do tai chi because it is slow movement. I may just stretch every two hours.
I hope this helps someone. Recently in Memphis, this week, we went through so many tragedies many of us are feeling things we can’t explain and some of us know exactly what we are feeling.
It’s important to know when you need space and to take it. You need to know when you’ve reached your limits. You need to recognize when your cup is empty and you need a refill. And sometimes that refill is for you and only you.
I need space. I want to relinquish my roles, responsibilities, and titles. I don’t want to answer anyone about anything. “I don’t know and I don’t care.” I would love to say that. “Figure it out yourself or get someone else” sounds good, too. I’d like to tell the inconsiderate people to buzz off. Buzz is not the word I want to use. Yes. I need space.
I need space before I have a meltdown, a blow up. I need space before I have some sort of physical malfunction. I need space before I become totally depressed. I need space. I need space. I need space.
I need to be called, ma’am or Queen. I need to be told, “Our pleasure” and not by Chick-fil-A. I need room service. I need spa services. I “DARN” sure need to be chauffeured everywhere. I need a live band. I need turn down services. I need to be asked, “Is there anything else we can do for you?”. I need the arts. I need to be prayed over in an ancestorial spiritual kind of way. And when I return, I return with bolder boundaries, consequences, rules, and regulations about how NICOLE will be treated from here on out.
I need space and I am going to take it. I am going to take it in a grand way.
It’s the late, late, late edition! I took the week off because it was one of the most activity/ to-do lists, filled weeks of this month. I made time each evening for myself as one thing that was non-negotiable on the list. I made an exception only if I felt up to staying up late to work one night and I did because I had so much energy (which rarely happens) to burn.
I spoke at my home church this Sunday and the message was STRENGTHEN WHAT REMAINS (Revelations 3:1-2). I will post some keynotes Wednesday and Thursday. The only thing I mused about Sunday was how to make September a month in which I can replenish my spirit, body, and soul. I am not rushing this month away but, I am ready to do much less. I am over Women’s Month at church this month and I know, in my spirit, I should have said no!
Why? Because you can’t keep rescuing people or they will never learn to help themselves. I regretted the moment I said yes. I knew I was out of order. I started to dread the whole thing. I felt a low mood and anxious mood creeping in. I felt overwhelm-ness coming in like a dark cloud. I thought, “I’m just going to do the bare minimum. I’m going to keep it simple. I just want to get it over with.” But God was like, “You can’t do that. You have to give it your very best. You have to work as if you are working for me because you are. Although, you are out of line.” So, I asked God to help me, to give me strength. I also asked for and received forgiveness.
Later, I asked myself what could I do not to become overwhelmed and stressed this month. I knew the “energies” of the month. I wrote this down:
Go to be on time
Shower and soak as often as you need to
Take a sedative if you need to
No food after 8:30 pm
Limit your social media using the well-being app and no social media after 9pm
Enforce boundaries with everyone
Come to a stop with your work and wind down
Throw in some fun even if it’s limited
Women’s Month went from basic to me doing it the way I tend to do things I’m over and that is with excellence. Not perfection, although I can be a bit of a perfectionist, but excellence. Well, at least I will try! So far, things have worked out.
On the 1st Sunday we had a guest speaker.
2nd Sunday we had a tribute to strong women from the history of the church
On the 3rd Sunday we will have a skit on mental health and therapist to speak on mental health and the black community
4th Sunday we will have female Saxophonist to bless us with song
Dressed in Strength is the theme from Proverbs 31:16-17.
I have blabbed enough tonight. I hope you rest well or enjoy your day depending on when you are reading this!
Yes you can. Right now is the optimal time for a reset. This is a tidy up time. Pause for the cause. Take a moment to reset your mind. Shut down social media. Mental health day me please. Weekend getaway/stay-cation. Take a break from your projects and focus on you or your space.
Look around. Tidy up or deep clean. Look at you. Spa day? Massage? Pedicure and manicure or a facial needed? Do that. Do it yourself. New hair color. New hair cut. A hair cut or trim. Body scrub. A soak in the tub. Run away. Come back the next day.
Oh! Oh! Check your finances. Reign it in. Do the books. Find the receipts. Take some time to plan your week. Reset some goals. Readjust or cancel some things. Add some things. It’s up to you.
Take the time to reset so you can finish the summer strong.
Protecting your peace helps to maintain self-love. You want to keep a peaceful environment as much as you can wherever you are. Yes, at home and at work. You want peaceful relationships as much as possible. Having peace in your life helps maintain self-love.
Get rid of anything and one that is toxic. I know the word is overused these days but, if it’s not good for you and to you, you don’t need it. This could be hoarding in your home. This could be a bad habit. This could the obvious, such as friendships and family-ships. Can you get rid of family? Probably not. But you can keep your distance and set those boundaries we talked about.
Cleanse your space. Clean up. Clean up your space at home and your office or desk space.
Cultivate love wherever you are. Cultivate a loving environment at home. Take love with you to work and to the grocery store. Be compassionate and kind to those you come into contact with. Be patient.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.