My 2020 Recap

I admit I have had my 2020 bashing fits. Who hasn’t? And in the last post I was inspired to talk about what one has birthed in 2020 to focus on and not so much as what one has buried. Challenging I am sure.

In this post I want to highlight my growth and share my favorite moments of 2020. I choose to remember the life and light of two dear people lives that have transformed from their physical bodies to their spiritual bodies. They changed clothes in a sense from the seen to the unseen. One is engraved in my memory as a childhood brother and the first best friend of my brother. The other is engraved in my mind as the one my brother trusted and bonded with as second best friend, a brother, in the beginning of his law enforcement career. A soul that was his ace and knowing my brother had a good friend he could trust and count on made me happy. I remember life, love, and brotherhood.

My Growth

I grew spiritually. Every morning for about 40 weeks of this year my daughter and I have had breakfast each morning listening to Iyanla Vanzant’s Viral Messages Live on YouTube or Facebook Live. It blessed, uprooted, confirmed, and expanded my soul. I am forever changed into more of who I truly am on this spiritual journey. It also deepened the bond between mother and daughter as we shared breakfast, thoughts, and notes. I watched my daughter have her AH HA moments. I also took a leap of faith and had my first one day conference for women. It took courage because i deviated from the tradition of Christianity, Church, and Denomination and went with the flow in which I was created to go. It was so freeing and terrifying at the same time!

I am growing as a parent. My parenting style is changing and evolving. It has been a challenge and a rocky journey. I often have to deal with my own insecurities that produce anxiety and depression. I battle fiercely to not only keep my head above water but, to be on the boat and navigating the ship (my mind).

I grew as a micro business owner. I attempted to take free online classes. Due to my illness, I now have difficulty learning. What I did retain by writing down, I used when I created a website and marketed my business. I hope to have more funding to promote it and to expand it. I hope to make it a LLC. I took a risk with a virtual vending opportunity. I learned that I do better vending in person but, I did gain some exposure. I also broke slightly over even. I am grateful for that.

I grew mentally (matured) in my way of thinking and dealing with losses or disconnections. Four times this year I thought I had a suitable mate. However, each one disconnected for various reasons and the last one is the one that really got to me. I see it as the Universe, God, telling me that this was NOT the year to make those kinds of connections. It was not the time. The greatest lesson from the last one was to learn to let love go for a greater love. Let what is leaving, leave. Let what has been planted grow and manifest.

I grew healthier by learning how to control by diabetes better. After taking a 3 day diabetes class it changed my entire perspective on managing it. I learned that I can eat just about anything but, it all comes down to carbs and portion control. My A1C went from 13. 8? to 6.2. I still have work to do. However, it was a victory to me!

I sure hope our ride for 2021 is an actual ride versus the train wreck this one has been. However, it has brought to us the BIGGEST lessons and HOPE the majority of us SEE them. I hope we EMBRACE the lessons and APPLY them to our lives from here on out.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Setbacks & Perseverance & Birth

It seems as though this week, this year has been filled with setbacks. Individual setbacks and when you look at it, setbacks across the nations. It seems as if we take a step forward and two steps back. It’s a push against some invisible force. It’s what I talked to you about in the beginning of the year. It’s the tearing down and building up. What’s it going to take to clear the debris of this year, or the last four years for some, is perseverance.

Perseverance

noun

  1. persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

I know you must rest. You must rest and get adequate rest in order to clear the debris. This is hardcore labor. This is blood, sweat, and tears, It’s ugly and you can’t be cute or handsome with this. You are going to need some perseverance. You need determination. Make up your mind and set your face like flint. This means: Whatever comes your way, don’t change your mind about the outcome. Don’t change your mind about the business. Don’t change your mind about education. Don’t change your mind about your goals and dreams. Set your face like flint. Get it done in the face of the harsh winds that may blow.

I was worried about my big birthday plans. I was worried about not being able to travel. I was worried about my business and not making money. I was worried about not being able to gather with friends. I HAD PLANS! BUT…

Thank God, I knew how to adapt. I knew how to adjust. I knew how to accept. IT WAS HARD. BUT I DID IT. YOU DID IT. AND NOW IT’S TIME TO REMOVE THE DEBRIS. I also learned what and who was really important in my “plans”.

I found out who I was this year. I found out who others weren’t. I found out what I was made of and I found out what I wasn’t. And now it’s time to clear out the debris. It’s time to wash away the losses and look at what has been born. What did you birth? What came out of this? What can you do with what’s left and what can be toss? What can you clear out?

Make way for the new. Take off the sackcloth and get on with your “it” in a NEW and PROFOUND way.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: WTFULL MOON?

Mug Rugs from theconfettishopbynikki.com

Spiritual Wisdom
9Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 10But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of man except his own spirit within him? So too, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.… (Reference: Bible Hub)

As I scrolled my social media, it seemed that this week everyone was having some type of turmoil or upheaving in their lives. I wasn’t spared this week either. I know and I understand the signs in the sky. But, that doesn’t make what you and I are going through any less tumultuous. It does, however, give you wisdom, power, and insight. Knowing is half the battle and the other half is application of the knowledge.

The effects of nature on the human body, mental and emotional are REAL. Why do you think a brisk walk or a stroll helps the mind while benefiting the body? Why do some feel better as the sun rise or some feel worse as the night comes? It’s all connected in melatonin and water and more. I believe. God didn’t, in my humble opinion, create nature for our viewing pleasure only. The moon, the sky, the sun, the stars, the planets, etc. aren’t just there for the sustainability of mankind only. There is a reason to the movement.

I hope you’re not out there howling during full moons (lol) or turning into werewolves. I do hope you take the time to understand the “signs of the times” that are not related to the end of the world or religious propaganda. What about the signs of the times in your life? What the FULL MOON and WANING GIBBOUS is going on here?

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: A Clean Slate

Photo of the Mississippi River and Sun by Nicole Jackson

Now is the time to empty yourself of all of the negative energy, trauma, and drama. Why? Because Winter really is coming. The Winter Solstice, or the First Day of Winter is December 21. In order for us to have winter, the Earth and the Sun must shift and we should follow suit. These are the signs in the sky the Bible and other books speak about. Often times in Christianity we ignore these things although, the Bible speaks of and suggests we pay attention and seek the deeper things of God.

It will be a time, on that day, we will experience the longest period of darkness and the shortest period of light. Now is the time to understand and to sit with your own darkness. None of us are all light. We have parts of us that need work, that we hide from others (or think we do) and ways that manifest itself in public. I’m talking about our ugly and our weaknesses. These things are like our shadows that follow us around even in the light and seem to disappear into the dark. They disappear as we ignore them or we push them down into the subconscious. We pretend we don’t see them or it’s not there or make excuses.

It is time to sit with your darkness because when the light comes, the season changes, and it will be time to move forward WITHOUT all of the baggage from the dark. It will be time to do a new thing and to have a CLEAN SLATE all the way around, in every area. So what good will it do for you if you drag your baggage of darkness with you onto a clean slate? It will do you NO GOOD! It’s time to do some shadow work.

The ENERGY if winter is about going within. Are you ready to go within and to do the work? Are you ready to face your darkness, understand it, so that you can walk in the fullness and greatness of who you are? Understand your sadness, anger, meanness, uncomfortable feelings about yourself and others. Face the residual emotions of the divorce, failed relationships. Explore your connection between your behaviors, reactions, in connection with your childhood. Go within. Don’t worry about what THEY are doing or what THEY did. This is your path through darkness into the light that awaits us. Call it enlightenment or a spiritual awakening but, neither one can happen with darkness. Welcome the dark (the unknown, the knowing it’s not right, the negative feelings, emotions, and behaviors. The ignorance (not knowing). Bring it on fear! Get ready to work! It’s the way to light.

I’ll share with you one of my shadows I want to address. It is the one that gravitates towards the emotionally unavailable (sometimes emotionally unstable) relationships. I have been shrinking this shadow for years. But now I want to get rid of it for good! It’s not as dominant as it use to be. It use to hold on to the pain and suffering those relationships offered. It mimicked the pain in suffering of childhood. While I now seem to be able to avoid and detect these traits, I am still appalled at the fact that I still attract these people. So the work is what is it in me that is leftover. What are residual thoughts and emotions I need to address and heal?

SO there. I let you in on one of my shadows. It took courage. It took vulnerability. You can’t have success without either one.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Struggle Faith

You know that unwavering faith? Yeah, I don’t really have that ALL the time. However, I do have it in “certain” areas. You may wonder why don’t I have that type of faith ALL the time in ALL areas. You know, like you. Well, I have seen God work as far as finances in my life over and over again. I can be certain that it will work itself out and I have learned that I also have responsibility in that area as well. I know that God is a healer and that God’s grace is sufficient where a thorn may be. I know that God will protect me. I have been protected and delivered from many situations.

My faith WAVERS in the area of love and relationships. I have not seen God faithful in my life, in this area. Now, let me clarify. I have seen God REMOVE. I have been responsible to remove. I have yet to see love arrive in the form of my mate, my soul mate, my twin flame. So, pardon me if I am a little “iffy” and doubtful for I have been toiling for years (Toiling is something they say in the olden church days and I recall hearing that as a child). It means you have been laboring heavily. For a long time and sometimes without harvest. This is how I feel. Some years nothing. Other times weeds. Quite a bit, looks like harvest, just a new weed. All the time, I am sowing GOOD SEEDS in the wrong ground it turns out. Well, I sow those same seeds in my own ground so why haven’t they manifested outside of me? I don’t know. Other than the classic answer, “My dear child, it’s not your time.” Head down or side eye?

Well, how long is the line before my time? I’ve missed the window to have more children. I’d at least like to be able to travel and enjoy the rest of these years with someone worthy of my presence and presents of love and loyalty. Hold on…tides coming in.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Mountains Behind Mountains

Me: Wow, God. There are mountains behind the mountains and in front of the mountains. I couldn’t see that on the first day even when there weren’t as many clouds.

God: And you can see even more mountains when it’s a clear and sunny day.

Me: They are beautiful. Majestic.

God: Yes. Your life is.

Me: You’re trying to show me and tell me something.

God within: Right & Write. Mountains Behind Mountains. What’s Your Range of Mountains? Mountains made beautiful. Mountains reflect the “Sun” and the “Son”. What you’ve been through. What you’ve learned. They are your pain and sorrow but ALSO your victory and your hopes for tomorrow. Some lower. Some higher. Some wider. Some smooth. Some rockier than others. I’ll hide your other mountains to get you to focus on a particular mountain. I’ll lift clouds a little to remind you that you can persevere. I’ll let you see the mountains on a wet and cold day to remind you that if it weren’t for the mountains, you’d be much colder. I know just how much to reveal. I’ll show you on a bright, clear sky day, all that you’ve made it through thus far in this life time and make those mountains reflect your greatness. Your strength. Your power. Your glory. Your dignity. Your reign. Your divinity. Your dominion. How you rose up from beneath the foundation through turmoil and stood mightily. Over and over and over, again and again.

Breathe.


~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Peace & Protection

In my country, it’s election month. But in actuality it’s been election year 24 hours and 7 days a week. I wish there were no political ads or news on Saturdays and Sundays on any outlet. This is the fourth very important presidential election I have lived through along with a pandemic. There have been times I have “hated it here” and by here I don’t mean the country. I mean the “atmosphere” of hatred. The stench of lies and putrefied pride of many. I have been stumped at the ignorance and outright stupidity of people that otherwise, have an education and the ability to research, not google truth.

However, it needed to happen. All of it. It’s not a game of mercy. It’s a reaping of seeds sown. It’s a GREAT FALL that has come after the PRIDE. I wonder if we will be getting up from the hog pin or nope…just getting started rolling around in the mud. And even if we do get up, slowly, surely, the survey of the damage done…unfathomable. Progress takes a long time but, destruction takes seconds, minutes, days, a bill here, a policy here, or an appointment there. In the Bible, they wanted a king and God gave them Saul. They cried. No. It wasn’t tears of joy.

During this HADES of election month, because it will not be determined the next day, I have decided to take refuge in the God I serve and solitude in the things and people I love. I will preserve my mental health and my emotional well-being. I will utilize every tool from therapy and therapy itself. There will be prayer and meditation and yoga. Fire round me. Glory in the midst. There will peace in this house.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: What’s Calling Me

What’s calling me isn’t church pews this morning or a Sunday morning “preach at” or struggle sermon. What is calling me is meditation, coffee, nature, the beach, fresh strawberries, and some way to express my thoughts and emotions. A good soul message is calling me. One that I can resonate with. Some yoga is calling me to the mat. Water is calling me.

The heart is yearning for a twin flame and soul mate wrapped into one but, spirit is saying patience. And by patience it could be days, months, and more years. Exactly how to be at peace with that is a challenge. You have to move forward with dreams and goals and life moves forward with or without you. This is fairly easy for some and not so easy for us lovers and romantics but, it is what it is. The heart is calling and the spirit is waiting.

Goals and dreams are calling to be written and carried out. The next step is blinking like a cursor on a blank page. It feels like a demand. The hows and whys for a person like me with anxiety and depression floating around make it very challenging to get it done or to do it in spite of feelings. I have to work around or press on and believe me that is tiring. I wish I had some help other than Spirit. I mean I wish I had support in the form of a mate. I am just doing what I do when I say that. I am sharing the private thoughts of some of us single people. Please, don’t try to correct us or redirect us. Not today. It’s our honesty that needs to be expressed and examined by us.

I don’t know where I am going today but, I do know where I am not going and what I am not doing. I do have to do a better job at communicating this to others who are making demands on a life and time that do not belong to them.

~Nikki

October’s Energy: Experience LIFE

October’s energy is calling for you to experience every morsel of life. Put your phone down and your devices away and experience life by ENGAGING in conversations without distractions. Engage the people in your space. LOOK at them. ADMIRE their beauty, intellect, smile, and laughter. Have dinner with someone and enjoy the flow of chatter and silence without having to fill that silence with you picking up the phone to “hop on social media right quick.”

EXPERIENCE nature and observe it. Take it all in. EXPERIENCE your walk in the park or the neighborhood. WAVE to people. SMILE at people. NOTICE what has changed in nature or your environment. What smells waft through the air? What insects or animals do you see? Have the leaves changed? Jump in a pile of leaves. Yes. Even at your age remain playful always!

Experience life by, brace yourself, TRYING SOMETHING NEW! Yes, try the new restaurant. Yes, try something different on the menu. Shock your mate lol! Yes, drive a different way to work. Walk at a new park. Try a new thing like baking or try your hand at keeping a plant alive. Take an online course about something! TRY! TRYING brings about new experiences that birth ideas, new likes or confirmed dislikes, and experience! You never know unless you…try.

October invites SPONTENEITY. Change it up. Change it all up. Change a few things around. You don’t always have to nail down every detail. Call up a few friends for a zoom cocktail party. Invite a few over practicing social distancing and Covid 19 practices. Set up your area such as chairs around a fire pit or outdoor setting. You can set up the inside depending on how comfortable YOU are with this and how well you know your FRIENDS. Do something spontaneous with your mate. Buy flowers for no reason. Bring home their favorite dessert. Bribe yourself to listen to an opera or to watch the romantic movie they love so much but, have seen 100 times. You can make it a night with movie snacks or healthy snacks. You can make it like a picnic. How about an indoor movie night picnic?! How about a real picnic in the park?

Yes…October is calling for you to EXPERIENCE LIFE!

~Nikki

October’s Energy: PLANNING and PRIORITIZING

October is a time to plan and prioritize. If you are running on fumes, disorganized, and frazzled this may be the time to STOP, MAKE the time and get yourself together. I understand “organized chaos” but, do you understand the universe’s response to it? More chaos. What’s still on the table to be accomplished by the end of the year or what needs to be moved to next year? It’s time to stop “thinking” about a thing and time to start “planning and prioritizing” to make it happen.

October’s energy, vibe, season is to review and revise. What has worked for you and what has not this year? What do you want to end and what do you want to continue for next year? And I am speaking from careers to relationships and your health habits. Speaking of health habits, you do know this is flu season. So, whatever precautions you take please take them and more. Do all that you can do nutritionally and physically because we have Covid 19 in the midst. Remember: CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS.

I’m looking at my side hustle. I am thinking about what I really want for my future financially. Please don’t worry about your age because it’s never too late to do better! It’s past time for the “I want and I wish” era and I am moving into action plans. I am doing it with fear (talked about that in yesterday’s blog), I am doing it with anxiety, and I am doing it in spite of. I am willing to make mistakes and to learn from them immediately.

I am accessing my spiritual journey. Where do I go from here? Prayer and meditation helps me to see if what I desire is in synch with my Higher Self and my God. How I FEEL when I think about doing these things guide me. Do I feel freedom and joy or do I feel bound and misery. I also have to do this with the same fear of being rejected by own religion and leaders of that community.

These are just a few things scattered across my table as I organize and prioritize life in general. I have also looked at what did not serve me or work for me this year. It did not serve my sanity and peace of mind to stay on board at church. It may have served the church itself, it may have benefited the leader, but it did not serve my mind and spirit. There were a few really good highlight reels of accomplishments and I will hold on to that. I will gather the lessons and apply it as needed.

Romantic relationships started off my year as HUGE DISASTERS! Needless to say I was shell shocked for some months. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone for a while. So, where does that leave me now? Where are relationships on my planning and prioritizing? I’ve done well getting over 90% of that. I am apprehensive about others in my emotional space and I have to: 1. Understand that’s normal after what happened. 2. Don’t let it cloud the possibilities. Prioritize my mental health and emotional well-being has been the continued work in this area.

What’s on your agenda? Talk to me. ❤

~Nikki

https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2020/10/06/october-energy-face-your-fears/