My spirit will not let up on “clarity”. It is calling me into clarity as of late August and into September. I have learned to NOT ignore this. So, I dive in wholeheartedly with most pulls of my spirit by the Spirit. Although, sometimes, I must admit I unwillingly give in.
Get quiet. Meditate.
Pay attention to the SIGNS. If you are a person like me that loves “signs and wonders” and is interested in symbolism (these things are Biblical as well FYI), then PAY ATTENTION to what stands out to you. I saw a Cooper’s Hawk perched on my neighbor’s mailbox in direct sight. We’ll talk about that Sunday but, look up what things mean that capture your attention.
In this journey of clarity, clouds will roll away and clouds will roll back in like the weather pattern. When Spirit dropped this in my Spirit, I was like “Oh, no. How long will this journey last?” Let’s get this over with is my thoughts. But, Spirit explained by bringing into my remembrance that this is LIFE and this CLARITY leg of the journey is to prepare me to SEE and understand better myself and others. So, when clouds, the cloudy mental moments come, I will understand where the confusion, anxiety, or depression is coming from. I will be able to navigate the mental fog BETTER. So this is TRAINING is necessary for my growth and my journey. Still, “ugh. okay.”
The process of clarity are keys to clarity. What’s the process? Well, you will find your process through therapy, hearing directly from Spirit, or GOOGLE. Yes, really. Google Gaining clarity and what resonates with you, go for it. For me thus far, it’s to get quiet. Guided meditation on clarity. PRAYER and after prayer, LISTEN for a response and be AWARE of any SIGNS sent my way. Also, do something I love or something that brings me joy and peace while I wait for the “clouds to roll away.”
And PATIENCE is required in the clarity process. I used to tell people, “I only have patience with the elderly and children.” I am much better NOW and getting better with being patient with others and myself. So, you will have to be patient as the cloudiness rolls to clarity.
Clarity gives insight to YOU, the situation, the people involved and helps you to construct a plan or a response. It’s your next move. Even if that move is to do nothing or let it go.
This is all I have learned in this “Clarity Course” so far. I am currently putting some of these things into practice.
What have you learned about clarity? How do you access clarity when your mind is cloudy or there is confusion in your life?
“In all your ways (decisions, steps, actions) acknowledge Him (see if what you are about to do is alignment with God, Higher Power, the Universe, Your True SPIRIT) and He shall direct (guide you) YOUR path.” – Proverbs 3:6, The Bible
Intuition can be described as a “knowing” or a “feeling”. Sometimes you “just know” and sometimes your body gives you a “feeling”. I don’t want to dive too deep into intuition, but I am here today to say a few things to us.
Sometimes we search for advice when we already KNOW the answer. Even if we get advice contrary to what we “know” deep down inside or how we “feel” about the situation, the answer will remain that which you ALREADY KNOW. You can’t (I mean you can but…) talk yourself into it or out of it, it will still be what you already know. You can go in circles asking friends and wise counsel. You can do all of the things such as pray, meditate, wait, listen, search and research but, when you know, you know. And yes, you should do those things to a certain extent except for the RUNNING YOURSELF in circles, turning the situation over and over in your mind. It’s not good for you mental health. It creates stress. Why do we do that? Seek and seek and seek? I believe it’s because we don’t want to be wrong. We don’t want to be right. We don’t want to mess up. However, we have to make a decision sooner or later or life will make the decision for us. It is far better that you make the decision within a reasonable time frame.
Yes, we will wrestle with some decisions in life because some decisions are more complex and have lasting effects. It’s okay to be right about something and it’s okay to be wrong. I am learning to TRUST my intuition, forgive myself if I make the wrong move or decision, and to listen more to the KNOWING and the FEELING.
Recently, I met a nice guy that seemed to check most of my boxes but, each time he did or said certain things, it didn’t make me “feel” good. I would cringe. It was off putting. I tried to ignore it and we talked about it but, the off putting feeling was still there. There was nothing wrong with him per se, it was that our personalities did not click. It’s just that simple but, I began to think TOO MUCH and that made it more complex. How important is it that personalities match or compliment each other at least? What if I don’t find those qualities in him I like in someone else? Am I being superficial or shallow?
I was beginning to think people were thinking I wanted someone perfect. I know that’s not true because I have accepted imperfection and I know it comes with dating, relationships, friendships, and marriage. As I said to one friend, “It’s not about perfection. It’s about who’s the mature choice for me.” So what was my problem in listening to the KNOWING and adhering to the FEELINGS? I wanted to be wrong. So, I held on longer than I should have. I asked around. I prayed, meditated, listened…REPEATEDLY getting the same answers. I asked anyone that would listen, and got conflicting information and confirmation. I created CONFUSION. I also didn’t want to be right because I thought it meant, “You can’t seem to get it right when it comes to men, AGAIN.” It’s like all of the circling around the KNOWING and FEELINGS creates a centripetal force that will have you going no where. But, oh when it stops (when you are forced to make a choice or life chooses for you) you’ll be flung across the room! BAM!
The Divine will give you all the confirmation you need but, only for so long. Trust the KNOWING. The FEELING. Be willing to be wrong, again or sometimes. Be willing to be right even if it’s not what you wanted to be right about. The ability to do either is part of vulnerability. Vulnerability is being willing to feel the depth of being. It’s also a wonderful teacher.
In her new book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
I look out onto the porch this morning. It’s nice outside with the overcast of clouds. The weather is much cooler and welcomed. Yesterday we had the homegoing celebration of my godmother. Also, this week 3 more people I know passed away from Covid. I found out about one this morning as I logged onto social media. I have no more words this morning.
What do you say? Sometimes you just can’t process everything in life given to you in wave after wave. Before you can wrap your mind around one thing here comes something else. We are in a period of life where being overwhelmed seems to be happening even to the “strong” and the highly spiritual.
I may have no words this morning. Nothing prominent to say, I don’t think. Yet, I type these “words” but, to me they are just thoughts. They are just expressions of my feelings this morning which can change by this evening as I come into more understanding. As I may hear or read something or do something that makes the mood better. I ignore the fibromyalgia pain in my feet and calf. I can’t think about all the sadness in the world, in my world, yet I feel the heaviness in the atmosphere.
Sometimes you have no words. I remember one morning, years ago when I was having trouble with my child’s father, I was so angry on my way to work I tried to pray. I tried to pray but, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to pray for because the level of anger and rage I felt was not my normal. I was crying on my way to work. As the sun creeped up, I kept searching for words to pray and I just blurted out, “God, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I want to pray. I don’t know what to pray.” And I recall that Spirit intercedes for us. So, I asked Spirit (Holy Spirit in my religion) to pray for me. This morning, as I stood at the door looking onto the porch. I just asked Spirit to pray, to intercede on my behalf because I have no words to describe all that I feel.
Last week, I had a very bad fibromyalgia flare. I mean the kind that brings tears to your eyes. I was the chairperson of an event and I had things to do and very little help to do it. I pressed my way through by pacing myself, resting, and getting things done. As you may have read a few blog posts ago, I lost another loved one to Covid. This month has seem to be a month mixed with a variety of sufferings ranging from loss of loved one, increased physical pain, emotional challenges, and a few missed targets of gossip and misinformation.
It has also been a month of blessings and gratefulness. I feel it has been the turning point for me spiritually. Some parts of me that were dead to Christianity are showing signs of life and there seems to be some solid foundation in what I believe to be true about God. So, what is with so much suffering? The question is not why must we suffer but, why do we suffer?
I say we it’s not about a “must” suffering because there are choices we make that lead to suffering. The solution is to simply make better choices. However, there are things we are just going to go through that causes us to suffer. Incidents and accidents. The loss of love ones. Sickness. A not so good childhood. Relationships turned sour and rancid. Pause. Deep breath. I was sitting with my eyes closed listening to a Christian meditation, which was more like a reading of scriptures, and I heard this:
Suffering produces perseverance. It does? It does. Well, how does that work if the person suffering dies? The defeated suffering by moving into a realm where there is not suffering. To stay here, would have meant more suffering. Ok, but what if they suffered and lived and as they lived, they still suffered because of their illness or injuries? They persevere by pushing through, by treatments, by taking on each day, by adapting and attitude of positivity and gratitude. The persevere to and develop character that can help someone else to get through what they go through, something similar, or life all together. They learn a thing or two about suffering and pushing forward. They learn some things about weeping may endure for a night but, joy (enlightenment, understanding) comes in the morning. They learn about getting through it. Either hope seems to just appear for some and others make a conscious choice to hope. Hope for better days. Hope for a cure. Hope for new treatments. Hope for the suffering to end.
I got through those terrible flares like I got through some of the others. Perseverance. I get through some by suffering through them because no amount of pain meds, heating pads, or ice can help. I suffer through the hours to get to the next day and they subside. I persevere through it with prayer. That’s all I have sometimes. All I have is “hope”…hope this ends soon. Hope tomorrow is better. I “hope” they can figure out how to treat fibromyalgia soon or in the future so others will not have to…suffer.
Guess what? I had a healthy breakfast. I prayed, meditated, affirmations. My mood still hasn’t stabilized. I ate chocolate chocolate chip cookies and milk. My snack for tonight so, I can’t have that tonight again. 😩 What’s wrong Nicole? What’s the matter, Pooh Bear( family Nickname…don’t you call me this lol)? I’m frustrated. Why? Because there is too much to do, too much happening in my world and the world, I can’t keep up, and I can’t seem to get all of what I want in a man and things (people, men) keep showing up that are almost what I desire. I’m sure I have somethingto do with all of this. Plus, another trip coming up and while I’m cool with going as the fabulous third wheel, would be nice…(stares in singlehood). Listens. 1. Take him or leave him, you’re going to have a wonderful time.
2. You don’t have to accept who shows up, remember? And if you choose “almost” you’ll “almost” be satisfied. Plus, I’ve given you several signs that this is not the time for a relationship. Remember? Either relax and enjoy the company or enjoy your own company. Breathe deep.
3. Yes. You have something to do with most of this but, not all of this. You have nothing to do with the events you have no control over like Afghanistan and the passing of your godmother. Your part, to pray, was and is done perfectly.
4. You can organize. You have lacked discipline. It’s true. You have procrastinated. It’s true. Why? You have been ill. You have not wanted the responsibility of some things. You haven’t enjoyed a particular environment. You haven’t done the ONE major life thing because of fear and THIS is what is clouding your mind. If you want clarity to come easily, DO THAT FEARFUL THING.
5. Make no commitment to any man right now. I repeat, it is not time for a relationship. It is time for your soul’s purpose.
6. Take one step. I’ll take two. Move towards destiny and I’ll create waves of manifestations. We are a team.
I shall be with you always. Even until the ends of the earth.
PS: Stop saying yes out of obligation to things that I’ve disconnected you from. Stop inserting your help where you have not been lead to help. You cannot help everyone or every cause. You can’t sign up for every thing and then say you don’t have time for your own soul purpose, dreams, goals, duties. That’s fear. Explore that fear of success. You can’t want and not want success. Love, Spirit. 💋
It’s inevitable you will reach some point, some situation, some loss of a loved one where you will think or say, “I wish I would have done more.” Maybe, “I wish I would have done differently.” These thoughts are natural as we are beings with the gift to look forward and backwards. We look back for many reasons. Looking back can be helpful as well as a hindrance.
If we look back to measure how far we have come, that could be good if we rejoice about it. If we look back to see what we can learn from a situation, that is helpful for our present and future. However, it is when we look back and realize that we can’t fix the past and become filled with regret. “We wish we would have done more or differently.” How do you not let that consume you? How do you live with the guilt? I can tell you that you must find a way or it will eat you alive. It will gnaw at your conscious. Here is what I know and I hope it can help you.
Forgive yourself and know that you are forgiven by a Higher Power.
If the person has passed away and you wish you would have done more, made amends, or did differently by them, just know that they forgive you. Amends have been made. There is no “space” in the hereafter to hold grudges and unforgiveness. There is only peace. There is only joy. There is only bliss.
Do differently NOW with the time and the people you have left.
If the person is here now, go to them and ask for forgiveness and CHANGE your ways. The best apology is changed behavior.
If the person will not forgive you, that is on them. You have did your part. Forgive yourself. Continue with changed behavior. And remember, you are forgiven.
My oldest brother passed in February of this year and I can say with ease and peace, there is nothing I wish I would have done more about. We had a great relationship as sister and brother. My godmother transitioned yesterday and I wish I would have given her more. I wish I would given her more on her birthdays and mother’s day. I intended to have her and my god sister over at my new home for dinner soon. I won’t get that chance. I wish I would have made that pineapple upside down cake she suggested I make as I have began baking. What can I do about these things, now? I can’t do much about these things now. I can be grateful for the life she lived and the impact it had on me. I can invite my god sis over. I can give more to my god children. I can bake and perfect the pineapple upside down cake. I can cherish all of the invaluable lessons, that are precious gifts, she gave me. For a woman that went through so much, she not only displayed resilience, she had a joy about life that shined like the sun on a clear blue sky fall day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with obtaining all of the material things you want in life. The thing is, unless you are truly happy or at peace on the inside, in the mind or heart, or in other areas of your life, none of those things will amount to that which you truly seek. So go ahead and build the biggest house. Line your driveways with cars. Take as many trips as you would like. Buy all of the clothes and shoes that can fit into your closets. When they high subsides, the misery will rise to the surface and spew over again.
You can lie to strangers and tell them, “All is well.” It is true you can fool some of the people some of the time but, you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Some of us can see straight through the malarkey. In many ways this is a sad situation because one spends the bulk of their energy (time and money) trying to prove to themselves and the rest of the world they are “happy” while they could spend the their energy getting well. And by getting well I mean taking the courage to address the real issues in their lives.
As I type this Sunday Morning Coffee Musing, a scripture from the Bible pops into my head, “What profits a person to gain the world but, loses their soul?” I know we are accustom to taking this scripture literally and as if the person is going to Hell. However, what does it mean on another level to “lose the soul?” The essence of the person is lost and what is left is an empty shell. Some walk around putting on all day long and in public spaces. Yet, when they are in the privacy of their own homes or in the company of close family, the venom of bitterness and misery is applied. It’s in snarky comments and funky moods. Empty shell behavior.
I looked to my cousin and said, “You know, a person can everything and nothing at the same damn time.”-N. Jackson
So, I’ve been dating almost immediately after my last relationship (yes, so soon) but, lately I have NOT been feeling “it”. Heavy sigh. The thrill is gone. No one interests me and the interest I did have in one particular person seems to be fading fast. I think it may be more “me” than him. He is who he is and I am who I am. And I am who I am becoming. I don’t think you should ask a person to change their personality to fit your world. Habits? Maybe. Pet peeves? Maybe. But personality? No. So, what’s going on with me? What happened to the thrill of dating? Why am I easing to a stop? Or being urged to pause temporarily?
What was dropped in my spirit last week, “Nikki, temporarily let go of the very thing you desire to get the very thing you desire.” Are you thinking what I am thinking? Probably not. I was thinking, “WOW. I get it.” I am too wrapped up in it. I’m thinking about it too much. I’m trying too hard to manifest it. I am trying to feel something that isn’t there. I’m trying to wait and see when there is nothing to wait or see. I’m avoiding the inevitable. I need to call a time out. “Coach, I need to sit this one out.”
Also, I have THINGS to do. I have pressing things to do. However, it seems as if what I am being asked to do, per Spirit, is not to STOP but to PAUSE. I need to get started on my life’s work. I need to finish the third book. Hopefully, I will have some vendor opportunities this fall/winter for my crochet items. These are more pressing issues than dating at this time. I do believe I was given that message because it will significantly give me the balance I need between my life work and my personal life.
Do you have the “gusto” for August? I sure hope so because it seems to be starting off with fireworks or fire and work. I mentioned in Sunday’s blog, Wrong, But Right(https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2021/08/02/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-wrong-but-right/), how my day started in chaos. One thing after another. I have seen post after post since Sunday of other people “going through it” as their day unravels. Well, what does the energy of August bring us other than challenges? Let’s see!
August is a 4 energy and 2021 is a 5 energy. It would take some time to explain this. So, if you are new to this you may have to do your own research. If you are wise, you know how to tap into what is presented before you and use it as a guide with your chosen religion or spirituality. Go!
There is cause and effect. You can get out of the effect if you find and address the cause. Get to the root.
Amp up the energy and get things done. It’s August for crying out loud. It’s time to muster up the energy (or just go to bed at a decent time and slack off social media) and do what needs to be done.
Boost your immune system starting now.
It’s all about hard work this month BUT, DO NOT FORGET TO PLAY! Nobody and no body is good when it reaches burn out. Take care of your mental and emotional well being!
Speaking of emotions, a 4 energy will have you to close off emotionally. It can want to shut down and shut out because of all the to do’s and things going on in our lives and the world. Instead, open up. Be honest about what you want, what you don’t want, who you want, and who you don’t want. Be clear. Don’t say yes when you mean no and reverse.
The energy is all about rules and regulations but, you will need to be flexible.
Get clear and clear things up and clear things out of the way. In every way. Toss it. Donate it. Got to therapy about it. Forgive. Talk about it. Apologize. Change your behavior.
Think outside the box.
Audit your life.
Expansion. Where do you need to expand? Your thinking? Your heart? Your ideals and ideas?
Prioritize. Eliminate things, relationships, etc. that are wasting your time, effort, and energy. Your time, effort, and energy can go to where it’s needed. You’ve spent long enough. Reevaluate and focus on what and who really matters. Look around. There are people that love and care about you. Look around. Your dreams are right where you left them. Get to it.
I think you can find yourself somewhere in this list or perhaps something on this list will come to your mind when needed.