I had researched enough. I had practiced enough. I had thought about it long enough. I had stood on the sidelines watching and observing others. It was time to JUMP. TRY MY HAND AT IT. LEARN AND LIVE THROUGH THE PROCESS. RIDE THE WAVES. It was writing a book. It was putting it out there. It was learning to crochet, selling it, and doing festivals. It was working on a mini-series. It was taking sewing lessons. It was creating abstract art and putting it out there for the world to see.
JUMP. It’s scary. It’s nerve wracking. It’s exhilarating. It’s freeing. It’s fun. It’s faith building for sure!
How do you develop drive? I am not sure. But, for me it seems to happen when I remember I really want change. The desire to change my situation, finish a project, organize an event and marking things off my list seem to drive me. It pushes me forward and moves me to get up after a lag in motivation or just a much needed rest. Desire, I believe, give way to drive.
The authentic self is the soul made visible. -Sarah Ban Breathnach
AUTHENTICITY. I took a journey to excavate my authentic self and it turned out to be the most POWERFUL tool in empowering myself. Who am I before religion, before all of the trauma and drama, before I was shaped and molded into the woman I had become to know, loathe, and then love? I had learned to love myself as I was, which was powerful, but when I remembered, dug deeper into who I was before all of this, before I admitted how I TRULY FELT ABOUT EVERYTHING I WAS TAUGHT in home, in school, in life, in church…that real honesty that can make you feel guilty because you know, they say it’s wrong…or it’s not lady like or it’s not part of our culture or God is going to strike you down. God’s going to write it down and he is reading your thoughts and recording them. Whew, child! I had to now accept my TRUE SOUL and love her all the more. I had to do away with some of my outdated thinking and programmed thinking. I had to move beyond the Black/African American-AMERICAN culture. I had to remember the free little girl in her free moments laying in the backyard looking towards the sky. The little girl sitting on the step of the front porch daydreaming. The little girl before being horrifically teased about being black with naturally red hair. Before prejudice and racism. Before, abuse and before the beat down of self esteem and the rip off of a budding fashion designer. I am more than a preacher’s daughter. I am more than a Christian, if I am that in fact. (Still discovering).
My authentic self is like this megaphone echoing throughout the universe. “Here I am! Here is the real me! Love it, like it, leave it, NAMASTE.” If you are mean, miserable, biased, rude, insensitive, lying to yourself about what you really think and feel, carrying the torch for known evil, etc.. I highly recommend EXCAVATING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF. If you hate anyone in this world, if you love division, if you can’t see people for people, then you’re probably not as REAL as you claim to be. If you are about ZEN life, Yoga/Yogi, spirituality, but when a person of color walks in you ignore them and their knowledge or experience you probably need some excavating. But I must warn you that becoming your authentic self can be daunting and painful work. It may cause you to lose friends and family and to leave you lonely at times. It may make you feel funny and it may make others living a carbon copy life question your sanity. With that being said, GO FOR IT.
Pray, Meditate, Coffee-nate. Yes, emotions are temporary BUT at that moment you’re feeling every bit of whatever you’re feeling. You’re struggling to overcome them means YOU’RE FIGHTING, PUSHING, PRESSING and sometimes you just have to float because you’re tired. Float or Fight but once you get through, put your big girl panties on or your big boy boxers, Hell, go commando and get back to work, life, love, living. Trust, I fought yesterday and I’m floating today. I’m working as well. These dreams are not going to come true on their own.
I kid you not, since retrograde, since the new moon, it’s been some strange things happening in my life. They aren’t life altering, chaotic, but enough to make you have “???” floating over your head. If not to leave you puzzled and sometimes pissed. I have no explanation for these little mishaps and annoyances that seem to be running sporadically, yet constant. I just wish this funny business would stop. In the midst, there are grand times, good times, production, positivity, and insight. It’s just these snags are so annoying. I guess the lesson is to, see it, fell it, acknowledge it, work around it, and keep moving on.
Show up as your higher self this morning and remain him or her throughout your day. You’re better than mean, rude, disrespectful, and petty. Why sow those seeds only to be surprised when you reap a greater harvest? Tap into your higher self through your spiritual practices & practice what you preach/know.
There are two sides to every story and sometimes three. Here we have a person struggling to be themselves out of worry if they will be liked or accepted. They wonder if they will lose friends, family, and associates. It’s a risk. It was and is a necessary risk for me. I’d rather be free and happy, but note, it was a process. And still is.
Then we have this other side of the coin or game. The ones that say they love being themselves, have always been comfortable in being themselves, yet they have issues with others being themselves. And I am talking about us being our authentic selves! Not some knock off version or shaped by misery selves. If this is you what’s your problem? Do you want to be yourself? Do you enjoy being yourself? Then why are you so concerned when others that are happy being themselves doesn’t match your way of being yourself? I think it’s ego. I think there is a part of you that is not truly comfortable being you. I think there is a part of them that makes you uncomfortable. Yes? All of these things or one of these things. Maybe even none of these things. It’s up to you to ponder.
As long as others being themselves are not causing harm, hatred, and division then we really need to think about why it bothers us so much and communicate that to ourselves. There are some ways people in my life have of being themselves I question and I know it’s filtered through their experiences and obvious misery. I don’t have to get use to it or like it. It depends on our relationship how to handle it. I can remove myself, put distance in between us, or limit interactions. However, if you think wearing purple hair is okay and I don’t, then I figure that is YOU being YOU. If you are driven and I am laid back, I have no need to make you laid back because I am and you should have no need to make me driven so that it makes you more comfortable with “my” journey.