Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Walking the Line Between Religion and Freedom

 

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I don’t own the rights to this photo but I wish I owned the rights to this guy in it.

 

Last night I went out with a friend to see Australia’s Thunder from Down Under. And this made me think, I am just kidding, I wasn’t thinking about much of anything at the show except how good looking those men were and how much fun I was having. I screamed the entire evening. Conversation and laughter, food and the flirts from the opposite sex, none of my same race, but thankfully of the human race (same race lol ) was quite refreshing. A bit bewildered as I was definitely rocking my natural zig zaggy coiled red hair. Not society’s definition of good hair or beautiful hair. I decided to post some photos and my whereabouts. Anyone who truly knows me, which are few, know I like to take walks on what I call the wild side. My wild side is pretty tame compared to most I suppose. I have no need to compare though others do. Shrugs.

So, I know that social media is a rumor mill, gossip train, for the small minded and the super religious. In my world, you don’t get to do too many things and still be called a Christian by Christians or by non-Christians. I find that amusing. I know there is a definition and in keeping with a Christ like spirit but, do we blot out and mute our own spirit until we are martyred? Solemn? Sad? Unhappy? Blank slate? Dull? Robots? Mindless Sheep? Then why give so many diverse personalities, life journeys, backgrounds…woosah.  I am 43. I have taken a few intentional journeys since turning 40. And the more I clear my own path I have no need to be called anything by anyone. I have no worries if I will be able to speak at a church, in a church, do work in a church, etc. and etc. The burden of “Oh, if you do that, you may mess up someone else’s walk or you could lead someone else down the wrong path” has been given a TRUE revelation to my eyes.

Hey, I like rules in relations to right and wrong. Do no harm. I don’t think all rules should bend to fit one person’s religion but, society as a whole.  I don’t like being confined. I don’t like being bound. I don’t like others defining me. I like to tell you who I am and what I am about. I think God knows me better than anyone and reveals myself to me throughout life. I am right on the edge of being completely free. I wasn’t happy at the larger nondenominational church I was at but, I was being fed good spiritual food for my soul at that time. I was called back into a time warp the last year to help my home church and I am there now. I am there to assist, plant seeds, serve in and the community, to grow more in patience, grace, and mercy and to eventually leave the church but, never to leave God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. It’s the only way I’ll be able to live a life of freedom without religious chains. I prefer worship in spirit and in truth.

~Nikki

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The Fallout of Protecting Your Peace

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Whenever you begin to set boundaries to preserve and protect your peace of mind and your sensitivity, or even to enforce those boundaries, there will probably be fall out from individuals who lack the respect of those boundaries. I have discovered that people want you to bend and break to appease them and often they wouldn’t do the same for you. Nor would I want anyone to compromise their peace of mind for me. And that is the difference. People will create problems, want you to solve them, and then become upset if you don’t. They don’t care if what they want makes you unhappy. This is blatant selfishness. Recognize this as a flaw in character. Also, people like this will often either get angry in hopes you will change your mind or run a guilt trip hoping for the same results. When you comply to neither they will call you mean and selfish (I am laughing as I type this) but, you and I both know they are merely describing themselves! Some leave you alone entirely or distant themselves.

You have to become okay with this. I know it may be difficult but, do not cave and compromise your peace or the sensitivity of your nature. I was created with a big heart and compassion but, not at the sacrifice of my own peace. Never again. Emotional manipulators are professionals at what they do. They have been use to throwing tantrums, running guilt trips and playing games to get what they want and you are left footing the bill, debt, or uneasiness. I stood my ground recently and I owe no one an explanation of what I want and why I want it the way I want it. I can’t do what you want me to do to make you happy and I am left to grin and bear it or wallow in the nagging feeling of “Why did I do that? Why didn’t I say NO?” Just remember even if you have the money or can accommodate someone’s request, if you don’t FEEL at ease, DO NOT DO IT AND OFFER NO EXPLANATION. You don’t have to explain your no.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Throw “That” Back

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What a week! Drama and Resolutions. Busy Mom, Sister, Daughter, and Auntie (which I always enjoy family), working on a project and just well, life. By the time Friday evening arrived I was exhausted and my legs (fibromyalgia) were giving me pure hell up until this morning. I finally have relief. This morning’s coffee musing is all about “throwing that back” and I don’t mean from the world of rap and hip hop where you shake your butt!

If something is not what you want or desire in your head, heart, and life then “throw that back.” If you are fishing and you pull up a shoe, I am sure you would either throw that back or recycle it. But trust me, the drama, the lies, the games, the people that want to stay sleep walking through life,  does not need to be recycled. Just throw all of that back. Back to the pits of hell or wherever it came from. If it arrives at your door unannounced then throw it back out. In fact, refuse to let it in. Once you realize that it is negative, a time waster, hurtful, then you need to get rid of it or neatly file it away under “not my problem.” We waste time on issues that people don’t want to resolve. We waste time on drama where people clearly enjoy drama and I say leave them to their drama and destruction and just be there to help pick up the pieces. You can not, CAN NOT,  help people that are:

1. Not telling you the whole truth and nothing but the truth

2. Love a life filled with hellishness

3. Don’t even know or care they have a problem

4. Just want attention

5. Don’t heed the advice give you

6. Have issues beyond your expertise

7. Liars and manipulators

8. Not ready for change

Now, if you find yourself getting into a funk about people and things out of your control(like I did this week), and it bothers your thoughts, throw all of that back. In my mind I picked up all the bull—- they brought or I went and got and put it back on their porch.

“Here ya go. Sorry I picked up this “crap.” I thought you needed help disposing of it but, I can clearly see this has turned into a crap slinging fest and it’s really messy. I don’t like messy.” -Nikki

 

 

Keep Out. Only God & the Experienced Allowed.

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It’s down right ugly the mood I am in. This war in my head and heart after my second hearing this year only to have the judge subpoena more records and a test to prove worsening conditions. I thought we had what he wanted. I thought we had enough. My anxiety was already through the roof and I’d had a panic attack before I even arrived this morning. I thought it was going to be over today. Needless to say, I bolted out of there and cried like I needed to in the car. I am so very tired. Over three years of struggling to survive and to stay sane.

I trusted God as I have throughout this process. It seems as if we were nearing the end. I feel like the rug was pulled away from under me. I feel heavily disappointed. Angry. Pissed. Exhausted. But, not defeated. I feel as I want to pull away from the rest of the world and at the same time I wish someone would console me. But, I don’t want them to see me crying. You know, crying in this world is a sign of weakness to most (NOT ME) and it makes people uncomfortable (NOT ME). In my not so humble but, honest opinion the only reason people feel that way is because they feel weak themselves when they cry and the are in fact uncomfortable with their own feelings.

So, here I am. Weary. Wounded and Sad. But unwilling to stop trusting God for a favorable outcome. I am confused. I don’t know why all of this has happened to me or is happening. I do know I did nothing wrong. It was not because of sin (rolls eyes). It just is a part of my journey. My story. So, as I try to figure out how to keep the lights on, pay for a cavity fill in my insurance doesn’t cover, pay my rent, pay other bills, and STILL be pleasant to others, I have to feel what I am feeling. I have to go through the thicket that has thorns. I remember the sticker bush at parents house and getting knocked into it playing or trying to hide and having to squeeze through it and another bush. No matter how you tried to get around or through it you were scratched up. There is just no way around pain sometimes. Only through it.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Not My Problem, Not My Relationship, Not My Marriage

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However we end up intertwined with other people’s problems, our adult children, friends, family, parents or coworkers, at some point, when it’s an ongoing problem they refuse to fix, we have to bow out. The bow out may not be gracefully. It may be a barging out, a tip toeing out, or a slow walk backwards in order to preserve our sanity, our own happiness, and to enjoy the rest of the life we have on this earth.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: 10 Things This PK Wants You To Stop

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It wasn’t hard growing up a preacher’s child until I became a teenager. I didn’t know so many prejudices and preconceived notions existed from others. How I should act, what I should think, what I could and could not do, where I can and cannot go, what I can say and cannot say. What I can and cannot wear. I’m suppose to be boring. I’m suppose to be promiscuous. I’m suppose to not get in trouble. But, what really, REALLY gets under my skin is ADULTS STILL have these same thoughts even though I am a grown woman with a child. I want to say to YOU adults, that ALWAYS has preacher kids jokes and all of these things to say and all of these judgements to pass, I want to say SAVE IT. SHOVE IT is about the nicest thing I can say without having to ask for forgiveness lol.

10 Things I don’t want to hear if you are in my presence:

  1. “I’m going to tell your dad.” (He raised me. He knows me. I am over 21)
  2. “Don’t tell Reverend you saw me here.” You should be more concerned about God than Reverend and aren’t we in the same place????
  3. “Preacher’s kids are the worst.” It’s not fact. They do they same things most children do except you have attached a saying you heard your mama, grandmamma, parents, others say. It makes you feel better.
  4. “You think you are better than everyone else.” Why? Because your idea of morals and mines are different?
  5. “Look at the Preacher’s kid doing xyz…” You just killed my vibe and just showed me you hold me to a higher standard than you hold yourself based on the occupation of my Father. That some how, I shouldn’t me dancing, having a cocktail, going to Vegas because there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do there but gamble. Rolls eyes…
  6. “I’ve got to watch what I do and say because you are here.” I’ll leave. I have to watch what I do and say because you have made this statement. I know people like you can’t wait until I do something you can gossip about. This is why I don’t let my hair down with everybody. Very wise advice. However, let yours down. Take you wig off. I could care less about what you are doing. Hey, I of all people know what it’s like to be cramped in a space with a bunch of people you can’t be free around. Though, you have paid your money to get in or bought food, too or was invited, too. I don’t trust you with my reputation.
  7. “You wouldn’t know nothing about “that” because you are a preacher’s kid.” Right. Because we stayed in church 24/7 and read the Bible 24/8 and I never have been anywhere, done anything, and some how I am 43.
  8. “You don’t know what it was like growing up in my household. All the drama. Your parents were preachers.” Right. Because we never had any drama in our house and my parents got along like Mary and Joseph. Oh wait, they had problems, too. And further more NONE of us now everything that goes on behind closed doors.
  9. “I can’t believe you did this or that.” Wait, I thought you just said preacher’s kids are the worst.
  10. “Why do Christians do…” Really? We are at wedding. We are at a party. We are at a buffet. And you want to have a full debate about Christianity. I am not a walking talking seminary school. I am not a scholar. And to be honest, I barely meet most criteria of a Christian.

~Nikki