Morning Routines: Mind & Spirit

37272449_10157631259588266_5092975329153122304_n

It started Wednesday with excruciating foot pain, but if we want to be honest it started way before that. It started with taking on Vocational Bible School when I really didn’t want to and doing most of it on my own with the nitpicking, complaining, and subtle “bitching” of others. Yes, I did use the word bitching and I could have used barking, but IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR COMFORTABILITY right now. I also had little sleep due to the oven light going out which we usually leave on. I discovered it has a shortage. Then the smoke detector went out. There was a power outage in the wee hours one morning on top of a night I was already tossing and turning. I didn’t want to take a sleep aid because…what if the house caught on fire and the smoke detector doesn’t work? (I have anxiety and this how the anxious mind goes into overdrive). I was thinking about all that I had to do. Major issues with my mother and minor ones with my sister. Drama and trauma.

So, I try to sleep better last night and I was irritable before I went to bed. Oh, and someone stole my bank card from church! I tossed most of the night and when I finally woke up it was from a terrible dream.

What am I doing wrong? What is going on here? Good things are happening and all of these inconveniences are also happening like the gnats that seem to have invaded our area. Small and irritating as hell. I had a great therapy session last week. What am I missing?

I am not centered at all. I am not thinking clearly and it is showing up. I have been fearful, angry, and peace-less. Fearful of the future, fearful of walking in purpose and marrying my authentic self to my purpose. Angry at the things said and done by family. Peace-less about a future relationship.  I am overwhelmed by household chores (tired body, achy body, little to no help, and a teen with lazy summer bones) and wanting to have a gathering, but not really wanting to be bothered. I  am missing intentional and thoughtful prayer. Meditation. A morning reading. Yoga. Either one or all of these things would do me a world of good because I need centering every day and sometimes several times during the day. I am missing the voice of Spirit and Self. I am ignoring it. And my body, my mind, is fatigued.

This morning I pulled myself up. Opened to a passage in the book: God’s Healing Power: Finding Your True Self Through Meditation where the above excerpt was pulled. I had breakfast. I watched a food documentary. I still don’t feel well. I wanted an instant fix. I still feel overwhelmed. I wanted energy. This is the beginning, Nikki. The RE-establishing of routine. It’s going to take some time and patience and effort. I think I will read this same passage every morning until…

~Nikki

 

 

Advertisements

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: The Auntie Mom

I was an Auntie before I was a Mom. I remember when my first nephew (that was younger than me was born) like it was yesterday. My dad was cutting the yard and we got the phone call that it was a boy and his name was Jeremiah. It was a sunny day in June with clear skies and I remember the grass being so green. My Dad started to sing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog and he was a friend of mine.” He meddled my nephew with that through childhood and even now! My second nephew I had the pleasure of giving him his middle name and he was my first job at 8 weeks old. He later gave his younger daughter the same middle name! I was a babysitter. Those two gave me a run for my money! And there were more nieces and nephews to come.

I am writing this piece for my friend Jackie and Alicia whom are Aunts, and all of the women who want to have a family someday and to the ones that may not be able to. You are a mother by heart. You are a mother because you nurture someone somewhere. You may even be a mother figure to a friend, a sibling, to a class, the motherly one on the job, a doggie mom. You care. You will jump in and fill that roll as an Auntie Mom. I tell my niece Brea I am your Auntie Mom. She’s the fireball of the bunch and I keep close reigns on her because I love her. I was once known as the General and Sargent but, I have been promoted to Lieutenant by my nephew Brandon. I am the Aunt that will play football, dolls, fix you a good meal and bake cookies but, I also believe in discipline.

All of my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews are my children. I wanted more children but, I am unable to have any more because I had to have a hysterectomy. That was tough and sad. But nothing beats hearing, “Auntie! Auntie Nikki! Ti-Ti!” and getting those hugs. It’s the same feeling as “Mommy!” and receiving love in the hugs. It’s the same pressure to watch what I say and do and how I live my life. I still have to impart instruction, wisdom, and love.

~Nikki aka Auntie Mom

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: 10 Things This PK Wants You To Stop

e478f7ce92eb2545073c172de99a2b6a

It wasn’t hard growing up a preacher’s child until I became a teenager. I didn’t know so many prejudices and preconceived notions existed from others. How I should act, what I should think, what I could and could not do, where I can and cannot go, what I can say and cannot say. What I can and cannot wear. I’m suppose to be boring. I’m suppose to be promiscuous. I’m suppose to not get in trouble. But, what really, REALLY gets under my skin is ADULTS STILL have these same thoughts even though I am a grown woman with a child. I want to say to YOU adults, that ALWAYS has preacher kids jokes and all of these things to say and all of these judgements to pass, I want to say SAVE IT. SHOVE IT is about the nicest thing I can say without having to ask for forgiveness lol.

10 Things I don’t want to hear if you are in my presence:

  1. “I’m going to tell your dad.” (He raised me. He knows me. I am over 21)
  2. “Don’t tell Reverend you saw me here.” You should be more concerned about God than Reverend and aren’t we in the same place????
  3. “Preacher’s kids are the worst.” It’s not fact. They do they same things most children do except you have attached a saying you heard your mama, grandmamma, parents, others say. It makes you feel better.
  4. “You think you are better than everyone else.” Why? Because your idea of morals and mines are different?
  5. “Look at the Preacher’s kid doing xyz…” You just killed my vibe and just showed me you hold me to a higher standard than you hold yourself based on the occupation of my Father. That some how, I shouldn’t me dancing, having a cocktail, going to Vegas because there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do there but gamble. Rolls eyes…
  6. “I’ve got to watch what I do and say because you are here.” I’ll leave. I have to watch what I do and say because you have made this statement. I know people like you can’t wait until I do something you can gossip about. This is why I don’t let my hair down with everybody. Very wise advice. However, let yours down. Take you wig off. I could care less about what you are doing. Hey, I of all people know what it’s like to be cramped in a space with a bunch of people you can’t be free around. Though, you have paid your money to get in or bought food, too or was invited, too. I don’t trust you with my reputation.
  7. “You wouldn’t know nothing about “that” because you are a preacher’s kid.” Right. Because we stayed in church 24/7 and read the Bible 24/8 and I never have been anywhere, done anything, and some how I am 43.
  8. “You don’t know what it was like growing up in my household. All the drama. Your parents were preachers.” Right. Because we never had any drama in our house and my parents got along like Mary and Joseph. Oh wait, they had problems, too. And further more NONE of us now everything that goes on behind closed doors.
  9. “I can’t believe you did this or that.” Wait, I thought you just said preacher’s kids are the worst.
  10. “Why do Christians do…” Really? We are at wedding. We are at a party. We are at a buffet. And you want to have a full debate about Christianity. I am not a walking talking seminary school. I am not a scholar. And to be honest, I barely meet most criteria of a Christian.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: A Healing of Mind Ponder & Finances

Coffee_Photography_5

I know how much things can affect the mind. Your health, your relationships, jobs, school, and your finances. These things have literally driven people over the edge and if not to that extreme, these things have cause a great deal of stress for many. It creates a terrible environment but, it also creates chaos within.

So, as I sat to write this I asked, “Can the mind be healed? Maybe when my finances are healed then will I have a peace of mind.” But, I heard the Spirit speak and say: “In order for the mind to be healed, the soul must be repaired. And, your finances being heal will bring you a “piece” of the peace of mind. But, you can have a peace of mind right now with soul work.”

I’ve done soul work in many areas. I did not think that finances were connected to soul work. Yes, I know that our spending and saving habits can be traced back to how our parents spent and save their money. But, I also know that we can “unlearn” these habits and replace them with better habits. Still, how does money and soul work belong together?

A lack of finances, a huge debt, creates worry. Worry creates illnesses, bad moods, foul environments and strained relationships. Worrying does not add to our life but, takes away from our lives. It takes away “life” from our life. We miss everything else around us. At first we worry about what we will do. Then we worry about what will happen. Then we worry about it as we are working on saving and paying down debt because many times it leaves us with very little to work with and that creates stress. Here is where the soul is damaged. Worry is like a cancer it just eats up the good and the bad. It gnaws away on something until it’s gone. Boom…peace of mind gone. You get it back and then bam! It’s gone again.

The soul is being overpowered about what is happening in the natural world and we forget or severe ourselves from our Source. It doesn’t matter to me what you call the Source or Creator or God. We forget God is with us EVEN as we correct our financial situations. God is with us the moment we realize we are in trouble. God is with us when we look at the financial books and realize we don’t have enough to do anything after paying on our debts. The reason we get so upset about not having is because we know we are suppose to be able to live in abundance. And let me say, your abundance could be millions and my abundance could be $30,000 a year.  It’s all about how we work it.

Something in us knows we were not created to barely make it. Yet, how do we have peace when we are barely getting by or in the process of improvement? We take a break. What? We take a break. On a job, they give you breaks. What you do on those breaks are up to you.

Soul work: On your morning break, your lunch break, evening/night time break, pray or meditate, read about financial empowerment, affirmations and scriptures as you are in the process of creating your abundance on this financial level. (I say that because we do know that being in peace (mind) and having good health is also a part of abundance). Scriptures or affirmations that speak on worry/anxiety or finances and abundance, knowing that the Creator is there and will see you through the process is a powerful elixir for the mind as well as the healing agent for the soul. Reading books or taking a course or seeking help to repair your finances are all empowering but, staying connected to the Divine throughout this process keeps your mind on the track of peace. This is the soul work map for me and I hope that it helps you to. Abundance is come and will come.

~Nikki

 

Growing Up Grown Ups: Give up the Ghosts

couplefight

I don’t know about other cultures or races or environments…or religions for that matter, but what baffles me are adults who are adults according to age but, not according maturity. By observations, we seem to be hurt children trapped in adult bodies. I often hear things in my community like “I’m a grown ass woman” or “I am a grown ass man.” But, what does it mean to be a grown ass woman or man and do grown ups have to make such statements? I’ve seen us ready to fight each other over nothing in the community, at family functions, and even at church. Church, a sacred place. Some adults are about as mature as the children they are raising.

Hurt children trapped in adult bodies need HEALING. Hurting people hurt other people. They hurt them with words. They hurt them with violence. They hurt them by being vindictive. They hurt them with malicious gossip.

Hurting children trapped in adult bodies hurt themselves. They set themselves up for failure by making choices that keep them in a vicious cycle.  They choose the wrong friends. They choose the wrong woman or man. They choose to do nothing about their circumstances when presented with a better option. Hurting children are afraid of change. Hurting children are hopeless. Hurt and Hopeless equals anger. Hurting children throw temper tantrums when things don’t go their way and they do not like to be corrected because they do not like to be wrong.

Growing up grown folks takes healing of the hurts and harsh realities they have harbored deep in their hearts and souls. Only the Creator can heal them. But first they have to give up the ghosts. Give up the ghosts that haunt them. Give up the horrible childhood. Give up the traumatic losses. Give up the horrendous acts done to them by others. Give up the abusive relationships. They have to give up the ghosts so they can be raised from this dead life they are living. Growing up grown ups takes correction. Growing up grown folks takes clear directions. They need these two things during the HEALING PROCESS…WHICH CAN TAKE MONTHS AND YEARS. It’s going to take relying on strength within, a HIGHER POWER, and someone or some books divinely placed into your life for guidance. Dear Hurting Grown ups, Give up the Ghosts….

~Nikki

I’m still giving up ghosts…I am still learning and growing and I can see that. I can measure that by the actions I take and the ones I don’t take. I can measure that by the words I use and the silence I choose. I can measure that by how well I manage my emotions and practice self control. Make your world, the world in you a better place and that will make your children’s world, your friendships, relationships, family-ships a better world. It will make this world a better, safer, place to live in. Heal up.

 

The Night I lost My Christmas Spirit

f8714c08c4c319efc3c643afd38af50f

I felt it unraveling in the beginning of the week. Very little sleep with an amazing one night of sleep, pain in my joints from fluctuating weather patterns and humidity. Sore and tender muscles, knots in my muscles from fibromyalgia. A moody teenager and drama from the small family church I have returned to. I struggled to keep the eggnog nogging…but alas a toothache was the ache on top of the aches. Not even a glass of wine can fix this. I had to talk to the other “Spirit”. You know, the Holy One.

Me: I am NOT in the Christmas Spirit.

God: Doesn’t matter. You kept the Holy Spirit through it all.

Me: I swea-, uh promise because I really wanted to “loosen” my temper. Yes, loosen it. Not lose it. I really wanted to go ham and cheese and turkey. I really wanted to let depression take over. I really wanted to show them how a cow chews cabbage (something my daddy said a lady said on his job which he later found out meant curse). I wanted to be like you know what, forget it.

God: Mmm

Me: I think the Holy Spirit might have kept me. I’m still down about all of this. And a toothache. Like really? Rheumatoid is ruining everything.

God: Not everything. You have insurance and the money to pay for it.

Me: Money I will have to put back.

God: Mmm

Me: However, with insurance it’s about 477.00 less. But, it’s going to costs THOUSANDS TO GET AN IMPLANT.

God: I got it.

Me: Maybe my Christmas spirit will return in the morning. On Christmas Day.

God: Don’t count on it. Just do the best you can.

Me to Self: “May the Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’

~Nikki

 

Have Not…Yet.

b450b3cf8b0d4b3e5b43e093418dbce9

Some people with much more money, a bigger home, power coupled up, degreed line walls, will have an attitude towards you and you have none of those things…yet (maybe you don’t even want any of that to a degree)…Sometimes they will do all they can to STOP your progression. They can’t believe your audacity of HOPE, they can’t believe you even THINK YOU CAN rise up. These people are usually insecure and unhappy somewhere in their own lives. Pray for them. Heap those hot coals over their head (Bible) and keep on pushing. Let God prepare that table for you. It’s harvest time.

Nikki