44 YEARS NOW.

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I am excited about being 44 years old. I am excited as if it’s the number 45, 50, 21, 30 or 40. I am excited with that kind of energy. My birthday is my New Year. It’s a Happy Birthday New Year for me.

Each year I am given my marching orders or divine to do and to be list. There are certain books I am lead to read, certain things I am lead to try, and this year is different because the “Word” came early. When I think of the number 44 the first thing I notice is the double 4’s. I understand this spiritually as foundation, stability, support, anchored down, solid, ready to build upon. As I dug deeper, I related to the worthiness, ability to make my dreams come true. It’s more than effort. It’s about willpower. It’s about timing. It’s not longer about seed. It’s about timing. I can firmly look inward for my wisdom. I must clearly define my dreams and desires. It’s all about hard work and reaping the rewards. I am fully supported by the Creator and my angels.

I also think of the word “Presidential” when I think of the number 44. 44 is a time of well planned leadership. It’s a time of responsibility for myself and others. It’s a time of confident execution of plans and remaining flexible. It’s a time for executive decision making with careful thought and precision. Timing. Pushback and veto the negative.

Taking you just a little further into my depth and understanding of who I am, seeing the 444 during this time, waking up to it in the wee hours of the morning, signifies passion and drive and divine communication. I am here. I am doing. I am listening. I bar none. Full speed ahead.

My scripture for the year:

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Hello 44. How YOU doing?

~Nikki

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Show Up As Your Higher Self

 

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Artist Name is in Right Corner. 

Show up as your higher self this morning and remain him or her throughout your day. You’re better than mean, rude, disrespectful, and petty. Why sow those seeds only to be surprised when you reap a greater harvest? Tap into your higher self through your spiritual practices & practice what you preach/know.

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What You Have Need Of

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You’ve been blessed with an inheritance, a lump sum of money, you won the lottery, or you have a good job or career and have managed to put away for retirement. Yet, you worry from time to time or constantly about the future and if you will have enough. Maybe, you are young or old, have a large family or a single parent, and you are doing the best you can. Let me tell you briefly, about my situation.

I am in my early 40’s, approaching my middle 40’s ha! (No, I don’t look it and thank you!) Well, I happen to become ill, could no longer work, blew through my savings to survive and raise a daughter that will be graduating from high school next year. I found myself in the disability process for three grueling years. I won my case. And I thought it would be a sigh of relief and it was. However, like any person that has to start from a setback, start from rock bottom, I worry. But and on my anxiety and man, it takes on a whole other form or worrying. How can I make it off this? What will I do when the surplus runs out? Will my other dreams ever take off so that I don’t have to be on disability? What happens in 3 years when I go for a review? What if they say I am okay and I don’t need it? What kind of job will I be able to do at 46 with my illnesses? Will I ever get the home I want? You see where I am going and then loop that in your head all day. That is anxiety. Go to bed and wake up thinking about the same thing.

This morning I heard this in my spirit, “There is no sense in worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own. You can’t add one day to your life by worrying.”

And then I thought, but don’t you have to plan for the future?

Spirit:”Be wise like the ants. But they don’t worry. And consider the birds in the air, the are fed everyday. The flowers are clothed and they don’t worry.”

Me: “But, what about my dreams, and goal, and plans, and life? What about that abundance? What about prospering? I don’t want to struggle until I die!”

Spirit: “God knows the plans created for you. God knew you before you existed in the womb. God molded and shaped you. You are carefully, and wonderfully me. The Creators plans for you are to prosper and to be in good health. You have choices. Choose life. Choose the things that will better you. Go for it. Do it. Be wise. Use knowledge. And God  knows the number of hairs on your head. Not one falls without his (her) knowledge.”

Me: Let me blog this and hope it helps someone else.

God, the Creator, the Universe, knows what you have need of. God’s plans are always for you to triumph, be at peace, be in good health, and to prosper. But you do have to do your part and if you’re doing your part, researching your part, then do not worry. God will do the rest. The Universe is working for you, always and never against you.

~Nikki

Morning Routines: Mind & Spirit

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It started Wednesday with excruciating foot pain, but if we want to be honest it started way before that. It started with taking on Vocational Bible School when I really didn’t want to and doing most of it on my own with the nitpicking, complaining, and subtle “bitching” of others. Yes, I did use the word bitching and I could have used barking, but IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR COMFORTABILITY right now. I also had little sleep due to the oven light going out which we usually leave on. I discovered it has a shortage. Then the smoke detector went out. There was a power outage in the wee hours one morning on top of a night I was already tossing and turning. I didn’t want to take a sleep aid because…what if the house caught on fire and the smoke detector doesn’t work? (I have anxiety and this how the anxious mind goes into overdrive). I was thinking about all that I had to do. Major issues with my mother and minor ones with my sister. Drama and trauma.

So, I try to sleep better last night and I was irritable before I went to bed. Oh, and someone stole my bank card from church! I tossed most of the night and when I finally woke up it was from a terrible dream.

What am I doing wrong? What is going on here? Good things are happening and all of these inconveniences are also happening like the gnats that seem to have invaded our area. Small and irritating as hell. I had a great therapy session last week. What am I missing?

I am not centered at all. I am not thinking clearly and it is showing up. I have been fearful, angry, and peace-less. Fearful of the future, fearful of walking in purpose and marrying my authentic self to my purpose. Angry at the things said and done by family. Peace-less about a future relationship.  I am overwhelmed by household chores (tired body, achy body, little to no help, and a teen with lazy summer bones) and wanting to have a gathering, but not really wanting to be bothered. I  am missing intentional and thoughtful prayer. Meditation. A morning reading. Yoga. Either one or all of these things would do me a world of good because I need centering every day and sometimes several times during the day. I am missing the voice of Spirit and Self. I am ignoring it. And my body, my mind, is fatigued.

This morning I pulled myself up. Opened to a passage in the book: God’s Healing Power: Finding Your True Self Through Meditation where the above excerpt was pulled. I had breakfast. I watched a food documentary. I still don’t feel well. I wanted an instant fix. I still feel overwhelmed. I wanted energy. This is the beginning, Nikki. The RE-establishing of routine. It’s going to take some time and patience and effort. I think I will read this same passage every morning until…

~Nikki

 

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: The Auntie Mom

I was an Auntie before I was a Mom. I remember when my first nephew (that was younger than me was born) like it was yesterday. My dad was cutting the yard and we got the phone call that it was a boy and his name was Jeremiah. It was a sunny day in June with clear skies and I remember the grass being so green. My Dad started to sing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog and he was a friend of mine.” He meddled my nephew with that through childhood and even now! My second nephew I had the pleasure of giving him his middle name and he was my first job at 8 weeks old. He later gave his younger daughter the same middle name! I was a babysitter. Those two gave me a run for my money! And there were more nieces and nephews to come.

I am writing this piece for my friend Jackie and Alicia whom are Aunts, and all of the women who want to have a family someday and to the ones that may not be able to. You are a mother by heart. You are a mother because you nurture someone somewhere. You may even be a mother figure to a friend, a sibling, to a class, the motherly one on the job, a doggie mom. You care. You will jump in and fill that roll as an Auntie Mom. I tell my niece Brea I am your Auntie Mom. She’s the fireball of the bunch and I keep close reigns on her because I love her. I was once known as the General and Sargent but, I have been promoted to Lieutenant by my nephew Brandon. I am the Aunt that will play football, dolls, fix you a good meal and bake cookies but, I also believe in discipline.

All of my nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews are my children. I wanted more children but, I am unable to have any more because I had to have a hysterectomy. That was tough and sad. But nothing beats hearing, “Auntie! Auntie Nikki! Ti-Ti!” and getting those hugs. It’s the same feeling as “Mommy!” and receiving love in the hugs. It’s the same pressure to watch what I say and do and how I live my life. I still have to impart instruction, wisdom, and love.

~Nikki aka Auntie Mom

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: 10 Things This PK Wants You To Stop

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It wasn’t hard growing up a preacher’s child until I became a teenager. I didn’t know so many prejudices and preconceived notions existed from others. How I should act, what I should think, what I could and could not do, where I can and cannot go, what I can say and cannot say. What I can and cannot wear. I’m suppose to be boring. I’m suppose to be promiscuous. I’m suppose to not get in trouble. But, what really, REALLY gets under my skin is ADULTS STILL have these same thoughts even though I am a grown woman with a child. I want to say to YOU adults, that ALWAYS has preacher kids jokes and all of these things to say and all of these judgements to pass, I want to say SAVE IT. SHOVE IT is about the nicest thing I can say without having to ask for forgiveness lol.

10 Things I don’t want to hear if you are in my presence:

  1. “I’m going to tell your dad.” (He raised me. He knows me. I am over 21)
  2. “Don’t tell Reverend you saw me here.” You should be more concerned about God than Reverend and aren’t we in the same place????
  3. “Preacher’s kids are the worst.” It’s not fact. They do they same things most children do except you have attached a saying you heard your mama, grandmamma, parents, others say. It makes you feel better.
  4. “You think you are better than everyone else.” Why? Because your idea of morals and mines are different?
  5. “Look at the Preacher’s kid doing xyz…” You just killed my vibe and just showed me you hold me to a higher standard than you hold yourself based on the occupation of my Father. That some how, I shouldn’t me dancing, having a cocktail, going to Vegas because there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do there but gamble. Rolls eyes…
  6. “I’ve got to watch what I do and say because you are here.” I’ll leave. I have to watch what I do and say because you have made this statement. I know people like you can’t wait until I do something you can gossip about. This is why I don’t let my hair down with everybody. Very wise advice. However, let yours down. Take you wig off. I could care less about what you are doing. Hey, I of all people know what it’s like to be cramped in a space with a bunch of people you can’t be free around. Though, you have paid your money to get in or bought food, too or was invited, too. I don’t trust you with my reputation.
  7. “You wouldn’t know nothing about “that” because you are a preacher’s kid.” Right. Because we stayed in church 24/7 and read the Bible 24/8 and I never have been anywhere, done anything, and some how I am 43.
  8. “You don’t know what it was like growing up in my household. All the drama. Your parents were preachers.” Right. Because we never had any drama in our house and my parents got along like Mary and Joseph. Oh wait, they had problems, too. And further more NONE of us now everything that goes on behind closed doors.
  9. “I can’t believe you did this or that.” Wait, I thought you just said preacher’s kids are the worst.
  10. “Why do Christians do…” Really? We are at wedding. We are at a party. We are at a buffet. And you want to have a full debate about Christianity. I am not a walking talking seminary school. I am not a scholar. And to be honest, I barely meet most criteria of a Christian.

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: A Healing of Mind Ponder & Finances

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I know how much things can affect the mind. Your health, your relationships, jobs, school, and your finances. These things have literally driven people over the edge and if not to that extreme, these things have cause a great deal of stress for many. It creates a terrible environment but, it also creates chaos within.

So, as I sat to write this I asked, “Can the mind be healed? Maybe when my finances are healed then will I have a peace of mind.” But, I heard the Spirit speak and say: “In order for the mind to be healed, the soul must be repaired. And, your finances being heal will bring you a “piece” of the peace of mind. But, you can have a peace of mind right now with soul work.”

I’ve done soul work in many areas. I did not think that finances were connected to soul work. Yes, I know that our spending and saving habits can be traced back to how our parents spent and save their money. But, I also know that we can “unlearn” these habits and replace them with better habits. Still, how does money and soul work belong together?

A lack of finances, a huge debt, creates worry. Worry creates illnesses, bad moods, foul environments and strained relationships. Worrying does not add to our life but, takes away from our lives. It takes away “life” from our life. We miss everything else around us. At first we worry about what we will do. Then we worry about what will happen. Then we worry about it as we are working on saving and paying down debt because many times it leaves us with very little to work with and that creates stress. Here is where the soul is damaged. Worry is like a cancer it just eats up the good and the bad. It gnaws away on something until it’s gone. Boom…peace of mind gone. You get it back and then bam! It’s gone again.

The soul is being overpowered about what is happening in the natural world and we forget or severe ourselves from our Source. It doesn’t matter to me what you call the Source or Creator or God. We forget God is with us EVEN as we correct our financial situations. God is with us the moment we realize we are in trouble. God is with us when we look at the financial books and realize we don’t have enough to do anything after paying on our debts. The reason we get so upset about not having is because we know we are suppose to be able to live in abundance. And let me say, your abundance could be millions and my abundance could be $30,000 a year.  It’s all about how we work it.

Something in us knows we were not created to barely make it. Yet, how do we have peace when we are barely getting by or in the process of improvement? We take a break. What? We take a break. On a job, they give you breaks. What you do on those breaks are up to you.

Soul work: On your morning break, your lunch break, evening/night time break, pray or meditate, read about financial empowerment, affirmations and scriptures as you are in the process of creating your abundance on this financial level. (I say that because we do know that being in peace (mind) and having good health is also a part of abundance). Scriptures or affirmations that speak on worry/anxiety or finances and abundance, knowing that the Creator is there and will see you through the process is a powerful elixir for the mind as well as the healing agent for the soul. Reading books or taking a course or seeking help to repair your finances are all empowering but, staying connected to the Divine throughout this process keeps your mind on the track of peace. This is the soul work map for me and I hope that it helps you to. Abundance is come and will come.

~Nikki