Friday I decided to have a really good cheeseburger and fries combo with a diet coke for a late lunch. This was suppose to be it until dinner with the exception of a 15g snack. After the meal I was still thirsty. I was still a little hungry. That’s not a problem because I could have chosen something else to eat but, it needed to be healthy. I didn’t do that. I CHOSE some corn chips and a bottle of ginger green tea. That bottle of ginger green tea has a serving for 3 and guess what? I drank it all!!!
I am diabetic. In about an hour I began to feel really bad. I checked my blood sugar and WHOA! I’d never seen it that high before! I didn’t panic. I knew what to do. But boy, was I miserable for the next few hours. I admit I also had too many corn chips…and dip. WHY DID I DO THIS?
You may say it was a lack of self control. I think that’s a part of the puzzle. However, I took a closer look and I examined how I was feeling. I was feeling anxious. I was thinking about the vacation I had coming up and if things would be go well. I was thinking about the guy I am dating and if I’d made the wrong choice inviting him along.
I also wanted those chips and I wanted all of the tea. It was a deliberate choice and decision. I kind of felt like I deserved to have it. I mean after all, my thoughts at that time were on “Why can’t I have what I want in this life? I want what I want now. It’s taking so long to get there.” And so and so forth. FOOD can sometimes be a way to achieve the satisfaction you are lacking at times in life. I wanted to feel satisfaction that I was making the right decisions and that all was going to work out. I went the quick but, temporary route. I took a short cut with consequences.
Take a look at what happens when you have what you want TOO SOON or TOO MUCH? It can make you ill. It can be a disaster. It can not last. In life, we want what we want, and we often want it now. We may feel we have waited long enough and we deserve it. This type of thinking can lead us to make rash decisions and choices. It will lead to frustration and ultimately come to an end. If only I would have had the proper portion at that time. If only I would have gotten control of my emotions or thoughts and then I would have had control of my ACTIONS (DECISIONS). I would have been in a better frame of mind.
I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know if you are tired of waiting on it to manifest. I don’t know if you don’t have the drive to make it happen and the proper patience as it happens. I don’t know if you are worried or have anxious thoughts. I do know that having what you want when it’s not time for it is not a good thing. I also know that too much of something, that you do want, could become a problem. And we circle back around to TIMING, BALANCE, PRAYER and PATIENCE. But might I add for those of us that struggle with anxiety, PAUSE and ask, WHAT AM I FEELING? WHY? and answer HONESTLY. Then do what you need to do to calm those thoughts and feelings in the least destructive way. Seek out therapeutic methods like exercise, something creative, something relaxing that won’t have a negative impact on you later.
My spirit will not let up on “clarity”. It is calling me into clarity as of late August and into September. I have learned to NOT ignore this. So, I dive in wholeheartedly with most pulls of my spirit by the Spirit. Although, sometimes, I must admit I unwillingly give in.
Get quiet. Meditate.
Pay attention to the SIGNS. If you are a person like me that loves “signs and wonders” and is interested in symbolism (these things are Biblical as well FYI), then PAY ATTENTION to what stands out to you. I saw a Cooper’s Hawk perched on my neighbor’s mailbox in direct sight. We’ll talk about that Sunday but, look up what things mean that capture your attention.
In this journey of clarity, clouds will roll away and clouds will roll back in like the weather pattern. When Spirit dropped this in my Spirit, I was like “Oh, no. How long will this journey last?” Let’s get this over with is my thoughts. But, Spirit explained by bringing into my remembrance that this is LIFE and this CLARITY leg of the journey is to prepare me to SEE and understand better myself and others. So, when clouds, the cloudy mental moments come, I will understand where the confusion, anxiety, or depression is coming from. I will be able to navigate the mental fog BETTER. So this is TRAINING is necessary for my growth and my journey. Still, “ugh. okay.”
The process of clarity are keys to clarity. What’s the process? Well, you will find your process through therapy, hearing directly from Spirit, or GOOGLE. Yes, really. Google Gaining clarity and what resonates with you, go for it. For me thus far, it’s to get quiet. Guided meditation on clarity. PRAYER and after prayer, LISTEN for a response and be AWARE of any SIGNS sent my way. Also, do something I love or something that brings me joy and peace while I wait for the “clouds to roll away.”
And PATIENCE is required in the clarity process. I used to tell people, “I only have patience with the elderly and children.” I am much better NOW and getting better with being patient with others and myself. So, you will have to be patient as the cloudiness rolls to clarity.
Clarity gives insight to YOU, the situation, the people involved and helps you to construct a plan or a response. It’s your next move. Even if that move is to do nothing or let it go.
This is all I have learned in this “Clarity Course” so far. I am currently putting some of these things into practice.
What have you learned about clarity? How do you access clarity when your mind is cloudy or there is confusion in your life?
“In all your ways (decisions, steps, actions) acknowledge Him (see if what you are about to do is alignment with God, Higher Power, the Universe, Your True SPIRIT) and He shall direct (guide you) YOUR path.” – Proverbs 3:6, The Bible
Intuition can be described as a “knowing” or a “feeling”. Sometimes you “just know” and sometimes your body gives you a “feeling”. I don’t want to dive too deep into intuition, but I am here today to say a few things to us.
Sometimes we search for advice when we already KNOW the answer. Even if we get advice contrary to what we “know” deep down inside or how we “feel” about the situation, the answer will remain that which you ALREADY KNOW. You can’t (I mean you can but…) talk yourself into it or out of it, it will still be what you already know. You can go in circles asking friends and wise counsel. You can do all of the things such as pray, meditate, wait, listen, search and research but, when you know, you know. And yes, you should do those things to a certain extent except for the RUNNING YOURSELF in circles, turning the situation over and over in your mind. It’s not good for you mental health. It creates stress. Why do we do that? Seek and seek and seek? I believe it’s because we don’t want to be wrong. We don’t want to be right. We don’t want to mess up. However, we have to make a decision sooner or later or life will make the decision for us. It is far better that you make the decision within a reasonable time frame.
Yes, we will wrestle with some decisions in life because some decisions are more complex and have lasting effects. It’s okay to be right about something and it’s okay to be wrong. I am learning to TRUST my intuition, forgive myself if I make the wrong move or decision, and to listen more to the KNOWING and the FEELING.
Recently, I met a nice guy that seemed to check most of my boxes but, each time he did or said certain things, it didn’t make me “feel” good. I would cringe. It was off putting. I tried to ignore it and we talked about it but, the off putting feeling was still there. There was nothing wrong with him per se, it was that our personalities did not click. It’s just that simple but, I began to think TOO MUCH and that made it more complex. How important is it that personalities match or compliment each other at least? What if I don’t find those qualities in him I like in someone else? Am I being superficial or shallow?
I was beginning to think people were thinking I wanted someone perfect. I know that’s not true because I have accepted imperfection and I know it comes with dating, relationships, friendships, and marriage. As I said to one friend, “It’s not about perfection. It’s about who’s the mature choice for me.” So what was my problem in listening to the KNOWING and adhering to the FEELINGS? I wanted to be wrong. So, I held on longer than I should have. I asked around. I prayed, meditated, listened…REPEATEDLY getting the same answers. I asked anyone that would listen, and got conflicting information and confirmation. I created CONFUSION. I also didn’t want to be right because I thought it meant, “You can’t seem to get it right when it comes to men, AGAIN.” It’s like all of the circling around the KNOWING and FEELINGS creates a centripetal force that will have you going no where. But, oh when it stops (when you are forced to make a choice or life chooses for you) you’ll be flung across the room! BAM!
The Divine will give you all the confirmation you need but, only for so long. Trust the KNOWING. The FEELING. Be willing to be wrong, again or sometimes. Be willing to be right even if it’s not what you wanted to be right about. The ability to do either is part of vulnerability. Vulnerability is being willing to feel the depth of being. It’s also a wonderful teacher.
In her new book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” It’s that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control.
I look out onto the porch this morning. It’s nice outside with the overcast of clouds. The weather is much cooler and welcomed. Yesterday we had the homegoing celebration of my godmother. Also, this week 3 more people I know passed away from Covid. I found out about one this morning as I logged onto social media. I have no more words this morning.
What do you say? Sometimes you just can’t process everything in life given to you in wave after wave. Before you can wrap your mind around one thing here comes something else. We are in a period of life where being overwhelmed seems to be happening even to the “strong” and the highly spiritual.
I may have no words this morning. Nothing prominent to say, I don’t think. Yet, I type these “words” but, to me they are just thoughts. They are just expressions of my feelings this morning which can change by this evening as I come into more understanding. As I may hear or read something or do something that makes the mood better. I ignore the fibromyalgia pain in my feet and calf. I can’t think about all the sadness in the world, in my world, yet I feel the heaviness in the atmosphere.
Sometimes you have no words. I remember one morning, years ago when I was having trouble with my child’s father, I was so angry on my way to work I tried to pray. I tried to pray but, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to pray for because the level of anger and rage I felt was not my normal. I was crying on my way to work. As the sun creeped up, I kept searching for words to pray and I just blurted out, “God, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I want to pray. I don’t know what to pray.” And I recall that Spirit intercedes for us. So, I asked Spirit (Holy Spirit in my religion) to pray for me. This morning, as I stood at the door looking onto the porch. I just asked Spirit to pray, to intercede on my behalf because I have no words to describe all that I feel.
September? Is that you? It is indeed September and it is in this month we begin to phase from summer to fall. So it is in nature, we ourselves begin to phase or it may seem as a turning point. This is prime time for you to STOP, REFLECT on what you have learned this year thus far and prepare to finish up strong in the next coming months. Will you finish up or will you have some things to carry over? There is no rush because when it comes to life you never get it all done. However, it’s the PEAK ENERGY in September that you want to tap into. It’s like this is the tip of the mountain and we slowly roll down the year from here.
Be open to change. Be open to change this month. We may have been reserved, closed off, this year but, this is a good time to open up to change because what you have been doing this year may not have been working. Maybe it needs to be tweaked or done away with all together. It’s time to try something new and different. It’s time to do it without fear or do it with fear. It’s time for a POSITIVE CHANGE. Whether it be a spiritual change or a change in your diet, catch the peak energy and move into the radical change that has been integrating into your life all year or hovering in your atmosphere. You’ve been thinking about it. You’ve been making huge changes all year long. It’s time to embrace it.
Shift and End. When something ends, it really never ends, it shifts so that something else can come along and take it’s place. Energy is eternal but, it can transform. Summer is shifting so that fall can take it’s place. The weather is changing. Hence, the “be open to change” and the shift of things such as your mindset, ideals, relationships, etc. All year has been such a drag for me. I looking forward to a shift in my life and positive change. Lord knows I am open to it.
Watch the EXTREMES. There are extremes available this month. Extremes in the change. Extremes in the attitude. Watch the HOW you move from thought to thought, mood to mood, ideal to ideal. Make it smooth, planned, as it does not have to be abrupt. It does not have to be broadcasted or sprung on others. It just has to be done.
The Lull (Down Times) As disruptions will happen this month/season because of the extremes of energy (summer and fall’s tug of war that will flow into October), hold on to your hat. Your hat is your faith, your beliefs. Ground yourself. We are dealing with viruses of all sorts and I am not just talking about the flu or Covid/Delta variant. However, as I type this two people I know have transitioned, passed away as a result of Covid. One person this morning and the other Monday. I hold on to my faith. I ground myself. Now, there will be LULLS. There will times before the new moons and there will simply be times where you have absolutely nothing to do. You will have downtime. You will create downtime. In that time, THINK of what is near and dear to your heart. People, hopes, dreams, vacations and think of how you want to manifest those things…NEXT YEAR. YES. I said next year. Write it down as it comes. In the LULL, bask in feelings of gratefulness and thankfulness. The LULL may be right before bed, if you wake in the night, or perhaps before dawn. It can be anytime and anywhere.
Emotions and Restlessness: After changes come emotions. Yeah, it was a good idea but, now you are having doubts. Now, you are getting pushback from the people around you that, “didn’t see that coming.” Well, you will need to process the emotions. Feel it. Does something need to be adjusted? Revisited? Yes. Do it. No? Let it go and keep going. This is the process.
Restless energy? Channel it into getting things done. Especially, things you have put off or things you know that are coming up. Home maintenance. Car maintenance. Etc. Instead of “What’s in your wallet?” like the Capital One Commercials, it’s a “What’s on your list?” inquiry.
The Virgo Bless Up. It’s not about perfection, it’s about refining things. It’s about structure. It’s about purification of what has been tainted. Make it clean. Make it sparkle. Make it spic and span. Crisp souls. Straighten up your talk and walk.
The Libra Line Up. At the end of the month, cash out. In other words, balance your energy. Make it harmonious. After all, you’ve been tapping into the peak energy of September. Also, check to make sure you are in line with who you are authentically. Weigh your next move.
Guess what? I had a healthy breakfast. I prayed, meditated, affirmations. My mood still hasn’t stabilized. I ate chocolate chocolate chip cookies and milk. My snack for tonight so, I can’t have that tonight again. 😩 What’s wrong Nicole? What’s the matter, Pooh Bear( family Nickname…don’t you call me this lol)? I’m frustrated. Why? Because there is too much to do, too much happening in my world and the world, I can’t keep up, and I can’t seem to get all of what I want in a man and things (people, men) keep showing up that are almost what I desire. I’m sure I have somethingto do with all of this. Plus, another trip coming up and while I’m cool with going as the fabulous third wheel, would be nice…(stares in singlehood). Listens. 1. Take him or leave him, you’re going to have a wonderful time.
2. You don’t have to accept who shows up, remember? And if you choose “almost” you’ll “almost” be satisfied. Plus, I’ve given you several signs that this is not the time for a relationship. Remember? Either relax and enjoy the company or enjoy your own company. Breathe deep.
3. Yes. You have something to do with most of this but, not all of this. You have nothing to do with the events you have no control over like Afghanistan and the passing of your godmother. Your part, to pray, was and is done perfectly.
4. You can organize. You have lacked discipline. It’s true. You have procrastinated. It’s true. Why? You have been ill. You have not wanted the responsibility of some things. You haven’t enjoyed a particular environment. You haven’t done the ONE major life thing because of fear and THIS is what is clouding your mind. If you want clarity to come easily, DO THAT FEARFUL THING.
5. Make no commitment to any man right now. I repeat, it is not time for a relationship. It is time for your soul’s purpose.
6. Take one step. I’ll take two. Move towards destiny and I’ll create waves of manifestations. We are a team.
I shall be with you always. Even until the ends of the earth.
PS: Stop saying yes out of obligation to things that I’ve disconnected you from. Stop inserting your help where you have not been lead to help. You cannot help everyone or every cause. You can’t sign up for every thing and then say you don’t have time for your own soul purpose, dreams, goals, duties. That’s fear. Explore that fear of success. You can’t want and not want success. Love, Spirit. 💋
It’s inevitable you will reach some point, some situation, some loss of a loved one where you will think or say, “I wish I would have done more.” Maybe, “I wish I would have done differently.” These thoughts are natural as we are beings with the gift to look forward and backwards. We look back for many reasons. Looking back can be helpful as well as a hindrance.
If we look back to measure how far we have come, that could be good if we rejoice about it. If we look back to see what we can learn from a situation, that is helpful for our present and future. However, it is when we look back and realize that we can’t fix the past and become filled with regret. “We wish we would have done more or differently.” How do you not let that consume you? How do you live with the guilt? I can tell you that you must find a way or it will eat you alive. It will gnaw at your conscious. Here is what I know and I hope it can help you.
Forgive yourself and know that you are forgiven by a Higher Power.
If the person has passed away and you wish you would have done more, made amends, or did differently by them, just know that they forgive you. Amends have been made. There is no “space” in the hereafter to hold grudges and unforgiveness. There is only peace. There is only joy. There is only bliss.
Do differently NOW with the time and the people you have left.
If the person is here now, go to them and ask for forgiveness and CHANGE your ways. The best apology is changed behavior.
If the person will not forgive you, that is on them. You have did your part. Forgive yourself. Continue with changed behavior. And remember, you are forgiven.
My oldest brother passed in February of this year and I can say with ease and peace, there is nothing I wish I would have done more about. We had a great relationship as sister and brother. My godmother transitioned yesterday and I wish I would have given her more. I wish I would given her more on her birthdays and mother’s day. I intended to have her and my god sister over at my new home for dinner soon. I won’t get that chance. I wish I would have made that pineapple upside down cake she suggested I make as I have began baking. What can I do about these things, now? I can’t do much about these things now. I can be grateful for the life she lived and the impact it had on me. I can invite my god sis over. I can give more to my god children. I can bake and perfect the pineapple upside down cake. I can cherish all of the invaluable lessons, that are precious gifts, she gave me. For a woman that went through so much, she not only displayed resilience, she had a joy about life that shined like the sun on a clear blue sky fall day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with obtaining all of the material things you want in life. The thing is, unless you are truly happy or at peace on the inside, in the mind or heart, or in other areas of your life, none of those things will amount to that which you truly seek. So go ahead and build the biggest house. Line your driveways with cars. Take as many trips as you would like. Buy all of the clothes and shoes that can fit into your closets. When they high subsides, the misery will rise to the surface and spew over again.
You can lie to strangers and tell them, “All is well.” It is true you can fool some of the people some of the time but, you can’t fool all of the people all of the time. Some of us can see straight through the malarkey. In many ways this is a sad situation because one spends the bulk of their energy (time and money) trying to prove to themselves and the rest of the world they are “happy” while they could spend the their energy getting well. And by getting well I mean taking the courage to address the real issues in their lives.
As I type this Sunday Morning Coffee Musing, a scripture from the Bible pops into my head, “What profits a person to gain the world but, loses their soul?” I know we are accustom to taking this scripture literally and as if the person is going to Hell. However, what does it mean on another level to “lose the soul?” The essence of the person is lost and what is left is an empty shell. Some walk around putting on all day long and in public spaces. Yet, when they are in the privacy of their own homes or in the company of close family, the venom of bitterness and misery is applied. It’s in snarky comments and funky moods. Empty shell behavior.
I looked to my cousin and said, “You know, a person can everything and nothing at the same damn time.”-N. Jackson
So, I’ve been dating almost immediately after my last relationship (yes, so soon) but, lately I have NOT been feeling “it”. Heavy sigh. The thrill is gone. No one interests me and the interest I did have in one particular person seems to be fading fast. I think it may be more “me” than him. He is who he is and I am who I am. And I am who I am becoming. I don’t think you should ask a person to change their personality to fit your world. Habits? Maybe. Pet peeves? Maybe. But personality? No. So, what’s going on with me? What happened to the thrill of dating? Why am I easing to a stop? Or being urged to pause temporarily?
What was dropped in my spirit last week, “Nikki, temporarily let go of the very thing you desire to get the very thing you desire.” Are you thinking what I am thinking? Probably not. I was thinking, “WOW. I get it.” I am too wrapped up in it. I’m thinking about it too much. I’m trying too hard to manifest it. I am trying to feel something that isn’t there. I’m trying to wait and see when there is nothing to wait or see. I’m avoiding the inevitable. I need to call a time out. “Coach, I need to sit this one out.”
Also, I have THINGS to do. I have pressing things to do. However, it seems as if what I am being asked to do, per Spirit, is not to STOP but to PAUSE. I need to get started on my life’s work. I need to finish the third book. Hopefully, I will have some vendor opportunities this fall/winter for my crochet items. These are more pressing issues than dating at this time. I do believe I was given that message because it will significantly give me the balance I need between my life work and my personal life.