Prepared To Be Myself

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Prepared to be myself and only myself. I have done the ground work in the previous years and now I am building upwards. Who I thought I was, I was not ( I discovered this when I turned 26 and had my daughter. But, that was all I did. A shocking truth, but it would take another 10  plus years to ACT upon that revelation). And that is the case for most of us living in this world. We really believe we are who we are. But, I am here to tell you unless you have taken a real journey within yourself you may be surprised to find out you are not who you think you are. You’re more than likely a product of what you have been taught and what life has shaped you to be. I am not saying all of that is bad, but I am not saying all of it is good either. How about it can be neither bad or good? It just “is”. You can take the journey by force or by choice. And even by force you still have a choice not to examine yourself and the situation. There is much more to you than you know. Much more authentic power. Much more than a body. Much more than a religion or not.

Question your actions, examine your choices in life, and ask what was my part in this situation? If you did that and answered yourself honestly, you may not like who you are  or you may discover something wonderful. It takes work to discover who you really are and for me it took Divine guidance from the one I call God or Creator. I am talking about REAL HARD WORK. UGLY, DIRTY WORK. GROUND BREAKING AND HEART BREAKING WORK. BEAUTIFUL and AWE INSPIRING WORK. HEALING AND REVEALING, REFLECTIVE WORK. STILL WORKING. It takes faith, courage, and strength. It’s why some don’t like me and why others don’t know what to think about me. HA! Prepared to be called not a real Christian by my peers and prepared to be welcomed into a circle by those who “get me.” Michelle Obama said in her book, Becoming, “You have to learn to live with the doubters. The great ones always do.”  (Something like that).

But let’s talk about this pretense. The ability to walk into a room without pretense means you are not pretending to me something or someone you are not. You are the same in the room as you were in your car, on the job, at home. You are not trying to impress anyone by being something or someone that you are not. The best impressions are made by being yourself. If not, you will have to be that other person each time you are around that group and it is exhausting. I’ll never forget the day in recent years I thought I knew someone and was developing a good friendship with them and was shocked to see another side of them once we were in close quarters with another group. I expected the bitchy behavior from the others, but not that one. I was more disappointed and honestly hurt. I got over it. If I don’t know who you are, I just don’t deal with you because I don’t have time to figure it out. So, be who you really are. If you are not a “mean girl” don’t become one in front of other women who are. If you are not a gossiper, then don’t become one in front of others. If you are any of those things, seek help soon. (hahaha).

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From the movie “Analyze That” 

I am prepared. Even with fear, anxiety, or what ever emotion moves through me, I am prepared to be me. Unapologetically, nice. Kind. Emotional. Sensitive. Chill. Weird. Artsy. Nerdy. Sexy. Spiritual. Open. Closed. Reserved. Wild. Quiet. And more. Dispensing those sides of me however and whenever I feel comfortable or necessary. I think that harmony with one’s own spirit is a merger that is sometimes out of focus. I hope to become completely in harmony with my spirit. I use to think that meant being a certain way all the time. It doesn’t. It fluctuates sometimes as you learn and are presented with situations to grow. And that, too, is okay. You can always come back to the core of who you REALLY are. You can always refocus or re-center and ground yourself.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What is “43:The It is Well Within Tour”

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The 43: It is Well Within Tour is a tour of my life, my mind, behind the scenes so to speak. In this social media error we seem to only see the finished product of things. We see the finished product of wisdom on a post. We see the arrival but, what about the journey? What about the grit and the grind or the situations that create the wisdom or the lessons? I am not talking about the polished versions either. I am talking about the moments that led up to the light bulb going off. The moment that profound wisdom is inked into your psyche. The moment light hits the darkness was it tears? Was it shame? Was it anger? Was it guilt? Was it relief?

Well, I want to take a tour of this year as if I am the tour guide and the tourist to journey into wellness within me. I am both the guide and the observer. You see the production. The beautifully wrapped package of a body that smiles (whether forced or not). But what happened that week or that day? We are on tour of the “getting to” of well being within. I hope you can take the tour with me. It’s going to be pretty honest and pretty amazing. 3/31/18-3/31/19

 

“In order to maintain peace and joy within one must take care of the things without and within.” ~Nikki

Five Things About 42 Before 43

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  1. It was legendary because I stretched out my faith, moved beyond my fears, and took leaps
  2. Some wounds by those closest to you can change the dynamics of the relationship forever even after you have forgiven them
  3. Not my circus. Not my monkey. Liberation.
  4. I don’t need anyone to sign off on my relationship with God. No one gets to decide if I am a REAL CHRISTIAN. Liberation
  5. I don’t need to be believed or understood. I don’t need to explain. I am who I am. I be who I be. Liberation.

~Nikki

My 42 Journey was about Liberation and Legendary Actions

Discoveries from “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016 (2)

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I LIKE BEGINNING AND ENDING MY DAY WITH A LIKE SOUL. I LIKE SPENDING MY PRECIOUS TIME WITH LIKE SOULS.

“Time is money. It is your currency on this earth. Where you spend it, how you spend it, and who you spend it with is your choice and consequence. There are no refunds.”  -Nicole Jackson

 

You don’t realize how precious your time is until you are in the presence of others that are nothing like you. You do, however,  recognize how miserable you are. True, you may not can always control the times you are around or encounter those people, but oh what joy for the times you can!  There is nothing like being comfortable at a party, at a dinner, at a get together. I don’t like a lot of bickering and arguing. I had enough of that growing up. I don’t want to spend my time defending myself, explaining myself or being ignored. I like friendly people. I like kind people. I like joyful people. I like helpful people. I like honest people. I like funny people. I don’t want to sit around and talk about other people. Or whispering about another “friend or associate” in a room. I don’t really want to talk about someone who thinks we are all associates, family, or friends. I don’t care about their hair, makeup or attire.

When I was a child, I spent time with friends. When I was a teenager, I spent time with friends. When I was a young adult, I spent time with friends. The people I hung around were not mean or low down. They were not backstabbers, liars, or cheaters. They were not mean girls or rude. We could hash out any differences and move on. I don’t know what happened to those days or those kind of people, but I do know they are still alive and well. We told each other when we were wrong and we would help mend each other. Those are my kind of relationships.

When it comes to spending my life with someone, I prefer someone with a like soul. Someone similar in core beliefs and someone who can allow me the freedom to be myself. I don’t want to wake up miserable and come home to miserable. I will not and I do not believe God would set me up in that environment. God knows my creativity, my heart, my soul could not thrive in that type of environment. I am a delicate soul, yes. I am also strong, but my dynamics are complex for many.

~Nikki

 

Discoveries From “My Authentic Self” Journey 2016

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I HAVE FOUND THE POWER BEHIND MY VOICE AGAIN.

I’d lost the power behind my voice. I would say something and when someone would challenge what I said, I would try to explain. If someone would insult my intelligence I would just ignore it. When in reality I wanted to assert myself or opinion. They made me feel as if my thoughts, my opinions, my feelings were wrong and theirs were right. They were not trying to get an UNDERSTANDING of Nicole, they were trying to get a session to berate me. They were trying to have a debate about what I THOUGHT, I FELT, OR I BELIEVE.  Some wanted to tell me what I should feel and think when I had already told them what I thought and felt. They wanted to argue for the sake of arguing and not seek to understand. Many times, they wanted me to THINK as they THINK. Feel what they feel.

Let me tell you about Nicole. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care what you feel about politics, the Bible, gay people, cakes, pies, sports, natural hair, permed hair, tutus, etc. I don’t care enough to argue with you about it, to try and change you, to insult you. I have an understanding that you and I are two different people. We all are individuals with similarities and differences based on how we were raised, religions, race, experiences, and environments. I seek to understand your view and perspective. I don’t seek to destroy your theory, crush your heart, and tear your views a part. I get no joy or satisfaction out of being right or making you look stupid. I don’t feel empowered when I use a plethora of verbal assaults and curse words. I don’t seek to demean you, I seek to learn more about you.

The POWER in my voice to say “Look, if you want to discuss why I think the way I think, feel the way I feel, view the way I view, believe what I believe that is what we can do. If you are trying to understand me, that is awesome. I don’t need you to change me. I don’t mind being enlightened and even that is a choice of consciousness and you cannot beat it into me by belittling my religion/ideas/beliefs. You cannot change my preferences by calling me dumb or saying that’s stupid or calling me out of my name.”

The POWER TO BE QUIET is an option. The ability to discern when a person wants to argue and not discuss is sharpened. If I discover, “Oh, this is an argument to show me how stupid that sounds or how I should think like them or how I don’t make sense because they can’t comprehend it…” to say “Hey, let’s talk about something else because I am not going to change my thoughts or feelings” is POWER behind your voice. I don’t have to explain a damn thing about me. I don’t even want you to explain a damn thing about you that I don’t “get.” I’m not here to “get” everything about everybody or you. I am here to understand and when I don’t that is okay. When I don’t agree, that is okay. When I ask, trust me it will be to better understand you as a person and not to change your mind. It will be to exchange views and not to exchange profanity, put downs, rolled eyes, insults, conversion, etc.

~Nikki

 

Do Something or the Universe Will

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The inevitable. You have that nudging, intuition, Holy Spirit, that pressing in your spirit to take care of something. It could be your health, it could be handling a financial matter, it could be leaving certain people alone, etc…but you resist that feeling or that unction. Well, it’s not going anywhere and I have seen/experience the Universe working to make sure certain things happen whether you do anything or not. WHEN YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT A PROBLEM OR SITUATION YOU LEAVE IT UP TO CHANCE! Then you are standing there saying…”I should have done that a long time ago. It probably wouldn’t have been as bad or negative.” Hindsight doesn’t have to be 20/20 because the Spirit is giving you the 411 with that urge to do whatever it is you need to do. I hope you and I find the courage to do those things instead of the excuses and fear.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Room where Wisdom is Openly Spoken

 

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Yesterday I taught in a room where wisdom was openly spoken by every one. It was the greatest feeling of freedom in the world. I will share this week what I talked about, but for now I just want to bask in the afterglow of what it must feel like to be your authentic self and not bound by chains of tradition, culture, and man made rules. I taught or shared, and while all but one was mostly free to listen and not interject or impose, it was a good to my soul. It was like minded people, yet unique. Very mature and secure in their relationship with God. All, but one had no need to challenge my experience, my divine conversation with God, and the one was soon quiet. It is a mark of divine intelligence when you can let a person be and instead of challenging them on everything you think differently about,  you seek to understand!!!

I appreciated the opposition as I now know how to handle that when I get the opportunity to teach and share again. I see she is one who has not learned to listen to understand instead of listening to oppose and impose. It is all good. Nothing can take a way from that day. When I was done we sat around for 2 1/2 more hours sharing. I felt like we were connecting and filling each others backpacks for our own individual journeys. I did not feel like I was in a prison as I can sometimes feel like when I am in other spiritual or religious settings. I much rather feel like I am at school. Learning. Except for in school, you don’t get to always share freely your thoughts because you don’t want the teacher or those that idolize the teacher to be upset with you for thinking differently (ha ha ha). So you share the part of you they can handle or you just be quiet. However, not the case yesterday. I was free as the eagle I am! Yes, God…more of that please.

 

~Nikki