Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: I Need Space

Nicole Jackson

It’s important to know when you need space and to take it. You need to know when you’ve reached your limits. You need to recognize when your cup is empty and you need a refill. And sometimes that refill is for you and only you.

I need space. I want to relinquish my roles, responsibilities, and titles. I don’t want to answer anyone about anything. “I don’t know and I don’t care.” I would love to say that. “Figure it out yourself or get someone else” sounds good, too. I’d like to tell the inconsiderate people to buzz off. Buzz is not the word I want to use. Yes. I need space.

I need space before I have a meltdown, a blow up. I need space before I have some sort of physical malfunction. I need space before I become totally depressed. I need space. I need space. I need space.

I need to be called, ma’am or Queen. I need to be told, “Our pleasure” and not by Chick-fil-A. I need room service. I need spa services. I “DARN” sure need to be chauffeured everywhere. I need a live band. I need turn down services. I need to be asked, “Is there anything else we can do for you?”. I need the arts. I need to be prayed over in an ancestorial spiritual kind of way. And when I return, I return with bolder boundaries, consequences, rules, and regulations about how NICOLE will be treated from here on out.

I need space and I am going to take it. I am going to take it in a grand way.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 13 Not for Them But, For You

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

I acknowledge my faults and forgive myself completely

I release the burden of shame, guilt, self-hatred, and self-judgement

Self-hatred does not serve me

Forgiveness is a gift to myself

When I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others

I am forgiven

I am capable of healing

Forgiveness gives me a clean slate and a fresh start

I am loving and compassionate. I love myself completely and I am compassionate towards myself.

I am learning and growing everyday

I overcome self-condemnation and choose compassion towards myself instead

I allow myself to be forgiven

I trust myself to build a better future

I am patient and understanding towards myself

I release my past and forgive my participation in it

When people bring up my past, I tell them I have forgiven myself and I am moving on to a better me

I forgive myself one day at a time. It takes time to heal.

The energy of love, peace, healing, and forgiveness surrounds me

From this day forward, I treat myself with respect and kindness

Love, Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 12 Trouble in Self Love Paradise

Photo by Jou00e3o Jesus on Pexels.com

If your heart is blocked, you may find it difficult to love yourself and if you can’t love yourself, it’s going to be difficult to love others. How do you know if your heart, heart space, heart chakra is blocked?

  • You have a hard time forgiving others or yourself
  • It’s difficult for you to move on from the past
  • You are detached from your emotions and you don’t feel compassion or love for others or yourself
  • You are overly critical of others or yourself
  • You are isolated
  • You carry hatred openly or secretly

There is also trouble in heart paradise if your heart’s energy valve is wide open. Some symptoms are:

  • You are an over giver (time, money, advice, service, etc.)
  • You have no boundaries and you cross others’ boundaries
  • You say yes to everything and to everyone at your own physical, mental, emotional expense
  • You neglect the care for your emotional needs
  • The inability to discern healthy relationships (leading to toxicity or choosing the wrong mates, letting others run over you)
  • Codependency

What Now?

Opening up the heart or adjusting the energy or emotions that flow from the heart requires a change of mind, different approach, and exercise. One thing I’d like to address is the obvious unforgiveness in the heart. Some think to forgive is to give the person they have unforgiveness towards a pass. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. How is it for you? It frees up the space in your heart that unforgiveness is living in to be filled with love.

Resentment, unforgiveness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to dies- Unknown but, probably Bert Ghezzi

Meanwhile the other person has gone on with their life or is no longer on this earth.

Forgiveness is the way to open a heart that has unforgiveness. If you can’t “see” it as forgiveness then start with trying to see it as letting go first and then move into forgiveness. This will unblock your heart and you will begin to feel the weight lifted off your chest.

If you are detached from your emotions, you may want to begin by volunteering to reconnect to people. I know there are plenty of volunteers needed in your community. But if theses emotions of detachment run deep then you my friend may need counseling with a trained, certified, professional to get to the root of the trauma and healing can begin. In fact, dealing with either one of these scenarios of a closed heart or a heart that is too open, is a call to some therapy. Why do you overextend yourself? Why can’t you say no? Why do you neglect your own emotions?

Positive thinking and affirmations can help get the ball rolling in these areas and bring balance to the heart. A change of mind is the beginning of a change of life. You must think about it to begin it. Replacing negative thoughts about yourself and others with positive thoughts changes your point of view. The judgements we make or assumptions we make about others need to be questioned. Did your parents tell you that? Did your circle of friends tell you about “that” group of people? Are you basing your information from the news? None of that is fair. Even if the information is about you!

Take the time to investigate where your thoughts about yourself and others originate. When you do discover the truth and facts, be willing to accept them and to change them if necessary. Maybe you’ve been told you are stupid. That is not true. How are you still here and stupid? Investigate the source. Maybe you just don’t know some things or it takes you longer to learn or your learning style is different. Maybe you have been naive. That’s okay. Did you learn? Did you grow? That is all that matters. Positive thoughts, affirmations, help us change the narrative in our heads therefore changing the narrative of the heart!

YOGA and EXERCISE like running or walking get the heart pumping and blood flow moving. Of course, you should consult with your doctor first. Endorphins are released. Stress levels and anxiety come down and this puts your heart space in a better place to receive and to give with balance. Yoga brings balance and has specific poses that are for the heart chakra or heart center.

Prayer and Meditation is another way to balance the energy of the heart or to heal the heart. “I can’t meditate” is a statement I hear often. The very fact one makes this statement is a reason for meditation. The second thing is the language, “I CAN’T”. Change that to I can. If you daydream or drift off to nowhere, you can meditate. Sitting quietly and gazing out the window for one minute, not judging your thoughts, not getting involved in your thoughts, simply letting them come and then refocusing on breath or whatever you are gazing on is meditation. If you can do that for one minute then you have just meditated. There are too many YouTube videos and apps for meditation and even a thing called guided meditation. You can put in time and search for a 3-minute meditation.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. I don’t know your religion and I don’t care much about that. I care if you choose to tap into the power of prayer. Prayer has a calming effect. Prayer can help heal your heart, remove negative emotions, calm you down and if you LISTEN you just may receive solutions. They may not come immediately but, perhaps through dreams or some time that day, week, month. You will get your answer or instructions. Prayer helps soothe the heart. Prayer and action can change the heart.

Another thing that can help the heart space is READING a self-help book about what is creating the imbalance or negative emotions in your heart. Somebody out there has gone through what you have been through and survived. They not only survived, they healed, and they thrive.

~Love, Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 7 The Imperfect You

Self-love is loving the imperfect you. Believe it or not, you’re not perfect. You don’t and you won’t always get it right. It’s not always easy to forgive yourself. It’s not always easy to love yourself when you are not your best self. And it’s not so much that some of us want to be perfect, we just want to get it right. Don’t forget we are human, too. Give yourself unconditional love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Give it to others. Self-love is loving the imperfect you, while you are striving to be the best you.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 4 NOT CHANGE! (Sarcasm)

Self-love requires CHANGE and CHANGE is HARD WORK. It’s easier to stay the same and say “What? This is just the way I am.” If the way you are is not a reflection of love or self-love, is it really the way you are or just the way you have grown accustomed to being and responding?

You might have to change and expand circles. You may lose a few friends or you may have to make new friends. You may be alone for a while. And though you are loyal, it means nothing if you are loyal to people who don’t respect or value you or use you. If they are using your mind, they are using you. If they are using your heart and emotions, they are using you. If they are using your body, they are using you. Change is hard work. Self-love requires change.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 3 Heart Work can be Hard Work

I want to talk to you about the DIRTY, GRITTY, PUT ON YOUR STEEL TOE BOOTS SIDE OF SELF LOVE. SURPRISE! SELF LOVE IS HARD WORK AND HEART WORK. It’s a mind, heart, body, soul, and spirit connection.  

Are you sure you want to REALLY, REALLY love yourself? Because if you do, you are going to have to REALLY, REALLY WORK. It involves change, action, and it involves being honest with yourself and others. It involves evolving your thoughts and confronting uncomfortable feelings and situations.

Heart work is HARD WORK.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 1 Beyond Self Care

Love is in each one of us. You are love and you are loved by the Highest, the Creator, God, the Universe, angels, and ancestors. Yes. I said ancestors. You are a walking living breathing temple, sanctuary, goddess, and your heart is a sacred place. Of course, the temple needs maintenance. We should take care of ourselves. Spa days, manis and pedis, the beauty shop, deep tissue massages, and me times are wonderful. Traveling the globe, a girl’s night out, and going on shopping sprees are fun. We should be able to do these things without being attached to a mate or friend. This is self-care and self-care is a part of SELF LOVE. Self-care is more like the maintenance of the outward appearance. But SELF LOVE is the inward maintenance. Self-love is an inside job.  Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself, that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. And while self-care does make us feel good at the time that it is happening, SELF-LOVE can make us feel good about who we are as a person for a lifetime. If self-care is a sparkler, then self-love, is an eternal flame.

~Nikki

Below is something I wrote that further explains the journey of truly and truthfully loving yourself. ❤

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: How It Started

I was looking forward to New Year’s Eve for several reasons but, the main reason was I finally, wouldn’t be spending it alone. After a pretty good day that joyous mood would be crushed by him. Some sort of mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication. WHATEVER. I tried to smooth things over for him so that he wouldn’t feel bad by saying it was okay and offering a solution. The problem with that is Ioncw again put my feelings to the side. Did anyone care that I was I feeling bad? Did I care?

I did not want to be disappointed and I tried to work with it and I tried to work against it. But the TRUTH continued to be magnified with signs such as no communication during a pivotal time frame, an ignored text and phone call, and the polite, “Happy New Year” text he sent. That’s it. That is the gist of it. The TRUTH amplified in the form of anxiety and I was unable to rest even with medication.

This was NOT how I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve. This was NOT how I wanted to wake up on New Year’s Day with lingering sadness and an uneasiness in my spirit. I did not want to spend the day trying to be alright. I did not want to spend the day trying to unravel and get to the core of things so I could be alright. I knew exactly what was happening. I know this is my personal year of 9 and the ending of a 9-year cycle. This is more about endings than it is about beginnings. However, the beginnings, though few, are monarch.

This year is centered around the heart. Before you can connect to the heart, you need a heart cleansing. If not, the connection will not be clean. It will be shoddy. It will be static. It will be on and off. There I was Saturday trying to connect to heart meditation without a cleansing. “Create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit” is a scripture from the Bible. This is similar to a heart chakra cleanse. Growing up Christian this scripture usually was used when sin was talked about or an evil spirit. I can’t help but to think how that only scratches the surface.

The heart can be filled with sadness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, worry, depression, confusion and the remnants of these things or debris of the past. The wrong spirit could be any of those things. It is not necessarily that of evil or sin. So, as the heart is “CLEANsed” the renewing of the spirit takes place. The alignment of spirit takes place. I also believe you have to participate in your healing. There is work involved.

What did I have to do to get to an understanding and to align my spirit? I certainly couldn’t rush the process. I wanted to feel better. QUICKLY. SO, I wanted to skip the heart cleanse and just connect to heart happy. No. 1 hour and 11 minutes into a heart chakra cleanse and typing this I “felt” some clearing. My heart space felt a little lighter. I felt some strength and some HELP coming on. Cleansing the heart can be praying, listening to the RIGHT kind of music, binaural beats, journaling, therapy, chatting with a friend, crying, laughing, etc. This is the creating of a clean heart and the refreshing of spirit. The uplifting or alignment of spirit. The conjunction “AND” means they work together.

Above is one of the frequencies of music I play low in the background as I go about my morning or day. Sometimes I lay down and listen for 20 minutes. I also pray for help and this is the guidance “I” was given. In the words of Mary, the mother of Jesus, “Do what he tells YOU to do.” Your activity may look different from mine and that is okay.

~Nikki

Relationship Confetti: Working Through Brokenness

Imagine cruising and all the lights are green. Your hair, if you have any, blowing in the wind. It’s a sunny and mild type of day. And then, all of sudden, out of the blue you are blindsided. Your car is slammed and spinning out of control with you in it. It stops and you are in complete shock and disoriented.

I got my heart broke last week and this is exactly how I felt and I am still feeling it. I haven’t been hurt like that in so long I didn’t know what hit me. I have to pause writing this because the break is deep and it hurts like hell. I know that in time I will heal. I mean, I have been here before. However, it’s unpleasant this healing process. I have grown in so many ways because instead of it having me down for weeks or days, I have learned to press and push through. Even if I have to cry while doing it. Crying is cleansing and if the hurt is deep it has to be cleansed in this manner to wash away the pain.

I get up. I work. i create. I parent. I inspire. I keep it real. I keep it honest. I reveal what I want to the masses and the rest stays between me and my Creator.

I’ve also grown in this way: I know who I am. I know my character, values, morals, so much so that I WILL NOT spend too much time, IF any at all trying to prove a thought or judgement wrong about me or trying to dispel a falsehood. This is GROWTH for me. I won’t even do this with the people I love. I’ve got friends, family, and even exes that will vouch for me but, if a person has made up their ragged mind, it’s nothing I (you) can do about it. Except, move on. See link below…

~Nikki

October’s Energy: Experience LIFE

October’s energy is calling for you to experience every morsel of life. Put your phone down and your devices away and experience life by ENGAGING in conversations without distractions. Engage the people in your space. LOOK at them. ADMIRE their beauty, intellect, smile, and laughter. Have dinner with someone and enjoy the flow of chatter and silence without having to fill that silence with you picking up the phone to “hop on social media right quick.”

EXPERIENCE nature and observe it. Take it all in. EXPERIENCE your walk in the park or the neighborhood. WAVE to people. SMILE at people. NOTICE what has changed in nature or your environment. What smells waft through the air? What insects or animals do you see? Have the leaves changed? Jump in a pile of leaves. Yes. Even at your age remain playful always!

Experience life by, brace yourself, TRYING SOMETHING NEW! Yes, try the new restaurant. Yes, try something different on the menu. Shock your mate lol! Yes, drive a different way to work. Walk at a new park. Try a new thing like baking or try your hand at keeping a plant alive. Take an online course about something! TRY! TRYING brings about new experiences that birth ideas, new likes or confirmed dislikes, and experience! You never know unless you…try.

October invites SPONTENEITY. Change it up. Change it all up. Change a few things around. You don’t always have to nail down every detail. Call up a few friends for a zoom cocktail party. Invite a few over practicing social distancing and Covid 19 practices. Set up your area such as chairs around a fire pit or outdoor setting. You can set up the inside depending on how comfortable YOU are with this and how well you know your FRIENDS. Do something spontaneous with your mate. Buy flowers for no reason. Bring home their favorite dessert. Bribe yourself to listen to an opera or to watch the romantic movie they love so much but, have seen 100 times. You can make it a night with movie snacks or healthy snacks. You can make it like a picnic. How about an indoor movie night picnic?! How about a real picnic in the park?

Yes…October is calling for you to EXPERIENCE LIFE!

~Nikki