June Exploration: It’s Not Dishonor, It’s Outgrowth

A few days ago, a person asked me what could we do about our relationship. I told them nothing. I finally was settled on this is the way it will be and I am by enlarge at peace and content it. Why did I say that? Because I have tried numerous times to over decades and just when you think the person is sincere, two to three days later they are right back to themselves. I grew tired of setting myself up to be let down. I felt guilty that day because I thought maybe I should have tried again. Maybe they would finally “act right”. Why should I feel guilty?

Oh. I remember. It’s what has been driven into me through religion. You should forgive and you should let people come in and out of your life over and over as long as you are living. Let them continue to hurt you, disappoint you, use and abuse because God let’s you come come back over and over. It’s the Christian way. And if they are family? You definitely must continue the cycle of chaos. Though God is not the author of confusion, and neither is God the author of be a rug ministries! If that was the case, there would be no “hell”.

God has boundaries and consequences. I have come to be adamant about protecting my peace and heart. Guard your heart with all your might for out of it flows the rivers (issues) of life. To guard is to protect. This dynamic of this particular relationship, because it’s family, is of no dishonor of the hierarchy of the relationship. It’s no dishonor to what I used to do survive that relationship. Especially, when you depended on that person and if you were trying to not upset the family dynamics. You know, keep the peace. Be respectful. Honor so your days will be long. Never mentioning provoke not your children to wrath. That part was sped over 😀 or whispered.

It’s growth. It’s I have outgrown the method of I must try to appease or accept the invitation to fix something that cannot be fixed. It can be salvaged. It cannot be restored. Not everything and everyone can be restored. Not everything and everyone will be. Why not? They have to be willing to do the work and some are set in their ways. Some are lazy. Some think there is nothing wrong with the way they are or have been used to others adjusting to them. I’m at peace operating out of godly love and duties of my role. Yes, sometimes I wish it were different. Sometimes I long for that connection of the maternal but, I am learning to give that to myself and allow others to give that to me. And I am grateful for those who have. I try to give that to others who cross my path or who are in my life as well.

~Nikki

It’s not a dishonor to outgrow people, methods, situations and habits.