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Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Struggle Faith

You know that unwavering faith? Yeah, I don’t really have that ALL the time. However, I do have it in “certain” areas. You may wonder why don’t I have that type of faith ALL the time in ALL areas. You know, like you. Well, I have seen God work as far as finances in my life over and over again. I can be certain that it will work itself out and I have learned that I also have responsibility in that area as well. I know that God is a healer and that God’s grace is sufficient where a thorn may be. I know that God will protect me. I have been protected and delivered from many situations.

My faith WAVERS in the area of love and relationships. I have not seen God faithful in my life, in this area. Now, let me clarify. I have seen God REMOVE. I have been responsible to remove. I have yet to see love arrive in the form of my mate, my soul mate, my twin flame. So, pardon me if I am a little “iffy” and doubtful for I have been toiling for years (Toiling is something they say in the olden church days and I recall hearing that as a child). It means you have been laboring heavily. For a long time and sometimes without harvest. This is how I feel. Some years nothing. Other times weeds. Quite a bit, looks like harvest, just a new weed. All the time, I am sowing GOOD SEEDS in the wrong ground it turns out. Well, I sow those same seeds in my own ground so why haven’t they manifested outside of me? I don’t know. Other than the classic answer, “My dear child, it’s not your time.” Head down or side eye?

Well, how long is the line before my time? I’ve missed the window to have more children. I’d at least like to be able to travel and enjoy the rest of these years with someone worthy of my presence and presents of love and loyalty. Hold on…tides coming in.

~Nikki

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Hello 2019

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My first week of 2019 was peaceful as in a peace of mind. I spent New Year’s Eve at home and my daughter went to a sleep over. I was kind of solemn on New Year’s Eve, but things seem to dissipate some late in the night after fireworks and people shooting their firearms into the air with no care of where it may land. I was able to sleep in a little late and woke up refreshed. Even though, I am facing one huge obstacle (depending on who’s eyes you are looking through, mines or the Creator) this year, I feel that it will be resolved. I am just not certain if the process will be smooth and I think this is where the anxiety lies.

Last night I wrote in my new journal an honest assessment of my anxiety towards the obstacle I face. It’s not that I don’t have faith that God will work it out or has already worked it out. But, it is the processes I have been through in the past to get to the other side of working it out, have usually been rough and turbulent. I have done so much BELIEVING and FAITHING and CRYING my entire life, especially, these last 9 years it’s like I want to brace myself for the worst. In many ways, life has been traumatizing for me. I pray that is not the case. I pray that the “how” it is worked out doesn’t involve turmoil for me. You know, some of us seem to go through more than others I have found it doesn’t ALWAYS have to do with “sin” or “karma” or poor choices. I am not sure it’s because of some “test” because I feel after so long there is no need for a test on addition or subtraction at a certain age. Which leads me to ponder fate and destiny. And the realization that some thing really “just is/are.” You didn’t do anything to deserve it. I think the task is to learn to live without becoming bitter and always looking at the big picture. And in case you can’t see the point or the picture to be at peace with what is.

1Now as Jesus was passing by, He saw a man blind from birth, 2and His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 3Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God would be displayed in him.… -John 9:1-3.

~Nikki

 

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What You Have Need Of

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You’ve been blessed with an inheritance, a lump sum of money, you won the lottery, or you have a good job or career and have managed to put away for retirement. Yet, you worry from time to time or constantly about the future and if you will have enough. Maybe, you are young or old, have a large family or a single parent, and you are doing the best you can. Let me tell you briefly, about my situation.

I am in my early 40’s, approaching my middle 40’s ha! (No, I don’t look it and thank you!) Well, I happen to become ill, could no longer work, blew through my savings to survive and raise a daughter that will be graduating from high school next year. I found myself in the disability process for three grueling years. I won my case. And I thought it would be a sigh of relief and it was. However, like any person that has to start from a setback, start from rock bottom, I worry. But and on my anxiety and man, it takes on a whole other form or worrying. How can I make it off this? What will I do when the surplus runs out? Will my other dreams ever take off so that I don’t have to be on disability? What happens in 3 years when I go for a review? What if they say I am okay and I don’t need it? What kind of job will I be able to do at 46 with my illnesses? Will I ever get the home I want? You see where I am going and then loop that in your head all day. That is anxiety. Go to bed and wake up thinking about the same thing.

This morning I heard this in my spirit, “There is no sense in worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own. You can’t add one day to your life by worrying.”

And then I thought, but don’t you have to plan for the future?

Spirit:”Be wise like the ants. But they don’t worry. And consider the birds in the air, the are fed everyday. The flowers are clothed and they don’t worry.”

Me: “But, what about my dreams, and goal, and plans, and life? What about that abundance? What about prospering? I don’t want to struggle until I die!”

Spirit: “God knows the plans created for you. God knew you before you existed in the womb. God molded and shaped you. You are carefully, and wonderfully me. The Creators plans for you are to prosper and to be in good health. You have choices. Choose life. Choose the things that will better you. Go for it. Do it. Be wise. Use knowledge. And God  knows the number of hairs on your head. Not one falls without his (her) knowledge.”

Me: Let me blog this and hope it helps someone else.

God, the Creator, the Universe, knows what you have need of. God’s plans are always for you to triumph, be at peace, be in good health, and to prosper. But you do have to do your part and if you’re doing your part, researching your part, then do not worry. God will do the rest. The Universe is working for you, always and never against you.

~Nikki

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Getting to Faith by Hearing

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Our ears take in so much information from the outside world including the people we associate with. What about our internal dialogue that waters and feeds not only what we receive from the outside and how we interpret those things and the things that happen (or are happening) to us? At some point in life we began to filter out these things and if you are taking on a deeper dive into discovering, nurturing, growing the real you, you are pulling up the weeds of those things you find that stunt your growth. You are trying to use some of those things as fertilizers and others to strengthen and beautify your garden.

Now, you may have heard of the scripture that says faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. You may have heard it interpreted many ways and you are about to “read” it interpreted in another way. This is the scripture that came to mind for me as I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer this week via YouTube. A word, a message, at the right time in your life can build your faith, increase your strength, give you the extra life in your life to go on. To do. To be. It wasn’t a traditional message from a religious leader and I have no problem with that because one, my father is my religious leader, and two, where would I be without all of the religious leaders that have helped me to grow and heal? Some may even consider me a religious leader. I don’t know who, but I don’t see myself as a religious anything. This WORD from whom I call God, comes via many avenues for me. Choosing the right things to hear from Dr. Wayne Dyer or choosing the right things to read from my Bible or my bookshelf is pertinent to my personal growth. As well as choosing if what I hear makes it to my heart or gets recycled back into the atmosphere as useable energy (I will tell you how I am learning to do that later).

If you are feeling weak in your faith, uncertain in your destiny, I suggest you secure and strengthen your faith by choosing to hear the right things, say the right things to your self, and read the right things. Maybe, even do the right things. Tune out, discard, anything that is in contrary to what you KNOW doesn’t confirm or inform that light on the inside of you.

~Nikki

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Morning Self Pep Talk: You Can’t Turn This Train Around

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Illustration by Megan Hess

Morning Pep Talk to Self: “Ain’t no turning this train around. Where you gonna turn it around at? On the side of some mountain (problem/situation)? To turn this train around in the midst of adversity would be disastrous. To lose faith, give up, right now, right here would be a major set back. Power through baby. Full speed ahead.” -Nicole to Nicole

 

 

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing:Unnecessary Guilt

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Let me dive into a personal truth about myself. For years I use to struggle on the inside with feeling guilty about speaking out when someone has wronged me or has disrespected me. I was a sensitive child and I am PROUDLY a moderately sensitive adult. Being sensitive to the feelings of others and issues makes me the compassionate woman I am.

However, from time to time when I KNOW I am right about standing up and speaking up for myself, or letting a person know how far they can go or where to get off (lol), I still struggle with a tinge of guilt when CLEARLY I am in the right. I don’t allow people to hurt my feelings without them knowing how I feel about it or if they have disrespected me I tell them. How else when they know? Grow?

If you struggle with the guilt of hurting others feelings or with expressing yourself, then it stems from somewhere. Sensitive to others or you’ve had your voice dismissed in the past when you were unable to feel OKAY about BEING RIGHT. I think mines came from my childhood. In various ways, I was shut down negatively when I was right because well, I was a child. And authority ruled. It was the law of the land. Also, in a more positive way, my siblings and I were very respectful of each other and rarely argued or fought once we grew up. We all have had to apologize to each other as adults but, rarely. Yes, we taught to apologize when we were children as well. We were taught that way. However, parents rarely admit or apologize for being wrong. Thankfully, my parents grew spiritually and as we got older they have apologized for doing things the way they were did or things from the present.

I just want to say, stand in your truth. Stand in your right. Stand and have a voice. Help people to grow and to know where the line is on how you will treated and respected. Even it hurts them, they will grow and know. No guilt for speaking the truth and your feelings.

~Nikki

Baileys Original Irish Cream is in my Folgers. ❤

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Late Bloomers

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Dear Late Bloomers, Don’t be deterred by your age. Hold on to the promise and the Promise Keeper-Hart Ramsey

As a very late bloomer when it comes to doing the things I love and learning the things I have always wanted to do, it can be disheartening to hear and read all of the YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE BY NOW posts, blogs, and lectures. Or to tell someone what you are doing and they look at you sideways or even chuckle. At your age? Well, I thought age was just a number. I thought it was okay to “do me” I mean after all, I’ve done what everyone else wanted me to do and things I never wanted to do…so….

Listen, we late bloomers have already figured out why it took us so long or we wouldn’t be doing what we are doing. We have already analyzed, reflected, and are continuing our education on our life as you should be on yours (just saying). So let us bloom and get out of our sunlight. Help us weed with good advice. Water us with encouragement and support. We are planted and rooted and we are now sure of ourselves and what we want to do. Applause. We have arrived and we are working towards our dreams and goals.

~Nikki

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How I Feel About Turning 42. It’s my Birthday!

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When I think of the number 42 I think of Jackie Robinson. Iconic. Breaking barriers. Bold. Brave. Outspoken. Skilled. Hard-working. And last but not least…legendary. 42 is a good number. It’s the number of a legend. In the spiritual realm it’s about pursuing your passions and life purpose, doing the things you love and putting your heart and soul in them as angels readily assist. I want to make it legendary. And in the words of Jackie Robinson “A life is not important except in the impact it has on others.” You see, most of all I want it to impact the lives of others in the most positive, inspiring, and mind shifting way. It is going to require discipline, bravery, skills, dedicated hard work, the breaking of barriers, boldness, and to be outspoken when necessary. My # last year was #40and1, but now it shall be #42Legendary. Today is my birthday! Hello 42!

~Nikki