In the MEANTIME of A SET TIME

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There is an appointed time for certain things and no matter how bad you want it to hurry up and arrive, no matter what you try to do to speed up the time, it’s not going to get there any faster. God, the Universe, has a set time for certain manifestations, destinies, freedoms, and victories.

I remember wanting to be free from a certain contract and it took almost a year because the person refused to sign a release form. It was hell waiting it out. Until, I decided it would get here when it got here. I went on doing the best I could to live my life, focus on the good times, and being a mother.

A few days ago I received the exact court date of my hearing for disability. I didn’t know how I felt about it as I was hoping the judge would approve without me going to court. It’s been 2 years and 6 months. The proof is before him. I opted to have a neutral feeling about it until I could process my emotions. I’d already talked to my therapist about my feelings. So, the next day, I decided to claim it as a day of victory and not obsess over it. It’s the set time, an appointed time, that I cannot change. I have to remind myself that I and my legal team have done everything in the natural. It is up to God to do the supernatural at the appointed time.

~Nikki

Knowing Right, Doing Wrong

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Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and not do it. -James 4:17

Even if you are not a Christian, and I say this because some can’t respond to truth unless it’s under their faith, you could read this scripture and understand it. Recently, when correcting someone about doing something wrong, I was told by them that they were grown and could do what they wanted to do. I immediately noted the immaturity in this statement because grown as in size and age, is no indication to grown as in maturity. We use all kinds of excuses to continue to do the things we want to do whether it is breaking our own spiritual laws or the laws of the land in which we live. I guess for some it is the only way they can feel powerful, but in reality the need to violate spiritual laws or laws of the land to feel powerful is a sure sign you are not. At the end of the day, per my religion, when we have full knowledge of right and wrong, and do not do what is right…it is a sin.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Jesus Walks

 

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Looking through the lenses of a pastor’s child, you see the ends and outs of ministry. As a child I remember going, sometimes being dragged here, there and everywhere with my parents and the church. It was like a vagabond experience when I was young, you know, wherever I laid my head on a pew was my pillow for that service! We were visiting different churches, he was doing revivals, in and out of town, there were evening programs, there were conventions and congresses to attend. I remember it and I grew to understand it. I grew to respect it. I grew to enjoy many of these things as I started to participate and comprehend these things.

As I see some in ministry, even the ministry of helps, running themselves raggedy in the name of Jesus, I see worn out human beings running on Jesus Juice and Holy Ghost Caffeine. Some are stretched and stressed. Some are broken. Some can’t be still because to be still means you are not doing anything and well, that’s sort of kind of the point. Some, when they are still, there is no “peace” in their peace be still.  Their minds are like a broken wind up toy…still going. And some can’t be still because they are trying to prove themselves worthy and move on up the ladder of ministry. They can’t say no to “whatever” others in ministry ask them to do and they certainly can’t say no their leaders, because well, they may lose their position or it’s like saying no to God himself! (dangerous territory). Oh the guilt and shame of being…tired. The shame of growing old and saying: “Here, let someone younger take the wheel” before the wheels fall off. The reluctance of some leaders to designate roles to their disciples. I don’t think Jesus set the table, prepared the food, washed dishes, made the campfire, pitched the tent, etc. just because he could if he wanted to. I mean what was the point of having a crew if you were going to do all the work. And could you imagine one of them telling Jesus “I have been cooking every night. I am tired. Get Peter to do it.” No, you can’t. I can. It probably would have been me. I don’t think I would have been fired either. I think Jesus would have understood.

Side note: I think Jesus was the kind of leader that could read his disciples. I think a good leader would never abuse the willingness of his staff to serve.

Jesus walks. His steps were ordered. I don’t read of him frantic about everywhere he went. It’s almost as if his directions were calculated, orchestrated, and obligated. I do believe he also had some leadway as to where he went and wanted to go. Why? Because I don’t believe God is into micromanaging us.  And even in all of that, he rested and went on a sabbatical. He went to sleep on a ship. We think he stayed up the entire time he was here on the planet. We think he did those things we read back to back to back to back…one chapter after the other.  There was time and space in between those things.

Jesus walks.

~Nikki

BEHOLD: The Three Dimensional Christian

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I’ll never forget I was at an entrepreneurial event and a young man stood up to introduce himself. He said he was a minister, he had a non-profit, he ran a lawn service (I think) and he was a bartender. Yes…a bartender. You heard the roar of laughter and the remarks were “You can’t be a minister and a bartender! How is that? What?” Well, apparently you can because he was and is. I hope he didn’t stop bartending just because of that. So, I guess no bartenders are saved or believers in Christ. I guess if they are, they have not been delivered.

In my mind you have traditional and devout Christians that adhere to their strict beliefs and denominational rules. And many times they not only judge the world, they judge other Christians of different beliefs and denominations. Let me be blunt, it’s pathetic and secondly it’s immature. And more harmfully, it’s divisive. The church period has been known to toot their own horn. Proudfully, pointing out the sins they don’t do to the world and shamefully pointing out the sins of others. Therefore, presenting this one dimensional Christian to the world. As soon as you say you are a Christian, the world and other Christians expect you to be a particular way and share the same beliefs as all other Christians. AND IF NOT….you’re damned by the church and you are damned by the world. You know, the immature section of the world and the immature section of the Christian world. But be of good cheer, you’re not damned by God just because you exercise your liberty, your will, and your ability to have a good time on this earth differently. And no, I am not talking about breaking bad from your core beliefs as a Christian.

In all honesty, and this is just my blog and me talking, I think they both should grow up. Perhap, the world should see they are being just as judgemental as “those” Christians. Touche! I visit Vegas almost every year and you should see some of the faces of Christians and non-Christians when I mention Vegas. “There is nothing there to do but gamble. You must be gambling!” and then from the non-Christians “You’re a Christian. What are you doing in Vegas?” I sigh. The ignorance among these two groups can be unbearable at times.

I don’t adhere to all of the rules and regulations of the traditional church and nor do I agree with all of the rules and regulations of the non-traditional church. Neither am I middle of the road or lukewarm so you don’t have to worry about me being spewed out. I’m not on a higher level or lower level. I am just on a different path and I have a different relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I don’t question your relationship. I don’t know what you three have going on. My personality is not yours. Your limitations are not mine. My freedom is not yours. I enjoy cocktails. I can wear a bathing suit and I’d wear a bikini if I could. I like “secular” music. I enjoy it daily. I go to clubs sometimes and I hit the dance floor with a live band. I write books with scenes that may make some saints faint at the very thought of what happens in the REAL life of REAL people they KNOW…heck…might be them if they were honest. I curse sometimes. Sometimes I turn up rap music and nod my head in the car. Sometimes I turn up gospel music and get the holy ghost as they say. I am unbothered by other people’s choice of religion. I like my choice, do you like yours? You probably think your light shines brighter and it’s purer because you don’t do a lot of things you see others doing. Just that very thought alone is problematic and perhaps you’re not as bright as you claim. That’s okay. Not all lights are bright. I’m just happy those in darkness can see a light. What matters to me is how you treat others. What matters to me is how you show compassion. What matters to me is that you represent Christ and not your own personal biases, laundry list of do’s and don’ts, imposing your personal beliefs on us that are just being who God created us to be. Not matter what you believe and without your approval.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings:The Power of Introspection

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It was when my daughter was born I began the journey to look deeper within myself to find out why I was the way I was at that time. The journey has progressed over the years to why I am the way I am now, how I want to be in the future, to forgiveness of self and others, to ever evolving. And so much more.

I can tell you the first step to introspection is brutal honesty, but gentle forgiveness and a course of actions to remedy the issue if there need be one. I’ve gotten my instructions from logic, books, observations of others and ultimately God who sent all the aforementioned things via the vehicle of wisdom. Brutal honesty with yourself is a practice that is  necessary if you want to get to the heart of the matter and I am not just talking about honesty about yourself, but honesty about others and the situations that have occurred in your life.

I started by addressing the things people said about me often that I refuted vehemently.

“You are wishy washy, very indecisive”

“You never smile. You’re always frowning. I thought you were mean.”

“You’re too clingy.”

“You are so sensitive.”

These are just a few. It took years to get through the layers of those those four things alone. It was the saying; “If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, looks like a duck it must be a duck” and “If everyone is saying the same thing to you over and over it must be true.” All four of those things I shared were true and are still true at times. I worked on being more decisive. I had to get to the underlying cause of that. It was work and it was years and I realized it was rooted in childhood and my nature. I smile so much now and I love it. I also know why all of those years I didn’t smile much. I didn’t know I had a reason to smile. I was bullied as a child and my frown was my defense! It kept many people out as I grew older. What was a fence for protection became a wall for isolation in many ways.

Being too clingy..ahhh yes, that really hurt. That was really hard work. Too many bad relationship made me want to hold on to anyone that crossed my path. It hurt to lose. It hurt to let go. I didn’t like pain. Who does? I had to learn several lessons from that:

If you hold on too tight you squeeze the life out of relationship. If you hold on to who’s hurting you, you hurt you! Trust is necessary and if it’s broken, then you have the option to leave or mend. It’s true, a person will do what they want to do because you can’t be around them 24/7 to ensure they won’t and why would you want to be? Who wants a relationship like that? Trust is essential to a successful relationship. (So much work in that area including becoming self confident and building self esteem).

You are too/so sensitive. I am. I tried for years to change that, but I realized being sensitive is how God created me. I govern my sensitivity by asking myself can I let that go? Am I taking that too personal? But I don’t question every single thing I feel. I feel deeply. I am who I am. Some people are just too rude and too mean and they want you not to be offended by it. Life.

Introspection is a lifelong  journey. The one thing I love about this journey is rarely do I have time to judge others, but I do have time to decide if I want them in my company. I find you are more understanding of others actions/ways. You recognize yourself in others or things you know they need to work out. You can deal with them or not. You can only heal yourself and aide in the healing of others. I am more whole and a healed person than I was at 25. I thank my God for that.

~Nikki