Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Toxic Masculinity in Christianity. Examining the BEAM.

Plant Name: Hustle n Flow

Yesterday (Wednesday), I had a yellow plate, eggs, and lemon cream yogurt chosen without thinking. I said to myself, once I noticed, I must be eating for the solar plexus. For my fellow Christians, it’s the place where we say “I felt that in my belly!” or the place where you get “butterflies”. Little did I know I would have to assert myself today. It’s the place of personality, ego, and identity, as well as personal freedom, choice, and authenticity. You see God and I have this language, when I say, “God, let them do this or let xyz happen and I am going to say what I really think or want to say.” I can tell you that 99% of the time, God doesn’t let it happen. On the rare occasions that it does, I have learned to say what I need to say tempered (controlled) and direct. Most times. Today, I had to assert my personality, my ego, my identity, my personal freedom, my choice and my authenticity in DIVINE ORDER to one that is considered a leader in ministry. This toxic masculinity in Christianity must go and will go.

There is something to be said, that I won’t say, about people that only have something to say when they disagree with what you say or have something to say behind what you say when you are a woman in ministry. For one, there is something wrong within when one has a argumentative spirit. A critic spirit. A spirit that seeks out an opportunity to argue or to show off their knowledge (puffed up is how the Bible refers to them). There is an ill skill to the manipulation of another person’s words and to use your knowledge in such a way to dominate a conversation in such a spirit of negative ego. It’s the equivalent of over talking or yelling and feeling like you have “won” when there was nothing to win. The Bible speaks about adding and taking away from the Word. I don’t like it when people add or take away from what I say. Furthermore, I don’t like it when people tell me what I meant by what I said. ASK for CLARIFICATION before you ASSume. 🙂 I also don’t need a male counterpart to “second guess” or to explain what I say or my ideas or my philosophy. I’ve seen it over and over and again on social media. A male minister/pastor says something outside of the box, either other male ministers celebrate or approach with reverence for further clarification. WOMEN in ministry do the same and they come like a brood of vipers.

This “I know more than you” or this need to assert authority in places it does not belong has been something that has “irked” me from the beginning of my journey as one considered a woman in ministry. This need to control or monitor women is so unlike the God and Christ I am associated with. It is toxic. I was not created to be your personal assistant, maid servant or child. I was created to create. I was created with the intellect, too. I was created with a purpose, too. I receive dreams and visions, too. I know how to research, search, go to school and the same education you get, too. I think Jesus, in my religion, leveled the field. I’d appreciate it if some of the men in ministry would come off their high horses (pride comes before a great fall) and into the field. The harvest is plentiful but, the laborers are few.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Middle Ground

When you are healing or getting over a situation there is a middle ground. A gray space. A partly cloudy with a chance of rain. In this rarely talked about space, you can see sunshine and then clouds. You can see a beautiful sunrise and sunset and then out of seemingly nowhere, heavy rain. Here is the comfort: You are almost there. You are almost to the closing up of the wound. You are almost to the healing phase. You just have to rest and keep moving.

In this middle ground, this gap, do you know what you need? You sincere, specific, meaningful prayer, meditation, and affirmations. Stand in the gap of this moment. This where you go in deep. This where you stand in the corner and pray. This where you lay prostrate and wail if need be. This is where you lose your self in the silence of meditation.

This is also where good flows in. The sunshine, the sunrises, and the sunsets. This where light comes into the cracks. You get ah ha moments, deep revelations, vivid visions, and waves of goodness. It’s where nature speaks and heals. It’s where messages come from the strangest places and things. Embrace it with your whole mind and heart.

May the Lord (the Law) bless you. May the Lord (the Law) keep you. May the Lord (the Law) make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord (the Law), lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace. The Bible, Numbers 6:24-26

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Energy of May

I know we are 16 days into May but, this may help you to make it through the rest of the month. There is nothing like understanding the “season” we are in or the signs of the times. Why? Some may say. Well, it’s because knowledge is power and you can govern your actions and responses accordingly.

The “energy of May” brings us independence, confidence, and new beginnings through the number 1. Biblically, it represents God. God is self sufficient, needing nothing to do what needs to be done except energy. We, being like gods in the earth, are self sufficient. We need nothing but energy to thrive. It’s the whole “We lack nothing. Everything we need to succeed is within” thingy. 1 is motivating. 1 is the number of the pioneer. It’s time to break new ground. Take a different path. Start a new project. Do something you have not done before. That type of energy is in the air.

This is not the time for drama, chaos, or confusion. If this is anywhere near you, get away from it. Shut it down and do not be pulled into conflict. You do not have time for it. The 1 energy is focused! It is ready to take control of it’s future. It’s ready to create or to embrace new beginnings.

The 1 energy is confident and independent. It will not wait for the approval of others. In fact, it is not concerned about who is for it or against it. The 1 energy will ride alone. 1 has a plan and is ready to execute it. If it fails, it learns. If it succeed, it learns. This it the mindset of the 1 energy.

Goals are being achieved with this energy. Advances are being made. It is self motivated and has self determination. There are no excuses and innovation is used to overcome obstacles.

What’s your passion? What’s your purpose? Begin the great work! You’ve written the vision, you’ve made it plain, and now it’s time to take action. Do your part and let the CREATOR take care of the logistics. A positive attitude and optimism is required in this season. Total faith and trust in yourself and in God, the Creator, the Universe, or whatever you call the Higher Power is how you move in this season.

Godspeed,

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: A Total Gut Job

I watch a great deal of HGTV and I know what it means when they say, “It’s going to be a total “gut job” for this room. It means heavy demo. Everything must go. It means this will cost much more money than they estimated. The definition? It means completely removing everything in a building down to the studs and can include removing the floors and all interior walls as well.

Imagine a gut job being done on you. Completely removing everything inside of your being down to the (heart, mind, spirit) soul and can include removing polluted belief systems and people, and all interior negative thoughts or energy. Gut jobs are a lot of WORK. They go into the space and tear it down with sledge hammers, jack hammers, drills, and all sorts of tools. It takes manpower to get the job done. It’s noisy and messy and sometimes dangerous. You may find rot and mold in the walls and underneath the floors. Sometimes, old wiring is bad or configured wrong and not up to code.

So what about us? What about all of the things that are in us that need to be uncovered and removed. You know they say Jesus of Nazareth was a carpenter so this should sit well with some Christians as well as those that claim spirituality (I claim them both. Don’t worry. God and I are at peace with this choice.) So, I found in the Bible, like you may find in other books, scriptures about removing “factious” people from your life after the first and second warning. (Titus 3:10). WOW. This is exactly what has unfolded before me. I am on the second warning and I have decided to remove it completely. A total gut job. Ouch!

But this goes for any factious (divided, schismatic, contentious, argumentative, quarreling, tumultuous, rebellious, seditious) person. You would be wise to remove them with the first and second warning (if you missed it the first time).

Do you think a spiritual and mental gut job feels good? No. It doesn’t. But it’s necessary for the remodel. It’s necessary for the NEW. The book of Ezekiel talks about God, the Creator removing detestable things and abominations from the people of Israel. I’d like for you to see this as some of the old, antiquated, biased and prejudice belief systems you have being removed. Demo is in full effect and here we run into rot and mold. Hazmat suit up and allow spirit to remove by guiding your thinking into current times. It’s time to gain a greater perspective with all of the information we have available to us now.

It’s all coming down and being torn apart. Nothing but the bare bones will be left. Breathe. It will get you through the demolition and the installation of the new. The Creator will bring your inner being up to code. But, you are the manpower. You have to get it done with the power of choice. You get it done with prayer and some deep meditation. You get it done with exercise. I really prefer yoga or tai chi. While walking you can focus on nature. Nature is healing. You get it done with wise counsel and a therapist. Yes sit and ma’am. I said therapist. Pretty soon, you will be whole with a completely new outlook on life, love, dreams, and relationships. Your path will be brighter and clearer. And the reveal will be stunning! The before and after you will amaze the world and you may even shock your self!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Logistics of What You Desire

I’ve been reading this book, The Sacred Yes, and it’s one of those books you have to read a little at a time because it’s so mind rearranging, you must sit with it. In the book it talked about moving from the DESIRES of your HEART to INTENTIONS. This in it self is powerful because while desires give you visions to hold onto, the also can keep you wanting, longing, and yearning. When you move into intent, a determination to do your part to assist in the manifestation of your desire, or when you move to an attitude of “No matter what it looks like, no matter what is going on, it is going to happen.” then you began to generate energy on another level. Intent is action and attitude.

It took me a moment to grasp the concept of intentions in the area of love and relationships. I’m still tweaking it. But, that is not my biggest challenge. In the book, it says we get boggled down in the “how and when” of things. We even try to tell God, the Creator, the Universe how to do things and when to do it. I found myself guilty of this and surprising guilty of this when it comes to love and relationships. God is the one that handles the logistics of our desires and intentions. The logistics is the detailed coordination of a complex operation involving many people, facilities, or supplies. You can also say it’s the detailed coordination of a complex operation involving many things WE DON’T CONTROL.

Shouldn’t we be relieved to know that? I was. I also found myself wrestling with changing my ways of trying to control the logistics. I also found it difficult to change my attitude from “I see this and look at that! Oh no, it’s not going to happen. I must be wasting my time. No way after that situation am I in the right place or getting what I desire.” It’s been a challenge to stand in the face of something that looks nothing like progress or promise and say, “It doesn’t matter what it looks like, it will happen. It is happening.” I don’t know where the line of wisdom is at times but, I do know how to ask for wisdom. I have to check to see if it’s my intuition, Holy Spirit, or fear telling me what to do. How do I check? I become still. I pray. I meditate. I mess up. I learn. I ask for signs and directions. I look for signs, too. I also try not to read too much into things and just remind myself God is handling the logistics, I need only do what I am led to do and what I need to do. I don’t have to orchestrate anything. Whew, what a relief.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Easy Like Sunday Morning

I like the peace on a Saturday or Sunday morning. The quietness. The lack of hustle and bustle. I like to ease into my day but, that doesn’t always happen on weekdays. Saturdays and Sundays I get to choose. I love a morning when the sun creeps into my room. Here at my new home, that is exactly how it seems to happen. I have shutters and the sun seeps through creating a patterns on the walls. But no matter the day, mornings are a blessing because they indicate we are still here on this side of the coin. Mornings are a blessing for many reasons and I am sure you can find some.

Artwork by Nicole Jackson, Sun by God

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Holi-DAZE

Have you had a difficult time getting in the “holiday” mood? I know I have. It seems as if I put up some decorations, picked up a few gifts, and mailed out cards to help others but, at times it seems as if I cam just going through the motions. I have received cards and that has brightened my season. I have received a poinsettia and every time I see it, it gives me a bit of Christmas nostalgia. Yet, something seems to be missing.

I know this has been a rough year and MANY of our loved ones are no longer here due to COVID. Some are feeling the loss of jobs, status, socializations, etc. and the culmination of only God knows what. I don’t have much to offer us except prayers and one wish that you will count your blessings.

Counting your blessings or naming the things in which you are grateful for can always bring GRATITUDE. I may not have much joy or cheer but, I do have gratitude. I do have hope for better and more normal tomorrows ahead.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: WTFULL MOON?

Mug Rugs from theconfettishopbynikki.com

Spiritual Wisdom
9Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 10But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11For who among men knows the thoughts of man except his own spirit within him? So too, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.… (Reference: Bible Hub)

As I scrolled my social media, it seemed that this week everyone was having some type of turmoil or upheaving in their lives. I wasn’t spared this week either. I know and I understand the signs in the sky. But, that doesn’t make what you and I are going through any less tumultuous. It does, however, give you wisdom, power, and insight. Knowing is half the battle and the other half is application of the knowledge.

The effects of nature on the human body, mental and emotional are REAL. Why do you think a brisk walk or a stroll helps the mind while benefiting the body? Why do some feel better as the sun rise or some feel worse as the night comes? It’s all connected in melatonin and water and more. I believe. God didn’t, in my humble opinion, create nature for our viewing pleasure only. The moon, the sky, the sun, the stars, the planets, etc. aren’t just there for the sustainability of mankind only. There is a reason to the movement.

I hope you’re not out there howling during full moons (lol) or turning into werewolves. I do hope you take the time to understand the “signs of the times” that are not related to the end of the world or religious propaganda. What about the signs of the times in your life? What the FULL MOON and WANING GIBBOUS is going on here?

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: A Clean Slate

Photo of the Mississippi River and Sun by Nicole Jackson

Now is the time to empty yourself of all of the negative energy, trauma, and drama. Why? Because Winter really is coming. The Winter Solstice, or the First Day of Winter is December 21. In order for us to have winter, the Earth and the Sun must shift and we should follow suit. These are the signs in the sky the Bible and other books speak about. Often times in Christianity we ignore these things although, the Bible speaks of and suggests we pay attention and seek the deeper things of God.

It will be a time, on that day, we will experience the longest period of darkness and the shortest period of light. Now is the time to understand and to sit with your own darkness. None of us are all light. We have parts of us that need work, that we hide from others (or think we do) and ways that manifest itself in public. I’m talking about our ugly and our weaknesses. These things are like our shadows that follow us around even in the light and seem to disappear into the dark. They disappear as we ignore them or we push them down into the subconscious. We pretend we don’t see them or it’s not there or make excuses.

It is time to sit with your darkness because when the light comes, the season changes, and it will be time to move forward WITHOUT all of the baggage from the dark. It will be time to do a new thing and to have a CLEAN SLATE all the way around, in every area. So what good will it do for you if you drag your baggage of darkness with you onto a clean slate? It will do you NO GOOD! It’s time to do some shadow work.

The ENERGY if winter is about going within. Are you ready to go within and to do the work? Are you ready to face your darkness, understand it, so that you can walk in the fullness and greatness of who you are? Understand your sadness, anger, meanness, uncomfortable feelings about yourself and others. Face the residual emotions of the divorce, failed relationships. Explore your connection between your behaviors, reactions, in connection with your childhood. Go within. Don’t worry about what THEY are doing or what THEY did. This is your path through darkness into the light that awaits us. Call it enlightenment or a spiritual awakening but, neither one can happen with darkness. Welcome the dark (the unknown, the knowing it’s not right, the negative feelings, emotions, and behaviors. The ignorance (not knowing). Bring it on fear! Get ready to work! It’s the way to light.

I’ll share with you one of my shadows I want to address. It is the one that gravitates towards the emotionally unavailable (sometimes emotionally unstable) relationships. I have been shrinking this shadow for years. But now I want to get rid of it for good! It’s not as dominant as it use to be. It use to hold on to the pain and suffering those relationships offered. It mimicked the pain in suffering of childhood. While I now seem to be able to avoid and detect these traits, I am still appalled at the fact that I still attract these people. So the work is what is it in me that is leftover. What are residual thoughts and emotions I need to address and heal?

SO there. I let you in on one of my shadows. It took courage. It took vulnerability. You can’t have success without either one.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Struggle Faith

You know that unwavering faith? Yeah, I don’t really have that ALL the time. However, I do have it in “certain” areas. You may wonder why don’t I have that type of faith ALL the time in ALL areas. You know, like you. Well, I have seen God work as far as finances in my life over and over again. I can be certain that it will work itself out and I have learned that I also have responsibility in that area as well. I know that God is a healer and that God’s grace is sufficient where a thorn may be. I know that God will protect me. I have been protected and delivered from many situations.

My faith WAVERS in the area of love and relationships. I have not seen God faithful in my life, in this area. Now, let me clarify. I have seen God REMOVE. I have been responsible to remove. I have yet to see love arrive in the form of my mate, my soul mate, my twin flame. So, pardon me if I am a little “iffy” and doubtful for I have been toiling for years (Toiling is something they say in the olden church days and I recall hearing that as a child). It means you have been laboring heavily. For a long time and sometimes without harvest. This is how I feel. Some years nothing. Other times weeds. Quite a bit, looks like harvest, just a new weed. All the time, I am sowing GOOD SEEDS in the wrong ground it turns out. Well, I sow those same seeds in my own ground so why haven’t they manifested outside of me? I don’t know. Other than the classic answer, “My dear child, it’s not your time.” Head down or side eye?

Well, how long is the line before my time? I’ve missed the window to have more children. I’d at least like to be able to travel and enjoy the rest of these years with someone worthy of my presence and presents of love and loyalty. Hold on…tides coming in.

~Nikki