All For Nothing

Sometimes I wonder if what I am doing is all for nothing. (All for naught). I imagine we all feel this way at times whether you are a mother, father, activist, advocate, business owner, student, clergy or caregiver. What does it matter? And I can hear someone saying, because I have said it, “What are you doing it for?” Are you doing it for attention? Praise? etc. And the answer is maybe yes in some cases but, I am not talking about those kind of motives. I am not talking about motives at all. My religious mind kicks in, “Only what you do for Christ will last” and this is a programmed response from being in church all my life. I am certain it’s true for ME or other people who believe in Christ. But this also is not about that. (I’m really yelling that part and rolling my eyes 🙄)

Then what is it about? It’s about being human. Most of us want to feel as if what we are doing matters or is appreciated. It’s not about validation or about showing off. It’s not about attention. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to feel like you make a difference in some way small or big (or medium 😉). Of course you matter but the question is not of your value it is, “Is there value in what I do?” And it’s hard to feel it when you don’t always see it or when you have a string of hard days or go through rough patches.

As I contemplate the start of Autumn Call In Bible Study, I thought about how the people are so quiet when I open up the lines. I wonder are they listening. I wonder if they are getting anything out of it. How can I get more participation? Even when I speak at church and ask the audience to take notes or ask if anyone can bring me back the answer to something next Sunday, it doesn’t happen. It is discouraging. It is difficult to motivate people. I can say in Sunday School there are lively discussions and it’s always a good time. I can say people call me or text me later about Bible Study and tell me they enjoyed it or what they got out of it. Sometimes. I know we live in a world where we can half dress and mute for zoom and call ins. I know we can have Law and Order on in the background or the football game.

Even if this is not what you mull over and question, I want you to know it’s valid to evaluate the things we do. It’s normal. It can be a good thing because it may cause us to readjust, abandon something that is not working and to try something different or new. It can cause us to see we no longer align with what we first set out to do. In life there will be “all for nothing” and “a waste of time” moments. Yeah, yeah, you can learn from it. We KNOW. Give yourself some grace and a time out as you figure it out. Maybe it’s just life is not going how you want it to go and it appears to be all is wrong in the world. Maybe, you’re just hungry or need a nap.

~Nikki