Today’s Affirmations

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Today’s affirmation:
Wealth and riches shall be in my house.
Everything I lay my hand to succeeds and prospers
I prosper, my health prospers, my relationship prospers
The more I give the more is given to me
The more I love the more I am loved
My loyalty is returned 100 fold

 

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Can We Be Friends If You Can’t Understand Rheumatoid Disease is a DIS-EASE?

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When Rheumatoid Arthritis was in remission, yes, it is a disease that can go into remission, I was living it up! Going going gone! A whirlwind of endless fun and good times. My energy was unbelievable. People would say “You are always on the go” or “You walk by so fast it’s like a blur!” Working 10 hour days 5 days a week and then getting all the overtime I wanted. At one job, working 12 hour days and filling in days and nights. It was nothing. I would rest later. I was a mom that was full of energy and I thank God I had that time when my daughter was very small and RA didn’t come until here tween years. Yet, I often feel guilty that we aren’t out and about as much as I would like and often I get tired or hurt before a day of fun is over.

I’m okay with who I am and how I have to operate to preserve my body and my peace of mind. I have found that others, strangers, friends and family are not. I have pretty much embraced that RA has returned and it brought along some of it’s friends; fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and diabetes to ensure my demise. Epic fail indeed! I am still alive, well, and kicking. Albeit, in a different and new way that I am getting use to.

If I go home because I can’t go hard is that a strike against me? Am I the party pooper? If I need a break, a nap, or choose to chill when we are on vacation, am I boring? How so? What you eat doesn’t make me poop! So what I do shouldn’t make you constipated. What people like me want is your understanding, not your criticism. We don’t really want your sympathy, but your empathy and really I don’t need that. I prefer you to understand and keep the party going without me. True, I am the life of the party (haaaaaaa!!!!!) when I am in party and wilding out mode but, in reality the party goes on. So you don’t have to talk about us behind our backs and you can keep the rolling of the eyes, too. If you can’t adapt to the new me and yet I am the one carrying the load and I have adjusted my new crown, then I don’t think we can be friends.

Do what I do. Enjoy those moments when I am riding high. Cutting up and laughing. Enjoy those times that I can pull an all niter, when I am on the floor dancing (something I love to do) and I am hosting a party on my feet making sure you enjoy your night. Note, I will have to pay dearly for the physical things I do later and for how long and how bad is anyone’s guess. It’s a sacrifice willingly made. Google Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia, etc.  to understand what your friend or person you love is going through and HOW it IMPACTS their life. Heck, (really wanted to say hell), talk to them and LISTEN. It impacts everyone differently.

In all your gathering of information, cures, judgments, undocumented medical advice and unsolicited advice, get an understanding by caring enough to understand the needs of a person you call a friend or family member. Know that I am always grateful and appreciative of natural remedies, exercises to help me, or even friends that call to tell me about a medication. I know that they are thinking about me.

get-understanding

~Nikki

 

RA BLOG: A Blow to the Jaw

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I remember a dream I had before Rheumatoid Disease returned to my life. It was a dream about losing my teeth as I was floating down a tunnel. I woke up horrified and started to pray. I thought it may be related to wisdom…I was wrong.

I’ve had a few cavities in my lifetime but, I have not had as nearly as many as I have had since RA. In fact I have had two teeth crumble and cavities in my wisdom teeth. They had to be removed yesterday and let’s just say it went down hill.

I have a great dentist with an amazing staff. Upon extraction both teeth split. The dentist had to cut around the gum also to loosen the teeth. I had to have gas to help keep me calm since I have developed anxiety (or finally got a diagnosis). It was still a nerve racking ordeal. And I had a very difficult time getting the socket to clot. I had to sleep in an upright position and that was impossible to be comfortable with RA, Bursitis in the hip and fibromyalgia. I had insomnia. Pillows were sliding and my mind was all over the place. Eventually, it clotted in the wee hours of the morning. I was up changing gauze and using tea bags. ROUGH.

I am 42 and I am ashamed to open my mouth as a speaker, a friend, a mother, a family member, and potential date. I would love to have implants, and I plan to, but at $4400 out of pocket this is not possible. So, what’s my next option? A partial. It’s obtainable. And if I wait a year insurance will pay some of it. I am not replacing the wisdom teeth of course, but the other two that crumble. Twice I have experienced TMJ.

This blog is an open and honest blog. So, here it is: I think I am pretty. I love my smile and now I don’t love to smile. I am insecure about my appearance and as a single girl I feel as if dating just got even more challenging. Even if I do get the partial, how will the person I meet feel about me not having all of my teeth? They may think it’s because I didn’t take care of my teeth. I did. I flossed. I brushed. I rinsed. What else can you do? I am not even that big of a sugar addict. Though I do have my moments.

Some say there is a link to RA and gum disease, dry mouth, or Sojourns disease and some say it is not. My dentist doesn’t think it’s RA but, it could be the medication that causes dry mouth and fosters the progression of cavities. I just found out that I do have dry eyes and my Rheumy prescribed over the counter dry eye drops. Sigh…I feel that I am falling apart at 42. And yet, I still have hope that all will work out for my good.

~Nikki

 

 

RA BLOG Week: RA/Rheumatoid Disease and Mental Health

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A Lot on Your Mind by Evan Sheline

If you get a cold or the flu, it’s okay because in a few days or a week, you will return to your healthy self. In those days, it will be physically and mentally draining. After all, no one enjoys being sick even if it for a week. Imagine the nightmare of becoming ill with something you can not get rid of. Imagine the pain comes in all variables to be described as nagging aches to excruciating to kill me now. You can’t do all of the things you use to do and what you can do has to be modified. How will you continue to survive and thrive in this world? How will you continue to provide for your family? Will you be able to do all of the things you planned? Will people think you are lazy or have given up if you can no longer work? What about your dreams? What about your goals? What is this new diagnosis? And another one and another one as a result of Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease. What the hell is happening here? Friendships and relationships change. Marriages change. You’re too young for this. You were thinking about enjoying your retirement…without pain. What do we do now? Why me? I am sick of hurting. Can I have a day of no pain???

The matters of the universe swirl in your head and the weight of the world is your shoulders. The impact of RA on your mental health can be devastating. It was for someone like me who was already an emotional human being who has lived through some very tragic moments. Now what? Another thing to hide. Another thing to deal with privately. I don’t want people to know I am depressed. I don’t want people to know I am anxious. I don’t want people to know I stand on the ledge of suicide. They will label me weak. And you don’t want to be labeled weak in the African American community. Or crazy. We associate mental health issues such as depression and anxiety as “crazy.” Ah, the stigma.

What do I do? How do I deal with the mental impact of RA? I try to take it day by day. I put on my brave face and walked boldly into the psychiatrist’s office, the one that has a brown face like me, and I said “I am sinking. Drowning in this sea of emotions and pain. Help me.” And then we went to work. Because seeing a therapist is WORK. A good therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, knows the tools you need to cope with life’s tragedies. It does not, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE WEAK, it means you are smart to seek help. And those who say you are “weak” or “crazy’ are the ones who are in need of help and don’t even know it. I use the tools my therapist gives me. Daily.

I practice yoga to help mind to focus on what is right in front of me.  It helps me to control my breathing. It helps me to control my thoughts. It helps to keep me in the now.

Meditation. Get you some. It helps me to see into myself. I can assess myself. I can create my future. I can pinpoint in my body my issues.

Prayer. It is my lifeline to my Source. It is how I talk to someone, when I can’t talk to anyone.

A personal relationship with the Creator (yes Source, yes God and not the God of this or that religion, but GOD). A deep, committed relationship, a bond, a sealed union. This relationship gives me strength. It empowers me. It serves me. It is my refuge. It is my stronghold. It is a friendship, a parental relationship, that has stood the test of time with unconditional love…mostly on God’s end. God has never wavered in love for me. Even as I tossed and rolled like a raging sea.

All of these things keep me grounded and honestly, above the ground.

~Nikki

#rablogweek2017

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Peace and Plenty Notes 1

 

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As you may or may not know, the journey I am taking this year is a journey of liberation. The actions I am taken at the age of 42 are legendary. I have linked this with an angel number and the legendary Jackie Robinson. Well, on this journey I have books to help me and one of those books is Peace and Plenty: Finding Your Path to Financial Serenity by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I want to share some of the journey with you in hopes it will help you along the way, too.

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~Nikki

RA BLOG: Enthesopathy/Enthesitis

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It started in January and it has not left me yet. I thought it was “just” joint pain from rheumatoid arthritis in the left hip giving me a hard time and keeping me tossing and turning at night. Surely, it will go away. It didn’t and I tried prednisone because I thought I was having a flare. That didn’t do much. I tried naproxen and it didn’t do much either. It got really bad and then during the day, instead of going away it just dulled and would flare at time. I called my rheumy.

“Come in for a shot!” Oh no! I didn’t want that! But as I went the next day, he examined me first and said, “No. You don’t need a shot. You have an inflamed ligament. Let’s try physical therapy. Once in physical therapy, I learned the name of this condition: enthesopathy. The inflammation of it is enthesitis. I have that.

“In medicine, an enthesopathy refers to a disorder involving the attachment of a tendon or ligament to a bone. This site of attachment is known as the entheses. If the condition is known to be inflammatory, it can more precisely be called an enthesitis.”

Last night was awful. It had been nagging a few days. The new pain medicine did nothing. I got some relief with the heating pad. My concern is that this could be a permanent condition and there could be damage as I researched credible sites that said this could be possible for those with an autoimmune disease.

As I try not to worry about it much, and face these things head on, it is very difficult when RA seems to present an obstacle course on top of the obstacle of life.

~Nikki

My Very Red Berry Kale Smoothie

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Private Select pitted cherries (use half the package)

1 cup of fresh strawberries

1 cup -1 1/2 cup of Kale

1 cup of Cranberry juice

Blend.

I add the juice first, then the kale. I blend a little. Then I add the cherries and I blend a little. I add the strawberries and  I blend for about a minute. You cannot taste the bitterness of the Kale! This is what I like about this smoothie.

~Nikki