Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Getting Back On Track

When I say I am getting back on track after caregiving for my dad and dealing with his passing and the passing of one of my brothers, I don’t mean getting on the track and field of life and taking off. I mean thinking about how to rewire my brain to focus on my life and grieve at the same time. I look at my life numerically, the notes I took for this year, the goals and dreams I wrote out and I ponder how can I “make” these things happen so late in the year when my motivation wavers drastically?

I have started reading my numeric year and my goals at least once a week and sometimes twice. I think it’s time to buckle down in some areas, release other areas and to be realistic in the remaining areas. Yet, open to opportunities and blessings. In reading the sticky notes last week something stood out to me more than usual. It reads: At times I may feel insecure and doubt my abilities to achieve my goals or to obtain success. I must look up and notice my progress and celebrate it.

What progress, as small as it may seem to me and others, have I made? What progress am I currently making? The only thing I can see that is a real life progress is I have accepted the challenge to face grief head on. I now understand it’s a long game and not a short one. I have been given more opportunities to speak/preach. I am still doing unconventional Bible study through it all. I have yet to paint but there is still time. I have yet to work on the last novel, yet there is time. I have completed some crochet projects and I vow to only do three shows this year. I do not want to overload and overwhelm myself as the mood to create fluctuates. I don’t want to do create without joy. Pressure is fine. But to do it with regret is something I do not want to experience again.

If I walk away from this year not smelling like the smoke of the fire I have been through, only refined spiritually, having my mind and on track financially, I will count it as success and victory.

~Nikki