In therapy I said, “I remember what you said to me in my last session. You said, “It seems you are worried about your life. It’s one thing to be concerned about your life. It’s another to be worried.” There was a huge blow up between the siblings in my family last week about the situation we are facing with our parents. And you know what? I am glad it happened!”

I proceeded to tell him why I was glad about the big blow out we had. Oh, at the time of the arguing I was devastated. It was heated, things were said, emotions were all over the places, one was silent. You must understand that my siblings and I have never had this type of exchange. EVER. It’s not normal for us and I will not allow it to become normal for us. We will not allow it.

I was glad because as things were taking place I suddenly start to feel like I no longer cared about this. I no longer cared about this situation because it is not my burden to bear. It is too big of a burden for me to bear and not just alone. In other words, it’s “Christian” to think God will help you to bear burdens so you should in deed bear them. However, it is spiritual, wisdom and with the use of discernment through experience, many burdens are not yours to bear AT ALL! This was no longer my burden to bear at all or with my siblings. This burden belongs to two beings: One of my parents and God.

Where do I stand? I stand in the background as support and assistance when needed. This blow up blew my mind into pieces! I needed this! I needed this! I needed my thoughts about this situation to be blown apart and some pieces to be decimated. I needed my thoughts rearranged and changed. I needed a paradigm shift! I was shifted from worry to concerned. I said to my therapist, “I am concerned but I am not consumed!” Oh, that freed me completely! That revelation freed me completely. I felt a peace I had not felt in the last two years.

I also realize the enemy (or devil, evil or negativity) comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Through one person many can be destroyed. Through evil or negativity operating in one person, a family, a bond, a marriage, friendship, countries can be destroyed. But in this spiritual war, I know the other parent will not be destroyed. However, to the one carrying this duality, it is up to them if they will be destroyed from within. It is not my choice or any of our choices. It is often not your wish for such things to happen but, you nor I can control other people’s choices or thier consequences.

My therapist asked me how I felt about this freedom, this revelation. I told him it feels like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. It felt like a whirlwind (tornado) came through the argument, swept me away and dropped me into a new place. The place is lovely but, I don’t know where I am and I am disoriented yet, at peace and optimistic. I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore.

~Nikki