June Exploration: Troubled Hearts

I went on a silent retreat again. It was a half day. As I sat in a deck chair staring at the pond, I couldn’t quite feel peace. I thought to myself, “My heart is troubled because of what was said. What angered me to no words.” And it came to me immediately, “Let not your heart be troubled.” Well, that didn’t help because my heart was still troubled. I still feel the pain. It’s in my soul. How could they???? (Thinking on the infraction).

Book of Jeremiah 31

³ The Lord appeared to us in the past,^[a] saying:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
    I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
⁴ I will build you up again,
    and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.
Again you will take up your timbrels
    and go out to dance with the joyful.
⁵ Again you will plant vineyards
    on the hills of Samaria;
the farmers will plant them
    and enjoy their fruit.
⁶ There will be a day when watchmen cry out
    on the hills of Ephraim,
‘Come, let us go up to Zion,
    to the Lord our God.’”

Are you not sitting beside the still waters? Though it ripples is sit not causing your soul, your emotions to be still? Allow it. I will restore your soul. Harden not your heart (because that is exactly what I was doing). Unclench your fists. Be soft with me. Be vulnerable enough not to just lay your burdens down but be vulnerable enough to receive my words. Receive my love and kindness.

Did I not lead you here?

You did.

I will restore to you the years the cankerworms have destroyed. I promise. You will take up your tamborine again. Wine will flow instead of tears. Again, again, and again I will come for you. I will rebuild you again and again and again. If there is a master builder, there is also a master restorer of souls.

I am giving you a glimpse of your future. You WILL TAKE UP YOUR TAMBOURINE and sing and dance AGAIN. Believe me. So, keep your tambourine (your joy) with you.

Personal notes from the half day silent retreat.

~Nikki