June Exploration: Happy New Year To Me!

I did a yoga practice yesterday evening that was a bit of a challenge. During the practice, the instructor was talking about the new year, new beginnings, and letting go. I realized I was watching an old episode and continued with the practice as her words were comforting. We did quite a few twists and balancing. Core work. And before you know it I started to think about my dad. My eyes watered. At the end of the practice, I cried. Usually, I can understand when it’s a slow practice like yin yoga or trauma informed yoga. In those practices emotions surface to the top and can spill over. This can happen in yoga period. It’s a mind, body, and spirit connection.

This is like a new year for me because what was the last six months but a tumble down the highest mountain. I am bruised and broken in many ways and in many places. I feel slightly guilty for saying, typing happy new year to me because it’s not such a happy beginning when one has lost someone so precious. I think my dad would be happy I don’t have to sacrifice myself anymore in the same way I am happy he doesn’t have to suffer anymore. He would want me to be free if it means he has to leave. He would want his family to be free to live their lives. I would want the same. As hard as it may be, I would want them to move on and to live life to the fullest!

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR (to)ME! Cheers! As I raise my glass of champagne with a tear in the glass.

~Nikki