Nevertheless

I had an incredibly dark night, a midnight hour in the day time that lasted all day. Have you ever woke up and felt “off”? Crabby? For no apparent reason or maybe you didn’t have a good night’s rest? Well, I had a terrible night of pain-somnia and that isn’t unusual and I usually wake up groggy but not with a horrible feeling. It was not a mood but just a feeling I didn’t like. I thought if I got up and got going things would get better. It did not.

In fact, in turned out to be one of the worst days I’d had in a while as far things not going right. Almost everything went wrong and whenever there was a light, hope of it turning around, it quickly was greeted by clouds and rain. The weather was like this that day as well. Brief sunlight, back to rain and dark clouds. It was just enough light for the sun to say, “Here I am” and disappear. I wish I could tell you that I took comfort in knowing light was still there but, I didn’t. I could only acknowledge it’s presence. I tried all of things, did all of the things one can do to meet the challenges of the day but, the day was wearing me out. Running me low. I was getting beatdown. Mollywhopped. I gave up and just let the all that was happening happen. It felt very bad. I was even triggered to some of my life’s very, very bad times. That was uncomfortable to type.

I went on to bed. I woke and things seem to be better. But I was tentative, causes as I moved through my morning routine. The day turned out to be okay. Nevertheless, I prevail. That is all that I could think of. I don’t know why that day came upon me. Was it life? Was I under attack? Was it God? I do not know. But I do know how to reflect, gleam, and keep moving forward. Those things I can do.

~Nikki