When you dwell on how much time you wasted on something, it can really get you into a mood. It can bring your spirits down.

“I can’t believe how much time I wasted on xyz!”

“I can’t believe how much time I wasted staying there!”

“I can’t believe it! How silly, stupid, foolish of me!”

“I can’t believe it! Look at all of the people I hurt or the people I allowed to hurt me!”

Well, sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know. We can’t see what we can’t see. Sometimes, we know but we hope things will get better. Sometimes, we know but we are afraid to move. Here is where you need to do something that is usually difficult. You need to forgive yourself. Even if people don’t forgive you and you have asked for their forgiveness. You must forgive yourself and move on. And you can look at that situation, take the bitter (honesty about yourself THEN), take the sweet (the wisdom, the experience, the lessons) and build on yourself and move on to better and greater exploits and expedictions.

Yeah. You did. Yeah, it did happen. Now what? Now healing and on to the next chapter or book. It’s funny because when I reflect on my current “waste of time” while moving on I thought to myself, I was NOT entertained.

I was NOT entertained by the acting and antics. I was not entertained by all that I went through emotionally and mentally. I did not like it all and no one was really stopping me from leaving. Oh, my emotions were complex, manipulated, and riddled with guilt, and confusion. What a circus! What a downward spiral that is happening! The ship is sinking and Jonah will not abandon ship. Jonah will not be thrown off. The house is on fire and no one will do anything!

Well, departure is where I am. And while there are some remnants of sadness and guilt, I must move on. I must go. I must move out of the way and into the way of my own uncharted path. I trust God. I trust God in this NEW BOOK of my life. To soothe your “guilt” is the incoming grace and mercy freely given to you by the Most High and you need to forgive yourself. You need to give yourself the same grace and mercy. Have compassion for yourself. “You’re only human. Born to make mistakes.” – Human, Song by the Human League (I love this song. Although, it’s about cheating HA!!!!)

~Nikki