Checking Your Own Insecurities (Uppity)

“You think you’re better then everyone else!” They said.

“Why do you say that?” I replied.

“Because you just do!” They said.

“You’re still not telling me HOW I am better than you or WHY you think that?” I replied.

This particular person never gave me a clear answer. But, through revelation via Spirit, I figured it out. However there were some that gave me vague answers as this wasn’t the first time I had heard this. Vague answers like, “You’re too quiet. You don’t do anything “wrong”. You are not like us.” So, because I don’t talk loud or I am mostly quiet by nature, I think I am better than them. Because I don’t smoke cigarettes or weed, I think I am better than them. Because I was raised different, not better, just different, I think I am better than them. Because I enjoy the Bible, the Word of God, spirituality, always trying to do right or good, I think I am better than them. Because I mostly stayed out of trouble, I think I am better than them. Because I got good grades, got a little education, I think I am better than them. And the rediculous list continues.

I believe most people don’t think they are better than you and I do think there are some that do! However, you may want to check your REASONING and RATIONALE and RELATIONSHIP with that person to make sure it’s not YOUR OWN INSECURITIES SHOWING UP. You may be just ASSuming a person thinks they are better than you when in fact they are just DIFFERENT by personality or upbringing and life experiences. They may not enjoy being around drunkeness because they grew up in a home where being drunk brought out the worst in a parent. They don’t think they are better than you. They may not be into drugs because of their religion or they hate smoke because it bothers their allergies or they can’t tolerate the smell. Doesn’t mean they think they are better than you. Perhaps you two took different career paths, they needed a degree or certification to be a nurse or teacher. Doesn’t mean they think they are better than you because you drive a truck and enjoy it.

Question your thoughts. Questions your feelings. In families, you have parents telling children that other relatives think “they are better than us because they have a big house and nice car.” Those children grow up thinking those relatives really think they are better than them and it’s really based on their parents’ insecurities and envy. Yes, you may just be jealous. Some children grow up mad at their cousins or half siblings because they had a better living situation or material things than they did. Imagine, you are an adult and still upset that your half brother grew up in a nice home with two parents when that half brother did’t have anything to do ( I want to say sh– t to do with) with what your parents or their parents did with their lives, careers, and incomes.

I grew up in a neighborhood with blue collar workers and white collar workers. I grew up in a neighborhood where two block away there was low income family homes. When we were children I recognized early on that some people had really nice homes that were bigger and better than mine. I also recognized that some of my friends and family were barely getting by. In some homes, no matter the size, there was love and in some no matter the size, type of car, there were some bad situations. I don’t ever remeber being mistreated by friends that had more and those that had less. We just wanted to play. Spending the night was different at everyone’s house. Sometimes breakfast was made by the parent in the house and other times, my friends or cousins would cook breakfast for us. I just wanted to eat and didn’t care if it was served on fine china or chinette paper plates!

I’m done with explaining to people who are bent on misunderstanding me. I am DIFFERENT. They can deal with it because I already have. I already have accepted the fact that I am not like others. We all are unique and that needs to be recognized and appreciated. I never was really loud or wild but, that doesn’t make me think I am better than anyone. I grew up in a two parent home but, I don’t think I am better than others that didn’t have both parents at home. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors of the houses you drive by. I am a single parent. Proudly and unaplogetically. So, with that being said, those of us that are different from you, with different experiences, different educational levels, etc. for the most part aren’t walking around with our noses in the air. Get to know someone and appreciate the differences and embrace the commonalities. And question your own thoughts and feelings.

~Nikki

Protect Your Peace of Mind

Photo by Valeriia Miller on Pexels.com

How do you protect your peace of mind?
🌼Prayer
🌼Affirmations
🌼Meditation
🌼Scriptures
🌼Exercise & Making Healthy Food Choices
🌼Boundaries
🌼Therapy
🌼Journal
🌼Disconnect from social media
🌼Alone time
🌼Let go
🌼Heal
🌼Pinpoint the SOURCE of your Disturbance and deal DIRECTLY with it

~Nikki

God Is Not Concerned

I’d rather you make the wrong decision than not decide at all. You can at least say you took control of the situation. You made an executive decision. You exercised your power. But the problem for most of us is that we are afraid to fail. We have been taught to be ashamed of our failures instead of understanding failure is a teacher. It helps you to make better decisions.

Listen, God, the Infinite Intelligence, the universe, is not concerned with your failures. There are no records of your mistakes and failures. It is the past. You are the present aiming towards your future. The Creator only wants to assist you in creating the life you are desiring. That’s it!!!

~Nikki

Reference: The Power of Decision by Charles Raymond Barker

February’s Gems for My Life

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It feels good to no longer be in love with a person that was never in love with me.

It feels good to file them in the proper category. Associate. Everything and everyone in their proper place.

In order for me to make a clean break from a relationship, entanglement (on and off again), I first begin the process of emotionally disconnecting BEFORE I leave. I write down everything said or did that affected me so that I can REMEMBER why I need to leave. I read it every day or anytime I think about staying, continuing, or prolonging the inevitable. Once I am ready, I make a clean break. There are no emotions or no significant emotions to pull me back in. I figured this out years ago.

It’s time to practice work-life balance. I don’t have to prove to people what I do is important.

Self-love is a lifelong practice.

Life goes on…and it gets better for me! (Is what I now say instead of the “life goes on” part).

It’s okay if they don’t like or love you. It’s not okay if you are still there trying to make them.

Get them out of your system (by fasting from contact and conversation) because their way of liking you and loving you was poison.

Self-respect is a form of self-love. Don’t lose your self-respect in the name of love. I did. I have.

You will not always get to decide when things end and sometimes things will end abruptly. It’s okay for emotions to be all over the place. However, with time determined by you, you will find your footing. Emotions will settle and you will be able to see and think clearly. Then you will gain the power of decision. A decision to decide how you will respond to the ending.

~Nikki

February was CHOCK full of LESSONS. WHEW! (Heavy eyeroll)

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 12 Trouble in Self Love Paradise

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If your heart is blocked, you may find it difficult to love yourself and if you can’t love yourself, it’s going to be difficult to love others. How do you know if your heart, heart space, heart chakra is blocked?

  • You have a hard time forgiving others or yourself
  • It’s difficult for you to move on from the past
  • You are detached from your emotions and you don’t feel compassion or love for others or yourself
  • You are overly critical of others or yourself
  • You are isolated
  • You carry hatred openly or secretly

There is also trouble in heart paradise if your heart’s energy valve is wide open. Some symptoms are:

  • You are an over giver (time, money, advice, service, etc.)
  • You have no boundaries and you cross others’ boundaries
  • You say yes to everything and to everyone at your own physical, mental, emotional expense
  • You neglect the care for your emotional needs
  • The inability to discern healthy relationships (leading to toxicity or choosing the wrong mates, letting others run over you)
  • Codependency

What Now?

Opening up the heart or adjusting the energy or emotions that flow from the heart requires a change of mind, different approach, and exercise. One thing I’d like to address is the obvious unforgiveness in the heart. Some think to forgive is to give the person they have unforgiveness towards a pass. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. How is it for you? It frees up the space in your heart that unforgiveness is living in to be filled with love.

Resentment, unforgiveness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to dies- Unknown but, probably Bert Ghezzi

Meanwhile the other person has gone on with their life or is no longer on this earth.

Forgiveness is the way to open a heart that has unforgiveness. If you can’t “see” it as forgiveness then start with trying to see it as letting go first and then move into forgiveness. This will unblock your heart and you will begin to feel the weight lifted off your chest.

If you are detached from your emotions, you may want to begin by volunteering to reconnect to people. I know there are plenty of volunteers needed in your community. But if theses emotions of detachment run deep then you my friend may need counseling with a trained, certified, professional to get to the root of the trauma and healing can begin. In fact, dealing with either one of these scenarios of a closed heart or a heart that is too open, is a call to some therapy. Why do you overextend yourself? Why can’t you say no? Why do you neglect your own emotions?

Positive thinking and affirmations can help get the ball rolling in these areas and bring balance to the heart. A change of mind is the beginning of a change of life. You must think about it to begin it. Replacing negative thoughts about yourself and others with positive thoughts changes your point of view. The judgements we make or assumptions we make about others need to be questioned. Did your parents tell you that? Did your circle of friends tell you about “that” group of people? Are you basing your information from the news? None of that is fair. Even if the information is about you!

Take the time to investigate where your thoughts about yourself and others originate. When you do discover the truth and facts, be willing to accept them and to change them if necessary. Maybe you’ve been told you are stupid. That is not true. How are you still here and stupid? Investigate the source. Maybe you just don’t know some things or it takes you longer to learn or your learning style is different. Maybe you have been naive. That’s okay. Did you learn? Did you grow? That is all that matters. Positive thoughts, affirmations, help us change the narrative in our heads therefore changing the narrative of the heart!

YOGA and EXERCISE like running or walking get the heart pumping and blood flow moving. Of course, you should consult with your doctor first. Endorphins are released. Stress levels and anxiety come down and this puts your heart space in a better place to receive and to give with balance. Yoga brings balance and has specific poses that are for the heart chakra or heart center.

Prayer and Meditation is another way to balance the energy of the heart or to heal the heart. “I can’t meditate” is a statement I hear often. The very fact one makes this statement is a reason for meditation. The second thing is the language, “I CAN’T”. Change that to I can. If you daydream or drift off to nowhere, you can meditate. Sitting quietly and gazing out the window for one minute, not judging your thoughts, not getting involved in your thoughts, simply letting them come and then refocusing on breath or whatever you are gazing on is meditation. If you can do that for one minute then you have just meditated. There are too many YouTube videos and apps for meditation and even a thing called guided meditation. You can put in time and search for a 3-minute meditation.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. I don’t know your religion and I don’t care much about that. I care if you choose to tap into the power of prayer. Prayer has a calming effect. Prayer can help heal your heart, remove negative emotions, calm you down and if you LISTEN you just may receive solutions. They may not come immediately but, perhaps through dreams or some time that day, week, month. You will get your answer or instructions. Prayer helps soothe the heart. Prayer and action can change the heart.

Another thing that can help the heart space is READING a self-help book about what is creating the imbalance or negative emotions in your heart. Somebody out there has gone through what you have been through and survived. They not only survived, they healed, and they thrive.

~Love, Nikki

October’s Energy

The 6 energy: Nurturing. Healing. Family and Home. Garden and Nature. Responsibility. Marriage and Divorce. Birth and Death. Worry, Doubt, guilt, martydom, doormat. Service but not servitude.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.

MAKE THE CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE NOW FOR NEXT YEAR.

HEAL AND REBALANCE. DEEP HEAL.

KNOW WHERE HOME IS. HOME IS THE HEART.

THE SHIFT FROM DARK TO LIGHT IS HAPPENING. THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED.

COMMUNITY, TRIBES, HUMANITY WILL COME TOGETHER. SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE. JUST BE AND YOUR PEOPLE WILL FIND YOU.

REMIND YOURSELF HOW WONDERFUL, UNIQUE, POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG YOU ARE. LOVE TALK TO YOURSELF. PEP TALK YOURSELF.

SELF CRITICISM COMES UP: ACCEPT YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE. TAKE RESPONSIBLITY AND THINGS CAN CHANGE.

STOP FOLLOWING AND START LEADING. LEAD YOURSELF.

DON’T SERVE THOSE THAT DON’T RESPECT YOU. GIVE RESPONSIBILITY BACK TO THOSE THAT CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES.

MARRY YOUR HIGHER SELF. DIVORCE CERTAIN IDEAS AND IDEALS.

HOME. FIX UP, DECORATE. CULTIVATE FAMILY.

Clarity Calling

My spirit will not let up on “clarity”. It is calling me into clarity as of late August and into September. I have learned to NOT ignore this. So, I dive in wholeheartedly with most pulls of my spirit by the Spirit. Although, sometimes, I must admit I unwillingly give in.

  • Get quiet. Meditate.
  • Pay attention to the SIGNS. If you are a person like me that loves “signs and wonders” and is interested in symbolism (these things are Biblical as well FYI), then PAY ATTENTION to what stands out to you. I saw a Cooper’s Hawk perched on my neighbor’s mailbox in direct sight. We’ll talk about that Sunday but, look up what things mean that capture your attention.
  • In this journey of clarity, clouds will roll away and clouds will roll back in like the weather pattern. When Spirit dropped this in my Spirit, I was like “Oh, no. How long will this journey last?” Let’s get this over with is my thoughts. But, Spirit explained by bringing into my remembrance that this is LIFE and this CLARITY leg of the journey is to prepare me to SEE and understand better myself and others. So, when clouds, the cloudy mental moments come, I will understand where the confusion, anxiety, or depression is coming from. I will be able to navigate the mental fog BETTER. So this is TRAINING is necessary for my growth and my journey. Still, “ugh. okay.”
  • The process of clarity are keys to clarity. What’s the process? Well, you will find your process through therapy, hearing directly from Spirit, or GOOGLE. Yes, really. Google Gaining clarity and what resonates with you, go for it. For me thus far, it’s to get quiet. Guided meditation on clarity. PRAYER and after prayer, LISTEN for a response and be AWARE of any SIGNS sent my way. Also, do something I love or something that brings me joy and peace while I wait for the “clouds to roll away.”
  • And PATIENCE is required in the clarity process. I used to tell people, “I only have patience with the elderly and children.” I am much better NOW and getting better with being patient with others and myself. So, you will have to be patient as the cloudiness rolls to clarity.
  • Clarity gives insight to YOU, the situation, the people involved and helps you to construct a plan or a response. It’s your next move. Even if that move is to do nothing or let it go.

This is all I have learned in this “Clarity Course” so far. I am currently putting some of these things into practice.

What have you learned about clarity? How do you access clarity when your mind is cloudy or there is confusion in your life?

“In all your ways (decisions, steps, actions) acknowledge Him (see if what you are about to do is alignment with God, Higher Power, the Universe, Your True SPIRIT) and He shall direct (guide you) YOUR path.” – Proverbs 3:6, The Bible

August’s Energy Commands Some GUSTO

gus·to/ˈɡəstō/noun

  1. enjoyment or vigor in doing something; zest

Do you have the “gusto” for August? I sure hope so because it seems to be starting off with fireworks or fire and work. I mentioned in Sunday’s blog, Wrong, But Right (https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2021/08/02/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-wrong-but-right/), how my day started in chaos. One thing after another. I have seen post after post since Sunday of other people “going through it” as their day unravels. Well, what does the energy of August bring us other than challenges? Let’s see!

August is a 4 energy and 2021 is a 5 energy. It would take some time to explain this. So, if you are new to this you may have to do your own research. If you are wise, you know how to tap into what is presented before you and use it as a guide with your chosen religion or spirituality. Go!

August brings:

  • Constructive freedom.
  • There is cause and effect. You can get out of the effect if you find and address the cause. Get to the root.
  • Amp up the energy and get things done. It’s August for crying out loud. It’s time to muster up the energy (or just go to bed at a decent time and slack off social media) and do what needs to be done.
  • Boost your immune system starting now.
  • It’s all about hard work this month BUT, DO NOT FORGET TO PLAY! Nobody and no body is good when it reaches burn out. Take care of your mental and emotional well being!
  • Speaking of emotions, a 4 energy will have you to close off emotionally. It can want to shut down and shut out because of all the to do’s and things going on in our lives and the world. Instead, open up. Be honest about what you want, what you don’t want, who you want, and who you don’t want. Be clear. Don’t say yes when you mean no and reverse.
  • The energy is all about rules and regulations but, you will need to be flexible.
  • Get clear and clear things up and clear things out of the way. In every way. Toss it. Donate it. Got to therapy about it. Forgive. Talk about it. Apologize. Change your behavior.
  • Think outside the box.
  • Audit your life.
  • Expansion. Where do you need to expand? Your thinking? Your heart? Your ideals and ideas?
  • Prioritize. Eliminate things, relationships, etc. that are wasting your time, effort, and energy. Your time, effort, and energy can go to where it’s needed. You’ve spent long enough. Reevaluate and focus on what and who really matters. Look around. There are people that love and care about you. Look around. Your dreams are right where you left them. Get to it.

I think you can find yourself somewhere in this list or perhaps something on this list will come to your mind when needed.

~Nikki

Hello August. Enjoy.

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Peace & Protection

In my country, it’s election month. But in actuality it’s been election year 24 hours and 7 days a week. I wish there were no political ads or news on Saturdays and Sundays on any outlet. This is the fourth very important presidential election I have lived through along with a pandemic. There have been times I have “hated it here” and by here I don’t mean the country. I mean the “atmosphere” of hatred. The stench of lies and putrefied pride of many. I have been stumped at the ignorance and outright stupidity of people that otherwise, have an education and the ability to research, not google truth.

However, it needed to happen. All of it. It’s not a game of mercy. It’s a reaping of seeds sown. It’s a GREAT FALL that has come after the PRIDE. I wonder if we will be getting up from the hog pin or nope…just getting started rolling around in the mud. And even if we do get up, slowly, surely, the survey of the damage done…unfathomable. Progress takes a long time but, destruction takes seconds, minutes, days, a bill here, a policy here, or an appointment there. In the Bible, they wanted a king and God gave them Saul. They cried. No. It wasn’t tears of joy.

During this HADES of election month, because it will not be determined the next day, I have decided to take refuge in the God I serve and solitude in the things and people I love. I will preserve my mental health and my emotional well-being. I will utilize every tool from therapy and therapy itself. There will be prayer and meditation and yoga. Fire round me. Glory in the midst. There will peace in this house.

~Nikki

Hello September: Day 1 of Vacation

Hello September. Our day one of my month long vacation started strangely. The energy in my home this morning seemed “sticky” and “stuffy” and “stale”. I could not seem to get up. As I dozed off again into a dream like state, I felt a really hard push. I opened my eyes and lay there startled! I rolled over but no one was there. I said aloud, “Well, that was rather rude.” Of course I will do research on that later. I got up and got myself together but, still not feeling together. Groggy and foggy I remembered, “Oh, I had some pain last night and tossed a bit through the night and early morning.” I also went to bed very late.

As I did my morning routine, I tried to find peace. Finally, I decided the energy in the home and around me, within me needed to be cleared. I put on a binary beats negative energy cleansing from YouTube. As soon as I did, I heard the buzzing of chain saws. The trees in my backyard were being trimmed. They are still at it. I lit sage and after it burned out down stairs, I lit it for upstairs. I received three phone calls from one person today that did not help the energy about me. However, after that last call, I was able to recenter, and find my peace.

As I was researching, I came across one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Sadhguru. I watched the video which I will leave below. What stood out to me, the lesson MY DAY 1 of Vacation:

PEACE SHOULD NEVER BE THE GOAL IN LIFE. PEACE SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR LIFE.

I never intended to blog today or to take you on this September Vacation, yet here we are. It was when I turned 30 I made the statement that “A peace of mind is everything to me.” It has taken me over 10 years to prove it. However, I realize today two things: If I would have known that peace should have been a requirement for life, I may have not taken so long to prove it to myself. Two, I must require it not just for relationships but, for the sustainability of my life. For my goals. For my dreams. For my health. For my wealth. The rest of my days. In all I do. Not in a crazy, obsessive, demanding way but, in the same manner I breathe air. Naturally.

Peace should be a requirement, not a goal.

~Nikki

Pathway in the autumn forest