Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Joy for January

I’ve been celebrating all month the birthdays of friends and I have 4 more birthdays of family and friends to celebrate. January is a busy month. I really enjoy watching them in their happiness and gratefulness of life. Life is to be celebrated as much as possible for it is precious. I know we go through and grow through many things. We have our struggles and battles but, I urge you to diligently seek out JOYS in life.

Since I began to slow down in December, I have had more JOY in my life. How? I haven’t been caught up in projects. I haven’t been running around here and there. I have said NO to things I really don’t want to do. I have said YES to things I want to do and are financially feasible (Note, I am taking more responsibility over my finances). Intentional rest is on my calendar and to do list. Having fun is on my list. Being in nature has given me JOY and observing nature in my own backyard has given me joy. I get plenty of spiritual messages that way and plenty of peace. I like this way of living and I want more of it. Therefore, I shall do what creates this type of living and it is to be intentional. It’s like I finally am beginning to understand intentional living.

Now, all is well with my soul as I “work out my salvation”. What I mean by that is, as I work on myself to heal, as I also do the hard work of self-improvement to grow, I can still find peace and joy in my life. I have decided to be intentional about it and you know when you make a decision you will be presented with opportunities to help you grow and to choose what you have said. I baked a cake yesterday. It was delicious and one of my favorite cakes. I happened to share 3 slices with two people. One individual doesn’t like this type of cake but, if I didn’t send them a piece, they would have asked why I didn’t send them a piece. They called to tell me the cake was “okay” and they knew it was my first time making it. Also, they wanted me to know it wasn’t sweet enough. (Are you rolling your eyes? Oh, just me!)

My response was, “Oh. I thought it was delicious. That is the only reason I shared it with you guys.” They began to back pedal but, I told them there was no need to say something other than what they really thought. It is okay not to like it. Then I changed the subject. My feelings were “almost” hurt until I considered the source. I also realized I was being presented with an opportunity to grow or exercise my growth. Was I going to let this tiny thing burst my day of peace and joy? No, no, no. That is not how I was going to end my night. So, yes you can be going through things, in the process of healing, wrestling with the physical body, etc. but you can also have joy in your life. Joy is not what you feel it’s what you know! I have said this many times in my blog. I have often forgotten it for myself.

I know that sharing in other people’s happiness brings me joy. I know that being around people that truly care for me and know me brings me comfort and joy. I know that days that run well-oiled brings me joy. I know that no matter what I am going through I will come out on top and it brings me joy. On the other side of the process is joy. Through the process I make progress and it’s all about progression.

I encourage you to EMBRACE some joy today. Create some joy this week. Seek it out and it will seek you out. Joy will begin to show up in many ways and in unexpected spaces because you have begun to carry a torch within for joy.

~Nikki

The Cleaning Agents Truth and Honesty: Inner Work

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I have a friend that deals with reality by not dealing with it. He likes to pretend that his world is perfect in public. He puts his parents and marriage on a pedestal to the world. He is in photos that would make you think all is well. Yet, in his private life there is a different story. He’s the type that makes idle threats about what he’s going to do and say but never acts on them. He’s the one that upholds the wrong doing of his father by being silent. He needs the acceptance of that parent. Plus, the public thinks his parents are amazing. Deep down inside, he’s drowning. The things he does, the moods he has, the thought patterns that keep him trapped, all connected to childhood, religion and young adulthood experiences. He internalizes all of his grief, sorrow, hurt, disappointments, and I worry about the toll it takes on him physically.

If you are ready to heal, grow, improve, stop a bad habit, if you have lost too much and too many people, then take a couple of deep, deep breaths and prepare to go inward. In fact, you may need an oxygen tank because it’s going to take many deep dives to get to the root of some things. Some people start in shallow waters and then make their way to the deep and some just jump in. It’s an unraveling. Some said it’s like peeling back and onion layer by layer. But for me, some of my baggage had more layers than an onion. And if you want to know how long it takes to be healed, check out my other blog post from last week https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2023/01/11/how-long-does-healing-take-inner-work/

You just may have to admit that you are not perfect. You are not always right and may be rarely right. You may have to tell yourself the truth about your household, your feelings about it. You may have to tell yourself the truth about how you grew up and that perhaps your parents were not so perfect, either. You may have to untangle the web of your actions and behaviors. This can be some work and this is why most people leave this earth bound instead of free. They remain the same, sad or angry, silent or pretending, trapped in denial, and steeped in open or hidden misery.

Truth and Honesty are like ammonia or some strong cleaning agent mixed with water. Mixed just right it can get the job done without damaging what it is cleaning. If you ever decide to HEAL or CHANGE you can’t do it without Truth and Honesty. Here is what I have learned about inner work, it’s rewarding. It’s freeing. The “work” can be tiring, dirty, exhausting, but when you are clean, when you come into the light of understanding why you do what you do, say the things you say, act a certain way it gives you knowledge. It gives you POWER to be your AUTHENTIC SELF and to walk in the fullness of your destiny. It gives you WHOLENESS like you have never known but before you may feel like you are being ripped apart. Fear not. It’s only so you can be put back together, with some new parts and reprogrammed. This is when people will say, “Hmm, you’re acting funny. You have changed. There is something different about you.” And it will be true. There is something different about you when you do the work of healing yourself.

~Nikki

My Top 12 Lessons of 2022 Lesson 10: You Can’t Escape the Season You Are In

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Life has ebb and flow, ups and downs. Life also has seasons. Someone had an amazing year. They were on top of the world. Someone had a good year with some hard moments or situations. Someone had a very rough year and had to search long and hard for silver linings. I was the latter.

I spent the first part of the year trying to resist the season I was in. I knew it would be a season or year of endings but, I didn’t think it would be as difficult and as challenging as it was. I kept in mind “With endings come new beginnings” and was expecting those new beginnings to show up right away. They did not and when they didn’t, I fought against it. I gave up several times but got back up after sleeping (resting see https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2022/12/22/my-top-lessons-of-2022-lesson-9-sleep-is-powerful/ ) and spiritual guidance.

It was the middle of the year when God spoke and told me I was going through an evolution. I would not be the same. It was then that I realized this was not the first time in my life I had gone through an evolution. In fact, I have and we have been going through periods of evolution in our lives since birth and awareness. And we will continue because life has seasons and/or cycles that repeat themselves. Once you recognize what is going on you can handle things better. You can cope with things better as you grow in grace and wisdom. I thought I wasn’t going to make it sometimes because life seemed so dark this year. But what I now understand is that birth can sometimes look like death because of the pain, suffering, and darkness surrounding the removal of old ways, patterns, things, and people.

In the Bible, when the man whose hand was withered was told by Jesus to “stretch forth his hand” I bet it felt like his entire arm was going to break and fall off. Imagine something being as tight, unused muscle, bone, and tissue being a particular way for years and years and it unfolding. I felt like I was being dashed against mountains. I felt like I was being abandoned. There was great confusion. There was despair and disdain. There was anger. God took it all. God can take whatever you throw because God understands you will be okay, better, afterwhile. God doesn’t take it personal. I was being UNFOLDED from the WOMB of old habits, attachments, patterns, people and things that no longer served by higher good. I was coming into a larger space like a baby folded up in a womb for 9 months being birth. The baby has no idea what is happening. The baby cries after birth and needs to do so to clear the airways in order to breathe. People will rejoice at the baby but, they don’t want to hear about your labor pain. I want you to know it’s a sacred time with you and the Creator. Most of the people interested in your labor pain are those that are in labor or have been in labor.

My limbs (my mind and heart in this case) needed to unfold into this new space, this new era of my life. Being born is a season you can’t control. It can only be accepted. Sometimes it will be during the process and sometimes it will be after the process spiritually speaking. You may not even fully accept it until much after or when you come into awareness that it was birthing season. A season of coming through a very long dark canal wondering if there is a light at the end. Sometimes fearing the light at the end. Sometimes not realizing that you are light in the tunnel coming into a new space. In life we must continue to EXPAND.

My mantra for next year (given to me in prayer and meditation) is to BE YOUR LIGHT AND SHINE UNAPOLOGICALLY. You read it correctly. Be your light. I am not to be a light or the light but to be my light. We all have a light within that shines. Your light within is not like my light. My light is not like yours. I don’t get to create your light and tell you how to shine. This light is created in you by a Higher Power. I could not escape the season I was in. It was happening whether I was aware of it or not. Now that I look back on some years in my life where “all hell was breaking loose” it is because it was. I was being born again.

“You are the world’s light—it is impossible to hide a town built on the top of a hill.” Matthew 5:14

Your light is needed in this world!

~Nikki

My Top Lessons of 2022 Lesson #7: Knowing is Half the Battle

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“All things are already in divine order.” – The Sacred Yes, Deborah L Johnson

As a child, I watched the cartoon G.I. Joe and at the end of the show he would always say, “Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.” There will be times when you are going through something extremely challenging and difficult. It can be dark. It can be so dark you can’t see your hand in front of you. It can be so dark; you can’t see or find your way out. It can seem like you are going to be stuck in this state forever.

G. I. Joe would review the episode, point out significant things, and tell you the lesson of the episode. This is how he poured knowledge into you so that you may have it in battle. You can have a one up, a two or three up, just by KNOWING some things and bringing those things into remembrance. In my religion, the Book of Isaiah 43:26a says, “Put Me in remembrance”. It has been suggested that when you can’t remind yourself of the truth, facts, affirmations, knowledge, you can ask the Holy Spirit to put you in remembrance of what is true or what you know. Basically, you ask for a reminder from a Higher Power.

I experienced more anxiety and more depression, with greater intensity this year than I can recall. In some of those times, I did not remember the truth about my situation or my feelings. I was overcome with those two things that the Spirit whispered, sleep. Sleep was my affirmation. It was my scripture. It was my escape. It was my knowledge.

However, for the times I was aware of the battle I was in, I sought the Lord. Some may think this is about Christianity and the Bible. You are partially correct. However, to seek what is Lord or who is Lord is to seek something or someone that can give you something to assist you in battle. No matter what your battle is. To seek the Lord is to seek answers. You want to get an understanding. You need some knowledge. You need some wisdom in battle. You need to remember so that you can know!

I sought through prayer. I sought by reading. I sought by searching affirmations and meditations for what I was going through. I searched Google and YouTube for CREDITABLE sources to find out more about fears and phobias, anxiety and depression. One very significant thing that has helped me this year when I question, “Why am I or must I go through or deal with this is something that came from the book, The Sacred Yes; “All things are already in divine order.” “When you exercise your faith, you UNDERSTAND and ACCEPT that all things are already in divine order.” What I am going through is in divine order helped me to HOLD ON because I KNOW if it’s in divine order it’s going to work out for my good. If it’s in divine order, I must learn from it. If it’s in divine order, I can’t control it but, I can control my response to it. KNOWING THIS WAS HALF THE BATTLE.

Choosing (making a decision) to have faith, to pray is a POWER MOVE that will produce POWERFUL results in your life. -Nicole Jackson

~Nikki

Checking Your Own Insecurities (Uppity)

“You think you’re better then everyone else!” They said.

“Why do you say that?” I replied.

“Because you just do!” They said.

“You’re still not telling me HOW I am better than you or WHY you think that?” I replied.

This particular person never gave me a clear answer. But, through revelation via Spirit, I figured it out. However there were some that gave me vague answers as this wasn’t the first time I had heard this. Vague answers like, “You’re too quiet. You don’t do anything “wrong”. You are not like us.” So, because I don’t talk loud or I am mostly quiet by nature, I think I am better than them. Because I don’t smoke cigarettes or weed, I think I am better than them. Because I was raised different, not better, just different, I think I am better than them. Because I enjoy the Bible, the Word of God, spirituality, always trying to do right or good, I think I am better than them. Because I mostly stayed out of trouble, I think I am better than them. Because I got good grades, got a little education, I think I am better than them. And the rediculous list continues.

I believe most people don’t think they are better than you and I do think there are some that do! However, you may want to check your REASONING and RATIONALE and RELATIONSHIP with that person to make sure it’s not YOUR OWN INSECURITIES SHOWING UP. You may be just ASSuming a person thinks they are better than you when in fact they are just DIFFERENT by personality or upbringing and life experiences. They may not enjoy being around drunkeness because they grew up in a home where being drunk brought out the worst in a parent. They don’t think they are better than you. They may not be into drugs because of their religion or they hate smoke because it bothers their allergies or they can’t tolerate the smell. Doesn’t mean they think they are better than you. Perhaps you two took different career paths, they needed a degree or certification to be a nurse or teacher. Doesn’t mean they think they are better than you because you drive a truck and enjoy it.

Question your thoughts. Questions your feelings. In families, you have parents telling children that other relatives think “they are better than us because they have a big house and nice car.” Those children grow up thinking those relatives really think they are better than them and it’s really based on their parents’ insecurities and envy. Yes, you may just be jealous. Some children grow up mad at their cousins or half siblings because they had a better living situation or material things than they did. Imagine, you are an adult and still upset that your half brother grew up in a nice home with two parents when that half brother did’t have anything to do ( I want to say sh– t to do with) with what your parents or their parents did with their lives, careers, and incomes.

I grew up in a neighborhood with blue collar workers and white collar workers. I grew up in a neighborhood where two block away there was low income family homes. When we were children I recognized early on that some people had really nice homes that were bigger and better than mine. I also recognized that some of my friends and family were barely getting by. In some homes, no matter the size, there was love and in some no matter the size, type of car, there were some bad situations. I don’t ever remeber being mistreated by friends that had more and those that had less. We just wanted to play. Spending the night was different at everyone’s house. Sometimes breakfast was made by the parent in the house and other times, my friends or cousins would cook breakfast for us. I just wanted to eat and didn’t care if it was served on fine china or chinette paper plates!

I’m done with explaining to people who are bent on misunderstanding me. I am DIFFERENT. They can deal with it because I already have. I already have accepted the fact that I am not like others. We all are unique and that needs to be recognized and appreciated. I never was really loud or wild but, that doesn’t make me think I am better than anyone. I grew up in a two parent home but, I don’t think I am better than others that didn’t have both parents at home. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors of the houses you drive by. I am a single parent. Proudly and unaplogetically. So, with that being said, those of us that are different from you, with different experiences, different educational levels, etc. for the most part aren’t walking around with our noses in the air. Get to know someone and appreciate the differences and embrace the commonalities. And question your own thoughts and feelings.

~Nikki

Protect Your Peace of Mind

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How do you protect your peace of mind?
🌼Prayer
🌼Affirmations
🌼Meditation
🌼Scriptures
🌼Exercise & Making Healthy Food Choices
🌼Boundaries
🌼Therapy
🌼Journal
🌼Disconnect from social media
🌼Alone time
🌼Let go
🌼Heal
🌼Pinpoint the SOURCE of your Disturbance and deal DIRECTLY with it

~Nikki

God Is Not Concerned

I’d rather you make the wrong decision than not decide at all. You can at least say you took control of the situation. You made an executive decision. You exercised your power. But the problem for most of us is that we are afraid to fail. We have been taught to be ashamed of our failures instead of understanding failure is a teacher. It helps you to make better decisions.

Listen, God, the Infinite Intelligence, the universe, is not concerned with your failures. There are no records of your mistakes and failures. It is the past. You are the present aiming towards your future. The Creator only wants to assist you in creating the life you are desiring. That’s it!!!

~Nikki

Reference: The Power of Decision by Charles Raymond Barker

February’s Gems for My Life

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It feels good to no longer be in love with a person that was never in love with me.

It feels good to file them in the proper category. Associate. Everything and everyone in their proper place.

In order for me to make a clean break from a relationship, entanglement (on and off again), I first begin the process of emotionally disconnecting BEFORE I leave. I write down everything said or did that affected me so that I can REMEMBER why I need to leave. I read it every day or anytime I think about staying, continuing, or prolonging the inevitable. Once I am ready, I make a clean break. There are no emotions or no significant emotions to pull me back in. I figured this out years ago.

It’s time to practice work-life balance. I don’t have to prove to people what I do is important.

Self-love is a lifelong practice.

Life goes on…and it gets better for me! (Is what I now say instead of the “life goes on” part).

It’s okay if they don’t like or love you. It’s not okay if you are still there trying to make them.

Get them out of your system (by fasting from contact and conversation) because their way of liking you and loving you was poison.

Self-respect is a form of self-love. Don’t lose your self-respect in the name of love. I did. I have.

You will not always get to decide when things end and sometimes things will end abruptly. It’s okay for emotions to be all over the place. However, with time determined by you, you will find your footing. Emotions will settle and you will be able to see and think clearly. Then you will gain the power of decision. A decision to decide how you will respond to the ending.

~Nikki

February was CHOCK full of LESSONS. WHEW! (Heavy eyeroll)

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 12 Trouble in Self Love Paradise

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If your heart is blocked, you may find it difficult to love yourself and if you can’t love yourself, it’s going to be difficult to love others. How do you know if your heart, heart space, heart chakra is blocked?

  • You have a hard time forgiving others or yourself
  • It’s difficult for you to move on from the past
  • You are detached from your emotions and you don’t feel compassion or love for others or yourself
  • You are overly critical of others or yourself
  • You are isolated
  • You carry hatred openly or secretly

There is also trouble in heart paradise if your heart’s energy valve is wide open. Some symptoms are:

  • You are an over giver (time, money, advice, service, etc.)
  • You have no boundaries and you cross others’ boundaries
  • You say yes to everything and to everyone at your own physical, mental, emotional expense
  • You neglect the care for your emotional needs
  • The inability to discern healthy relationships (leading to toxicity or choosing the wrong mates, letting others run over you)
  • Codependency

What Now?

Opening up the heart or adjusting the energy or emotions that flow from the heart requires a change of mind, different approach, and exercise. One thing I’d like to address is the obvious unforgiveness in the heart. Some think to forgive is to give the person they have unforgiveness towards a pass. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. How is it for you? It frees up the space in your heart that unforgiveness is living in to be filled with love.

Resentment, unforgiveness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to dies- Unknown but, probably Bert Ghezzi

Meanwhile the other person has gone on with their life or is no longer on this earth.

Forgiveness is the way to open a heart that has unforgiveness. If you can’t “see” it as forgiveness then start with trying to see it as letting go first and then move into forgiveness. This will unblock your heart and you will begin to feel the weight lifted off your chest.

If you are detached from your emotions, you may want to begin by volunteering to reconnect to people. I know there are plenty of volunteers needed in your community. But if theses emotions of detachment run deep then you my friend may need counseling with a trained, certified, professional to get to the root of the trauma and healing can begin. In fact, dealing with either one of these scenarios of a closed heart or a heart that is too open, is a call to some therapy. Why do you overextend yourself? Why can’t you say no? Why do you neglect your own emotions?

Positive thinking and affirmations can help get the ball rolling in these areas and bring balance to the heart. A change of mind is the beginning of a change of life. You must think about it to begin it. Replacing negative thoughts about yourself and others with positive thoughts changes your point of view. The judgements we make or assumptions we make about others need to be questioned. Did your parents tell you that? Did your circle of friends tell you about “that” group of people? Are you basing your information from the news? None of that is fair. Even if the information is about you!

Take the time to investigate where your thoughts about yourself and others originate. When you do discover the truth and facts, be willing to accept them and to change them if necessary. Maybe you’ve been told you are stupid. That is not true. How are you still here and stupid? Investigate the source. Maybe you just don’t know some things or it takes you longer to learn or your learning style is different. Maybe you have been naive. That’s okay. Did you learn? Did you grow? That is all that matters. Positive thoughts, affirmations, help us change the narrative in our heads therefore changing the narrative of the heart!

YOGA and EXERCISE like running or walking get the heart pumping and blood flow moving. Of course, you should consult with your doctor first. Endorphins are released. Stress levels and anxiety come down and this puts your heart space in a better place to receive and to give with balance. Yoga brings balance and has specific poses that are for the heart chakra or heart center.

Prayer and Meditation is another way to balance the energy of the heart or to heal the heart. “I can’t meditate” is a statement I hear often. The very fact one makes this statement is a reason for meditation. The second thing is the language, “I CAN’T”. Change that to I can. If you daydream or drift off to nowhere, you can meditate. Sitting quietly and gazing out the window for one minute, not judging your thoughts, not getting involved in your thoughts, simply letting them come and then refocusing on breath or whatever you are gazing on is meditation. If you can do that for one minute then you have just meditated. There are too many YouTube videos and apps for meditation and even a thing called guided meditation. You can put in time and search for a 3-minute meditation.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. I don’t know your religion and I don’t care much about that. I care if you choose to tap into the power of prayer. Prayer has a calming effect. Prayer can help heal your heart, remove negative emotions, calm you down and if you LISTEN you just may receive solutions. They may not come immediately but, perhaps through dreams or some time that day, week, month. You will get your answer or instructions. Prayer helps soothe the heart. Prayer and action can change the heart.

Another thing that can help the heart space is READING a self-help book about what is creating the imbalance or negative emotions in your heart. Somebody out there has gone through what you have been through and survived. They not only survived, they healed, and they thrive.

~Love, Nikki

October’s Energy

The 6 energy: Nurturing. Healing. Family and Home. Garden and Nature. Responsibility. Marriage and Divorce. Birth and Death. Worry, Doubt, guilt, martydom, doormat. Service but not servitude.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.

MAKE THE CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE NOW FOR NEXT YEAR.

HEAL AND REBALANCE. DEEP HEAL.

KNOW WHERE HOME IS. HOME IS THE HEART.

THE SHIFT FROM DARK TO LIGHT IS HAPPENING. THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED.

COMMUNITY, TRIBES, HUMANITY WILL COME TOGETHER. SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE. JUST BE AND YOUR PEOPLE WILL FIND YOU.

REMIND YOURSELF HOW WONDERFUL, UNIQUE, POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG YOU ARE. LOVE TALK TO YOURSELF. PEP TALK YOURSELF.

SELF CRITICISM COMES UP: ACCEPT YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE. TAKE RESPONSIBLITY AND THINGS CAN CHANGE.

STOP FOLLOWING AND START LEADING. LEAD YOURSELF.

DON’T SERVE THOSE THAT DON’T RESPECT YOU. GIVE RESPONSIBILITY BACK TO THOSE THAT CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES.

MARRY YOUR HIGHER SELF. DIVORCE CERTAIN IDEAS AND IDEALS.

HOME. FIX UP, DECORATE. CULTIVATE FAMILY.