What Else Could Go Right?!!!!!

What’s wrong with everyone?!!! Including me and you!!! Did it only take me 30 minutes to find a photo that would upload to WordPress for this blog? Does it seem everyone has an attitude or you are perceiving things the wrong way? Are YOU being perceived the wrong way? Mixed emotions and mixed signals and frazzled nerves do not mix. As for me, small frustrations have been building up. I was hesitant to pray for a good day or smooth day because in the past it seems as if sometimes when I pray that, things go left instead of right. (That’s a whole other blog post and therapy session or two away from dissecting). I took a chance and prayed it. Then added, “No matter what happens today, I will stay Christ centered”. Oh, it sounded very possible before I got out of bed and met up with people.

Coffee on the porch and there was a little chaos next door. No problem. And then another interaction with a human being as I happily was heading to my trash bin. I hopped in my car to clear my head and “recenter” myself and run my grocery errands early. I noticed my gas was low. I stop at the gas station connected to the grocery story and decide to fill it up. I get back in my car and it would not start. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” After two phone calls to people who could not help me, I finally got some help from my youngest brother. A tow truck came but I’d planned on using my credit card. My brother paid for it and I had to send him the money back. No big deal. And then I realized, this was the SECOND time I had saved up to get some limbs cut from the huge tree (Her name is Ella, as in Ella Fitzgerald. Yes. I name trees.)in my backyard. The second time this year and only to have to pull from that fund.

I have no idea yet what it will cost to get my car repaired or what the problem is. In fact, I need a new car badly. It’s been a day but, I was able to use a car to run my errands and I made it back home safely. Am I extremely frustrated? I was. Now I am just regular frustrated. HAAAAA!!!!! My day is way off track and there is no way to recover. There has been quite a bit of that going on. It took some work to recenter myself. At one point, I was like, “Christ centered? Why did I say that?! WWJD?” I guess be at peace about it. I thought about all of the things I could be grateful for right now. It helped. Although, I had to keep reminding myself of the good things. I got that habit from yoga and meditation. When the mind drifts, focus on breath. When my mind wants to go back to extreme frustration, anger, and a rant rises up-“Hey, Nikki, remember those things you said you were grateful right now. Repeat that list again.”

• At least it was cool and I was in shade
• At least it happened at the gas station and it wasn’t too far from my house
• I could stand in the gas station or the grocery store if it were too hot
• The guy came fast with the tow truck
• Although, it’s money I didn’t want to spend at least I had it. Don’t know if I will have money to get my car fixed but that is going into the unknown and I am sticking with the present
• I had a car I could use to run my errands
• I made it home safely
• My flower bed still looks pretty good this late in the summer ( the heat is brutal)
• Yoga helped relieve some tension
• Someway, somehow, things always work out for me

I know I am on the path to a huge breakthrough in my life. Breakthroughs are messy. Births are messy and painful. Breaking up hard ground or concrete is loud and messy. Sometimes we do have find a place of solid ground whether that is literally to silence our minds and sit with our emotions. Or whether that is continuing on with our day the best we can as we travel deep within the well worn roads and paths within to find reminders that keep us steady in the process. I caught myself before I said, “What else could go wrong?” and instead reminded myself to say the thing I have been saying a few years to replace that. “What else could go right?”

Friends, there was a time when something like this would have ruined my day. I would have spiraled out of control. I won’t say I won’t ever do these things or feel this way but, today was a victory. It wasn’t to ugly of a victory. Nonetheless, a win.

~Nikki

With love and a second cup of coffee this evening because I deserve it.