Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: A Forced Smile

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Unicorns & Coffee 11/18/2018

Yesterday I enjoyed a beautiful wedding ceremony of my nephew and his girlfriend officiated by his father (my brother). Everything was simply was beautiful. I love short and sweet ceremonies and that is exactly what it was. However, as my heart was happy to be there, something occurred the 15-20 minute ride that changed my mood completely. Even though I fought to keep my mood high all the way to the bitter end, the bitter person won that round. I had to sit in the car to get myself together and force a smile.

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I looked at the selfie I took and thought about a forced smile. There I am decked in costume jewelry, fabulous sparkly heels, and a fur trimmed wrapped and reeling with anger at the person sitting a few seats down that acts as if they have done nothing wrong. As the ceremony proceeded I was happy to see my nephews come down the aisle and to see many of my family members I don’t get to see often. For those few moments of socializing, my mood and heart was lifted. But then it was time to get back in the car with the person and their behavior persisted. When they said they wanted to go out for dinner, my heart sank. I would have to spend more time with craziness. I sat there the whole time trying to remain silent or indulge in small talk with others at the table. I tried to laugh with others.

When I finally did drop off the person, I thought I may find some peace. But no, another person in the car continued the criticism and we had words. For the first time since a time I can’t even remember, I had to go for a ride in my car alone. This for me means I reached my limit in composure and before I do or say anything I regret, I need distance. I need to get in my car and say everything that I REALLY wish I could say, but if I did it would DAMAGE the person in such a way it may not be reparable. In my car ride, I can say what I truly want to say and say what I truly want to do. In the car ride, there is no judgement. There are no interruptions or no one telling me what “Thus said the Lord” except the Lord and the Lord (God, The Creator, The Divine ) is just there being a sounding board. Allowing me to “get it all out, let it all out” profanity included. There is no ZEN, no YOGA, no MEDITATION, no 10 deep breaths needed. There is the beating of the steering wheel, the tossing of a sweater, the throwing of a purse (in which I will have to pick up the contents later). Yes, the DO GOODER, the GOODY TWO SHOES. the PREACHER’S DAUGHTER (titles in which people assign to you with obligations, morals, and rules they make up basically assigning you to perfection) is a real human being just like you. Yes, she has anger issues that she has mastered on many levels but also reaches a boiling point. She also believe that anger should be acknowledge and all that comes with it. It should be understood as perfectly normal and not to be stuffed down into the fibers of your being.

I don’t like it when I have to force a smile. I don’t always like it when I have to restrain myself. But in the course of the night, in my bed, searching that app for a meditation or talk that would help me to settle down, I discovered a talk that should be a TEDTALK about anger. It blew my mind! And I have decided to do a series of blogs on it. Can’t wait to share.

~Nikki

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Are You a City With Broken Down Walls?

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A person who lacks self control is like a city with broken down walls. -Proverbs 25:28

I once had a really bad temper and it wasn’t because of my red hair either (or at least it’s not scientifically proved yet!). Anything could tick me off. Any one could get a good verbal assault. Duck! I was throwing something or punching a wall. I thank God I was never arrested for some of the things my anger or temperament spurred me to do. I am also grateful I don’t have to regret harm to a person physically because of a moment of my anger and bad judgement.

I thought I was controlling my anger when I was really stockpiling my anger. I would let it build up and then I would explode. It wasn’t until I wrote the book Healing the Single Mother I really began to understand what it takes to get a handle on your anger or a hair trigger temper. It wasn’t until then I understood how I could be angry, but sin not (well, at least most of the time). It was self control. If you don’t have self control when it comes to anger or anything else, you are the city with broken down walls. Anything and anybody can come in. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You don’t have a defense. You don’t have protection against the devil, the evil, the negative energy that is circulating and is bound to come near you. Self control offers protection not only from the outside, but from your own internal conflicts that occur that lead you to unsavory words and actions.

There is more to dealing with your anger issues than the use of self control, but self control alone can save your life and save you from making in the heat of the moment choices with lifelong consequences.

~Nikki