Secretly Hoping For Failure?

What is it that you secretly hope doesn’t work out for you? What is it that you secretly hope will fail so you don’t have to deal with it or do it? Maybe you hope you don’t get the promotion because it’s not what you really want to do. You need the money but, not more stress or headaches. Maybe you hope someone will end the relationship because you are too afraid to do it yourself. Maybe you hope your child changes their mind about piano lessons because deep down you don’t want to add one more practice to your schedule but, you don’t know how to say, “You already have softball and the debate team. You will have to drop one or wait until the summer and we will find you lessons.” Or think about it for a month and let me know if you still want to take lessons. I know I secretly hope some things will fall through or fail so I don’t have to deal with it. We are not talking about wishing harm or hurt on others. I have to say that because I know some people are committed to twisting words and misunderstanding others.

So, why do we wait for things to “fail or dissolve” and feel the relief of it being lifted instead of us confronting it head on, telling others we have changed our minds, or we have too much on our plates for this or that? When you finish dancing around the answer it mostly mounts up to some form of fear. I don’t want to upset anyone. I don’t want to look like I am indecisive or unreliable. I don’t want to put people in a bind. I want to keep the peace. Meanwhile, you are raging on the inside, anxious, sad or unhappy. And probably filled with a sense of dread. I have been there. I am there in some ways.

This week is a good time to sit down and figure out what you want and do the scary things to take control of the parts of your life you can control. I don’t know how you will get it but you will need courage and you will need to be prepared for the reactions of others. It may or may not go over well but it will set you free. And sometimes freedom feels and looks different for a little while. Today, I had to once again set a boundary and spell out the consequences to a person who is always offensive, childish, and selfish. They immediately became mean spirited. I held my ground and my tongue (Good job Nikki!). I did feel bad. But then, I remembered, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS REACTIONS OR RESPONSES to my boundaries and consequences. And I kept repeating it and will keep repeating it as much as needed throughout the day.

~Nikki