Truthful Tuesday

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Relationships: Watered Down You

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Before the relationship, you were determined not to fall for the “okie doke” again. You knew exactly what you were going to deal with and what you were not. You were vigilant about your values and you held your morals in high regard. Maybe you were routinely tending to your spiritual needs: meditation, reading or attending regularly a spiritual institution. You were focused on your goals and what really mattered. Suddenly you meet someone and now you are either barely holding on to what you built up while single or have completely abandoned all that you built. What happened?

I’d like to describe it as the watering down of you. Whiskey is strong because of the proof of alcohol in it. If you add water to a glass of it, it’s only as strong as the ratio of water added. So imagine it’s 70% water and 30% whiskey. A person that enters your life and is able to sway you away from what you have built or are building, to the point where it’s affecting your foundation: your thinking, your judgement, your sound mind and reasoning, your money, your peace, your priorities, is a person that is watering you down. You’ll be back to a breakdown in no time. Especially, if they are a good distraction.

Let me be frank, sex and gifts are an illusion. Sex and gifts, mixed with good game (lies, smooth talking, con artist language) will have you in a daze. Dazes don’t last long. When you come to, you just might find yourself in a hog pin doing laps in the mud when you thought you were doing laps in the pool.

An addition to your life is just that, an addition. The person knows how to add value and deepen morals. The person knows how to add water to the garden of your life and add some more flowers…you know, some things growing in a garden look green but they are really weeds! Too much water will kill the garden.

Don’t let your feelings overtake your head until you find yourself weak in your convictions of who you are, what you stand for, and who/what’s important to you.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Don’t Crowd Fund Your Self Esteem

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Cup of coffee and clementines. Photo by Natalia van Doninck on Getty Images

It’s not possible you would know everyone who walks along a crowded street or those standing with you at a concert.Crowd funding consists of strangers and a few people you know contributing to your cause or project. It’s not likely those people know you from the eyes of a good friend or the perspective of a wonderful family member. So, in this life why do we seem to crowd fund our self esteem? I know I am guilty of this from time to time but, oh I remember the days where I relied heavily on the opinions of others and even sought after validation. Thank God! Thank God because I did the hard work and made it through the mistakes to get to this point to talk to you, unashamed, about crowd funding your self esteem.

What people don’t understand about those who struggle with self esteem issues is it didn’t start yesterday. They also don’t understand the complex journey it takes to go back in your life and discover where the seeds were planted and the hard work it takes to cut the roots of low self esteem. Crowd funding your self esteem is when you rely on the contributions of others opinions to fund how you feel about yourself. You should cancel this fund raiser (thought) each time it pops in your mind. I could go through a bunch of steps on how to do this but there is this one saying that sums it up and you could tape it to your forehead or mirror. Which ever is more fashionable for you!

The quote is: Comparison is the thief of joy-Theodore Roosevelt

Why are you sad now? Why are you feeling defeated now? Why are you feeling bad about yourself now? You just compared your progress, success, where you are, to someone else’s progress, success, how farther they are in life than you are and now your joy has been stolen by comparison. Stop that. Learn to admire others and set your OWN goals. If June buys a million dollar home don’t try to buy a million dollar home simply to measure your success by June’s. Look at your bank account, do the math, and buy what you can afford. If Courtney just ran her first marathon and you just made it running a mile, how UNFAIR is that to compare yourself? Your diligence and her diligence is simply diligence. I tell you “a truth” as Jesus said in the Bible when he was about to introduce a new concept: If you learn to CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES AS WELL AS OTHERS you wouldn’t need to crowd fund your self esteem.

Don’t compare yourself with others. Instead, celebrate yourself and others.

~Nikki

The Cool Kids

 

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In Elementary, Junior High/Middle School, and High School there were times you were included in circles and excluded. You would think there would be no surprise when you find yourself outside of a group of friends or associates. But, sometimes you are indeed a bit surprised.

Before you begin to make assumptions take a look at the circumstances surrounding the situation. Maybe it was talked about and planned when you were not there. Maybe they honestly forgot to mention it to you. Maybe they thought someone else in the group let you know. Maybe you were too busy. Maybe you forgot.

However, there are times when you will be purposely excluded. You are not in High School and this is adulthood. They don’t always want to hang with you and you must be mature enough to handle this by knowing it’s perfectly okay. It’s not to be taken personal. However, sometimes exclusion IS a signal to you about where you stand with this group or associates. Take note.

You know my daughter had this situation among two friends of hers. One of her friends would get jealous if her best friend spent time with another friend. I laughed a little because I remember those days. I told her well, this is something that doesn’t change much among many women as they get older. It is because they are afraid of losing that special bond with a friend. It’s a bit selfish but, I can understand those feelings. She has to learn that it is okay to share friendships and most of the time it takes nothing away from the friendship you have with that person. As a matter of fact, you can actually lose some friends by being too possessive. If she is this way with a friend she will be this way with a boyfriend and it’s not healthy (of course boyfriends shouldn’t be shared!). I explained all of this to my daughter.

I started my early years as mostly a loner with other loners. Then I associated with a main group of friends in middle school but, had other associations. Once I reached high school I kept a core group but expanded into other associations. I have learned to be PRESENT when I am included and NOT PRESENT when I am excluded (lol). I don’t take it personal. At least, not anymore.

 

 

Single & Happy, but Not Satisfied

 

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Yeah yeah yeah. It’s all fun and games until you go home and your “Hi, honey. I’m home.” is an echo (Hi, honey. I’m HOME HOme Home home). I think honesty with being single is underrated. It’s not the worst thing that could happen of course! Even if you end up spending this life without a significant other or married. But I’ll be frank with you- I don’t like being single. I’m single and happy but, I’m not satisfied with my single status.

 

Telling the truth when asked about being single is freedom. I don’t have to pretend like I’m okay with it ALL THE TIME because God knows I’m not. It’s no secret to the Universe I don’t want to be single. Does not wanting to be single mean you can’t be happy? NO! And that’s what most people don’t get. They think if you’re not satisfied being single, you must be unhappy with your entire life.

Contraire mon frere. I’m Nikki. I’m not Single. Those two things are separate in my mind. I’m happy with Nikki. I’m not satisfied with single. But until then… I’m chillin’. I’ve had my share of relationships and I know it’s best to be happy alone than to be miserable together.

 

~Nikki

 

Kissing Fire

 

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His Lips to impress meets the press
Of my lips
Getting wasted on an embrace his arms around my hips
Heart beats in Morris code It was everything I wonderfully feared
In the heat of the moment our hearts were forever seared

~Nikki