Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: It Was A Dream. No, A Visit.

Bereavement is the period of loss. Grief is the physiological and biological response to the loss. It’s the toll of the loss on the body (mind heart emotions spirit and even the soul).

Had a dream about my dad last night (Friday night). I’ve had many since. Last night he was a little boy and came into the kitchen of his home. He said he was ready to go home because nothing was right here. He said the food wasn’t good and people didn’t know how to cook. We laughed (the people in the kitchen). So, I made him something. It was coffee. And when I brought it to him he was the healthy version of himself and grown. His skin was amazing. And as I offered the coffee to him I said, “Hey there. I haven’t seen you in a while.” He took the coffee and looked me in my eyes with peace and relief and like “I’m ok”. Then I woke up.

I was thinking last night about the times he wasn’t himself because of the Parkinson’s Psychosis. He was more unfiltered, extremely grumpy, stubborn. delusions and hallucinations and I would have to get FIRM with him. And times when he was himself but just anxious or upset. And he and I would say what we say and apologize later. I was wondering did I handle him well? I hope he knows I was just trying to help him and protect him from himself. You know, when he wasn’t himself or busy being ridiculously stubborn.

That dream said to me: Yes. He was just a child confused and stubborn. Once a man. Twice a child. (He would say that but he remained for the most part his true self and that’s a blessing).And the adult version of him said We are at peace in all things. You did the right thing. Nothing is wrong and I’m ok. Coffee was our thing. We loved a good cup. My dad thanked us so much and told us how grateful he was for us and all that we did. It was like once again hearing, “Thank you for all that you do for me” but now “did for me”.

~Nikki