I was browsing Pinterest and saw this quote:

Some people may say, “Well, I never cared in the first place and it’s not about an age” but, let’s go back to your childhood, teenage years, and maybe young adulthood. Maybe we can look at early on in your career where you may have cared about things you don’t care about now. We aren’t necessarily talking about really deep things or superficial things. We are talking about life. There are just some things, for some people as they age, they simply have lived through some things, seen some things, done some things, been a certain way, used think a certain way, that they have come to the realization they have a choice about what to care about. They can decide that some things are no longer worth the trauma or drama.

I thought about a relative that told me they don’t know why or exactly when they became “hot and cold” about me. They admitted they did feel that way and they couldn’t tell me why. It’s funny because another relative of the same zodiac sign kind of left me and gave me no reason as to what I’d done. I do know “Spirit” told me to let them go and to stop chasing after them. Well, this seems to be another one of those things. If you don’t know what the problem is or why you feel the way you do, then the problem is your problem. And if the person knows the problem but won’t tell you, it’s still their problem. I don’t know what else to do about it and honestly, I am not trying to do anything about it. It think some people have these fickle ways and that’s okay but, it’s not okay for me anymore.

I finally see this is something I don’t have to care about. I don’t have to carry it around. I don’t have to be there psychologist. I don’t have to let them come in and out of my life. And just because they are out doesn’t mean I will not help them if they are in need. It doesn’t mean I will not carry on conversations and be pleasant. It just means I won’t risk letting them back in my heart space. They can saunter in and out the front yard of my heart. It’s a space where I still love family and friends but, I honor my need for stable relationships. Stable relationships keep me stable.

This stage of “I don’t have to care about that” also has brought me some peace as far close relatives talking about me. You see, I don’t care so much about strangers or people that don’t know me well talking about me. It doesn’t bother me unless it’s an outright lie. And sometimes, I can ignore that, too. But it’s the people that are supposed to love and care about you, the ones that you are supposed to be able to trust and lean on that can do the most damage and cause the most pain. Some of us grieve the relationships we will never have with some of the people we call family.

~Nikki