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12 comments on Sunday Morning Coffee Musings:Fighting For My Life

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings:Fighting For My Life

I have been living for a while now (grateful to be alive) and I have had my share of dark times. As I work through this difficult time in my life, I long for “my life”. I want to fight for what I want at this time in my life. Yet, I don’t know if I have the energy.

I am having a difficult time feeling inspired, being inspired and when I am inspired it doesn’t last long. I notice that my day is easily ruined by any disturbance from the current situation. I recently told my therapist that I feel like screaming, “I WANT OUT OF THIS!!!!!” My gosh! This is ruining the second half of my life. How do I save myself? How do I not become permanently bitter, angry, cynical, and just a “bad word” that begins with a “b”? I have seen people like this. I have worked with people like this and I now I wonder, were they a caregiver? Were they thrust into a role they never wanted? Were they burdened by the load that siblings ran away from or barely helped with? Were they caring for a parent that never cared for them? Are they caring for parents that are in a toxic marriage? Were they going through a divorce or in a bad relationship? Were they having financial trouble, health problems or problems with their child?

I really get why people give up in life. I got it before this ever happened to me. But somehow, I overcame each obstacle. Somehow a way was made. This time I wonder if my luck has run out. I wonder if I have enough fight left in me. I don’t want to float away from anxiety and I don’t want to drown in the dark abyss of depression. I don’t want to become mean and bitter. I don’t want to remain sad.

I don’t know how to fight this. I rest. And I see that light I talked about last week. And then there are times like tonight I am teetering on the brink of a meltdown. I want to just give up and see where it takes me. But, I am afraid I may never come back from the abyss. So, I guess I will keep fighting for my life.

~Nikki

See what came to next shortly after this blog post:

https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2025/07/23/organizing-chaos-pt-1/

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Nikki

A modern-day Renaissance Woman. A Creative and Spiritual Being. Author of Fiction and Non-fiction. Writer. Fashion. Art. Music. Food. History. Travel. A bit of a philosopher I am told. Dreamer. Entrepreneur.

12 responses to “Sunday Morning Coffee Musings:Fighting For My Life”

  1. David Cainrs Avatar
    David Cainrs

    I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time, Nikki. Sounds like you need a savior…like we all do. I would have given up decades if I hadn’t met Jesus.

    Reply
    1. Nikki Avatar
      Nikki

      Thank you for reading my blog. I have savior as well.

      Reply
      1. David Cairns Avatar
        David Cairns

        So you know it’s better to go through hard times with him than without him.

      2. Nikki Avatar
        Nikki

        From my experience, I would think so.

      3. Nikki Avatar
        Nikki

        Digging Up Hope In The Valley

  2. Digging Up Hope In The Valley – Nikki's Confetti Life Avatar
    Digging Up Hope In The Valley – Nikki's Confetti Life

    […] this valley. I climb and I slide back down. Sometimes I sit in a stupor (see yesterday’s blog https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2025/07/20/sunday-morning-coffee-musingsfighting-for-my-life/) and it’s dark and cold in the valley. Especially, at a midnight hour. But this morning (Joy […]

    Reply
  3. kegarland Avatar
    kegarland

    Over here rooting for you, Nikki. Are taking unsolicited advice?

    Reply
    1. Nikki Avatar
      Nikki

      Thanks for asking if I was taking advice. I like to post and blog about the in between of life’s trials and victory. I believe it lets people know they are not alone. We have the same thoughts or feelings during the in between. Sometimes all we see is trial and victory. Sharing the dark or low lights is connective to one’s humanity I believe. Yes, from YOU, I don’t mind if you share some advice or wisdom. ❤

      Reply
      1. kegarland Avatar
        kegarland

        Aww thank you for saying that. And I get it, the part about sharing all of the pieces is what binds us. I get that.

        Now, the advice I was gonna give? I don’t remember lol And I’m over here laughing at myself. If I remember, I’ll share, though ❤

      2. Nikki Avatar
        Nikki

        HAAAAA!!! It will come to you

  4. SiriusSea Avatar
    SiriusSea

    I find strength in your words and know it is essential to rest … You are more powerful than you realize and even though you can’t see … I am so rooting for you too ~ ❤ !!!!!

    Reply
    1. Nikki Avatar
      Nikki

      Thank you so much!

      Reply

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