This post is in response to my other blog post earlier this week https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2025/05/05/name-the-thingsyour-system-is-no-longer-working/

I have reflected and thought about the systems which may be corrupt, broken, malfunctioning within me. I have identified those systems as my belief system and my nervous system. I have been through the ringer and my nervous system, vagus nerve if you will, has needed more regulating than ever before. In many ways I feel as if it’s suffered some damage and the result has produces the diagnosis of myositis (inflammation of the muscles). I almost want to say, “I did this to myself” but that is not accurate. I could not know what I didn’t know when I was grappling with trauma and drama from without and within over the last three years. It’s clear to me now. I see my part and I see the role of others and life.

My nervous system is in need of some deep repair. I must remove what I can remove. I must protect it while it heals and I must protect it afterwards. Healthy food, root work, prayer and meditation, affirmations, getting away from it all and vacation me please. Indulging in nature, peace and quiet.

It was brought to me my belief system, the part that is about self belief, has been frazzled to put it kindly. You know, short circuited. One minute I am confident and literally, the next minute I am wavering, cowering in “I can’t do it”. It’s insane to wake up with confidence and by the time lunch rolls around, I am not so sure. This system seems to be weakened from being short circuited by other people’s fires spreading to my system and me not being able to extinguish them quick enough in my own mind.

What’s the fix? Confidence re-building. Self esteem building. Reminding myself who I am and “whose” I am. Reminding myself of past victories and hopes for the future. Visualization. Writing the visions. Taking steps and taking leaps. Even when fear arises.

Let God arise and my enemies be scattered. (Let God arise and his enemies be scattered is the correct scripture). I said my enemies because my enemies are negative emotions, neutral emotions, sad emotions, negative thoughts, negative and neutral experiences. I mean, some things I just don’t like but it isn’t necessarily bad but a part of life. Grief is sad. Grief is love. I understand earthly life doesn’t last forever. So, I think of it as just part of life that no one is happy about. Still floating above the whirlwinds of dust right now (see https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2025/04/27/sunday-morning-coffee-musings-a-sudden-shift/ for undersstanding). I pray things settle soon so that I may get on with it, life, dreams, goals, living, laughing, loving, with more ease.

Ahh…let me put on my spiritual work boots.

~Nikki