When Rheumatoid Arthritis was in remission, yes, it is a disease that can go into remission, I was living it up! Going going gone! A whirlwind of endless fun and good times. My energy was unbelievable. People would say “You are always on the go” or “You walk by so fast it’s like a blur!” Working 10 hour days 5 days a week and then getting all the overtime I wanted. At one job, working 12 hour days and filling in days and nights. It was nothing. I would rest later. I was a mom that was full of energy and I thank God I had that time when my daughter was very small and RA didn’t come until here tween years. Yet, I often feel guilty that we aren’t out and about as much as I would like and often I get tired or hurt before a day of fun is over.
I’m okay with who I am and how I have to operate to preserve my body and my peace of mind. I have found that others, strangers, friends and family are not. I have pretty much embraced that RA has returned and it brought along some of it’s friends; fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and diabetes to ensure my demise. Epic fail indeed! I am still alive, well, and kicking. Albeit, in a different and new way that I am getting use to.
If I go home because I can’t go hard is that a strike against me? Am I the party pooper? If I need a break, a nap, or choose to chill when we are on vacation, am I boring? How so? What you eat doesn’t make me poop! So what I do shouldn’t make you constipated. What people like me want is your understanding, not your criticism. We don’t really want your sympathy, but your empathy and really I don’t need that. I prefer you to understand and keep the party going without me. True, I am the life of the party (haaaaaaa!!!!!) when I am in party and wilding out mode but, in reality the party goes on. So you don’t have to talk about us behind our backs and you can keep the rolling of the eyes, too. If you can’t adapt to the new me and yet I am the one carrying the load and I have adjusted my new crown, then I don’t think we can be friends.
Do what I do. Enjoy those moments when I am riding high. Cutting up and laughing. Enjoy those times that I can pull an all niter, when I am on the floor dancing (something I love to do) and I am hosting a party on my feet making sure you enjoy your night. Note, I will have to pay dearly for the physical things I do later and for how long and how bad is anyone’s guess. It’s a sacrifice willingly made. Google Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia, etc. to understand what your friend or person you love is going through and HOW it IMPACTS their life. Heck, (really wanted to say hell), talk to them and LISTEN. It impacts everyone differently.
In all your gathering of information, cures, judgments, undocumented medical advice and unsolicited advice, get an understanding by caring enough to understand the needs of a person you call a friend or family member. Know that I am always grateful and appreciative of natural remedies, exercises to help me, or even friends that call to tell me about a medication. I know that they are thinking about me.
One thought on “Can We Be Friends If You Can’t Understand Rheumatoid Disease is a DIS-EASE?”
My mother who was very ill most of her life used to talk about this. What she told me makes perfect sense. Her advice, it is OK to be ill, act ill and talk about illness but the one thing people will never tolerate is saying it is time to lay down. My mom and Dad were married 27 she said she had my dad to do the dirty work. Sometimes those of us with a partner do have it a little better.