Today’s Affirmations

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Today’s affirmation:
Wealth and riches shall be in my house.
Everything I lay my hand to succeeds and prospers
I prosper, my health prospers, my relationship prospers
The more I give the more is given to me
The more I love the more I am loved
My loyalty is returned 100 fold

 

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Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: What You Have Need Of

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You’ve been blessed with an inheritance, a lump sum of money, you won the lottery, or you have a good job or career and have managed to put away for retirement. Yet, you worry from time to time or constantly about the future and if you will have enough. Maybe, you are young or old, have a large family or a single parent, and you are doing the best you can. Let me tell you briefly, about my situation.

I am in my early 40’s, approaching my middle 40’s ha! (No, I don’t look it and thank you!) Well, I happen to become ill, could no longer work, blew through my savings to survive and raise a daughter that will be graduating from high school next year. I found myself in the disability process for three grueling years. I won my case. And I thought it would be a sigh of relief and it was. However, like any person that has to start from a setback, start from rock bottom, I worry. But and on my anxiety and man, it takes on a whole other form or worrying. How can I make it off this? What will I do when the surplus runs out? Will my other dreams ever take off so that I don’t have to be on disability? What happens in 3 years when I go for a review? What if they say I am okay and I don’t need it? What kind of job will I be able to do at 46 with my illnesses? Will I ever get the home I want? You see where I am going and then loop that in your head all day. That is anxiety. Go to bed and wake up thinking about the same thing.

This morning I heard this in my spirit, “There is no sense in worrying about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it’s own. You can’t add one day to your life by worrying.”

And then I thought, but don’t you have to plan for the future?

Spirit:”Be wise like the ants. But they don’t worry. And consider the birds in the air, the are fed everyday. The flowers are clothed and they don’t worry.”

Me: “But, what about my dreams, and goal, and plans, and life? What about that abundance? What about prospering? I don’t want to struggle until I die!”

Spirit: “God knows the plans created for you. God knew you before you existed in the womb. God molded and shaped you. You are carefully, and wonderfully me. The Creators plans for you are to prosper and to be in good health. You have choices. Choose life. Choose the things that will better you. Go for it. Do it. Be wise. Use knowledge. And God  knows the number of hairs on your head. Not one falls without his (her) knowledge.”

Me: Let me blog this and hope it helps someone else.

God, the Creator, the Universe, knows what you have need of. God’s plans are always for you to triumph, be at peace, be in good health, and to prosper. But you do have to do your part and if you’re doing your part, researching your part, then do not worry. God will do the rest. The Universe is working for you, always and never against you.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Women Doing the Most to Our Own Detriment

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I had a great, terrible, struggling, successful day yesterday. Sound familiar? I hope not! My artwork was on display and I sold two more pieces. Sold my first last week. In case you are a new reader, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia and some other things. Well, I  am also very stubborn and I have a tendency to take on too much not considering y health. In the past, I never had to consider it. Old habits die hard and some never die.

Anyhow, at the end of the fabulous art show, I was hit with a MEGA migraine. My neck was hurting as it was very cold in the building. I had my compression gloves on the entire time (these help with my joints and fibromyalgia). Three weeks of crocheting, painting, driving to Nashville for a fall break with my daughter for two nights, and back home to get ready for the art show…you see, this is me being defiant. So, when hit with the migraine, I continued to pack and load. I heard the Spirit speak and say, “Get help.” But, I didn’t want any of the people there that I didn’t know to help me. I made two trips and I got to the car and well, nausea was for a reason. I got in the car and called one of my brothers. He came. He loaded the car, insisted on following me home, and insisted he unload the art. He also gave me some encouragement. I told him I get tired of being strong and I was sorry I had to call him out in the chilly weather and rain. “Sorry? We are family. That’s what we are here for in times like this.”

After he left, he sent a scripture, “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Psalms 55:22 I needed that. And you know what else I needed? I needed everything that happened yesterday, how it happened, and when it happened for multiple reasons. Plenty of lessons in yesterday as well as life nuggets.

  • Women (and men) that are too prideful to ask for help suffer unnecessarily all to prove we don’t need anyone’s help, or the helpers don’t need help, or whatever it is we are trying to prove or image we are trying to uphold
  • Some of us are like this because we have been let down so much, talked about so much for needing help
  • We will override a gut feeling, the Holy Spirit, and voices of reasons to do it all on our own and then damn near die and some have died
  • I constantly have to remind myself to ask for help, it’s okay to ask for help, it’s not righteous to always be the helper and it’s not weak to need…anything including help
  • No man or woman is an island. Even if they think they are. They are disillusioned at best.
  • Family is good to have. Friends are family, too.
  • I could have strangers. I am a stranger that will help anyone in need.
  • I shouldn’t be so hard headed but sometimes I get tired of being bound by RD, Fibro, etc. etc. and etc. And I just go mad lol

So, I recover today not only from last night but for the last three weeks. Breathe, meditate, medicate, elevate, easy going do it easy, and realign with the universe.

~Nikki

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These are the two paintings that sold. Lola of the Universe and Bloodgood’s Blessing.

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: Someone to Take Care of Me

 

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I am tired. I am worn. I am wounded and run ragged. It turns out that I am human. I know it. Does everyone else know it? It doesn’t seem like they notice I am burned out. Is it not obvious from the flame coming out of my ears? What about the way my body moves in the early mornings and late nights? Can they tell? Do they care?

It has been a very long two weeks. I’ve had very good days, but more bad days and a few very bad days. Yesterday evening was a very bad day. I have not had much time to myself and I am not sure that is what I need. Anxiety seems to pile up and heap on top of me at moments of financial decisions and the future of my well being and as my daughter’s graduation from high school slowly approaches. I worry about my mother who has obvious issues to me, but none to my siblings. I get angry about my father’s Parkinson’s Disease. I cannot sleep and when I do it’s not as restful so I take a sleep aide and I sleep too long (even with it spit four ways). I have not heard back from my therapist as I have missed an appointment. I call, I leave a message, and silence. I have been journaling nothing but frustrations.

Yesterday evening after an outing with my mother who is very high strung and nervous like, after taking my daughter to and from ACT prep, taking her to and picking her up from a birthday party, I was in very bad shape. I called my mother and told her I would not be at church tomorrow. I do not want to go anywhere, do anything. I am tired of everything. I told my daughter she could get the dishes. Fix her own breakfast in the morning, fix lunch and dinner for us. Also, said I wish I had someone to take care of me. What about me? Yes, unselfishly, what about me? Oh, the Lord will take care of you. I know that. Do you know that I am not talking about that? I would like to be taken care of and not because I having a melt down, but because we all want to be taken care of in times of trouble by another human being instead of always being that human being who does the “fixing” and taking care of.

~Nikki

Keep Out. Only God & the Experienced Allowed.

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It’s down right ugly the mood I am in. This war in my head and heart after my second hearing this year only to have the judge subpoena more records and a test to prove worsening conditions. I thought we had what he wanted. I thought we had enough. My anxiety was already through the roof and I’d had a panic attack before I even arrived this morning. I thought it was going to be over today. Needless to say, I bolted out of there and cried like I needed to in the car. I am so very tired. Over three years of struggling to survive and to stay sane.

I trusted God as I have throughout this process. It seems as if we were nearing the end. I feel like the rug was pulled away from under me. I feel heavily disappointed. Angry. Pissed. Exhausted. But, not defeated. I feel as I want to pull away from the rest of the world and at the same time I wish someone would console me. But, I don’t want them to see me crying. You know, crying in this world is a sign of weakness to most (NOT ME) and it makes people uncomfortable (NOT ME). In my not so humble but, honest opinion the only reason people feel that way is because they feel weak themselves when they cry and the are in fact uncomfortable with their own feelings.

So, here I am. Weary. Wounded and Sad. But unwilling to stop trusting God for a favorable outcome. I am confused. I don’t know why all of this has happened to me or is happening. I do know I did nothing wrong. It was not because of sin (rolls eyes). It just is a part of my journey. My story. So, as I try to figure out how to keep the lights on, pay for a cavity fill in my insurance doesn’t cover, pay my rent, pay other bills, and STILL be pleasant to others, I have to feel what I am feeling. I have to go through the thicket that has thorns. I remember the sticker bush at parents house and getting knocked into it playing or trying to hide and having to squeeze through it and another bush. No matter how you tried to get around or through it you were scratched up. There is just no way around pain sometimes. Only through it.

~Nikki

 

See The Sign. Take Action.

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If you are waiting on God, God just may be waiting on you. God, the Universe, the Creator, the god within, just may be waiting on you to take action. The sign you are looking for may not be broadcasted as breaking news but, it just may be hearing what you were thinking about on a radio talk show. It may be reading it on someone’s post. It may come to you in a dream where you see yourself doing what it is you want to do.

Now that you see or hear the sign what are YOU going to do? Take a step or jump of the cliff, big or small, take action. I am in the fight of my life and money is scarce. It takes money to make money but, it takes an idea to generate money and create wealth. Once you have the idea then you have to DO SOMETHING. Read about it, research, take a class, save up, write the plan, write the idea out, or create a vision board. Start small and grow. Look into new ideas. Pray and meditate that the right people show up to help you. Be open to change and new directions. Treat failures as a lesson. Be okay with not being able to do some things well and capitalize off what you do with excellence. Remove those that hinder your progress or go around them. Create a positive space in your mind, body, soul, and heart and just go.

I am soon to be 43. I have no concern about age and creating the life and space I want to live in for the rest of my years. I never cared about age even at a young age. What is old? What is young? What is too late? It’s never too late to be happy. It’s never too late to be loved. It’s never too late to live your dreams. It’s never too late to make money. I got rid of two pages I was managing on Facebook. I linked my blog to my new page Nikki’s Confetti Life on Facebook. I changed my Instagram page to a Business Profile and linked it to the Facebook page. I promote my pages and posts with every extra dollar I save or make. I learned to crochet and I am learning to sew. I have written three books and I am just waiting for the right time and opportunity to launch them full throttle. I am thinking of more ways to get them to the masses. The are e-books and one in print. I sit at the feet of a published author helping others to reach their goals. You see, I am afraid. I am unsure. I don’t know what I am doing. I am making mistakes. I am messing up. I am getting my feelings hurt. BUT, I am doing. I am going. I am learning some things are business, some things are part of the process, and in conscious when you have not did anything to warrant bad reviews or opinions, or the lies told on you, you can shake the dust off your wings and keep flying. I fight Rheumatoid Disease, Fibromyalgia, Depression sometimes, Anxiety sometimes and I am worn and tattered but, God sews me back up when I lay my weary head and body down at night. A warrior will never come out of the battle without a scratch but, we can come out of the fire without smelling like smoke or being burned.

Go. Take Action.

~Nikki

 

RA BLOG/Anxiety: Walk With Me

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It’s Saturday evening and suddenly things begin to spin out of control. I am flustered. I can’t breathe. I am becoming irritable. I have things to do and many of those things won’t get done. I have only been gone for 4 hours and it feels like I have done a full day of labor. I hate Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. I am frowning and I remember I took a prednisone pack and this has the propensity to change my mood dramatically but, no, no that’s not it. Thoughts swirl in my head. I am dropping things, the door jams, I curse, I get into the house and I see things are getting junky, I am angry that I seem to always run out of energy before I run out of time.

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When I worked for an adult mental health agency there was this phrase said to a patient after a “meltdown” subsided in order to move the patient from one area to a calmer environment. That phrase was, “Walk with me.” After I made my sandwich I sat down and I took a deep breath. Why are you so angry? I asked myself. It’s because I am so tired and I was thinking in the car not only about being fatigued, and all that I needed to do but, also about my current situation and what will I do if…you know…things don’t work out. Where will I stay? How will I survive? I started to imagine myself broke down like those who sacrificed their bodies to provide for their families. I felt sorry for them and then I thought they were mothers and fathers with illnesses, too. I thought about how sad and depressed I would be. Then I started to get angry with God for letting that happen even though it has not happened.

Walk with me…

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I ate my sandwich. I saw this photo I saved and I thought there is where I want to be at the end of days like this. Walking on the beach at sunset. Sending all of my thoughts and cares of the day on the waves. And then what would you do?

I would no doubt feel peace. I would return to my beach home and prepare for the night and the next day (Sunday). What would you cook? I asked myself. It surely wouldn’t be a lean cuisine warmed in the microwave. I would make a salad, pan sear some salmon, steam some veggies and pour some strawberry lemonade. Sounds good.

Walk with me. If you can steady your thoughts by steadying your breath and just take a mental walk somewhere else. Find a photo of where you would escape to and just imagine what you would be doing. So, as I came back to present, I decided on what needed to be done and what must wait. I feel so much better I didn’t go into a full anxiety attack or need the inhaler or remained frazzled and angry the rest of the evening.

#Expansion2018

~Nikki