See The Sign. Take Action.



If you are waiting on God, God just may be waiting on you. God, the Universe, the Creator, the god within, just may be waiting on you to take action. The sign you are looking for may not be broadcasted as breaking news but, it just may be hearing what you were thinking about on a radio talk show. It may be reading it on someone’s post. It may come to you in a dream where you see yourself doing what it is you want to do.

Now that you see or hear the sign what are YOU going to do? Take a step or jump of the cliff, big or small, take action. I am in the fight of my life and money is scarce. It takes money to make money but, it takes an idea to generate money and create wealth. Once you have the idea then you have to DO SOMETHING. Read about it, research, take a class, save up, write the plan, write the idea out, or create a vision board. Start small and grow. Look into new ideas. Pray and meditate that the right people show up to help you. Be open to change and new directions. Treat failures as a lesson. Be okay with not being able to do some things well and capitalize off what you do with excellence. Remove those that hinder your progress or go around them. Create a positive space in your mind, body, soul, and heart and just go.

I am soon to be 43. I have no concern about age and creating the life and space I want to live in for the rest of my years. I never cared about age even at a young age. What is old? What is young? What is too late? It’s never too late to be happy. It’s never too late to be loved. It’s never too late to live your dreams. It’s never too late to make money. I got rid of two pages I was managing on Facebook. I linked my blog to my new page Nikki’s Confetti Life on Facebook. I changed my Instagram page to a Business Profile and linked it to the Facebook page. I promote my pages and posts with every extra dollar I save or make. I learned to crochet and I am learning to sew. I have written three books and I am just waiting for the right time and opportunity to launch them full throttle. I am thinking of more ways to get them to the masses. The are e-books and one in print. I sit at the feet of a published author helping others to reach their goals. You see, I am afraid. I am unsure. I don’t know what I am doing. I am making mistakes. I am messing up. I am getting my feelings hurt. BUT, I am doing. I am going. I am learning some things are business, some things are part of the process, and in conscious when you have not did anything to warrant bad reviews or opinions, or the lies told on you, you can shake the dust off your wings and keep flying. I fight Rheumatoid Disease, Fibromyalgia, Depression sometimes, Anxiety sometimes and I am worn and tattered but, God sews me back up when I lay my weary head and body down at night. A warrior will never come out of the battle without a scratch but, we can come out of the fire without smelling like smoke or being burned.

Go. Take Action.




RA BLOG/Anxiety: Walk With Me


It’s Saturday evening and suddenly things begin to spin out of control. I am flustered. I can’t breathe. I am becoming irritable. I have things to do and many of those things won’t get done. I have only been gone for 4 hours and it feels like I have done a full day of labor. I hate Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. I am frowning and I remember I took a prednisone pack and this has the propensity to change my mood dramatically but, no, no that’s not it. Thoughts swirl in my head. I am dropping things, the door jams, I curse, I get into the house and I see things are getting junky, I am angry that I seem to always run out of energy before I run out of time.


When I worked for an adult mental health agency there was this phrase said to a patient after a “meltdown” subsided in order to move the patient from one area to a calmer environment. That phrase was, “Walk with me.” After I made my sandwich I sat down and I took a deep breath. Why are you so angry? I asked myself. It’s because I am so tired and I was thinking in the car not only about being fatigued, and all that I needed to do but, also about my current situation and what will I do if…you know…things don’t work out. Where will I stay? How will I survive? I started to imagine myself broke down like those who sacrificed their bodies to provide for their families. I felt sorry for them and then I thought they were mothers and fathers with illnesses, too. I thought about how sad and depressed I would be. Then I started to get angry with God for letting that happen even though it has not happened.

Walk with me…


I ate my sandwich. I saw this photo I saved and I thought there is where I want to be at the end of days like this. Walking on the beach at sunset. Sending all of my thoughts and cares of the day on the waves. And then what would you do?

I would no doubt feel peace. I would return to my beach home and prepare for the night and the next day (Sunday). What would you cook? I asked myself. It surely wouldn’t be a lean cuisine warmed in the microwave. I would make a salad, pan sear some salmon, steam some veggies and pour some strawberry lemonade. Sounds good.

Walk with me. If you can steady your thoughts by steadying your breath and just take a mental walk somewhere else. Find a photo of where you would escape to and just imagine what you would be doing. So, as I came back to present, I decided on what needed to be done and what must wait. I feel so much better I didn’t go into a full anxiety attack or need the inhaler or remained frazzled and angry the rest of the evening.




Can We Be Friends If You Can’t Understand Rheumatoid Disease is a DIS-EASE?


When Rheumatoid Arthritis was in remission, yes, it is a disease that can go into remission, I was living it up! Going going gone! A whirlwind of endless fun and good times. My energy was unbelievable. People would say “You are always on the go” or “You walk by so fast it’s like a blur!” Working 10 hour days 5 days a week and then getting all the overtime I wanted. At one job, working 12 hour days and filling in days and nights. It was nothing. I would rest later. I was a mom that was full of energy and I thank God I had that time when my daughter was very small and RA didn’t come until here tween years. Yet, I often feel guilty that we aren’t out and about as much as I would like and often I get tired or hurt before a day of fun is over.

I’m okay with who I am and how I have to operate to preserve my body and my peace of mind. I have found that others, strangers, friends and family are not. I have pretty much embraced that RA has returned and it brought along some of it’s friends; fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, and diabetes to ensure my demise. Epic fail indeed! I am still alive, well, and kicking. Albeit, in a different and new way that I am getting use to.

If I go home because I can’t go hard is that a strike against me? Am I the party pooper? If I need a break, a nap, or choose to chill when we are on vacation, am I boring? How so? What you eat doesn’t make me poop! So what I do shouldn’t make you constipated. What people like me want is your understanding, not your criticism. We don’t really want your sympathy, but your empathy and really I don’t need that. I prefer you to understand and keep the party going without me. True, I am the life of the party (haaaaaaa!!!!!) when I am in party and wilding out mode but, in reality the party goes on. So you don’t have to talk about us behind our backs and you can keep the rolling of the eyes, too. If you can’t adapt to the new me and yet I am the one carrying the load and I have adjusted my new crown, then I don’t think we can be friends.

Do what I do. Enjoy those moments when I am riding high. Cutting up and laughing. Enjoy those times that I can pull an all niter, when I am on the floor dancing (something I love to do) and I am hosting a party on my feet making sure you enjoy your night. Note, I will have to pay dearly for the physical things I do later and for how long and how bad is anyone’s guess. It’s a sacrifice willingly made. Google Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, Fibromyalgia, etc.  to understand what your friend or person you love is going through and HOW it IMPACTS their life. Heck, (really wanted to say hell), talk to them and LISTEN. It impacts everyone differently.

In all your gathering of information, cures, judgments, undocumented medical advice and unsolicited advice, get an understanding by caring enough to understand the needs of a person you call a friend or family member. Know that I am always grateful and appreciative of natural remedies, exercises to help me, or even friends that call to tell me about a medication. I know that they are thinking about me.




RA BLOG: A Blow to the Jaw


I remember a dream I had before Rheumatoid Disease returned to my life. It was a dream about losing my teeth as I was floating down a tunnel. I woke up horrified and started to pray. I thought it may be related to wisdom…I was wrong.

I’ve had a few cavities in my lifetime but, I have not had as nearly as many as I have had since RA. In fact I have had two teeth crumble and cavities in my wisdom teeth. They had to be removed yesterday and let’s just say it went down hill.

I have a great dentist with an amazing staff. Upon extraction both teeth split. The dentist had to cut around the gum also to loosen the teeth. I had to have gas to help keep me calm since I have developed anxiety (or finally got a diagnosis). It was still a nerve racking ordeal. And I had a very difficult time getting the socket to clot. I had to sleep in an upright position and that was impossible to be comfortable with RA, Bursitis in the hip and fibromyalgia. I had insomnia. Pillows were sliding and my mind was all over the place. Eventually, it clotted in the wee hours of the morning. I was up changing gauze and using tea bags. ROUGH.

I am 42 and I am ashamed to open my mouth as a speaker, a friend, a mother, a family member, and potential date. I would love to have implants, and I plan to, but at $4400 out of pocket this is not possible. So, what’s my next option? A partial. It’s obtainable. And if I wait a year insurance will pay some of it. I am not replacing the wisdom teeth of course, but the other two that crumble. Twice I have experienced TMJ.

This blog is an open and honest blog. So, here it is: I think I am pretty. I love my smile and now I don’t love to smile. I am insecure about my appearance and as a single girl I feel as if dating just got even more challenging. Even if I do get the partial, how will the person I meet feel about me not having all of my teeth? They may think it’s because I didn’t take care of my teeth. I did. I flossed. I brushed. I rinsed. What else can you do? I am not even that big of a sugar addict. Though I do have my moments.

Some say there is a link to RA and gum disease, dry mouth, or Sojourns disease and some say it is not. My dentist doesn’t think it’s RA but, it could be the medication that causes dry mouth and fosters the progression of cavities. I just found out that I do have dry eyes and my Rheumy prescribed over the counter dry eye drops. Sigh…I feel that I am falling apart at 42. And yet, I still have hope that all will work out for my good.




RA Blog Week Day 4: TGF Hobbies

Birthing Autumn by Nicole Jackson 

Are hobbies important? You bet! Especially, when it comes to having an illness or disease that can zap the life and joy right out of you IF you allow it to. I don’t know if my hobbies are hobbies, so to speak. I mean since RA has taken a turn for the worse in my life I would like to think what may be considered as hobbies are really my lifelong passions that have been buried underneath the hustle of life and the bustle of a job. Most of my hobbies center around things I wish I would have done a long time ago or pursued.

Hobbies not only occupy your time, but should expand your mind and it should be something you enjoy. When I tend to my blog, one of my hobbies, I enjoy it. When I thrift and put outfits together, I enjoy it. When I find odds and ends, repaint them or repurpose them, I enjoy it. I get a great deal of satisfaction out of my hobbies. The things I don’t consider hobbies are writing (author), painting, crocheting and sewing. These things are more than hobbies to me. I view them as possible way to establish a new life since I have been left with me the remnants of my old life. Life, before RA. The core of who I am is still there. And to be honest, if RA had never came along and blew my old life out of the water, who knows when these gifts would have been reborn.




RA BLOG Week: RA/Rheumatoid Disease and Mental Health

A Lot on Your Mind by Evan Sheline

If you get a cold or the flu, it’s okay because in a few days or a week, you will return to your healthy self. In those days, it will be physically and mentally draining. After all, no one enjoys being sick even if it for a week. Imagine the nightmare of becoming ill with something you can not get rid of. Imagine the pain comes in all variables to be described as nagging aches to excruciating to kill me now. You can’t do all of the things you use to do and what you can do has to be modified. How will you continue to survive and thrive in this world? How will you continue to provide for your family? Will you be able to do all of the things you planned? Will people think you are lazy or have given up if you can no longer work? What about your dreams? What about your goals? What is this new diagnosis? And another one and another one as a result of Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease. What the hell is happening here? Friendships and relationships change. Marriages change. You’re too young for this. You were thinking about enjoying your retirement…without pain. What do we do now? Why me? I am sick of hurting. Can I have a day of no pain???

The matters of the universe swirl in your head and the weight of the world is your shoulders. The impact of RA on your mental health can be devastating. It was for someone like me who was already an emotional human being who has lived through some very tragic moments. Now what? Another thing to hide. Another thing to deal with privately. I don’t want people to know I am depressed. I don’t want people to know I am anxious. I don’t want people to know I stand on the ledge of suicide. They will label me weak. And you don’t want to be labeled weak in the African American community. Or crazy. We associate mental health issues such as depression and anxiety as “crazy.” Ah, the stigma.

What do I do? How do I deal with the mental impact of RA? I try to take it day by day. I put on my brave face and walked boldly into the psychiatrist’s office, the one that has a brown face like me, and I said “I am sinking. Drowning in this sea of emotions and pain. Help me.” And then we went to work. Because seeing a therapist is WORK. A good therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, knows the tools you need to cope with life’s tragedies. It does not, DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE WEAK, it means you are smart to seek help. And those who say you are “weak” or “crazy’ are the ones who are in need of help and don’t even know it. I use the tools my therapist gives me. Daily.

I practice yoga to help mind to focus on what is right in front of me.  It helps me to control my breathing. It helps me to control my thoughts. It helps to keep me in the now.

Meditation. Get you some. It helps me to see into myself. I can assess myself. I can create my future. I can pinpoint in my body my issues.

Prayer. It is my lifeline to my Source. It is how I talk to someone, when I can’t talk to anyone.

A personal relationship with the Creator (yes Source, yes God and not the God of this or that religion, but GOD). A deep, committed relationship, a bond, a sealed union. This relationship gives me strength. It empowers me. It serves me. It is my refuge. It is my stronghold. It is a friendship, a parental relationship, that has stood the test of time with unconditional love…mostly on God’s end. God has never wavered in love for me. Even as I tossed and rolled like a raging sea.

All of these things keep me grounded and honestly, above the ground.




RA BLOG: Just Not Tonight


Sciatica nerve, joint pain, fibromyalgia and pinky finger falling asleep along the side of hand up to the elbow, makes for a “hades” of a night. I had to get up and get an ice pack for my back. I did get up and I made it to church. There were some hard hitting pains there, too and in RA Warrior fashion I answered “I’m fine.” The pain for me has been on off today but now it seems like I am going to have a fibro and RA flare. They both move around the body. So, as I prepare to wrap up my night and prepare for a bumpy ride, I hope you know that in those nights, midnights, early mornings, you are not alone in your suffering. Some warrior, of some illness is suffering, too. Someone is praying for the subsiding of pain, too. I pray for them, too.-Nikki