HELLO BEAUTIFUL and then what?

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After they tell you how beautiful you are, send you a billion messages, then what? Then nothing if they never take the time to see your true beauty that lies within. Then nothing if they take for granted your beautiful spirit. And definitely nothing if they abuse your beautiful heart.

~Nikki

Just standing here with my beautiful spirit…with my lamp and my oil.

Hello November! Harvesting Good

Let’s do this November! Bring all the good seed harvest I’ve sown this year. I need every bit of it to make up for the time wasted. But was it really time wasted? Ok it was BUT I learned. I paid for those invaluable lessons. IT’S ALL FOR MY GOOD (My growth because when you love God, have a REAL relationship with God, you are open to learning & growing) because I love God.

I feel like things are settling back into peace and back to work for me. It’s back to my creative grind, growth, and doing all of the wonderful things that I was born to do. Peace is a priority in my life and has been for the last 14 years. As you know, it has to be maintained. It has to be protected by any means necessary.

I went to the doctor this morning and my blood sugar level was good and I’ve lost some weight. My doctor was pleased. I love this getting back to normal. Back into the grove of my little big life. Focused on my family and gifts. Determined to build wealth and see the manifestation of my gifts and talents. And still waiting for the love that is true and adds to the peace I need. Not take away from it. I hope your November is filled with JOY.

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~Nikki

Train Wreck Ahead

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It’s okay to back that train up and switch tracks, too. It’s no shame in making a mistake no matter how big or small. The shame is staying on a path with all of the signs of a danger ahead JUST BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG or because you are WORRIED ABOUT WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK. Drop that load and keep going or change directions. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better moving at the proper speed and on the right track.

~Nikki

Getting Uncomfortable with God?

Late yesterday evening, I was in a very uncomfortable mood. I thought to myself, “Why am I so uncomfortable?” As soon as I posed the question the answer came as “That’s me.” I understood this immediately to be God. I understood it as God was making me uncomfortable ALL THE MORE about my situation. I’m asking for signs and wonders and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to get many more signs, but the answer is in my FEELINGS. In my GUT.

Is this about growth? Not so much. It is more about unblocking my path. It’s about unblocking my crown chakra, heart chakra, and root chakra (I know I lost some of you with that lol). It’s not about the what, it’s about the who. It’s about not having someone slow me down. It’s about not having my energy (chakras) drained. Why? I am being urged to deepen my spirituality and also, I am on the path to manifest destiny. I know what I need to create and it’s not turmoil. It’s not annoyances. It’s not immaturity, foolishness, and irresponsibility. Oh, how important it is to be connected to the RIGHT people and in the RIGHT relationship!

I am uncomfortable and it’s not just me, it’s God. What do I do? I pray. I take action.

~Nikki

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The Separation of Self, Church, and Relationships

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I don’t know what I would I do if I were  married to a person that was not motivated or disciplined enough to achieve their dreams and goals. What if you wanted a better life and they were okay with just getting by? I would be so miserable in either situation. I have known marriages to break up over one not wanting to advance, while the other one did and I have seen another break up because one was content just getting by. I’ve seen hardworking men and lazy women, hardworking women and lazy men. I’ve also seen Churches command people to say in these marriages and I’ve seen people encourage others to stay in misery. I mean yes, try, try as many times as you can, get counseling, etc. but at what point do you walk away? I guess only YOU can be brave enough to make that decision and that is the way it should be. You should be able to make it without judgement and without guilt. You should have the support of friends, family, and your God. After all, God is like a Father and I wouldn’t think any loving, caring, father would want you to be miserable in any relationship. And just remember, back then and even now in some countries, women had no say in who they would marry. I don’t think that was of God either! I think it was more cultural than anything.

Well, what about those of us that are dating, in a relationship, living with a significant other? If you see they are not motivated or disciplined enough to pursue their dreams and goals how does that make you feel? Are you slowing down to be their 24/7 cheerleader? Are you doing things for them they could do for themselves? Filling out applications and calling to see if someone is hiring? Googling and researching how to start a repair shop? These are things they can DO FOR THEMSELVES. We can get so involved in helping others we neglect our own dreams, goals, and visions.

Listen, I am about to say something to those of you that are NOT  married. You need to continue to go after your dreams with all of your might and heart while you are not married. Especially, if you have a partner that seems to be lethargic. I mean if your fire doesn’t light their fire, if your encouragement is not enough, if your support and help is not enough, it never will be. I’d rather see manifestation before I say I do, than to see it after and the person lives off of my success. I don’t think there is enough love in the world for me to marry someone that wants to struggle, makes crazy decisions about finances, or that is unstable in employment. I guess in the past, I may have been so blind and so in love, I would have. BUT now that I am more mature and have a better understand of myself, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. If it’s a strain NOW it will be a BURDEN later. The same stands for me spiritually. If I am in a spiritual place they are not in, if our souls are not aligned, I must say good-bye. I don’t have the time for them to play catch up at my age (44). I mean to be 3 miles behind is different than being 30 miles behind. Our ideals, hearts, minds, souls, have to line up somewhat, close I would think. Not perfectly, but certainly not miles and miles and ideals apart which leads to and unequally yoked environment. Personalities and temperaments matter! Comprehension levels and upbringing matters. Maturity levels matter! No relationship or marriage is easy or perfect and I get that. But, should I be sad, mad, 5 days out of 7? Should we be pretending to be okay at church, in front of friends,  and on social media?

I don’t know what the other person is going to do if they are not trying to build a stable life, live out there dreams, or grow. I just know that I have chosen to go forth, full steam ahead, making stops and slowing down to help those that are trying to help themselves as far as dreams and goals are concerned. I don’t want to be bound by Church to stay and I don’t want to be bound by a relationship. I have a right to peace and happiness. Contrary to popular belief, God does care about my peace of mind, my happiness, and what I am called to do. I don’t know if I will ever marry, I hope so. I want to. But, I would have to be 100% certain. In the meantime, I will continue to wait on Divine Intervention. 🙂

~Nikki

 

Sunday Morning Coffee Musing: A Castle of Peace

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It’s been my ritual to get up in the mornings before everyone (my daughter or when we are on vacation, friends and family) and to have my time to myself. I enjoy quiet mornings or time to myself when I may do what I am doing now. Blogging and watching CBS Sunday Morning before I go to church.

My mind is on a home of peace. I am quiet by nature. Although, I can get loud and talkative. I like having a good time and I understand that we all have ideas about a good time. I also know myself. I can be easily annoyed and I don’t really like loud noise. I understand as a parent and an aunt, children are loud. There is no question about that. However, even children should learn to tone it down and realize how their noise interferes with others’ peace or ability to hear, sleep, study, exist (lol), etc.

When dating or living with your mate (yeah I said that and yes I am Christian and what others do is really not my business), you want to be sure  you can tolerate your mate’s annoyances. You need to know if you can deal with their personality, their quirks and their habits. Do you know why? Because these are the things that disturb your peace and cause you to be annoyed.

We often take annoyances lightly as if they can’t affect the relationship. But, it is the little foxes that spoil the vine. These little things often come up in conversation and arguments. A messy mate, a mate that doesn’t help with household chores, a mate that is loud and obnoxious at the wrong time, a mate that only thinks about herself, a mate that nit picks and on and on. Some of these things are not small things like are you and your mate on the same level spiritually? What about drama? What about a mate that is childish? After you take off the rose colored glasses, what do you really see?

We don’t hear much these days the saying “A man’s home is his castle.” There are women with castles, estates, mansions, homes, condos, and town homes and apartments. You don’t rule alone if you have a mate or children. I am use to a house of peace. I have lived with and raised a daughter. Do I conform to a house of noise? What if it’s not in my nature? What if I am noise sensitive? I am. I also suffer with anxiety and depression. I think this has an impact on things as well. Your mental state is affected by a lack of peace in your life, home, job, relationships, which all of these things make up life! My mate learns to pipe down and I learn to tolerate a reasonable amount of noise or we can’t coexist. And if we can’t coexist, we can’t be together. There would be conflict daily. Sometimes, it’s a reality that needs to be faced, but some people hold on because they are afraid to be by themselves. I use to be like that. However, these days I like a castle with peace and occasional parties and noise is okay with me.

~Nikki

 

Relationship Confetti: And Now We’ve Got Bad Blood…

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I know it’s Friday and I am suppose to be TGIF and believe me I am! Let me get this in before I enjoy the rest of my weekend. Let me be honest. I made a mistake. I jumped the gun. I thought I had something perfect for me, BUT I WAS WRONG! And by perfect I mean mature. I have done the work on myself and continue to work on myself to be the best woman I can be on all fronts. Granted, I am not batting a thousand, but I am damn sure am not batting 200. It’s hard working tearing down strongholds, tapping into your authentic self, coming into realizations about yourself and others, and taking actions to CHANGE. When you find yourself in a relationship that pulls you back into old ways and old habits it’s time to let it go.

Some people are not going to change anytime soon and you have to ask yourself if you have the time wait for them to change. You also have to consider these aren’t small changes, but major changes. Also, what’s your age. I am 44! They could change in a year if they do the hard work or it can take 10 years! The risk is you don’t know and if they aren’t improving now…well. Not only is this about change, this is about maturity levels when it comes to disagreements, money matters, and time management. If we both like being late for work, like wasting money, like wasting food, and don’t care about our health or our spirituality, then WONDERFUL! But if one us cares about all of those things with great passion and the other don’t, then those opposites attract DEMONS and a hellish environment.

And now we have bad blood. Do you know how to get rid of bad blood? You have a blood transfusion. You transfer this bad energy out of your space and bring in positive energy.

I have said this time and time before, I will choose peace of mind over everything.

~NIKKI