Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Big Mad

I decided to give up asking for a mate and looking for a mate. I am not happy about this but, I have a feeling God is delighted. I feel God was waiting on this decision so that we can move on. While God and all of heaven may be rejoicing, I am not. I made this decision Thursday and my mood has not been good to say the least. However, I was informed that God does not need my feelings to be in tune right now, he needs my ears. He needs me to listen. He does not need my feelings. He needs my obedience.

Ever since Thursday, the day I made the decision, God has been speaking to me in various ways. As I sat on the porch and that night, I heard, “I am here” over and over. I saw the numbers, 3333, 33, and 333 Thursday night and Friday. I listened to a prayer Friday morning and I know God was speaking to me via that prayer and certain scripture. I know God was speaking to me as I read. I know God was speaking to me as I listened to a sermon. My mood was dry. I was in a funk. I was feeling afraid, angry, and confused.

But God was not concerned with my feelings. Oh, God cares about my feelings but, was not alarmed or concerned. God didn’t need my feelings to line up with what was being said. God just needed to know I was listening. God is requesting my obedience to what I am hearing. God knows my feelings will subside and different feelings will arise.

God reminded me that this is evolution. For the most part, it will not be easy and it will not feel good but it has its rewards. In the end, I will want for nothing.

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

James 1:3-4, The Holy Bible (that word perfect in this text means mature, whole)

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Single, Saved, and Sick of It

It’s all about your attitude. You’re supposed to remain positive and chipper about being single. At all times. Said no one ever but, it’s been implied. Last night I was in quite a bit of pain. This morning it was the same. No one was here to help me. Again. And when I look back over my life, as an adult, there many times I bore my pain, my cross, alone. You can save the, “God was there” because I know that and you know EXACTLY what I mean when I say no one was there to help me.

Now let me say this, my parents were there and my family were there many times. Friends as well. But they cannot be there all of the time. I had to get up and get my own medication. I had to get up and go to the store with my child when she was small, alone. When I was in pain, there were so many times all I wanted was a hand to hold or to be held. Because I am not a saint, I do know what that feels like. I do know what it’s like to have someone there in that capacity. And I want it again.

If you are single, I want you to know that you can be lonely sometimes and it’s okay to admit it. It’s okay to feel it. You can be upset and sick of being single and that is okay, too. You can have your moments. You should have them. Get it out of your system and stop pretending that you never feel them.

It was refreshing to say today, to God, “I am sick of being single. I need some help. I needed help running a bath. I needed help getting and fixing something to eat. I needed a hand to hold and to be held. I am sick of being strong for myself.” I got it out. It’s not as if God doesn’t know what I really think and how I really feel. It was CONFESSION. God loves honesty and confession.

If two is better than one, I am ready for my two. I have been ready.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Up to Par

I’ve been musing this week about meeting a guy that is on my level. When you hear, “on my level” do you think of someone that thinks they are better than others? Smarter? More financially stable? More spiritual or intellectual? I think of all of those things. I don’t think I am more of anything in a way that makes me “better” than someone else but, I do think I want someone that I don’t have to “carry” when it comes to maturity.

I think you do need someone that you can “vibe” with on different levels. It exhausts me if I don’t match up with a guy intellectually or spiritually. We don’t have to be on the same level but in the same flow. How about reading from the same book? I could take that. In order to be in a relationship with someone you have to be able to match in areas that are important to both of you.

I’ve had too many unbalanced, out of synch relationships and I am not accepting applications for more. Yet, I seem to attract people that are where I have already been and it feels like a weight. I would have to slow my pace to be with them and I don’t want to do that. I’m on a roll here lol! It would be great if they could pick up the pace instead.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to practice patience and perhaps, while on my journey I will meet someone going the same way.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 25 Save Yourself

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You need your own love to save your heart. -Rithvik Singh

You know that feeling you have when you are in love? That is the kind of love you need for yourself. That’s it. That’s the blog post.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 24 Perfection is NOT The Goal

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You were born to be real, not to be perfect. -Unknown

The process of deepening the roots of self-love will not require you to be perfect. It will require you to be real. As the quote expresses, you were born to be real. Real means you are just as human as you are divine. In your human form you will always make mistakes. We have discussed forgiving yourself on this self-love journey. You’re going to need to do that often because there will be trial and error. Sometimes you will come out on top and sometimes you will not but, each time you will learn and grow. To learn and to grow is the VICTORY!

So, remember, you are real. Not perfect. No pressure.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 15 You Don’t Have to but…

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You don’t have to forgive anyone. You can keep holding that grudge and unforgiveness in your heart and trying to figure out why you are so heavy. You can tell us you feel free but, anytime their name is brought up or you think about it and it yanks your heart, you are not as free as you think you are. Once again, you don’t have to forgive anyone. But just in case you want to open the love valve even more in your life, here you go:

I am kind. I am compassionate. Therefore, I forgive and move on with my life.

I am compassionate towards myself about the mistakes I’ve made in my life and that creates compassion for others

In order to grow in love, I forgive

I forgive others and set the appropriate boundaries as needed

I release the past and forgive [name] for the wrong, perceived wrongs, or intended wrongs towards me.

I choose to let go of the grudge and anger against [name of person] and I choose to be happier in my life.

The incident that happened between us is in the past forever. I wish the best for them. All is well between us. Peace be with you. Peace be within me.

I forgive everyone in my past for all perceived wrongs. I send them loving energy and wash it out of my aura (space, heart)

I forgive so that I have inner peace.

~Love, Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 13 Not for Them But, For You

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I acknowledge my faults and forgive myself completely

I release the burden of shame, guilt, self-hatred, and self-judgement

Self-hatred does not serve me

Forgiveness is a gift to myself

When I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others

I am forgiven

I am capable of healing

Forgiveness gives me a clean slate and a fresh start

I am loving and compassionate. I love myself completely and I am compassionate towards myself.

I am learning and growing everyday

I overcome self-condemnation and choose compassion towards myself instead

I allow myself to be forgiven

I trust myself to build a better future

I am patient and understanding towards myself

I release my past and forgive my participation in it

When people bring up my past, I tell them I have forgiven myself and I am moving on to a better me

I forgive myself one day at a time. It takes time to heal.

The energy of love, peace, healing, and forgiveness surrounds me

From this day forward, I treat myself with respect and kindness

Love, Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: 2022 and Relationships

2022 comes with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and Repairing or Strengthening Relationships. Relationships of all kinds will play a vital role this year in your life. Pay attention to the lessons you learn. Some will shape you, push you forward, and change you for the better (no matter what it may seem like at the time). Just don’t let anything distract you from your dreams and goals this year. It may have been all about you the past few years but, this year it’s about you and others. Play well with others. Disconnect from some and love at a distance and “with the love of the Lord” with others.

Make people feel loved and appreciated. Encourage as many people as you can. Show up when you can. Make phone calls. Send a thank you text with some detail (Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to xyz). Let it be known that you value your employees, friends, family, coworkers, strangers. “I appreciate everything that you do for me. I am so glad to have you as my cousin.” Lend a hand and donate to charity. Cook a meal for someone. Send flowers or fresh fruit. (ACTION).

Oh…family dynamics. You must deal with it. Once and for all and get on with it. If they want to hold on to it let them. You let go and remember, love from a distance if need be. Move around it. On the flip, strengthen those family bonds that you do have. Quality time with loved ones and friends are in order.

You may think this one is a no brainer when it comes to your child or children but, put down the phone or tablet and LOOK at your children’s faces when they are talking to you and when you are talking to them. Maybe the pandemic has made being glued to screens worse. I don’t know but, I do know it is important to LOOK into the eyes of the ones you love, especially your children and give them your undivided attention. They need to be seen and heard. Especially, with the instability of navigating our world.

You will meet NEW PEOPLE IF you want to that can have an interest in what you are doing or that may have connections for you. This is why I say once again, pay attention to the people that cross your path. But also pay attention to the classes or opportunities that come your way this year. Maybe there is someone at that event or in that class you can make a meaningful connection with. Yes, these events can be online as well. God works in mysterious ZOOM ways, too. I’d highly recommend being INTENTIONAL about where you go and whom you spend your time with this year.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: How It Started

I was looking forward to New Year’s Eve for several reasons but, the main reason was I finally, wouldn’t be spending it alone. After a pretty good day that joyous mood would be crushed by him. Some sort of mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication. WHATEVER. I tried to smooth things over for him so that he wouldn’t feel bad by saying it was okay and offering a solution. The problem with that is Ioncw again put my feelings to the side. Did anyone care that I was I feeling bad? Did I care?

I did not want to be disappointed and I tried to work with it and I tried to work against it. But the TRUTH continued to be magnified with signs such as no communication during a pivotal time frame, an ignored text and phone call, and the polite, “Happy New Year” text he sent. That’s it. That is the gist of it. The TRUTH amplified in the form of anxiety and I was unable to rest even with medication.

This was NOT how I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve. This was NOT how I wanted to wake up on New Year’s Day with lingering sadness and an uneasiness in my spirit. I did not want to spend the day trying to be alright. I did not want to spend the day trying to unravel and get to the core of things so I could be alright. I knew exactly what was happening. I know this is my personal year of 9 and the ending of a 9-year cycle. This is more about endings than it is about beginnings. However, the beginnings, though few, are monarch.

This year is centered around the heart. Before you can connect to the heart, you need a heart cleansing. If not, the connection will not be clean. It will be shoddy. It will be static. It will be on and off. There I was Saturday trying to connect to heart meditation without a cleansing. “Create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit” is a scripture from the Bible. This is similar to a heart chakra cleanse. Growing up Christian this scripture usually was used when sin was talked about or an evil spirit. I can’t help but to think how that only scratches the surface.

The heart can be filled with sadness, anger, disappointment, anxiety, worry, depression, confusion and the remnants of these things or debris of the past. The wrong spirit could be any of those things. It is not necessarily that of evil or sin. So, as the heart is “CLEANsed” the renewing of the spirit takes place. The alignment of spirit takes place. I also believe you have to participate in your healing. There is work involved.

What did I have to do to get to an understanding and to align my spirit? I certainly couldn’t rush the process. I wanted to feel better. QUICKLY. SO, I wanted to skip the heart cleanse and just connect to heart happy. No. 1 hour and 11 minutes into a heart chakra cleanse and typing this I “felt” some clearing. My heart space felt a little lighter. I felt some strength and some HELP coming on. Cleansing the heart can be praying, listening to the RIGHT kind of music, binaural beats, journaling, therapy, chatting with a friend, crying, laughing, etc. This is the creating of a clean heart and the refreshing of spirit. The uplifting or alignment of spirit. The conjunction “AND” means they work together.

Above is one of the frequencies of music I play low in the background as I go about my morning or day. Sometimes I lay down and listen for 20 minutes. I also pray for help and this is the guidance “I” was given. In the words of Mary, the mother of Jesus, “Do what he tells YOU to do.” Your activity may look different from mine and that is okay.

~Nikki

For the Love of Family

We don’t always get the relationships we wish we had with parents or siblings. If you can’t create those relationships due to issues that can’t be resolved, personalities, morality, mental and emotional issues/abuse you end up feeling like you’re missing a connection or deeper connection. You probably are. There are ways to make those connections with others or be that connection for someone else. Foster those connections between your children and with your children. And you can always be to yourself what you needed as a child. Nurture the child within.

~Nikki