We are discussing the power of decision making. It may seem like a small thing to you but, the highest function of your mind is to make decisions. Hence, “make up your mind” is a phrase we use often. Every day you are making decisions about your life. Even when you decide to be indifferent and not decide, it is called indecision.
Let’s talk about that first. Indecision is the individual’s choice to fail. If you decide not to make a decision, then the Universe or Life will make the decision for you. Life waits for no one. It goes on. And usually, you will receive what you do not what or what you fear the most. Your energy of indecisiveness brings forth what you are feeling which is hesitation, frustration, fear, and uncertainty.
Book Reference: The Power of Decision Making by Raymond Charles Barker
Wrap it up. Pull it together. Things are coming to an end. Weed out what does not belong (like a garden).
Correlating some of your life with the seasons is a good way to know you are in season. (Remember, things can happen in our lives in and out of the earthly seasons and that requires using your intuition or the Holy Spirit for Christians. It requires guidance from Source but, that’s not our topic today.) March is a time where you should prepare your space, your mind, your heart, your life, for what is to come. What’s lurking in your garden?
What is in your home that you don’t use or no longer need? Get rid of it. What situation needs to end or change? End it or change it for the better or what is best for you. What thoughts, patterns, activities are not in alignment with how you want to live or how you see your life? Observe and find a way to change them. Your thought patterns are so important to how your life is going and will go. What you think about predominately, how you think about yourself, God, others create your life experiences. Your patterns, the way you do things, take care of things, your habits are a direct result of your thoughts. It’s time to weed out the garden of your life: physically, mentally, and spiritually. It is time for a clearing and a change.
If it’s not serving you or no longer represents who you are now, then it’s time for weeding it out.
It feels good to no longer be in love with a person that was never in love with me.
It feels good to file them in the proper category. Associate. Everything and everyone in their proper place.
In order for me to make a clean break from a relationship, entanglement (on and off again), I first begin the process of emotionally disconnecting BEFORE I leave. I write down everything said or did that affected me so that I can REMEMBER why I need to leave. I read it every day or anytime I think about staying, continuing, or prolonging the inevitable. Once I am ready, I make a clean break. There are no emotions or no significant emotions to pull me back in. I figured this out years ago.
It’s time to practice work-life balance. I don’t have to prove to people what I do is important.
Self-love is a lifelong practice.
Life goes on…and it gets better for me! (Is what I now say instead of the “life goes on” part).
It’s okay if they don’t like or love you. It’s not okay if you are still there trying to make them.
Get them out of your system (by fasting from contact and conversation) because their way of liking you and loving you was poison.
Self-respect is a form of self-love. Don’t lose your self-respect in the name of love. I did. I have.
You will not always get to decide when things end and sometimes things will end abruptly. It’s okay for emotions to be all over the place. However, with time determined by you, you will find your footing. Emotions will settle and you will be able to see and think clearly. Then you will gain the power of decision. A decision to decide how you will respond to the ending.
February was CHOCK full of LESSONS. WHEW! (Heavy eyeroll)
Protect your peace.
Erase (get rid of) toxicity.
Cleanse your space.
Protecting your peace helps to maintain self-love. You want to keep a peaceful environment as much as you can wherever you are. Yes, at home and at work. You want peaceful relationships as much as possible. Having peace in your life helps maintain self-love.
Get rid of anything and one that is toxic. I know the word is overused these days but, if it’s not good for you and to you, you don’t need it. This could be hoarding in your home. This could be a bad habit. This could the obvious, such as friendships and family-ships. Can you get rid of family? Probably not. But you can keep your distance and set those boundaries we talked about.
Cleanse your space. Clean up. Clean up your space at home and your office or desk space.
Cultivate love wherever you are. Cultivate a loving environment at home. Take love with you to work and to the grocery store. Be compassionate and kind to those you come into contact with. Be patient.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you. -Andrea Dykstra
Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself. -Coco Chanel
Water in the hole! Yes! Water! Believe it or not, MUSIC can help deepen the roots of self-love because music is an elixir. Think of it as watering your seeds of love for yourself. Have you ever listened to a song, closed your eyes, forgot you couldn’t sing, and lost yourself in the lyrics? The lyrics hit home. Where is home? The heart. The soul. You FELT it.
Make you a playlist that saturates your heart. I promise you that in times of feeling low about yourself that music will lift you up. I have this playlist that I listen to whenever I don’t feel loved. It’s a list of songs about love and being a woman. It’s a list that has songs that talk about the strength of a woman, the heart of a woman, and songs that make me feel the beauty of feminine energy. There are songs on that list that help me imagine what love would be like and feel like. I always feel empowered and a surge of love when I am listening to it. Love songs that remind me of what I deserve.
Sounds simple because it is. It doesn’t always have to be complicated to enrich your love for yourself. Much like exercise, music has been shown to increase oxytocin and serotonin levels in your brain, both of which can be instant mood-boosters according to Behavioral Health Science.
Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. -Kahlil Gibran
Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. – Alphonse de Lamartine
Where words fail, music speaks. – Hans Christian Anderson
Music soothes the soul (heart)- unknown
What do YOU want? Not what your family wants, not what your friends want, not what society wants, not what your religion wants, and not what your significant other or spouse wants. But what do YOU desire for your life? What does your life look like for you?
It’s important to know what you want because how else will you create the life YOU, emphasis on YOU, want to live? Self-love requires satisfying YOUR soul. Is your soul satisfied with the life you are living? Is it satisfied with the job, the environment, with others’ dreams for you? Is it satisfied in the church, temple, or mosque you attend? Is it satisfied with the relationships in your life?
If you don’t live your life according to you and the Creator, how will you ever truly satisfy your soul? I was MAKING myself to attend a church, I was getting very little spiritual nourishment from because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I didn’t want to embarrass my family by going somewhere else. I was feeling guilty. I loved the community it was in. I loved the people there but I wasn’t getting much out of the messages. I was so miserable the night before church and bored out of my mind during certain parts. I was happy to be actively involved with projects but I was sacrificing my soul at certain points of the service. I had outgrown this place.
Why was I feeling guilty? There is nothing wrong with being where your soul feels at peace. I had to learn that. In many religions we are made to feel guilty about not carrying out certain practices and rituals. Was I to be loyal to everyone else and what they wanted for me or was I created to be loyal to MY soul’s desires for my life? Loving yourself deeply means tending to your soul and the desires of your soul. What makes your soul happy? Not your flesh but your SOUL?
Take some time. Block out some time. Get away from everyone. Get you a notebook and pen. Dream. Fantasize. Think about what you would like to do with your life. This is judgement free time so it’s not a time to think about what others want of you. If they would be happy or not. WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE LOOK LIKE IF YOU WERE LIVING THE WAY YOU DESIRE? What would you be? What would you do with your time? Where would you go? What’s your hairstyle? What’s your hair color? What’s your clothing choice? What kind of jewelry are you wearing? What are your friendships like? What is your significant other like? What does your home look like?
Satisfying your soul by living out your dreams, YOUR dreams, is an ACT of self-love. – Nicole Jackson
If your heart is blocked, you may find it difficult to love yourself and if you can’t love yourself, it’s going to be difficult to love others. How do you know if your heart, heart space, heart chakra is blocked?
- You have a hard time forgiving others or yourself
- It’s difficult for you to move on from the past
- You are detached from your emotions and you don’t feel compassion or love for others or yourself
- You are overly critical of others or yourself
- You are isolated
- You carry hatred openly or secretly
There is also trouble in heart paradise if your heart’s energy valve is wide open. Some symptoms are:
- You are an over giver (time, money, advice, service, etc.)
- You have no boundaries and you cross others’ boundaries
- You say yes to everything and to everyone at your own physical, mental, emotional expense
- You neglect the care for your emotional needs
- The inability to discern healthy relationships (leading to toxicity or choosing the wrong mates, letting others run over you)
Opening up the heart or adjusting the energy or emotions that flow from the heart requires a change of mind, different approach, and exercise. One thing I’d like to address is the obvious unforgiveness in the heart. Some think to forgive is to give the person they have unforgiveness towards a pass. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you. How is it for you? It frees up the space in your heart that unforgiveness is living in to be filled with love.
Resentment, unforgiveness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person to dies- Unknown but, probably Bert Ghezzi
Meanwhile the other person has gone on with their life or is no longer on this earth.
Forgiveness is the way to open a heart that has unforgiveness. If you can’t “see” it as forgiveness then start with trying to see it as letting go first and then move into forgiveness. This will unblock your heart and you will begin to feel the weight lifted off your chest.
If you are detached from your emotions, you may want to begin by volunteering to reconnect to people. I know there are plenty of volunteers needed in your community. But if theses emotions of detachment run deep then you my friend may need counseling with a trained, certified, professional to get to the root of the trauma and healing can begin. In fact, dealing with either one of these scenarios of a closed heart or a heart that is too open, is a call to some therapy. Why do you overextend yourself? Why can’t you say no? Why do you neglect your own emotions?
Positive thinking and affirmations can help get the ball rolling in these areas and bring balance to the heart. A change of mind is the beginning of a change of life. You must think about it to begin it. Replacing negative thoughts about yourself and others with positive thoughts changes your point of view. The judgements we make or assumptions we make about others need to be questioned. Did your parents tell you that? Did your circle of friends tell you about “that” group of people? Are you basing your information from the news? None of that is fair. Even if the information is about you!
Take the time to investigate where your thoughts about yourself and others originate. When you do discover the truth and facts, be willing to accept them and to change them if necessary. Maybe you’ve been told you are stupid. That is not true. How are you still here and stupid? Investigate the source. Maybe you just don’t know some things or it takes you longer to learn or your learning style is different. Maybe you have been naive. That’s okay. Did you learn? Did you grow? That is all that matters. Positive thoughts, affirmations, help us change the narrative in our heads therefore changing the narrative of the heart!
YOGA and EXERCISE like running or walking get the heart pumping and blood flow moving. Of course, you should consult with your doctor first. Endorphins are released. Stress levels and anxiety come down and this puts your heart space in a better place to receive and to give with balance. Yoga brings balance and has specific poses that are for the heart chakra or heart center.
Prayer and Meditation is another way to balance the energy of the heart or to heal the heart. “I can’t meditate” is a statement I hear often. The very fact one makes this statement is a reason for meditation. The second thing is the language, “I CAN’T”. Change that to I can. If you daydream or drift off to nowhere, you can meditate. Sitting quietly and gazing out the window for one minute, not judging your thoughts, not getting involved in your thoughts, simply letting them come and then refocusing on breath or whatever you are gazing on is meditation. If you can do that for one minute then you have just meditated. There are too many YouTube videos and apps for meditation and even a thing called guided meditation. You can put in time and search for a 3-minute meditation.
Never underestimate the power of prayer. I don’t know your religion and I don’t care much about that. I care if you choose to tap into the power of prayer. Prayer has a calming effect. Prayer can help heal your heart, remove negative emotions, calm you down and if you LISTEN you just may receive solutions. They may not come immediately but, perhaps through dreams or some time that day, week, month. You will get your answer or instructions. Prayer helps soothe the heart. Prayer and action can change the heart.
Another thing that can help the heart space is READING a self-help book about what is creating the imbalance or negative emotions in your heart. Somebody out there has gone through what you have been through and survived. They not only survived, they healed, and they thrive.