The Cleaning Agents Truth and Honesty: Inner Work

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I have a friend that deals with reality by not dealing with it. He likes to pretend that his world is perfect in public. He puts his parents and marriage on a pedestal to the world. He is in photos that would make you think all is well. Yet, in his private life there is a different story. He’s the type that makes idle threats about what he’s going to do and say but never acts on them. He’s the one that upholds the wrong doing of his father by being silent. He needs the acceptance of that parent. Plus, the public thinks his parents are amazing. Deep down inside, he’s drowning. The things he does, the moods he has, the thought patterns that keep him trapped, all connected to childhood, religion and young adulthood experiences. He internalizes all of his grief, sorrow, hurt, disappointments, and I worry about the toll it takes on him physically.

If you are ready to heal, grow, improve, stop a bad habit, if you have lost too much and too many people, then take a couple of deep, deep breaths and prepare to go inward. In fact, you may need an oxygen tank because it’s going to take many deep dives to get to the root of some things. Some people start in shallow waters and then make their way to the deep and some just jump in. It’s an unraveling. Some said it’s like peeling back and onion layer by layer. But for me, some of my baggage had more layers than an onion. And if you want to know how long it takes to be healed, check out my other blog post from last week https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2023/01/11/how-long-does-healing-take-inner-work/

You just may have to admit that you are not perfect. You are not always right and may be rarely right. You may have to tell yourself the truth about your household, your feelings about it. You may have to tell yourself the truth about how you grew up and that perhaps your parents were not so perfect, either. You may have to untangle the web of your actions and behaviors. This can be some work and this is why most people leave this earth bound instead of free. They remain the same, sad or angry, silent or pretending, trapped in denial, and steeped in open or hidden misery.

Truth and Honesty are like ammonia or some strong cleaning agent mixed with water. Mixed just right it can get the job done without damaging what it is cleaning. If you ever decide to HEAL or CHANGE you can’t do it without Truth and Honesty. Here is what I have learned about inner work, it’s rewarding. It’s freeing. The “work” can be tiring, dirty, exhausting, but when you are clean, when you come into the light of understanding why you do what you do, say the things you say, act a certain way it gives you knowledge. It gives you POWER to be your AUTHENTIC SELF and to walk in the fullness of your destiny. It gives you WHOLENESS like you have never known but before you may feel like you are being ripped apart. Fear not. It’s only so you can be put back together, with some new parts and reprogrammed. This is when people will say, “Hmm, you’re acting funny. You have changed. There is something different about you.” And it will be true. There is something different about you when you do the work of healing yourself.

~Nikki

Know the Signs: Inner Work

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At its core, inner work is the process of getting to know yourself. It’s a form of introspective self-care where you can help yourself let go of harmful attachments, habits, people, and thoughts. -brainmd.com

The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. It determines how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you allow others to treat you. I did some research and along with my personal experience, came up with some signs you may need to work on yourself. I’ll say after reading some of this I can tell you that WE ALL probably need to do some inner work.

Inner work can be scary and daunting because it requires you to take an honest look at yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself about yourself and NOT blamed others or came up with excuses for your behavior or thoughts? You can’t control others but you can learn to control your responses. And even after you become aware or honest, what do you do about it? Shrug your shoulders? Apologize over and over and secretly say to yourself, “Why do I keep doing that?” Maybe it’s not your behavior that’s an indication that you need help or to work on yourself. Maybe it’s your obsessive worrying that is anxiety. Maybe it’s your mood swings you can’t explain but expect everyone around you to just deal with it or get used to it.

  • You think negatively or have a negative view about yourself/other people, gender, cultures, etc
  • You suffer from anxiety and depression
  • You’ve had a traumatic change in your health
  • You’re going through or have been through a rough patch in your life
  • Your childhood was not the best and deep down you suspect it has impacted your thinking. other relationships and your behavior
  • You don’t treat yourself with respect and/or you don’t treat others with respect
  • You are in an unhealthy relationship
  • You allow people to take advantage of you
  • You have unreasonable expectations of yourself and others
  • You are unhappy with your life
  • You are a habitual giver and you give more than you can afford or have to give. This includes time.
  • There is a persistent feeling of emptiness, unfulfillment, or failure
  • You have anger issues

These are just a few examples. Have you ever read a book, talked to a spiritual leader, or therapist because you knew you needed to do some inner work? If you don’t mind sharing, what were some of your signs?

~Nikki

How Long Does Healing Take? Inner Work

There will be many things going on this year but, I believe people will begin to work on themselves whether it’s personal development or healing. It may be deepening or returning to their spiritual practice, buying self-help books or taking courses to help improve their life on many levels. Last year I discovered that I had more healing to do and I was ready to get on with it for good. I meant; I was ready to heal completely in this area. I do recall asking God how much more healing and letting go does one need to do?! How long will this take?!!! Ugh! I thought I was done. I’ve been talking about it and dealing with it for a very long time. Well, as I am reading a daily devotional (a book that is pretty deep spiritually so I take it chapter by chapter and sometimes, passage by passage), I think I might have gotten an answer to a question I asked in June 2022.

First, let me talk about the clue I received. Each year I am spiritually led to read certain books. Sometimes it happens all at once and sometimes it happens here and there. Well, I was watching a YouTube episode of Bishop Sarah Jakes Roberts and her mom have a casual conversation over the holidays. She mentioned the book in the video and discovered her mom had read the book also. When I heard the title, I knew I needed the book. This was my first clue that healing was about to take place.

This is what I read this morning:

“Healing is a process of restoration. It is the revealing of the underlying state of perfection and wholeness that always exists, despite injury or disturbance. Beyond all your hurts and pains, be they emotional, physical, or otherwise, is your innate spiritual pattern, which proclaims its independence and simply awaits opportunities to express itself to its fullest. Healing is a journey, not an event. Along the journey there is much to be discovered and discerned about yourself.”

“You ask, “How much healing is there to be done? How long will it take?” These are questions not for me to answer but for you to answer. How long do you want it to take? How much healing are you willing to do? How deep will you go? How much will you reveal? How often will you come to be in surrender? The answers to these questions depend on you. You are creating your own tests. You are creating your won obstacle courses. The mazes through which you wander, the hoops through which you jump, are all configurations of your own thinking. You too often misunderstand, and therefore underestimate the power of your creative abilities. You must become more consciously aware that you are simply manifesting anything and everything you think about, even subliminally.”

-The Sacred Yes by Rev. Deborah L. Johnson

~Nikki

What To Do When It’s a Friend or Loved One with Anxiety or Depression Part 1

What do you do when it’s a friend or a loved one that has anxiety or depression?

Strong relationships can go a long way toward improving the outlook and emotional well-being when they live with mental health conditions.

Friends and family can:

  • listen with compassion when they need to talk
  • provide encouragement and emotional support
  • join them in hobbies or activities that offer a positive distraction
  • offer rides, grocery runs, and other more tangible forms of support when they have trouble getting things done

Simply knowing they have someone they trust in their life can often help them feel less alone, whether they actually want to talk about your symptoms or not.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/depression-and-anxiety#coping-tips

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 28 Knock, Knock Housekeeping!

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Protect your peace.

Erase (get rid of) toxicity.

Cleanse your space.

Cultivate love.

Protecting your peace helps to maintain self-love. You want to keep a peaceful environment as much as you can wherever you are. Yes, at home and at work. You want peaceful relationships as much as possible. Having peace in your life helps maintain self-love.

Get rid of anything and one that is toxic. I know the word is overused these days but, if it’s not good for you and to you, you don’t need it. This could be hoarding in your home. This could be a bad habit. This could the obvious, such as friendships and family-ships. Can you get rid of family? Probably not. But you can keep your distance and set those boundaries we talked about.

Cleanse your space. Clean up. Clean up your space at home and your office or desk space.

Cultivate love wherever you are. Cultivate a loving environment at home. Take love with you to work and to the grocery store. Be compassionate and kind to those you come into contact with. Be patient.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 25 Save Yourself

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You need your own love to save your heart. -Rithvik Singh

You know that feeling you have when you are in love? That is the kind of love you need for yourself. That’s it. That’s the blog post.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 24 Perfection is NOT The Goal

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You were born to be real, not to be perfect. -Unknown

The process of deepening the roots of self-love will not require you to be perfect. It will require you to be real. As the quote expresses, you were born to be real. Real means you are just as human as you are divine. In your human form you will always make mistakes. We have discussed forgiving yourself on this self-love journey. You’re going to need to do that often because there will be trial and error. Sometimes you will come out on top and sometimes you will not but, each time you will learn and grow. To learn and to grow is the VICTORY!

So, remember, you are real. Not perfect. No pressure.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 23 Talk to Yourself

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Don’t forget to tell yourself positive things daily! You must love yourself internally to glow externally. -Hannah Bronfman

When you are feeling good about you, you glow. You glow from the inside out. We’ve talked about HOW you SPEAK to yourself. You must be mindful of self-talk and the stories you tell yourself about you. Some of the language you use comes from hurtful periods in your life. They came from home, work, relationships of all kinds, and even teachers. Even if something was said to you about you that is true and negative, you have the power to change. You have the power to transmute darkness into light!

One way to tell if something is done is to check the internal temperature. If you want that natural, authentic glow, it starts from within. Love yourself from within. Start with what you deposit into your heart, mind, and soul daily. Your positive words, yourself talk, are your cash deposit. You get out what you put in. You create an environment of manifestation good or not good. Replace the negative, the false narrative with positivity and the truth. Affirmations made daily paired with actions create a loving atmosphere for yourself. I post quotes or affirmations, any information relative to my journey on my mirror. They change with my journey.

I know you are ready for that authentic GLOW UP. Once you start really loving yourself from the inside out, it’s inevitable.

~Nikki

28 Days of The Self Love Project: Day 22 Each One, Teach One

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How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you. -Rupi Kaur

So, how have others been loving you? It can be a scary thing to think about if the love you have received hasn’t been a true reflection of love. We are talking from the young adult perspective to the mature adult perspective. When you are a child, of course you are not responsible for how love came across to you from your family. But, from young adulthood on out, you teach others how to love you.

How others love you is a reflection of how you love yourself. What you allow others to do, get away with, tells you how you feel about yourself. When you love yourself, beyond outward rewards and self-care practices, you will not allow others to mistreat you. You will not allow others to misuse you. Yes. It happens sometimes. It happens along the journey but, remember all you have to do is to remind yourself of your power and the love you have for yourself.

I practiced telling myself, “I love me, more than I love you.” It took me awhile to believe it and it has gotten me out of some bad relationships and has helped when it came to friendships and family-ships. Yes, I made up that word. It has helped me to draw the line. It has helped me establish boundaries. I wouldn’t treat you like “that” or myself. Therefore, I cannot and will not allow you to treat me like “that”. It has helped me to grow roots to deepen my love for myself. It is very grounding. It is very centering. It helps me to get back on track. It is especially helpful in romantic relationships because it helps you not to lose yourself. It helps you to establish and maintain boundaries. In the beginning, it helped me to learn what was not good for me.

HOW do you love yourself? Really think about the ways in which you speak to yourself. The things you do to yourself. How you feed yourself. How you push away your dreams and goals. How you feel about yourself and your looks. If you don’t feel good about you, it radiates. If you feel good about you, it radiates.

Teach people how to love you by first teaching yourself how to love you!

~Nikki