Tag: Rheumatoid Arthritis

Watering Gratitude: How It Started

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized
Photo by Los Muertos Crew

Who’s not grateful? I mean, is there anyone that’s not grateful for something or the other? Whether it’s grateful to be alive or grateful the store had your favorite ice cream we are, most of us, grateful for something. I want to talk/write about gratefulness from the perspective of how we can “grow” our gratefulness. Did you know gratefulness could be expanded? It can start with the simplest things in life to the more complex situations in life. I am going to call this blog series Watering Gratitude. I’ll explain as we take this journey in June here at Nikki’s Confetti Life and on my YouTube channel, The Garden of Mind. Don’t forget to subscribe! Now let’s get into how “it” started.

It started when I picked up a book in a resale bookstore. I needed something. I was searching for something to help me to make sense of my life from 2010 to 2015. I was facing Rheumatoid Arthritis Diseases, Fibromyalgia, and Diabetes all in the span of five years. I also had a hysterectomy where the surgery to longer than they expected. I lost quite a bit of blood and they almost lost me.

In late 2014, early 2015 I unwillingly began the journey of the disability process. It was 2014 I believe when I picked up the book, Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach and her book Peace and Plenty. It was during this time I began to grow the gratitude that I had within me. I began to have a deeper appreciation for the basics in life and much more than the basics. It wasn’t silly to be grateful for a bowl of ice cream. It wasn’t unusual to be grateful for the rain. I later bought the book Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self by the same author. Next month, I will be blogging about authenticity.

It wasn’t just those two books that helped to water my gratitude. It was also a deeper prayer life, meditation, yoga, and another book, The Sacred Yes by Rev. Deborah L. Johnson. I am now learning how to truly be grateful in all things. Even the not so good things. How can one be grateful for the not so good things? It’s not so much as being grateful for a bad thing or tragic thing happening to you but, it’s more about being grateful for what you can learn from it. It’s about being grateful for what’s next. It’s about being grateful for time. It’s about being grateful for the now. It’s about being grateful for the opportunity to heal and to maybe help someone else that is going through what you may have gone through. Helping others helps you. It fills you (which deepens or intensifies the feeling) with more gratitude and love.

Oh, there were things I was NOT grateful for when it was happening but, I was grateful when it was over. I could give thanks and be grateful that it wasn’t worse or that it was resolved. I can be grateful I am no longer in that situation. Gratitude and gratefulness go hand in hand in my opinion. So, you may see me use them interchangeably throughout this series. Yes, let’s water our gratitude and grow it to expand beyond conditions and circumstances. Happy June!

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Priorities

FROM MY SPIRIT, Sunday Morning Coffee Musings, Uncategorized
Photo by solod_sha

This “musing” isn’t technically a Sunday Morning Coffee Musing but more of a Sunday Evening Coffee Musing.

It is well with my soul.

All things are working together for my good.

Obedience is greater than sacrifice in this season.

Wealth and riches remain in my house.

BREATHE.

Although my knees are tender (from Rheumatoid Disease), I’ve had a blessed Sunday. I was able to get the rest of the flowers in the ground this evening. (This is me resting, ha! Got to use my energy while I have it.) I realized I have been in ministry for 20 years today. I also was asked to speak at my home church today and it went really well.

After resting for a while, I began feeling a little disappointed because several things plagued my mind. There are so many things I want to do and need to do. It can overwhelm me. It’s too much to process at one time. I know this came about as I had to decline an invitation to take a cruise with family. It’s just not my season, again. I have other priorities. Although, I thought last year, this year would be different.

With that said, in order for me not to sink any lower in my thoughts and feelings, and for you not to sink any lower when your heart’s desires don’t line up with your pockets or you are not seeing manifestation quick enough, you have to speak life, gratitude, and call those things that be not as though they were. I started feeling bad about not being able to do several things and I just began to quote: IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Scenic Route to Becoming Fit

FROM MY SPIRIT
Photo by Nicole Jackson 2023

I have lost 14lbs since last March and I would like it to be 16lbs by March 2023. It has truly been a struggle as some of you know from my blogs. Gifted with the challenge of diabetes after I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease, a few years ago I lost 12lbs after taking a Nutrition class from a CERTIFIED nutrionist in diabetes and after the doctor added a new med. I was not really working out consistently.

I have chosen the scenic route to weight loss and being fit. I call it the scenic route as it’s a long, slow way to lose weight. It’s a journey I have chosen to see as exciting as I discover new meals and recipes. I see it as a new way of making better choices. I see it as a reward for when I work out and I don’t really want to. Having Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia makes it difficult but, that is no longer my excuse for NOT moving my body. Because of the disease of Rheumatoid and the mystery of fibromyalgia, I am not supposed to do high impact exercise. But that doesn’t mean I cannot exercise at all. I have chosen the old-fashioned way of a healthier diet and exercise. A lifestyle change.

I have no huge goal. Therefore, I am not hugely disappointed if I don’t meet it. I am not doing this for an event or anyone. I am doing this for me. I’m not trying to be the size I was before I had my daughter 22 years ago but, if it happens, great! If I fall off or make the wrong choices I am not too hard on myself. I get back on track and keep moving forward. I just want to be fit. Less belly. I want to do all I can in my power to age well.

~Nikki

Know the Signs: Inner Work

FROM MY SPIRIT, Relationship Energy, Uncategorized, Woman Power Up
Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

At its core, inner work is the process of getting to know yourself. It’s a form of introspective self-care where you can help yourself let go of harmful attachments, habits, people, and thoughts. -brainmd.com

The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. It determines how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you allow others to treat you. I did some research and along with my personal experience, came up with some signs you may need to work on yourself. I’ll say after reading some of this I can tell you that WE ALL probably need to do some inner work.

Inner work can be scary and daunting because it requires you to take an honest look at yourself. When was the last time you were honest with yourself about yourself and NOT blamed others or came up with excuses for your behavior or thoughts? You can’t control others but you can learn to control your responses. And even after you become aware or honest, what do you do about it? Shrug your shoulders? Apologize over and over and secretly say to yourself, “Why do I keep doing that?” Maybe it’s not your behavior that’s an indication that you need help or to work on yourself. Maybe it’s your obsessive worrying that is anxiety. Maybe it’s your mood swings you can’t explain but expect everyone around you to just deal with it or get used to it.

  • You think negatively or have a negative view about yourself/other people, gender, cultures, etc
  • You suffer from anxiety and depression
  • You’ve had a traumatic change in your health
  • You’re going through or have been through a rough patch in your life
  • Your childhood was not the best and deep down you suspect it has impacted your thinking. other relationships and your behavior
  • You don’t treat yourself with respect and/or you don’t treat others with respect
  • You are in an unhealthy relationship
  • You allow people to take advantage of you
  • You have unreasonable expectations of yourself and others
  • You are unhappy with your life
  • You are a habitual giver and you give more than you can afford or have to give. This includes time.
  • There is a persistent feeling of emptiness, unfulfillment, or failure
  • You have anger issues

These are just a few examples. Have you ever read a book, talked to a spiritual leader, or therapist because you knew you needed to do some inner work? If you don’t mind sharing, what were some of your signs?

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Wondering Why, Longing for Normal

FROM MY SPIRIT, Sunday Morning Coffee Musings

Respect your body when it’s asking for a break. Respect your mind when it’s seeking rest. Honor yourself when you need a moment for yourself. -unknown

GM! The morning after a day of bone crushing pain can be odd. Thanks to prayer and prednisone you physically feel better but, mentally and emotionally, you’re not quite together. I feel deep compassion and empathy for those that suffer from chronic pain or chronic illnesses. Sometimes all I can do is wonder why it must be this way. I enjoyed those years I was in remission from rheumatoid arthritis disease and the days I’d never heard of fibromyalgia. On the bright side for me, at least it wasn’t ill when my daughter was an infant. Also, if I would have known the future, I would have followed ALL of my dreams full speed ahead.

But we don’t have the luxury of knowing the future and I am sure that would not always be a good thing. We’d live in fear and sorrow or dread. With that being said, it’s like how depression and anxiety works. I get so tired of hurting it makes me depressed about the future at times. I get so worried about how the future will turn out at times; I get anxious about it. When the pain is severe as it was yesterday, the only thing I yearn for is to just have a normal life. I know what normal was like before Rheumatoid Disease and Fibromyalgia. I could be tired without pain.

~Nikki

No Stress November? Really?

FROM MY SPIRIT
Pathway in the autumn forest

This is the time of the year many of us are wrapping up our goals. The holidays are upon us. There is also the putting away of summer clothing, summer items and putting the fall and winter things where they belong. It’s the organization and preparation of your home for winter. There are events, celebrations, festivals, and family gatherings. Finances and traveling factor in as well. What can we do to make sure we don’t become overwhelmed and “wig out”?

Keep your routine of exercise and eating as healthy as possible. Don’t neglect your self-care routine either. Get a massage to help you with all of the stress or do an Epsom salt soak in the tub.

Keep to your routine of prayer, meditation, daily devotions and religious services.

Make a budget and STICK TO IT.

Remember, YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING OR EVERY ACTIVITY. You can’t make it to EVERYONE’S EVENT.

With that being said, decide what you are going to and where you are going to in advance. Also, leave room for adventure. Be flexible to change. We should know by now things don’t always go according to plan and we must be able to adapt. Oh, and adjust our attitudes in the process! Your FUNKY little attitude can affect the group and ruin everything.

Apologize.

Take off your cape and learn to say NO. Take off your control freak cape and delegate things to others. They can handle it and it doesn’t have to be exactly how you want it done.

Take a breather and some time alone. Go for a nature walk or a walk in the neighborhood. Listen to music. Read a book. Stargaze.

Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they’re feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too. -Mayoclinic.com

Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events or communities. Many may have websites, online support groups, social media sites or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship. If you’re feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, a call or a video chat. Volunteering your time or doing something to help others is also a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. For example, consider dropping off a meal and dessert at a friend’s home during the holidays. -Mayoclinic.com

If you have any tips, chime in!

~Nikki

Bold New Chapter

FROM MY SPIRIT

Timing is everything. It’s about time and the time is right for a BOLD NEW CHAPTER in your life. You’ve been playing safe. You’ve been dabbling but, now it’s time to venture out into the deep! Don’t get scared now and if you do, move beyond, over, under, and around the fear. The deep is where the treasures are. The BOLD moves is the action that creates a reaction called manifestation. A BOLD move is the move that triggers the waves and waves of success.

I don’t know what you are doing this month but, it’s a blank page. It’s a new chapter. WRITE BOLD visions. TAKE BOLD actions.

AFFIRMATIONS:

There is a bold new chapter waiting to be written by me.

I know the plans the Creator has for me. Plans to prosper, to give me hope and a future.

~Nikki

Excerpts from My Coffee Time w/God: Do You Feel at Peace About It?

FROM MY SPIRIT
Photo by Nicole Jackson The Might Mississippi from Rooftop

I had an opportunity but the hours would be a challenge to me physically. You would think well that’s a no brainer. It’s not when you are trying to save money and take care of things around the house. I struggled for about two weeks in agony about what to do. How to sacrifice and what exactly would be at stake. I worried myself sick and stirred the hornets’ nest of anxiety. I asked God for an answer over and over on what to do. I thought I didn’t get answer until Day 2 of Coffee Time with God.

As I sat there in quietness, sipping coffee, I asked God, “Why didn’t you answer me about that opportunity?”

God: I did. Those times when you were silent internally, I asked you, do you feel at peace about it? I asked you several times. Sometimes you said no and at other times you kept worrying about it and what other people would think of you if you passed up such a golden opportunity. Once you said no you didn’t feel at peace about it, that was your answer.

Me: Oh.

I thought about all of those years I worked jobs and I didn’t like any of them. In fact, the last one I hated so much it made me ill. Why don’t people do what they love or “just find another job” you may ask. Well because it’s not always that simple. Would you believe some people don’t know or believe it’s possible for them to do what they love in life? Some are working jobs and careers other people chose for them or for the money it brings. Some of us are working jobs to take care of family, loved ones, children and to pay off debts. I looked for jobs to do what I love but I didn’t have the education and I didn’t have the ability to go back to school in another state with a child in tow. Who would watch my daughter? Online school was not a thing then. When it did become a thing, I did go back to school and received my Associates Degree only to become ill and unable to continue with my bachelors.

At that last job, I kept it because the hours allowed me to be a mom 4 days out of the week and I could work overtime. It was not for the pay. I also only had to worry about childcare and how to get her home from school 3 days of the week. My last two years on the job while I was ill, I searched for a job that could accommodate my illness. I did not find one job and the job I had told me they couldn’t either.

You don’t know people’s struggles or logic and I advise against flippant retorts such as, “Just find another job.” That job may provide them with the necessary benefits to cover for their family. YES, there are times people have to work jobs they don’t want to or enjoy until the opportunity presents itself or until they create an opportunity to do what they enjoy or to become what they always wanted to be. Maybe asking them if they have a plan to find or do something else is better.

This was the one time and first time in my life I could say no to a job that would hurt me physically and I didn’t know what to do. It was the one time; I could wait on something better or continue to create my own opportunity into better financial gains and abundance. Shortly after that, I sold 5 pieces of art.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Not the Easter I Planned

FROM MY SPIRIT, Sunday Morning Coffee Musings

I had a busy day Friday and was exhausted by the night. I went to bed and when I woke up it was Saturday morning. I don’t recall waking up during the night and I usually do. I was refreshed and headed out to the stores. It was my intention to bake a cake and to bake my famous wings. Well, after I returned home around about noon, I started feeling bad. I noticed my face was having an outbreak of seborrheic dermatitis. My face begins to swell and then I begin to simply feel bad all over. Malaise is what this is called. A general feeling of discomfort, illness, etc.

Fibromyalgia kicked in and man, I felt like all of my energy was drained. I ended up just lounging around the house Saturday feeling bad. I went to bed Saturday night and tossed and turned ALL NIGHT LONG. I did not make it to Easter Service or Easter dinner with my family and I have never missed an Easter dinner. I did get up enough strength to bake my famous wings but, not to bake a cake.

Today I feel much better, my skin is clearing up and the swelling has gone down. My daughter is back safely at college and all is well. I hope you had a wonderful Easter and enjoyed your week. I intend to put the last two days behind me and move forward into a productive and fun filled week.

~Nikki

Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Oh? Is That a Harvest?

FROM MY SPIRIT, Uncategorized

I had a hell of a Tuesday. I had two huge financial hits. The person I was dating “ghosted” me. In retrospect, that should not have been part of the bad day. It is a blessing that he moved on! AND THAT is part of the beautiful harvest I want to speak to you about today.

My response to these things were so phenomenal, I was in disbelief. I didn’t have a melt-down. Anxiety didn’t ramp up and depression didn’t creep in. I was upset. I did briefly think, “What am I going to do about my finances? I was trying to save. God that was 75% of my SAVINGS!!!” But seemingly immediately after those feelings manifesting as thoughts popped up, they were met by a voice (thought), “It’s okay Nicole. God will take care of your financial situation. It will be replaced and built up so much more. Do not worry. More money is on the way to you. Money you will manifest, money owed to you, and money you never expected. It is okay,” I did cry. I felt terrible because part of the reason one of the expenses occurred is because I forgot about it. I shed some tears because I was in the process of building my savings back up. But when you think about it, I purchased a home this year. I had some home repair expenses. I had some car repair expenses. I took a much needed and deserved vacation.

I don’t regret any of those things. I am appreciative of the fact I had the money to do those things considering my financial standing. So, to settle my emotions I kept repeating, “It’s okay. It’s alright. Things always work out for my good.” We must remember in times like these, “I am one with the Creator. In the Creator or God, or whatever your name is for the Divine, there is no lack, shortage, or insufficiency.”

I feel as if my response to all three situations in a time span of hours was a beautiful harvest of seeds sown for years. It felt like something took root and blossomed at the same time. You may recall some of the blogs I wrote previously about intuition, clarity, and so forth. The Spirit (Holy Spirit) was guiding me all along. I heeded the voice to not put too much stock into that relationship and to hold back to SEE if things could be worked out. I needed to wait to see if our differences could merge. Obviously, they cannot. And I am okay.

This weekend was supposed to be one spent with the guy I was dating but, life had other plans. Some family came from Illinois and we went to Mississippi to visit my brother’s grave site. He transitioned this year from Covid. That was a rough moment for them and some of my other siblings. But after that, it was nothing but love, laughter, and creating memories. My dad, a retired pastor, preached an incredible sermon from St. John 14, “Another Friend”. It was indeed a anointed message. Our guests went with us to a Trunk or Treat. We had a blast. Then dinner and conversations. Visiting other family and breakfast together before they left Monday morning. WHEW.

I am tired. I really had a rough night last night with insomnia and Rheumatoid Disease pain. Yet, it was worth the pain to spend time with family. I can rest this evening.

~Nikki