Why I Resist Resilience

You’re resilient! I am resilient! Be resilient! I hear it. I have said it in affirmations but notice some resistance inside of me to it. I have written those things because I know there are people who need to hear it, say it, and to be reminded of how resilient they are. Yet, when it comes to myself, I don’t remember where the feeling of uncomfortableness came from when I hear or say to myself, “I am resilient”. So, I do what I always do when I am being made aware of something about myself. I explore it. I asked myself, “What’s with you and being resilient? Why do you feel resistance about something that is a good thing and the truth about you?” I sat with this. I asked this over the course of a few weeks. And here is what I came up with.

I don’t like what I have been through that made me resilient. I am tired of going through such harsh times to make me or cause me to have to be resilient. Resilience usually comes with some fire. Some trials, tribulations, trouble, sadness, grief, depression, anxiety, and most of all, PAIN. These things are part of life but they are not the whole of life. Good is part of life. Joy, peace, happiness, abundance, etc. are also part of life. I now realize it’s not resilience that I am uncomfortable with. It’s knowing each time I was resilient it came with something unpleasant. It’s the fear of having to go through something and be resilient. Plus, it seems I go through so much and have been through too much. That’s another thing to explore.

re·sil·ience /rəˈzilēən(t)s/

noun

1. 1.the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.”the remarkable resilience of so many institutions”
2. 2.the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience”

I needed to shift my perspective of resilience. Without the capacity to withstand, to recover, to spring back into shape (right thinking or being or doing) I would break and not be put back together. I would be pieced together and remain broken mentally and emotionally. I would be stuck in negativity. I would be stuck in darkness. Resilience, like many things, is a process and it is part of the process of life. It doesn’t always happen like a spring back into shape. It depends on the problem one is having. Resilience is a tool. You can learn to use it. And most times, if you look back you realize you had it all along. How else did you survive? Maybe by grace and mercy, yes. But you withstood something. You recovered from something. You sprang back after a setback. Maybe, I can not only see resilience as a tool but also as a friend. An ally in tough times. In fact, I look back at 2025 and 2024, and I try not to curse (because I am a minister and people are easily offended and will send you to Hell over anything) but, I can truly say, “Damn. I was resilient. I withstood the fire.” I can’t say I didn’t come out smelling like smoke this time. I can’t say I don’t look like what I have been through. But, I can say, I survived. And the process of resilience is still working within me.

~Nikki