When I think about the abuse I endured throughout my childhood, young adulthood and even as an adult, I marvel at healing that has taken place over the past 10 years. My abuse wasn’t physical but, it did affect me physically. It was verbal, emotional, and mental. It was relentless unless that person needed something from me. It was confusing growing up being loved here and there and being the object of dislike or being held at a distance the majority of the time. My abuser was a narcissist and a sociopath. They still are and the older they get, the worse they become.

Today, that person is still an abuser. And the family remains silent for the most part because well, it’s not physical abuse. They keep quiet because they love the person and don’t want them to get in trouble. They keep quiet because they feel helpless and powerless. They remain silent because they don’t want the abuser to be mad with them. They stay silent because they are similar to the abuser. They stay silent because they have normalized this behavior. Yet, I am sure they would not be okay with this being done to their children. They stay silent because they are the victim and they are ashamed. The victim believes God will work it out. At least, they believe that some of the time. At other times, they are ready to blow the whistle. At this point, it’s up to them what they want to do. Afterall, they are in their right mind as of today.

But for me, yesterday I wrestled with the narcissist/sociopath hybrid’s mistreatment of a family member and manipulation of an entire congregation. I began to feel anger and depression. I began to feel despair. In fact, I said to God, I cannot answer my call to lead and deal with the terrible marriage of my parents, on top of being the most active caregiver. As the evening moved into night and my moodiness was heavy, it came to me: “Why stay silent? Why not talk about the abuse. Why not talk and help others that were raised by a narcissist-sociopath? Why not talk about this kind of abuse and toxic mother daughter relationship? Be light. The enemy (shadow, ego, devil, etc.) wants you to be quiet. It wants you to quit. It wants you not to lead. Do it anyway and make your request known to God. And while you are spreading the awareness, the healing, be bold. Be brave. This is what the enemy, the evil, does not want. Make that entity unhappy. Defeat it. Defeat the mindset to give up. Don’t give up. Give it to God and go to work!

~Nikki