As I proceed with this series, going with the flow of Spirit, here we are talking about watering gratitude through good relationships and the afterlife. Good. Not perfect but good. And sometimes, just the best relationship you can have with a difficult person or complicated person. Once you accept the fact that some relationships will never be better because people will never change or change very little (this could include you), you will begin to just take what you can get from it. Especially, when it comes to family or longtime friends. And perhaps, you may have to sever some relationships over the course of your life. It is what it was. Breathe and let go. I appreciate the good times and the lessons learned.

It just so happens that I have some difficult, complicated relationships in my life. I’m talking about the magnitude of the complication is the size of a mountain with one person in particular. She is not changing and seems to be getting worse at times. I recently discovered I can be happy even if she never chooses to heal and be happy.

I limit my time, conversation, and access to me. Yet, I do the duty that is due but not to the point where it wears me out. My gratitude is best watered by having boundaries and through limiting access to my mind and time. My gratitude is watered because I am not depleted, frustrated or angered as often as I would be or used to be. I can be happy even if they decide not to be.

Then there are the beautiful relationships you have with people. Beautiful does not mean perfect either. I am fortunate to have good relationships with all of my siblings and some of my family members. I am grateful to have good relationships with my friends and associates. In fact, when my brother passed away unexpectedly, what gave me the most peace was knowing we had a good relationship. We had laughter. We had love. We had good conversations, deep conversations, silly conversations as we got older. We had good moments. I play those like a highlight reel in my memory. You would never have known the trouble he and my other brother caused my parents and us siblings at times. It was years before they both re-joined church and turned their lives around. He lived his life a changed man and a better man. Which made him a better son, brother, father, relative, and friend.

My gratitude for the relationship I had with my brother who transitioned, my friend Rhonda, and my godmother Gloria deepens the gratitude I have towards family and friends now. I feel like my relationship with my godmother could have been better if I had spent more time and I feel that way about my friend Rhonda. However, I know they know that I loved them and they loved me and once again I pull from the highlights of the times and moments in my memory. Not the “would have, could haves, should haves” of guilt. They wouldn’t want me to do that. I know because I wouldn’t want them to torture themselves like that.

I feel honored I had the chance to share my life with these people and so many more that have transitioned like my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. No matter the amount of time.

~Nikki