So, I’ve been struggling lately with my mood. Although, I’ve been keeping things (myself) from unraveling, it’s exhausting. This is the transitional period, the period I talked about of destabilization. I think in my last post, I talked about this. https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2024/10/10/open-up-october-bad-nerves/

Well, yesterday I was having symptoms of depression. I had a similar thing happen last Saturday. As I moved through activities to try and move this energy, I was listening to a video and she said, “Think of it as I’m chosen for this or to experience this or to have this life you desire vs trying to affirm “I’m worthy of xyz.” Because sometimes you are saying you are worthy over and over and when things don’t show up you may subconsciously feel that you must not be. Or you may outright become frustrated and give up or have confusion because it’s not happening or it’s really, really difficult. Affirmations have their place but what happens when you are just not in that space? Or it’s been months, years, or you just don’t FEEL IT? Or you have a huge setback?

I totally got this. I totally felt all of this. It didn’t completely shift my mood but it shifted my thinking somewhat. As I was on the porch this morning I asked myself what I needed to hear right now? What would I tell myself about how I am thinking and feeling? I would not want a pep talk for sure. So, as I thought about it, I wrote down what I wanted to hear or needed to hear. It’s almost like the letter I wrote myself last week. Except, I wrote these things out in no form. I wrote them out as it came to me. Some are like affirmations and some are simply sentences. I journaled all of the negative talk and thoughts and then I countered them with what I wanted to hear. I also gave myself permission to feel all of the feels for awhile or that day but TO BE OPEN TO EVERY INVITATION TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER.

What does that mean? I could choose to deny feeling better or lighter and stay in the worse mood because it may feel safe. It may feel familiar. It may feel true. It may give me permission to not be my best self. And that is okay. I don’t have to be my best self every minute of the day. But it means if I recognize I feel less heavy, then accept it instead of denying it. It means if something brings me happiness or laughter, embrace it. If I am feeling relaxed, acknowledge it.

Accepting invitations all day yesterday to feel a little better seemed less stressful.

“I’m chosen to have as peaceful of a life as possible. I’m chosen to love and be loved. I’m chosen to create the life I want to live. I’m chosen to encourage others and to help others along their journey. I’m chosen to heal. I’m chosen to have joy more than sorrow. I’m chosen to create beautiful things. I’m chosen.” And I have help from God, angels, other good souls, books, etc. I am not without help. You are not without help.

~Nikki