Guess What I Found Out About Happiness and Unhappiness?

One of my reads for the year, books for the year, is Building The Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier by Arthur C. Brooks. There is this small but life changing, mind blowing thing about happiness and unhappiness. Happiness and Unhappiness can coexist and often times do and it’s normal. This may seem like nothing or minute but think about it. How many times are you happy about something but sad about something else? It’s a weird feeling sometimes. Why? Because we, science, has long thought you can only be one or the other so we try to push one or the other out.

When my brother passed away, transitioned, I was happy and sad. I was happy he wasn’t suffering but sad he was no longer in this realm with me. I was relieved in many ways and angry in many ways. At the same time! When this happens, we try to talk ourselves into feeling one or the other and it’s usually sadness. We block out happy thoughts. We block out feelings of relief. Because, we shouldn’t be feeling them, right? What we feel is guilt for feeling happy or relieved. Because how dare we feel nothing but grief?

This revelation freed me because also, I can stop trying to be happy all the time. I can be sad. I don’t have to hurry up and get to happy either. I don’t have to try to outrun sadness or try to predict when sadness will occur. Therefore, subconsciously or consciously not accepting or creating new opportunities because well if it doesn’t work, I will be sad. No. No. I don’t want to date anymore because if it doesn’t work out, I will be sad. So, I just avoid dating altogether. I won’t live like that. I am coming to understand unhappiness by reading this book and my thought of happiness are being challenged.

As I think more about it, I don’t want to be so busy chasing happiness or what I think is happiness that I don’t enjoy life either! I also don’t want to be laying on the ground, staring at the sky, wishful thinking or daydreaming because I am afraid of unhappiness and I won’t be able to fulfill my purpose or live my dreams. (I don’t know why I laughed at the thought of may laying on the ground and staring at the sky. I have done this as a child and I like doing it as and adult.) I have been reminded by reading this book the many ways I approach happiness and unhappiness. I have been shocked as well as to how I go about happiness and unhappiness.

The scoop here is to understand happiness and unhappiness on a scientific, biological, spiritual, practical, personal way. And to manage positive and negative emotions so I can get smarter and spend less time distracting myself from parts of life I do not enjoy.

~Nikki