It’s Not You, It’s ME

 

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Dear You,

It’s not you, you have always been this negative, this mean, this intolerable, and this bitter. It’s me. I am changing. Your mean spirit doesn’t feel good to me and well quite frankly, I wish not to be around it if at all possible. At least, I would limit time in your presence…I know I just got here, but that’s about all I can take. Your smart mouth may be adorable to many or perhaps they put it up with it because they don’t want to lose you, but at this point I am willing to sacrifice it for my peace of mind. I know, you could always take little jabs at me and I would ignore you, but now, now I swing back and “How dare I?” but, hey it’s about time don’t you think? It’s not you. Nothing is wrong with you. It’s me. I am finally stepping into my TRUE NATURE. You know the one you deem as weak because it has all the “feels” (emotions) and the willingness to treat others as I would like to be treated. And I wonder, were you showing me how you like to be treated by treating me the way you did? (Or worse, were you telling me this how you were treated by others and this is your norm?) Were you telling me you wanted me to have a funky attitude with you, to talk crazy to you, to belittle you, to curse at you? Hmmm…trying to figure out how that would make you feel loved and cherished or respected. Well, anyways, I just wanted you to know that nothing is wrong with you, I am just opting to be honest with myself more about my surroundings and my circle. I am opting to make a conscious choice about where I want to go, how long I want to stay there, and how much I can deal with. Self love is self preservation and by God, I must have been hating myself. No wonder I felt uneasy in your presence. No wonder I was afraid to voice my opinion, thoughts, feelings without being jumped on, challenged to defend my-own-preferences? or berated. Whew…so yeah…It’s not you, it’s a brand new kind of me.

~Nikki

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Author: Nikki

A modern day Renaissance Woman. A Creative and Spiritual Being. Author of Fiction and Non-fiction. Writer. Fashion. Art. Music. Food. History. Travel. A bit of a philosopher I am told. Dreamer. Entrepreneur.

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