Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: What Can You Do?

A few weeks ago I posted in a rheumatoid arthritis support group a tip on relaxation. One of the tips involved soaking in a tub to help relieve tension. And that is where the drama from the trauma began.

I define it as trauma because you must be experiencing some type of trauma that pushes you to release drama on unsuspecting strangers. Sadly, people that deal with you on a regular basis know you are about dramatization. They know that when they see you, you bring the drama. You see, in the comment section there were responses to my post like: I CANT SOAK IN THE TUB! HOW IS THAT RELAXING? I CAN GET IN BUT I CAN’T GET OUT. HUMPH, THAT IS SURE TO CREATE TENSION AND NOT RELAXATION. I AM TOO LARGE FOR A TUB. I HAVEN’T SAT IN A TUB FOR YEARS. NO WAY THIS CAN WORK. One lady even said to me I should have modified the post. I wanted to say, “Ma’am, I didn’t write the article. DUH. And you should have modified your thinking.” BUT…I respect my elders most of the time (because I don’t believe it’s okay to be 80 and say whatever you want to people). Also, the Spirit told me to be quiet. She’s traumatized by Rheumatoid and many other issues. This is her sadness, pain, hurt, gushing and lashing out.

Pause. When you see a post of something that you don’t like such as one that reads: “I love strawberries.” Do you hop on and respond: STRAWBERRIES ARE DISGUSTING. I HATE THEM. THEY ARE THE WORST FRUIT ON THE PLANET. CAN’T SEE HOW YOU EAT THOSE. Has it ever occurred to you, that post was not for you? I see people raving about things that are not for me. Unless I see a “what do you think?” I don’t bother UNLESS they are family or close friends. Many times, I don’t bother then. It’s one thing to say you don’t like berries or I am allergic but I wish I could eat them. It’s whole other thing to BASH and INSULT and have a total meltdown over nothing. A simple positive post or someone’s opinion over if they like pumpkin spice lattes (ugh).

Press play. I wonder did those people stop and think, I can do ALL of those other things except soak in the tub. Great article. No. They saw the ONE thing they couldn’t do and “went to town” about it. They didn’t think: “Gosh, I can follow all of these tips in the shower, in my shower chair, or however it is I get clean.” Nope. They honed in on what they could not do. The trauma of what I cannot do. The trauma of WHAT I USE TO be able to do.

This trauma is VERY real. I know about it. I live it and if you keep on living, as the elders say, you will know it, too, in some shape, form, or fashion. Sometimes, I think about my life B.R. (Before Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease) and B.F. (Before Fibromyalgia) and MY GOD! I miss ALL of the things I could do. Even the simplest things. Sometimes I stay in those memories a little too long and I become sadden, blue, depressed, compressed…oppressed. And then I have to free myself from those thoughts with therapy, journaling, talking to a friend, or…THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THE THINGS I CAN STILL DO and even if I have to modify them or have help they still can be done! “Glory to God!” in somebody’s southern church goer voice (:-D). You can heal yourself, or get some help, from the trauma of what has happened to you, whatever it is. The trauma produces the drama and quite frankly, people get tired of it. We know you are hurt but, there is a more EXCELLENT way to deal with it and release it. It’s called prayer, meditation, yoga, sound baths, therapy, Yeshua, Yaweh, spirituality, your choice of religion, forgiveness, etc. It’s called reading a books about it. Going to your temple, church, mosque, and REALLY walking in your religion. Developing a relationship with your Creator. SOMETHING! Something other than bringing the drama, spreading the hate and hurt. Lashing out has cause your relationships to be severed or strained.

What can you do? Huh? THINK ON THOSE THINGS. Think on the things you can do! Those things are TRUE, too. Those things are lovely. Those things “are” admirable. Those things “are” excellent and praiseworthy. Think about such things!

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 7: The Imperfect You

This is my artwork. It is for sale.

Self-love is loving the imperfect you. Believe it or not, you’re not perfect. You don’t and you won’t always get it right. It’s not always easy to forgive yourself. It’s not always easy to love yourself when you are not your best self. And it’s not so much that some of us want to be perfect, we just want to get it right. Don’t forget we are human, too. Give yourself unconditional love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Give it to others. Self-love is loving the imperfect you, while you are striving to be the best you.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 6 Authenticity

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Self-love requires the excavation of your authentic self. Who were you before the pain? Before the heartbreak? Before the trauma and drama? Who were you before you were told what to do, what to think, what to be? What really makes you happy and brings you joy? Who were you before the events of life and your environment shaped you? Did you know you could shape and handcraft your own life? You are not bound by bad experiences. Ask the potter to shape you into the best you, the real you, the authentic you. Ask the “Universe” to reveal to you who you were. It may be painful sometimes remembering how happy, joyful, trusting, carefree, full of hope and dreams you use to be as a child or young adult but, it’s who you were before negative impacts. It’s hard coming back to life. You know why? The you, you think you are must die first. Self-love requires you to dig deep, knee deep, get dirty, and to excavate your authentic self. It’s messy. It’s hard work.

Note: When I read the book, Excavating Your Authentic Self, it was sad thinking about how I use to be as a child. I thought about playing outside on sunny days, laying in the backyard, coloring and painting, ice cream trips on Sunday evenings, and not knowing what was to come once I started school or once I realized the differences made between me and siblings, before I experienced being made fun of at school, etc. It was sad and it was scary to fast forward through some of the things that shaped me not for the good. But you do it to reveal to you who you truly are and how to bring that person back to this life equipped with experiences and wisdom.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 5

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki, from the Heart Epiphany Lecture March 2020

 

The Heart Epiphany Part 4

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Self-love is about being HONEST with yourself about yourself, and about others. You may have to admit that you are selfish, petty to the 10th power, maybe you do let people walk all over you, maybe you do think you are better than others, maybe you are lonely, maybe you do have insecurities. MAYBE they don’t love you or respect you. Maybe it is just about sex. Maybe you never wanted to be a physical therapist, nurse, warehouse worker and you really wanted to open a bakery. You may have to admit that you were wrong and that you hurt someone. The truth will set you free but only if you tell the truth to yourself and others. It is hard work.

~Nikki

The Heart Epiphany Part 3

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I want to talk to you about the DIRTY, GRITTY, PUT ON YOUR STEEL TOE BOOTS SIDE OF SELF LOVE. SURPRISE! SELF LOVE IS HARD WORK AND HEART WORK. It’s a mind heart body soul spirit connection.

Are you sure you want to REALLY, REALLY love yourself because if you do, you are going to have to REALLY, REALLY WORK.

Self-love requires CHANGE and CHANGE is HARD WORK. It’s easier to stay the same and say “What? This is just the way I am.” If the way you are is not a reflection of love or self-love is it really the way you are or just the way you have grown accustom to being and responding?… You might have to change circles. You may lose a few friends. And though you are loyal, it means nothing if you are loyal to people who don’t respect or value you or use you. If they are using your mind, they are using you. If they are using your heart and emotions, they are using you. If they are using your body, they are using you. Change is hard work. Self-love requires change.

~Nikki

“You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those patterns have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a new result.” – Emily Maroutian

Woman Powered Up: The Epiphany

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A few weekends ago, I did something I’ve always wanted to do. I held my first public gathering for women. A seminar? Luncheon? Empowerment? Yes, all of that, BUT so much more. My goal was for it to be non-religious, more spiritual and diverse experience. What I mean by that is you’re free to be yourself, say what you REALLY say to your girlfriends when the cameras are off and Sunday is over. The speakers were allowed to TRULY be themselves. The women were free to come as Buddhists, Christians, nonbelievers, etc. It was all inclusive.

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Harmony & Balance in Color UNPLANNED ❤ 

 

It was impressed upon me by Spirit to have the purpose to be something of an “epiphany” of the HEART, MIND, SOUL, BODY, & SPIRIT. Each speaker addressed that area with complete honesty and authenticity. One spoke on SEX and HIV. Safe sex and the high rate of HIV we have in the city of Memphis. This was the Body Epiphany.

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Tell ’em Giovanni about the power we have over our bodies! 

Next was the Soul Epiphany. This speaker spoke on the “SOUL of a WOMAN” and the Power that is embodied in that soul. It is the fuel of life! The power of the soul of the woman changes the atmosphere it is in and out changes lives.

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Power in the Soul of a WOMAN

The Heart Epiphany was about self love and the hard work it takes to TRULY love yourself. It’s important to know the difference between self care and self love. You can go to a spa for a week and come home to the same chaotic relationships, family-ships, and friendships.

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Serious Business, Reap the Rewards of Self Love 

The Spirit Epiphany…wow! Merging the traditional religion of Christianity with WHO you really are and WHAT you really believe is something that takes courage and authenticity. And this speaker has them both. She gave us a glimpse into her journey.

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A Freed Spirit! Namaste and Amen! 

 

What can you do without your mind? The Mind Epiphany was about the importance of mental health, well being, redefining the narrative, and what to do if you discover…YOU ARE THE PROBLEM?

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Mind Boss, Straight Talk and No Chaser

 

 

ALSO on deck was a very important agency in my city, Memphis, known as THE CORNER. Free testing for STDS and HIV, information, and the help for anyone who finds themselves in this situation. This organization is vital in our community and one of their representatives, Queen was a jewel of knowledge!

 

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Queen on her knowledge of facts on facts! Stats on stats!

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to step out into my own. I may not have gotten the chance to do everything I wanted to do for my birthday month, but I got to do the most important thing and this was it!!!

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JUMPSUIT  on clearance from Lane Bryant $39 was $89.99

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The vendors were spectacular! I’m sure they made their vendor fees back and enjoyed the event. I can’t wait to improve this for next year. Let’s GROW!

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~Nikki

Hello November! Harvesting Good

Let’s do this November! Bring all the good seed harvest I’ve sown this year. I need every bit of it to make up for the time wasted. But was it really time wasted? Ok it was BUT I learned. I paid for those invaluable lessons. IT’S ALL FOR MY GOOD (My growth because when you love God, have a REAL relationship with God, you are open to learning & growing) because I love God.

I feel like things are settling back into peace and back to work for me. It’s back to my creative grind, growth, and doing all of the wonderful things that I was born to do. Peace is a priority in my life and has been for the last 14 years. As you know, it has to be maintained. It has to be protected by any means necessary.

I went to the doctor this morning and my blood sugar level was good and I’ve lost some weight. My doctor was pleased. I love this getting back to normal. Back into the grove of my little big life. Focused on my family and gifts. Determined to build wealth and see the manifestation of my gifts and talents. And still waiting for the love that is true and adds to the peace I need. Not take away from it. I hope your November is filled with JOY.

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~Nikki

A2Z: Meditation: Self Empowerment, My Personal Journey

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I can’t express to you the power of meditation. There is a saying in my generation, “Get your mind right!”, but I am sure this meant something else in the beginning (lol). And in the church there is a saying that God is a “mind regulator.” What can you do without your mind? Nothing. If your mind is cluttered, filled with memories or trauma, an ongoing to do list, thoughts that provoke anxiety and depression, and if you can’t sit still, you need more than just prayer. You need meditation.

Meditation and Guided Meditation sessions are ways to empower you to regulate and control your mind. Every action, feeling, and word is formed in your mind before it ever shows up in your life. Something happens, you think about it, you feel, and you react or respond. When you begin to meditate you monitor the things that pop up in your mind, you learn to “take captivity of each thought” (found in the Bible 2 Corinthians 10:5), and you decide what to do with that thought. You decide to let it pass and redirect your thoughts to the present moment. One powerful quote or concept I recently learned is “You are not your thoughts, you are the observer of your thoughts.” – Eckhart Tolle

Meditation is powerful because you can “So as a man thinketh, meditates on, so is he. So he or she becomes or will have.” Meditation can help you manifest dreams and goals. Meditation can help you to rise about your lower thoughts and to “think  on these things.” Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. -Philippians 4:8- The Scrolls aka the Bible. When you think on these things life is empowered and so are you!

~Nikki

A to Z: Embrace; Empowerment, My Personal Journey

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I embrace all of my good qualities. I look at qualities or practices that no longer serve me and began the work of evolving from those into something which serves my higher self. Also, I examine myself often. I challenge what others say about me and then I examine myself to see if that is true. If it is, I work on it. If it is not, I discard it. Perhaps, I try to represent my feelings and thoughts in such a way it is clear. However, I don’t get caught up in trying to explain and clarify too much because I realize some people are going to misconstrue what I say anyway. This is when I began to avoid or put distance or lessen interactions with this individual who clearly has a personal problem with me.

~Nikki