Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: The Courage To Let Go

(Sigh) It’s been a very long journey over the last five years and I believe what I need right now is the courage to let some things go. And I think I may need help to do it. I often feel misunderstood and I realize that comes from (you guessed it) not being understood as a child by a parent, siblings, classmates. I did find friends who understood me and my siblings never made me feel bad about me being the odd one. It was just I noticed I was interested in other things. My dad mostly shared my interests of art, history, astronomy, and spiritual things. However, what keeps me from letting go is what I have explored this week.

I have thought about it. Why won’t I let go of certain things? I am afraid people will not understand “HOW” I could do such a thing. Another reason is, I am not sure how to go about it. This is why I think I may need some help. I can’t turn to spiritual leaders. They are “stay in the game” type of people. Stay, no matter how awful it is, stay. Stay because it shows your commitment. Stay because it’s not about you. It almost sounds like the advice the church has given to men and women in bad marriages they do not want to be in. I do not want to be in this relationship, in this manner, anymore.

I also realize I lack the courage to let go. It makes me seem weak and like I am giving up if I let go. I do see how those two things are also part of “wrong thinking”. I do know where those thoughts come from and I know it’s not true. Spiritually speaking, I need to cast my cares. I need to unload these burdens that are not mine to carry.

So, we are back to a lack of courage and concerned about what people will think of me. The situation is so delicate and personal I can see why others would think, “How could she?” But I feel I am on the edge of breakthrough. Maybe I needed enough to push me to the “I don’t care what people think” mentality. I need peace. A peace of mind is my priority and these two situations have not brought peace to my mind, body, spirit or soul for a long time.

~Nikki