Compositions of my life energy
I am grateful for the breath of life
I am grateful for my life
I am grateful for purpose
I am grateful for waking up
I am grateful for the light and darkness
I am grateful to be able to see, to feel, to touch, to hear, to smell and to taste
I am grateful to be able to move my temple
I am here
I am alive
I am well
~Nikki
The Spirit of God has made me; The breath of the Almighty gives me life. -Job (The Book of Job 33:4)
YOU/ME:”I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE FURTHER ALONG IN LIFE.”
Me: SAY THIS and notice the difference in what you feel.
I am right where I need to be
I am right where I need to be for change
I am right where I need to be to leap out on faith
I am right where I need to be for growth
I am right where I need to be for expansion
I am right where I need to be to start a new journey, a new adventure in life
~Nikki
This is a time for separation and divorce. And I’m not talking about marriages (although that may be the case). I’m talking about anything or anyone that hinders or distracts you from your purpose, dreams, goals, growth or destiny. I’m talking about your own stinking thinking (mindset, thought patterns). I’m talking about ideals and philosophies and even religious programming that keeps you judgmental, sanctimonious, self-righteous and cult like.
I separated myself from some things and people and it wasn’t personal but it was personal and spiritual. It was necessary and is necessary for my healing and my journey. Spiritual separation where my spirit and emotions aren’t so intertwined. No intimate conversations. Not frequently in each other’s space but cordial. Genuine love and concern. Maybe, there’s a chance for restoration in the future.
Then I divorced some things and some people. Peace. Go your way. May the Lord keep and bless you but, this is a wrap, Beloved. -Nikki
In March, I took some dedicated time with God and called it, “Coffee with God”. I posted my 18 days of 15 minutes with God as I either, prayed, meditated, read from a specific book, or just sat there listening. Sometimes I spent the 15 minutes in nature. I wrote in my journal what came from the time spent. I shared it with you as a series https://nikkisconfettilife.com/2022/06/05/excerpts-from-my-coffee-with-god-time-i-dont-fully-trust-god/
I still practice this “ritual” but with less restriction. I think from that whole practice of 18 days and 15 minutes, God was basically saying to me what my Spanish teacher use to yell or raise her voice in class when she wanted our undivided attention, “Escuchame! Escuchame!” It means, LISTEN TO ME!
LESSON #3; MAKE AND TAKE THE TIME SO THAT YOU CAN LISTEN TO GOD, SPIRIT, THE CREATOR, DIVINE. Take the time to deepen your connection to strengthen your LISTENING SKILLS. If you make it a priority, if you stay consistent, you will be able to hear before and during a situation instead of always being behind the 8 ball. (Hearing God after the fact).
~Nikki
When I was a young adult, in my 20’s, I am sure I thought I knew everything or at least enough to make my own decisions. My dad is not one to get in your business. He’s not one to insert himself into his children’s affairs often. But when he does, we listen. We may not follow the advice or heed the warnings because well, we were in our 20’s.
At times we would go back and forth about a thing and my dad would say, “Okay. I’m praying for you.” It took me until now, at age 47, to realize that at a certain point in conversation with a child that thinks they know what they are doing or refuses to heed your warning, you have said all you can say. There was never a shouting match with my dad. When he saw he wasn’t getting through or he had said all he needed to say, “Okay. I am praying for you” would end the conversation. After you’ve said all you can say, beaten a dead horse maybe, there is nothing else to say. All you can do is pray for the child.
I was having a conversation with my young adult and I felt like I was trying to drive in a point to no avail. I found myself repeating the same thing and getting frustrated. Then suddenly, I realized I had said enough and she wasn’t going to change her mind even if she was listening. I stopped and said, “Okay. I am praying for you.” At that moment I realized, I am now my dad and she is me.
~Nikki
It feels good to no longer be in love with a person that was never in love with me.
It feels good to file them in the proper category. Associate. Everything and everyone in their proper place.
In order for me to make a clean break from a relationship, entanglement (on and off again), I first begin the process of emotionally disconnecting BEFORE I leave. I write down everything said or did that affected me so that I can REMEMBER why I need to leave. I read it every day or anytime I think about staying, continuing, or prolonging the inevitable. Once I am ready, I make a clean break. There are no emotions or no significant emotions to pull me back in. I figured this out years ago.
It’s time to practice work-life balance. I don’t have to prove to people what I do is important.
Self-love is a lifelong practice.
Life goes on…and it gets better for me! (Is what I now say instead of the “life goes on” part).
It’s okay if they don’t like or love you. It’s not okay if you are still there trying to make them.
Get them out of your system (by fasting from contact and conversation) because their way of liking you and loving you was poison.
Self-respect is a form of self-love. Don’t lose your self-respect in the name of love. I did. I have.
You will not always get to decide when things end and sometimes things will end abruptly. It’s okay for emotions to be all over the place. However, with time determined by you, you will find your footing. Emotions will settle and you will be able to see and think clearly. Then you will gain the power of decision. A decision to decide how you will respond to the ending.
~Nikki
February was CHOCK full of LESSONS. WHEW! (Heavy eyeroll)
The 6 energy: Nurturing. Healing. Family and Home. Garden and Nature. Responsibility. Marriage and Divorce. Birth and Death. Worry, Doubt, guilt, martydom, doormat. Service but not servitude.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF.
MAKE THE CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE NOW FOR NEXT YEAR.
HEAL AND REBALANCE. DEEP HEAL.
KNOW WHERE HOME IS. HOME IS THE HEART.
THE SHIFT FROM DARK TO LIGHT IS HAPPENING. THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED.
COMMUNITY, TRIBES, HUMANITY WILL COME TOGETHER. SEEK AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR PEOPLE. JUST BE AND YOUR PEOPLE WILL FIND YOU.
REMIND YOURSELF HOW WONDERFUL, UNIQUE, POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, STRONG YOU ARE. LOVE TALK TO YOURSELF. PEP TALK YOURSELF.
SELF CRITICISM COMES UP: ACCEPT YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE. TAKE RESPONSIBLITY AND THINGS CAN CHANGE.
STOP FOLLOWING AND START LEADING. LEAD YOURSELF.
DON’T SERVE THOSE THAT DON’T RESPECT YOU. GIVE RESPONSIBILITY BACK TO THOSE THAT CAN DO FOR THEMSELVES.
MARRY YOUR HIGHER SELF. DIVORCE CERTAIN IDEAS AND IDEALS.
HOME. FIX UP, DECORATE. CULTIVATE FAMILY.
It’s not so funny how you think that what you and another person have is solid but, it turns out to be quite fragile. What’s really going on here I asked myself (and God) until I received an answer. Make it make sense. The simple answer is you may have been way more invested in it, the friendship, relationship, partnership than they were. It may have been layered with somewhat equal exchanges but the EMOTIONAL investment for you was much greater. Therefore, you feel a bigger let down and may have difficulty “wrapping your head around” their ability to move on as if it was nothing. I’m not saying they didn’t care. I am saying it was just not as much as you did. The bond was only on your end and your “deep” connection was more than likely a one way thing.
~Nikki
Hello September. Our day one of my month long vacation started strangely. The energy in my home this morning seemed “sticky” and “stuffy” and “stale”. I could not seem to get up. As I dozed off again into a dream like state, I felt a really hard push. I opened my eyes and lay there startled! I rolled over but no one was there. I said aloud, “Well, that was rather rude.” Of course I will do research on that later. I got up and got myself together but, still not feeling together. Groggy and foggy I remembered, “Oh, I had some pain last night and tossed a bit through the night and early morning.” I also went to bed very late.
As I did my morning routine, I tried to find peace. Finally, I decided the energy in the home and around me, within me needed to be cleared. I put on a binary beats negative energy cleansing from YouTube. As soon as I did, I heard the buzzing of chain saws. The trees in my backyard were being trimmed. They are still at it. I lit sage and after it burned out down stairs, I lit it for upstairs. I received three phone calls from one person today that did not help the energy about me. However, after that last call, I was able to recenter, and find my peace.
As I was researching, I came across one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Sadhguru. I watched the video which I will leave below. What stood out to me, the lesson MY DAY 1 of Vacation:
PEACE SHOULD NEVER BE THE GOAL IN LIFE. PEACE SHOULD BE A REQUIREMENT FOR LIFE.
I never intended to blog today or to take you on this September Vacation, yet here we are. It was when I turned 30 I made the statement that “A peace of mind is everything to me.” It has taken me over 10 years to prove it. However, I realize today two things: If I would have known that peace should have been a requirement for life, I may have not taken so long to prove it to myself. Two, I must require it not just for relationships but, for the sustainability of my life. For my goals. For my dreams. For my health. For my wealth. The rest of my days. In all I do. Not in a crazy, obsessive, demanding way but, in the same manner I breathe air. Naturally.
~Nikki
There is this saying, “Like People, Like Priest” and it is often used in reference to leaders and their followers or the people they are over (govern, lead, etc.). The saying is from the book of Hosea 4:9. Where do we start? Let’s start with the truth. However, your energy is as a leader, in whatever capacity you lead (home, work, church, relationship) will dictate the energy of those you are over. Even the ones that do not like you. If you don’t care they won’t care. If you show favoritism to some, the ones you don’t will retaliate in some sort of way. They will not support your efforts. They will not show up when you need them. And you will need them. I can’t tell you how many times in my little big life, supervisors, managers, operational and general managers have waltzed in with EGOS that could hardly fit through the door throwing their weight around and in the end were either humbled or cut down like a weed.
If a leader is evil, divisive, nonchalant, childish, ignorant, filled to the brim and then overflows with ego, self serving, with the inability to be inclusive and caring, mentally unstable, then it’s safe to say it creates a toxic environment and gives power to those who’s hearts resonate with such a leader. On a grander scale, the people that resonate with him or her have called for this type of leader by cultivating their energy. They have synchronized. The leader is a reflection of the people, the people are a reflection of the leader in general. We are divisive. We are selfish. We don’t care about others outside of our family or circle or race. I mean we say we do, but actions speak louder than church hymns, sermons, shouts, and words.
People that support corrupt leadership and close their eyes to the damning reality of the results of such leaders, are one with those leaders. They are just as broken as that leader because in order to be vile and filled with such terrible attributes, you must be broken. If you are broken you are weakened. If being this way makes you feel strong and powerful, you indeed are very weak, very sad, very hurt, and very broken. You are very sick. You need help with your mind and your heart. You need a deep healing. If hurting others makes you feel good or you can ignore it, something is wrong on the inside. There is no way to support evil and to be “good” because you are not all the way evil. You can’t play in the mud and claim to be clean because you washed your big toe.
In closing, I’ll leave you with this. Anytime America desires to change its energy, its course, it can. Anytime we want to yell out, MERCY! We can. We are already on our knees. Anytime those with light hidden under a bushel want to take their lights out and set them on a hill for all the world to see, they can. Oh yeah, and the first step to recovery for those that support evil, is to admit that they are broken, hurting, or simply are wrong and want to change. You can’t be helped, if you don’t admit you have a problem. How do we know you have a problem? It’s obvious. You are wearing a snowsuit in the dead heat of the summer. And not just that one time, every day. I’d say something is very, very wrong here.
~Nikki
It will be, like people, like priest; and I will punish them for their ways, and will repay them for their deeds. Hosea 4:9
A country is in for trouble when its ruler is childish, and its leaders party all day long. Ecclesiastes 10:16
Nikki's Confetti Life 