Safety Courses

How can I explain it? Talking about emotional safety makes some people, especially my “boomers” and “gen x” people feel like that’s a load of malarkey.

“Emotional safety?” exclaimed George, one of our clients. “What are you talking about? No one’s carrying a knife here. You can’t walk around worrying about getting your feelings hurt all the time. That’s not the way life is!”

George has a point. “Emotional safety” does sound rather “soft.” Couldn’t all this talk of being “emotionally safe” be harmful? Aren’t we encouraging people, especially young people, to be fragile? Isn’t it important to learn how to toughen up at times and not let things get to you to get through hard times without breaking?

Of course it is. And, yet, despite that—or maybe because of it—emotional safety is still important. In fact, it may be the most important thing for emotional health, for you, for me, for George’s wife and kids, and for George as well. Without emotional safety, you can’t love well or even live well. If you don’t feel emotionally safe when you’re with someone, you can’t feel close, and you don’t feel good.

-Psychology Today, Helene Brenner, Ph.D., and Larry Letich, LCSW-C

The Art of Feeling

We can start there. When you don’t feel emotionally safe your body tenses up. It contracts. And you may express yourself like George because you are too afraid to be “soft”. To show compassion, gentleness, kindness and to love others properly. Or you may express yourself in other harmful ways. And I believe, not being able to express yourself at all is a huge indication one is blocked off emotionally. I don’t want ever want to have a relationship (again) with a man that is walled off, blocked off emotionally.

But in this blog I bring up feeling safe enough to heal or grieve because I have an internal blockage to why I don’t want to cry or why I hope it doesn’t happen in public. Crying is cleansing. I know that now. But from time to time I forget and I think about crying like I used to think of it; a sign of weakness. People get awkward around someone crying because they they don’t allow themselves to cry. Some have exceptions such as death, funerals, burials, or tragic news. But there shall be no crying for heartbreaks and aches in any other public places. Unless, you are a child.

I have been telling myself, affirming to myself, “It is okay to feel. It is safe to cry whenever and wherever you are. Someone will understand. Even if that someone is you. You will be able to gather yourself. You will be able to comfort yourself. You will be able to breathe and take as many breaths as needed to steady the waterfall. You are safe in your body. You can cry whenever and wherever. You do not care about strangers who are not emotionally safe.”

This helps me to stop trying to control the flow of tears when they come. I am not weak, George. I am not being ridiculous. I don’t have to toughen up when it comes to grief. In fact, I need to loosen up.

~Nikki

Here is more about the article in my blog post. I hope this helps someone dealing with their emotions or other people’s emotions: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-of-feeling/202301/emotional-safety-what-it-is-and-why-its-important