Sunday Morning Coffee Musings: Ugly Insides

You know, I expect children, teenagers, young adults to display some form of jealousy. However, as you age, I would think jealousy would die down or cease all together. I mean after the age of 50 don’t you know that jealousy serves no purpose? Haven’t you heard over and over again how jealousy is useless? Apparently, not.

“Jealous ruins everything including the person it resides in.”-Nicole Jackson. I know we all have experienced or have had a moment of jealousy. It passes. I am speaking of those that operate in jealousy and carry it in their heart. I said the other day, “If jealousy is in your heart, I doubt there is much room for love.” So, if love is not your motive and jealousy is your motive, there is no telling what lengths you may go to because jealousy is running the show. What sneaky little things are you doing? What outrages things are you doing? What ridiculous games are you secretly playing? What are you plotting? What means or sly things are you saying to the person you are jealous of?

I encountered a person that admitted they were jealous. I thought how sad to be over 50 and jealous of anybody or anything. I know it’s out there but, I still think it’s sad to be a full-grown adult and operating in jealousy. Blew my mind when I thought about all of the things this person has and all of the things that are not material, they have to be grateful for. Then it dawned on me quickly that jealousy is a mind and heart problem. When jealousy takes root, it blinds you to the goodness in your life. Jealous can even cause you to secretly or openly compete with people who are not in competition with you. I think it’s crazy.

When I experience jealousy, I try to access where is it coming from and address it. When jealousy rises up, we must confront it head on. Sometimes when I become jealous by someone else’s success I tell myself, “You don’t know their journey. You don’t know what they had to deal with or battle. You’re just seeing the end results.” I also “check” myself and ask, “Are you doing the WORK to achieve your goals and dreams? Are you handling your finances? How’s that credit score?” Another thing I use to get myself on the proper response to others success or good fortune is, “Be inspired. Not jealous!” You see jealousy, when it arises must be STAMPED OUT immediately. I realize people don’t have this SELF CHECKING tool. I wish it were an app but, it’s something you have to start doing. CHECK YOURSELF. ANALYZE YOURSELF.

Rooting out jealousy: If you’d count YOUR blessings instead of others’ blessings, and TRULY THANK THE CREATOR FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE, you would realize there’s no need to be jealous of anyone. -Nicole Jackson

I also think jealousy can come from a place of lack. Someone may lack whatever it is you seem to have. You could have love and support from your family and someone else does not have that and it creates jealousy in their hearts. You could have been born into wealth and people will be jealous of that because they have had to struggle financially or can’t do the things you do because they don’t make enough money.

Jealousy can stem from low self-esteem and how a person views themselves. It can come from a poor me attitude. It can come from childhood trauma and poverty. It can come hearing their parents talk about the haves and the have nots. It can come from wanting more, greed, and wanting to have the means and ability to control others. Isn’t it odd that people who “seem” to have it all, and we never have it all, but we have it all (love is all, peace is all, etc.,), are jealous of those that have very little or not as much? They are afraid they may lose it all or you may get ahead. What a shameful way of thinking. But that kind of thinking comes from deep insecurities and trauma.

Jealousy makes people angry. Jealous people can be disgruntled, complaining about the person they are jealous of, and take unprovoked revenge on that person. It’s their mission to get that person fired. It’s their mission to find faults and discrepancies and to point them out for everyone to see! It must be miserable to live this way.

Jealousy will make you boast to your perceived enemy about what you have and what you are doing. “I got a new car. I got a car with all of the bells and whistles. I have plenty of money. Just go back from my 5th vacation this year. My children are doing better than yours. Oh, you got 10 gifts for Christmas from your partner? My husband gave me 20.” It’s always the “one up” they have on you.

In the Bible, it says jealousy is the work of the flesh. In Buddhism it’s considered one of the five poisons because it creates pain and suffering for you and others. As you can understand, jealousy is just not a productive or fruitful way to live your life. It’s counterproductive. Just think of all the joy and happiness one can have if they weren’t so focused on what other have.

I found the above quote about jealousy to be profound.

~Nikki